Do you think its fair that others judge who you are dating ?

United States
June 7, 2007 7:42am CST
Ok so this might come a little bit off.. or maybe rough around the edges, but basically I have never been in a relationship without my parents approval.. and somehow they've always managed to make me think that even society is rejecting me just because of who I'm dating .. and I know I've let good people past by just because they are not cute enough, funny enough, rich enough, or healthy enough (yes! even that they track.. family-blood-health history) and I'm fed up of it but I can't seem to find a way to tell them to stop. I know they worry and they do everything because they want the best for me.. But what about what I WANT ? and when I'm happy with a certain someone ? *sighs* I guess some people just have it easier than others ...
6 people like this
11 responses
@Amit1975 (204)
• India
8 Jun 07
I had an online relationship with a russian girlfriend. She used to send me emails everyday. She wanted to marry me. But my family objected to my decision. So I give up. I think family's approval is necessary to take any decision. Because you have to live with the family.
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Jun 07
AMIT You are not from the United States are you? Most Americans wouldn't care a whole lot about family after a time. Live with family? I'd rather die.
@easyzheng (666)
• China
7 Jun 07
That depends. As your parents, I think it quite fair and normal that they interfere with your making friends as they are more experienced and know people better than you do. what you want and have now doesn't mean they are the best for you or suit you. So if you can take their openion into account when making friends, it won't hurt you.
1 person likes this
• United States
7 Jun 07
I do accept opinions, is not like I turn down what they have to say cause I know they want the best for me.. but sometimes they can be mmmm far far far from reasonable and very impositive and I dont deal with that very good..
• United States
7 Jun 07
My parents didn't necessarily approve of the guys I dated for a while, so I just stopped introducing them. It wasn't too hard, when I was at college, 200 miles away from home (and 20 years old, anyway). They eventually stopped being as judgmental about the guys I was dating. They didn't really care for one of my ex-boyfriends, and I knew about that, but that didn't stop me from dating him for a while. As far as I can tell, they like my fiance. I'm sure there are a few small misgivings, but they have finally realized that I'm going to do what I want, and their opinion really doesn't affect me.
• United States
7 Jun 07
Oh I wish I could move away.. I mean I am going to be 22 in the summer and they treat me like a 10year old.. or worse.. I even have a curfew and a night-time so I have to be in bed at a certain time and respect house rules until Im ready to move out.. I work and I study and I think I am pretty damn responsible but at the time being I cant afford to move on my own but I have come to believe that in order for to be have a stable relationship I'm going to have to separate my parents from it all.. I hate the idea but is not like I have multiple options either way
1 person likes this
@tamskie (388)
• Philippines
8 Jun 07
I think is is not fair that others will judge who you are dating but I think it is fair that they will tell you if something is wrong with that person. Don't always look forward to what you want because sometimes the things that you want is the things that will cause you so much pain. Believe me.
1 person likes this
@vampoet (825)
• Singapore
7 Jun 07
I don't think it is at all fair. Anyway who we date is our business and I for one could not give 2 hoots on what people think of me when I am out on a date with someone. But I worry what they might think of my date though. Especially if the date is of another race, people tend to stare and stare like they have never seen inter racial couples before
1 person likes this
• United States
7 Jun 07
the only thing to find comfort in is the knowlege that others truly care about you and want what is best but you are right we do have our own path in life and if we are going to make mistakes then we learn from them!
• United States
7 Jun 07
my parents dont want me to make mistakes.. they think , or believe.. i can truly learn and live thru other's experiences and that just doenst work .. I do want to have my life but I want them to be a part of it and be supportive.. aargh.. this is emotionally overwhelming and tiring
2 people like this
• United States
7 Jun 07
then why not just sit down and explain this to your parents maybee they can be more understanding than you think!Its worth a try anyhow !
• United States
8 Jun 07
I guess I will have to .. I just need to take the jump and go for it .. thats the scary part !
• Australia
8 Jun 07
I've gone thru the same thing as you I was going out with a guy for 4 years and we were engaged, my parents did not like him at all due to the fact that at times he didn't feel like going to work, but that didn't stop me I stayed with him until one day I realized that my mum was right about him I could do better. Then the day come when I told him to go because I knew that if I stayed with him I would end up miserable. I guess parents can be right about some people but I guess it take the other person a bit longer to see what they mean but I'm glad I did what i did. I hope that everything works out for you how you want it to go.
• United States
8 Jun 07
Oh i know that! I mean my mom has been right about several things in my life..and Ive ended up thanking her and my dad.. but on the dating case Ive never really been out there because I dont get the chance .. so I cant really say well they were right or they were wrong.. I have a good hunch about this one and I cant even share it with them because they wont hear anything about it
• United States
8 Jun 07
Have you been talking to my parents.It sounds familar.I just broke up with a guy because my parents didn't like him.I know I'm old enough to make my own decisions of course.I actually had to lie to them for 4 months because I told them I broke up with him.I found out that the less they know the better because they will forever make judgement calls about who I go out with.It's your life not theirs.
• United States
8 Jun 07
haha no i think i have MORE than enough with my parents already.. isnt totally ughh unfair that they do this ?!?!?! I mean I understand they are taking care of us and all that.. but to the point of rejecting someone just because it seems to be a bit ilogical.. then again hiddin' it out seems like a way to work it for a while.. but wouldnt it be worse when the whole thing is known ?
• Canada
8 Jun 07
It is true that often family and friends are too quick to judge who we are in life but you have to stand up for what you want because there will never be someone good enough that will satify everyone and in the end it will be you who will spend the rest of your life alone because of others that are trying to protect you . There interests are in looking out for you but in the long run it will be you who suffers as a result of this . You could try bringing this up the next time someone finds a faulty in who you are with and throw in that how would they feel if someone was had been behind them telling the one they were with was not good enough . They would never had the loving relationshp they have today if they had someone finding fault in everyone they took home . Best of luck !!
• United States
8 Jun 07
thank you so much Sam! I know what you mean, and i keep telling myself that people will always talk no matter who u are.. wether they like the person or not.. someone will always have something to say.. but is hard to have to fake or cover up happiness and a beautiful relationship just because parents wont approve.. in my case they would even lock me up just to avoid me dating someone they dont like.. and im not making this up haaa!! i do need all the luck i can get.. cause im sure when this blows up and i have to come straight fwd. and tell them that he is more than a friend... hell will rise =O
@Lifez2short (4969)
• United States
8 Jun 07
HI Silver, I am a white woman who is married to a Puerto Rican man. And boy do I get the looks and comments all the time. Never from my own family and friends but from people I dont even know. I get the comments mostly from the Puerto Rican ladies that say why does she have to take a PR man. Or we hear why is her married to her a white woman. But it really does not bother me so much.
• United States
8 Jun 07
But whats so wrong about it ? see i dont get people.. im Dominican so I can tell what you mean by people staring.. but thats just bull.. how is it that people dont rely on how happy you are with someone but just stick to a superficial meaningless thing
@abrarr (1246)
• Pakistan
8 Jun 07
well i happens whether we thinkits rite or wrong. i hate it though because its our rite to think wats rite or wrong for ourself!!