Help with housecleaning

United States
June 3, 2007 6:26pm CST
I want to know how everybody, men and women feel about this subject. My husband is presently unemployed, and I work full time. He seems to think that I should clean the house and work full time, and that basically, he does whatever he wants, whenever he wants, which, of course, is not housecleaning. What are your thoughts on this? By the way, he says the fact that I pay all the bills, is not something he should be greatful for, beings how, I am the one that work, and it's my duty, so to speak. And what are your thoughts on this?
5 people like this
17 responses
@Katlady2 (9925)
• United States
5 Jun 07
To put it bluntly, I think your husband should "get with the times"! If it were the other way around, he'd more than likely want YOU to clean the house from top to bottom, AND deal with the bills (even though he earns the money....he wouldn't want to give himself a headache dealing with numbers. LOL). Sorry hon...I don't mean to be so brutal, but it sounds like your hubby is very self-centered and lazy. Am I close to being correct? It also sounds like he wants a "one sided marriage"-you do all the work, and he sits back and reaps the benefits, so to speak. And to me, that's not right or fair to you. Tell him it's his turn to be the good little househusband, and get off his duff and start kicking it in. (Gee...I'm not too opinionated am I? ROFL)
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Jun 07
Be as brutal, and opinionated as you want, I only wish he'd have gotten a woman that woulda kicked his butt to the curb, instead of a little wimp like me. Here's one for you, he's jeoulous of my cats. Sometimes he even uses them as an excuse for not cleaning. lol
1 person likes this
@Katlady2 (9925)
• United States
5 Jun 07
Oh good grief! Tell that man to get over himself! You can also tell him that if he treated you half as good as the cats, you might actually like him a little bit! Maybe you'll get lucky and one of the cats will get revenge for you and poop in one of his shoes. LOL
@babykay (2133)
• Ireland
2 Aug 07
my thoughts are that you should be thinking along the lines of giving your husband a very clear and definite ultimatum. This should be that he should get a paid job as he clearly has no wish to do housework fulltime. He should then do half the housework with you, if there are jobs he does not like well you can do them and vice vearsa. But this shite of you doing all work both in and out of the house - girl, you are being taken for a mug!! Sit this man, your husband, down, tell him things cannot continue as they are because you are very tired and it is unfair. Tell him what is required. Be clear, don't argue, sim-ply lay it out on the table. Give him a maximum of THREE MONTHS no more, if there are no improvements in the right direction, the only way to go is the divorce courts. Good luck!!
• United States
3 Aug 07
Thank you! I agree. Great response.
@Bujoyseth (1684)
• Philippines
3 Jun 07
on my opinion.. as what you've said, your husband right now is unemployed and you're the one working full time for your family.. maybe. he has to give you a little help cleaning the house and whatever help he can make.. anyway, he's just staying at home, why does he have to wait for you to let you do all the household while in fact he can make it on his own while you're at work.. that' would be a big help for you, if he did some of the household chores knowing that you're too tired from work then when you arrive at home, you'll come to know that nothing have done,, oh my... too bad for you if you're husband just stay at home and doing nothing but to watch tv or something... i wish you'll come to solve that problem of yours.. just talk to him calmly and explain your side.. i think talking to him in a nice way would do.. goodluck and God bless!
1 person likes this
• United States
4 Jun 07
Thanks for your respose, I have tried talking to him, and it does no good. He just has some lame excuse, like, he didn't feel like doing anything or why should I?, that's one of his favorites. No matter how many times I answer his, why should I, with because you're living here for free, he still doesn't get it.
@ElicBxn (60184)
• United States
4 Jun 07
Tell him, shape up or ship out. If he's not working he needs to get a clue & clean house, he's now a house husband! Or he needs to be employed full time looking for a job. Every day, 8 hrs a day hitting the pavement. And unless he's working more hours than you are, he still needs to help with the housework. Tell him, that he needs to take over 2 of the jobs, the laundry, the cooking, the washing up, or the house keeping.
• United States
4 Jun 07
Thanks so much for your response. I agree, he should shape up or ship out, and I have suggested that more than once, unfortunately, he's planted firmly under my feet. lol
• United States
4 Jun 07
I agree, he should shape up, or ship out, and I have suggested that more than once. Unfortunately, he has himself planted firmly under my feet, and decided he's not moving.
• United States
4 Jun 07
Sorry, I didn't realize the first response posted, my computer disconnected, and I didn't think the first one took. lol
@breepeace (3028)
• Canada
2 Aug 07
Well if paying the bills is your duty, and cleaning the house is your duty, I'm dying to know what he believes HIS duty IS? He sounds like an overgrown child, and I'd tell him that either he can grow up and start contributing something to the household or he can leave. It's ridiculous that you have to work your buns off bringing money to make the household run and then keep it tidy after a long day's work. He's taking you for granted big time, and if I were you, there's no way I'd stand for that.
• United States
2 Aug 07
You are so right about him. I couldn't have said it any better. He finally got another job, last Friday, and he's already complaining about it. I'll be surprised if he lasts 3 months. He's just lazy.
1 person likes this
@blackbriar (9126)
• United States
4 Jul 07
My hubby would already be out the door in your situation, Brenda. You work, you pay the bills..he should be doing allll the housework since he's decided he's going to let you earn the money to support you 2. If not, stop paying his share of the bills. I don't pay any of my hubby's bills. He has his, I have mine and we pay them out of our own checks. I got too stressed out over trying to make ends meet paying all the bills with our combined checks. Put me in a deep depression. If he starts up about it, start packing his bags and throw them out the door and tell him to follow suit. He's not good enough for you and he's showing it by not caring for your feelings.
• United States
4 Jun 07
I would have to strangle him. This is not the dark ages any longer and he needs to realize that. It doesn't matter who is working or not, the one staying home should be doing the house work and cooking.If both work, it should be shared. Just because we are women doesn't mean we are to do all the work. He sounds like a chauvinist to me or using it as an excuse because he feels inadequate. As you can tell, I don't think highly of waiting on men hand and foot, Women as a rule work harder than men anyway, because they usually have two jobs.
• United States
5 Jun 07
Thank you! I feel the same way, you're right, he is a chauvinist, among other things. lol
@Lindalinda (4116)
• Canada
4 Jun 07
Marriage is supposed to be an equal partnership, so even if your husband was working he should share the household duties. Now that he is unemployed he probably feels inferior and depressed so in order to feel in control he refuses to do any work at home. But then I am not a professional counsellor. If you had a good relationship before this unemployment happened perhaps it would be a good idea to seek some marriage counselling so both of you could see the issues that hurt your relationship.
• United States
5 Jun 07
Thanks, but no, we've not had a good marriage for years. He's always been like this, (almost 33 years), he works a little while, then quits his job, knowing that I'm reliable and keep my jobs long term. I don't quit, until something better comes along. I've had this job for almost 8 years. He's a user, and I've allowed it, not knowing how to get out of it. We own our place, and I can't kick him out unless I divorce him, and divorces are costly, and he knows that. He'd fight me every step of the way.
@anja31 (708)
• Canada
4 Jun 07
If you are working full time and he doesnt. He has to clean the house and make dinner when you come home.
• United States
5 Jun 07
Thank you, that is what I think.
@makingpots (11928)
• United States
4 Jun 07
I think your husband is showing a lack of respect for you and I think that is what I would be talking to him about.
• United States
5 Jun 07
Thanks, I think so too. Talking doesn't matter to him, he's just lazy, and disrespectful.
@TerryZ (22146)
• United States
4 Jun 07
Hey there brendakaya You need to have a serious talk with this person. If he is not going to be working then he should take care of the house work laundry and cooking. And dont let him tell you he doesnt know how. If he says that tell him you will show him how. Bottom line if he doesnt kick his butt out for awhile.
• United States
5 Jun 07
I've tried talks, and tried kicking him out, honestly, he won't go. He just says"where am i supposed to go", and then goes back to couch and sits down. By the way, I'm the one that looks for jobs for him, and sends out his resume. I believe he thinks he's on permanent vacation at my expense.
@anetteh (3591)
• Sweden
4 Jun 07
Wow, This guy would not be long in my haoushold. I can tell you that. Take him to dr phil, please. I have a feeling he should met him and learn what a marrige is al about. Partnership al together. But of course you can not learn old dogs to sit, an old saying. So If I where you I would get him out of the house. Thats my opinion.
• United States
5 Jun 07
I agree with you, I wonder how Dr. Phil would deal with all his excuses?
@azimsay (546)
• India
4 Jun 07
Iwent for small trip for four days .After that I came back ,Isaw very dust in all rooms,and on all cloth.I am feeling tired but no body care husband went for rest to bedroom,children also same. I am shouting to help me to clean the house,but body listening me,no use.
• United States
5 Jun 07
I'm sorry to hear that, sounds like you don't get any help either.
@sandeep_t (428)
• India
4 Jun 07
Show him middle finger. If he loves you he would have understood you and there is no point of living with a man who doesnt love you. Break up
• United States
5 Jun 07
I like your idea. lol
• Nigeria
4 Jun 07
i think you man is not been realistic-sorry i said that. Why on earth should he not be able to help when you pay the bills which should be the responsibility of the man. I think he doesn't appreciate you and he's kinda jealous that you have a job and he doesn't. You should be able to sit him down and tell him what you feel about the whole issue.
• United States
4 Jun 07
I agree with you, and talking to him, just goes in one ear and out the other. I truly don't think he cares.
@angela2006 (1846)
• China
4 Jun 07
I think even though he goes to work everyday like you,he should share the housework with you.let it alone that he is out of job,you are busy and tired on the day,if he loves you and he is considerate,he will do the housework.housecleaning is not women's duty because man and woman are equal in our society.
• United States
4 Jun 07
Thanks so much, I agree with you, it should be a joint effort, but it never has been. He is lazy, always has been.
@Michele21 (3095)
• United States
4 Jun 07
Oh my gosh...he needs to get off his a** and clean the house while you are at work! I normally think the woman should clean (I am just old-fashioned like that I guess) but since you are working and paying the bills he needs to step it up and take over the household duties. Not everything but he should definitely help out!!
• United States
4 Jun 07
You're right, he should get up and help out. Even a small effort would be appreciated. The funny thing is, he complains when the house is a mess, but expects me to take care of it.