Do you have a house-husband?

Philippines
June 1, 2007 10:31pm CST
my husband is not working for almost 3 years, im the only one working. and the bad thing is, he always nug me, and i think he feels a lot of self pitty..he accused me of doing almost anything..i can't open to him that he needs to work because he would eventually say to me that "Why? are tired of supporting us".
3 people like this
8 responses
• Philippines
2 Jun 07
you are in a very difficult situation. if you find this to be an acceptable suggestion, i'd like to say that it is best for you to have no more additional children. this condition that you are in now is very confusing for them. it is fine to have a house-husband for, as long as, he does his share of house work. in fact, that is a good relief if this happens to me. however, if he is that much of a pain, he is of no help at all. the best thing to do here will be to talk to your husband at length and explain to him how difficult he is making your life already. then, go find a good professional who can undertake counselling for you both.
• Philippines
2 Jun 07
i see..actually he does all the house work while im at work..but when its weekends and offcourse i want to feel to be a mother(do house work), sort of what to cook?or cooking.. he still not letting me to do that. and it annoys me..it comes to my mind??is that what he wants to do all his life..
1 person likes this
@maumbi (2571)
• Indonesia
3 Jun 07
your in trouble my friend BUT not a big trouble, what i mean is "lost motivation" how can a MAN can lost motivation? is depend a lot things, so you maybe try to push your husband. say to your husband if you have a kids, "just doing this not for me but for your kids" if you dont have a kids, well ask him to join with your in calm conversation about the future and tell him if you cant handling anymore. conversation, spirit, motivation and pray is the key..
• United States
2 Jun 07
Look I am just going to be straight-forward with you. This man is using the excuses he can not to touch an an important subject. I dont think that it is fair for him to not work to support the family. Woman you are way too kind....this man needs a wake up call. He has had a 3 year break and enough is enough. Should he ask you if you are tired of supporting them........flat out say it. "Yes I am tired, I've only been supporting you for 3 YEARS and I am tired...something needs to be done and I am not responsible for YOUR actions...YOU need to step up and be the man of the house. I did not marry a woman because that is what I am....and I married a man so that he could take care of me not me take care of him!!" or something similar. Look you are doing all you can but you cant let him over power you with his self pitty. You need to be more firm and tell him that if he doesn't do something that you will find someone who will....even if you really dont mean that. He needs to know how serious of a situation this is and that he cannot walk all over you and blame you for the things that he cant do....YOu are way too nice sweetheart...you need to just flat out tell him to get off his a$$ and do something or you are going to find someone who will. I have been in your shoes and let me tell you he is taking adventage of you and you cannot ABSOLUTELY CANNOT let him do that.....much love for you and I will pray that he does something for you....YOU DESERVE BETTER TREATMENT.....Good luck.
• United States
3 Jun 07
Good luck sweetheart! Let me know if things get better. lots of love!
• Philippines
4 Jun 07
Thanks for all your responses..i really appreciate it a lot..i really hope things between us will be okey..maybe i just love him, thats why im suffering on this situation..you know...all im thinking is my son..everytime im almost to give up...i know time will tell if we are really for each other, I DESERVE A BETTER TREATMENT...
@Nan110 (469)
• United States
3 Jun 07
My husband doen't have a job and I'm the only one working. I'm trying to make ends meet and it's very hard at times. He's trying to find a job but no one is hiring.
• Philippines
4 Jun 07
you know, NO JOB HIRING!!! is not an excuse..it is in the person if he really likes to find a job...
@ellie26 (4128)
• Malaysia
2 Jun 07
My husband once was out of job for about 2 years and he became the househusband. At that time I was working and suported my family. Those were the years where my life was totally full of stress and I was depressed all the time. My househusband not only sleep the whole time, he even expected me to do all the houseworks, cooking and at the same time pay off all the bills. He even blamed me for his bad luck in getting a job. Just imagine, I had to work long hours and when I get home in the evening, I had to cook and clean up everything and I did this for almost 2 years. But that was in the past and my househusband is now a working husband and I am the fulltime housewife, which I enjoy very much.
• Philippines
2 Jun 07
you know we almost have the same feelings while your husband is jobless, i feel stressed and depressed all the time now...but in my case i have no problem with the house work he do that all, but sometimes i feel that its too much..i have to cook also??it feels like he really get all the responsibilities for me..and i hate that..
@psyche49f (2511)
• Philippines
2 Jun 07
This arrangement really threatens your marriage. It's natural for your husband to feel insecure and threatened at the slightest provocation. You have to keep a balance between encouraging him to look for a job and making him feel accepted in spite of his being jobless. House-bands are crosses of wives who have to support and care at the same time for kids. I know of wives who engage in self pity because they find this arrangement rather unfair.
• Philippines
2 Jun 07
thanks for your response...^-^
@mrsbrian (1951)
• United States
2 Jun 07
I guess I wonder why your husband is not working I understand being unemployed for a bit but there comes a time when he needs to go find some employment.Actually the way I see it is he took you to raise and care for not the other way around , unless of course there wa a health issue or reason for not working.
• Philippines
2 Jun 07
theres is no health issue in him,actually he loves to smoke and be drunk.. he is just having a bad habits while looking for employment..he has a low self esteem, shy to ask any direction so if he did not find the place of company..he will not take effort to find it..he hates to wait..and he believes he is not destined to work here in the philippines..
@sharadin (18)
• India
3 Jun 07
You have to motivate him to do something and tell him that you had married a man to take care of family, kids. He is not a women to sit and enjoy on your money. Life is full of problems and it is difficult for single to fight, both husband and wife can easily kickout all the problems. So, wcp always encourge him to do something and I hope he will be a good support for you everlife. Baby, i will pray god to solve your all problems and make you happy.