What causes children to turn out good or bad?

@zandi458 (27952)
Malaysia
June 1, 2007 8:31pm CST
Kids with every advantage and opportunity seem to turn out bad, while others raised in terrible homes become pillars in the community. I know one young man who grew up in a squalid circumstances, yet he is such a fine person today. How did his parents manage to raise such a responsbile son when they didn't even to care?
7 people like this
24 responses
@fizzytom (760)
• Maribor, Slovenia
2 Jun 07
I think it is impossible to say exactly what makes one child "good" and another "bad". I work with children who are offenders and although many of them come from deprived backgrounds, not all of them do. In the UK there is a problem with a "benefits culture" where generations within a family have never worked but have not wanted for anything becuase the benefits enable one to live comfortably, especially if you have access to stolen goods too. Sometimes it can be the parents splitting up that upsets the child and causes major upheaval in the child's life; the parents are arguing and the child is getting no attention; he or she goes out and steals something to get attention. For some children (including some that I work with) even being shouted at for doing something wrong is better than getting no attention at all. Other children , perhaps from wealthy families where the parrents care very much are looked after too much and smothered with love; they can't go out on their own, their parents always want to know who they are with and where they are going and the child dos something bad to rebel against them - to say he is his own person and can do what he wants. There are so many reasons
2 people like this
@ESKARENA1 (18300)
2 Jun 07
i must admit I agree with what you say, it is a very complex combination of factors but i feel parental time is vital blessed be
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
2 Jun 07
You have given me a deeper insight to why children act good and another bad in a clearer picture. I do agree with you on the caused of it. Thank you
@mollylh (78)
• United States
2 Jun 07
Hello! I have a 29-year-old. He has turned out okay. But he put us through hell. My Dad always said, "If you lay down with dogs, you get up with fleas." In other words, it's who you run with. If they are good kids in with a bad crowd, you're cooked as a parent. He got in with a bad crowd in high school and nearly drove us crazy. But when high school was over and he found a new group to run with, he turned around. Someone told Carol Burnett how well one of her daughters turned out and she said, "I'm not going to take any credit, nor am I going to take any blame"! The Bible says, "Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it." And if the kid says it's all his parents' fault, tell him what Tom Hanks says in "Sleepless in Seattle": "Tell it to Oprah!" LOL All-in-all it's just a toss-up. I think most of my parenting was praying!
2 people like this
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
2 Jun 07
I have never turn against my creator in my process of upbringing my children. I seek his guidance in seeking the right path to lead my children. He has never failed me. I am proud that my two sons have not caused problems and both are now doing well in their career.
@youless (90000)
• Guangzhou, China
3 Jun 07
In our country, we have an old saying: Everyone is good when he/she was born. When they grow up, some become bad as they are affected by the bad environments. Some still keep on their own personalities and have faith. They won't change to be bad anyway. I think the parents are very responsible for children. Children are learned from them.
• Philippines
3 Jun 07
this saying is very true. every child is born good and innocent. it is the parents who mold them how they grow up to be. this is the main reason why parents must have only a minimal number of kids to the family. nowadays, it is never easy to discipline kids, what with all the bad influences that are around us at all times. aside from life being expensive, looking after the good upbringing of our children has become a very difficult task.
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
3 Jun 07
I think we have to teach our children values and moral from young. They will grow up to be god fearing adults.
• China
2 Jun 07
Environment is a very important item for children ,including family ,school ,friends.And the way of the life needs their parents to lead.
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
2 Jun 07
Thank you for responding. I have rated you accordingly
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
2 Jun 07
Thank you for responding. I have rated you accordingly
@maryannemax (12173)
• Sweden
2 Jun 07
i do think that people, no matter where they grew up, how they grew up have their own ways in dealing with things. not everything we expect to happen to them will turn out as we thought. thre are those who are willing to do everything to make their futures bright and others who just don't seem to care. i think it all depends on the will and perseverance of a person.
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@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
3 Jun 07
Yes the will to move ahead for a brighter future. The challenge and hardship in life make him wants to improve his status which will make him successful.
@senthil2k (1501)
• India
2 Jun 07
I would strongly say, its definitely the environment and surroundings in which the children grow, is the most important factor that decides the character of the growing children. Only few exception may be like the ones you have said. They are the ones who should be really appreciated, because its easy to avoid drinking when you work at a hospital, but its not so easy to avoid drinking when you work at a Bar. They are such a people. Appreciate them.
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
3 Jun 07
You're correct the surroundings place an important part in a child growth. The surrounding can influence the way he acts.
• India
2 Jun 07
i can say that circumstances,friends circle,the way the parents treat the child decides whether they will turn good or bad.
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
2 Jun 07
It is true the company they are in will speak loud of their character.
@chiyosan (29383)
• Philippines
2 Jun 07
i think children turns out bad because people around them tells them they are bad instead of telling them not to do the "bad thing".
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
2 Jun 07
Yes, it is not good to give negative remarks to children.
@Manoj_s (939)
• India
2 Jun 07
If we study lot of religions like hiduisam ,budhisam all says rebirth and may be the child be a rebirth of a good person whom yet to fulfill some of his life's ambitions which he left in his previous life.may be.it is not necessary that children who are born to drunken father to become a drunkard .some of them might have seen how his father is destroying the money ofthe family and he might have taken a decision not to drink at all.lot of the poor people knows suffering and hunger they also realise the pain of the or hunger of others and they help the community .Rich people most of them since are born tastin the sensual things tasty food,lot s of enertainment etc etc and how our mind works is that once they cling on to these things it is hard to get relieved from the theses things and they wil lend up as a failure in their life.Our past life actions determines a lot which family to be born or under which parents.etc et c
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
2 Jun 07
Thank you for the response. I cannot dismiss your views on this - a lot is said that past life actions have some bearing in our present behavior.
@ESKARENA1 (18300)
2 Jun 07
i honestly feel this has a lot to do with parenting skills, without this each child is likely to go bad. I dont think it is linked to income but rather the value the parents place upon the child blessed be
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
2 Jun 07
I agree with you that parents play a major role in a child's personal growth .
@rapolu_cs (1184)
• India
2 Jun 07
I think the atmosphere they live around,the friends they move with them every step,the place they live and may be the circumstances they are brought up.
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
2 Jun 07
External influences can affect a child behavior.
@sukumar794 (5047)
• Thiruvananthapuram, India
2 Jun 07
It is how one is raised from the cradle that matters most in one's future development . Living and being reared in ambient surroundings alone wouldn't add up to greatness.
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
2 Jun 07
I agree with you. Providing material wealth alone is not enough. Moreover, it can be dangerous. There are mnay cases where children from good, wealthy homes have ruined their family name and also wasted family property. Parents have a big part to play in the upbringing of their children. There should be a balance between love and law and values have to be instilled from a young age.
• India
2 Jun 07
hi zandi458..... i think more than the surrounding conditions, the way child is brought up by his/her parents, influences the child. it all depends on the moral values that the parents pass down to their children.
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
2 Jun 07
Parents should shower their children with love and attention from young. Instilling good values to children will make them good citizen.
1 person likes this
@liranlgo (5749)
• Israel
2 Jun 07
That is a nice example you gave here zandi, but not everything is black or white. I can give you plenty of examples that i know of the opposite situation. Someone that grew up in a good home that turned out fine. And someone else that grow up in a terrible one that turned out bad. We have to separate the word child and adult and their reactions and profiles. It is very clear that children are not bad, i do not believe in this term. Children need attention, and they get it in every way that they can. Just like a baby that cries when he wants somthing, but does not have the tool to speak yet. A child would do things, usually things that he saw in his close environment and family, in order to get what they want. Usually everything that a child does is a result of one word: attention. We, the adults categorize the child s right or wrong good or bad. and those definitions that we give the child fallow him to his adult years. We rather profile the child then really look what is going on, and help him or her. Now when he comes an adult he does have a choice. That explains that example you gave on a bad family- good person. Good family-bad person. Some adults blame all of their life their family, and what the family told them they are as a child, they do not get it that they are adults now, and can do and be whatever they want, and they keep on going in the same miserable path. But there are adults that know and believe in what they are, they know that they do not have to listen or be what their family or environment has reflected, and this is the example you gave. The moment that an adult realizes that he is not a child anymore and he can say yes or no to things, he will become whatever he wants. We have to start and see what is going on with the child, beyond good or bad.
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
2 Jun 07
Two things are clear to me from this understanding. First, parents have been far too quick to take the credit or blame for the way their children turn out. Those with bright young superstars stick out their chests and say, 'look what we accomplished.' Those with twisted and irresponsible kids wonder, 'where did we go wrong?' well, neither is entirely accurate. No one would deny that parents play an important role in the development and training of their children. But they are only part of the formular from which a young adult is assembled. Second, they are more than the aggregate of there experiences. They are more than the quality of their nutrition, genetic heritage and more than their parents' influence. God has created them as unique individuals, capable of independent and rational thought that is not attributable to any source.
@jennybianca (12915)
• Australia
2 Jun 07
This sometimes happens, & it is a credit to the individual. It is likely that this young man yuou know, had another postive influence in his life. Perhaps it was school, or a particular teacher? Perhaps it was a Church? Whatever it was, this person must have had great strength of character to overcome his poor beginning in life.
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
2 Jun 07
Some individuals react positively to certain circumstances and others negatively.
@singlepixel (2743)
2 Jun 07
"THE SAME BOILING WATER THAT SOFTENS THE CARROTS HARDENS THE EGGS". I'm sure you remember this passage from Dr.JD. Good luck!
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
2 Jun 07
Yes I do
@paywise (500)
• Indonesia
2 Jun 07
Cause the environment of them have a bad treated. And their parents didn't take care anymore. So, they acted by no goal out of their life.
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
2 Jun 07
A child who has been abused, unloved and ignored through much of his life can turn out to be well disciplined and success in later part of his life. The tough challenge of life has groomed him to overcome obstacles which eventually lead him to savour succss.
@ellie26 (4128)
• Malaysia
2 Jun 07
If I knew, it would be a great advantage to me and my children will definitely turn out to be good. Unfortunately, I think most parents dont really know whats the real reason. Could it be hereditary or the child somewhat retarded? My guess is 1. Children from broken home tend to appreciate thing because they were brought up accepting thing as they are. Some of them excel in study because in their early years of life, they have suffered so much and I think they want to study hard to change their living into a decent one. 2. Parents are the role model. If the parents showed bad example like quarelling, drunkard, disrespectful towards other or lazy, the children will most likely follow their example. After all, it is a known fact that children will copy their parents or guardian or anyone who has a great influence in their life. 3. Even if they started off with good value of life, but mixing with the wrong company can proof to be a negative influence. With good guidance, children will turn out to be good people.
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
2 Jun 07
Neither heredity nor environment will account for all human behavior. There is something else there - something from within that also operates to make us who we are. Some behavior is caused, and some plainly isn't.
@Willowlady (10666)
• United States
2 Jun 07
It actually depends on how much the mother and the dad gives them attention and guidance. I have two children and they are raised similarly except for there motivations. I am doing alot more for my son since my daughter is quite awesome. Blessed I am. In the families with little money the love and attention and just all around good people with a bad lot in life can still raise an amazing person to adulthood. While even though rich, perhaps they are not wholesome or motivated to raise their children with diligence. There are exceptions and I hope that you don't think all rich kids are bad. Also there are alot of poorer children that stay poor. Just my thoughts.
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
2 Jun 07
Ofcourse there are exceptional cases. Some kids seem born to make it and others are determined to fail.
@aprilgrl (4460)
• United States
2 Jun 07
I often wondered about that. I have seen so many kids that grew up in bbad family situation and yet some turned out just fine. Even with the parents that has raised them right still turns out to be bad later in life I don't know why but it happens. I guess when they turn certain age they do what the chose to do.
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@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
2 Jun 07
A child as they grow up they start to make some internal adjustments to their thoughts which lead to the path they chose to become.