What would you do?

United States
June 7, 2007 8:41pm CST
I got a phone call this morning from my hubby's ex-wife,she informed me she is going to put my husband in jail! He is 2 months behind on his child support,which I know is wrong but he hasn't had a job and we are facing eviction and losing everything we have. When I tried to explain that to her she said"I don't F****** care! But yet when their daughter was living with us for a year she never paid a dime in support! I don't like to fight with her because that only hurts the daughter but common putting him in jail isn't going to solve anything. What would you do? I want to be an adult about this but she really doesn't have a right to fight with me over this,does she???
7 people like this
18 responses
@Thoroughrob (11771)
• United States
8 Jun 07
You should do nothing. Your husband should do the talking with her. If he is honest and talks with her sensibly, maybe she will come around. I know it is not what you needed at this point. Good luck with everything.
3 people like this
• United States
8 Jun 07
Yes I agree but she never talks to him she will email him or put something on his myspace but when she calls it's always to yell at me! They where divorced 11 years before I even came into the picture I wish she would just leave me out of this,thanks:)
2 people like this
@butterfly39 (3907)
• Philippines
8 Jun 07
Tell her if you're husband is put into jail then where she'll get a support for kid now? I hope she'll understand just tell her everything and ask more time to make your husband get a job. Everything can be discussed in a nice way without hurting each other's feeling. It's a responsibility anyway.
3 people like this
• United States
8 Jun 07
We have tried talking things over with her but she is a spiteful person and all she wants to do is hurt him and us. She is unhappy with the relationship she choose over my hubby. But thanks
2 people like this
@Michele21 (3096)
• United States
8 Jun 07
No she doesn't need to fight with you on this!! She is probably just angry and taking things out on you, like you aren't having enough trouble of your own!! Goodness people are so mean these days. I agree that he should be paying but if he isn't working she will get her money when he finds a job. Is there a child support order?? If so she doesn't really have any say in him going to jail, well she can if ya'll go back to court and can ask the judge to put him in jail, but like you said that won't help. Whatever money he earns in jail will go to the child support but when he gets out he wouldn't have a job and it would start all over, it would be better for her to just relax and hope he gets a job =) My ex didn't pay for a long time and he never went to jail. In Texas they have to be seriously behind (like $1000's of dollars) to put them in jail, not just two months!! So I wouldn't worry about it, she is just being snotty!! I went to sourt once and they judge asked me if I wanted my ex to be put in jail and as much as I hate the b*astard I said no because he had a girlfriend and she just had a baby (not his) but I couldn't to that to his new family that he was trying to start, even though he did treat me like sh*t when we were together. People have to gtow up and move on, hopefully his ex will and be nicer! Good luck and I hope your hubby finds a job real soon!!!
2 people like this
• United States
8 Jun 07
Amen sister! Congrats on being a strong woman! I agree he needs to pay and he was doing good until he lost his job,he is a carpenter and in Michigan that job is not a plenty. We have tried talking to her but she only wants to hurt him,why I have no idea she has had the same boyfriend since she left my hubby 16 years ago! I hope she knocks this stuff off,thanks.
2 people like this
@Michele21 (3096)
• United States
8 Jun 07
16 years?? and she is stoill being a b*tch?? my goodness she needs to get over it now! It has been long enough she should have moved on. I am sorry you have to deal with her!! Hopefully the kids will be grown up soon so you won't have to talk to her!! Just be nice and kill her with kindness!!
2 people like this
• United States
8 Jun 07
That's what I'm saying I mean common now she has another child by her man now and he quit a job at Ford's! I think she's just grabbing for straws,ya know.
1 person likes this
@stella1989 (2277)
• India
8 Jun 07
I guess talking technically she can fight !! But some people are real phsycos!! They love fighting with others. YOu can talk to her calmly ..! Otherwise there is not other option than fighting back..
• United States
8 Jun 07
It's not easy for me to talk calmly to someone who is telling me she is putting my husband in jail,that being said I was very calm and nice to her as I always am. But she is going through alot I know she is also on state aid and has another small child by her boyfriend. I do also understand it is my husband job to help support his daughter. I just wish she would speak to him about these things and leave me out,the other ex-wife and mother of his son does so why can't she?
@ShawnDay (227)
9 Jun 07
I don't see why she's bothering you, either. And can't you sue her for support for the year you had the child? BUT...(knew it was coming, eh?) it's grad week most places...proms, parties, events and I had a father than never sent me a dime and while my mother said he couldn't afford to it really didn't help me when I had no sneakers and was kicked out of gym class because of it, or couldn't afford a Girl Guide uniform and had to leave Girl Guides (and NO, they don't donate uniforms, LOL) or anything else. I got really tired of mustard sandwiches, you know? There's a real child at the end of that hardship suffering more than all the adults combined, believe me and I WISH my mother had chased my father down and gotten some money for me.
1 person likes this
• United States
9 Jun 07
So true and I'm sorry you didn't get the support you need,but my husband only owes $600 or so. He has always made sure he pays but he lost his job and we can't pay rent let alone pay her. Thanks
• United States
20 Jun 07
First let me say that I'm sorry that your hubby's ex is hollaring at you. she shouldn't be (now from here on out you probly don't want to read anymore)What she should be doing is hollaring @ your hubby. I am in situation now and have been for yrs, many many yrs.my ex owes $11,875. he works under the table , so no garnishing. i have to go to court each and every time. the last time started up in dec, he pays 2 payments before court date then goes in and says but your honour i'm trying as hard as i can, then proceeds to tell the judge he works under the table making $60 - $100 a day, he only has to pay $50 a week. so needless to say we went 6/5, and low and behold a couple payments made,so the judge tells him again, you are not to miss any any payments or you will go to jail(course he has been hearing this since 2001, and yes he does have a 6 mnth suspended sentence since 2001. they won't send him to jail they keep giving him more time. so the last time when leaving the court room, i asked the judge 2 questions, 1. i bet you i won't receive another payment after today( i haven't its been 3 weeks) 2. when he does stop again do we have to start over in the court or can we pick up from today? ( we start over because he has rights, can't just up and send him to jail. ) course that is dec to june =7mnths, i have to have him served (payed for out of omy pocketor he doesnt show up) and in the end my son still won't get any money from his father. oh and no he has no interest in even seeing him, when he calls his dad he gets the runaround. so i guess what im saying is who cares they probly won't send him anyways.also if the child was living with you wouldn't he still need to support said child job or no job well i'm off to the child support office need to file paperwork.
• United States
20 Jun 07
I am sorry to hear about your sitution. I trully hope he starts doing what he should be doing and provides for your child. Good luck and again I am sorry. Thanks
• United States
18 Jul 07
Crafty, I am sorry that this situation is on you. I wish I could say otherwise, but can't. Nailah Shani has written some great books for ladies who go through situations like these. check her books out at Amazon.(sorry, titles escape me); wish you well.
1 person likes this
@tinamwhite (3255)
• United States
8 Jun 07
Dealing with an ex- is almost always difficult...I think she will have a hard time getting him thrown in jail after just 2 months...I think she is just being an a$$ because he is trying to spend time with his son this summer..... My grandson is supposed to receive child support every month...his father is almost $6000.00 behind....his last 3 payments were for $6 each.....she has tried to get help from DHS but they are overwhlemed with cased like this.... If you are receiving assistance...call your case worker...see if there is anyway that your local office can contact her local offices and provide some assistance....no harm done by trying to face it this way...beats pounding your head against a wall... I am sorry that she is doing this now...I know that times are very difficult for your family at this time....please let me know if I can be of any assistance, my friend....just PM me....I continue to pray for you and your family..... Maybe it is easier for her to upset you instead of your husband...he obviously has had to deal with her before when she has gotten like this....BUT no, it is not fair for her to fight with you over this.... Again, I am so sorry.....
• United States
8 Jun 07
Thank you my dear friend. I will try to do that and see if that will help. I'm tring to be strong and not worry but things are really bad here. I have started having alot of muscle spasms lately and I think it is due to stress. We have a court date not for this but rent on the 14th. I need all the prayer I can get. I trust in God I just feel like I'm running out of time. Also I do hope he starts paying your daughter child support it is only right to do so. I have always tried to make sure my hubby never missed a payment but lately the money just has not been there. I'm sorry this is so long I am just feeling so lost right now.
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Jun 07
Woman In Prayer - This photo depicts a woman in constant prayer for your family....all things shall happen to give glory to God...leave your burdens at the door and he will take care of all....
I would not care if you wrote me a book...if it helps you to get some of this stress off of your head....I wish I was closer.... Do they offer day labor in Michigan where you live?? Just thinking that possibly your husbanf may be able to make a few dollars....never know who he might meet.... Please try to take care of yourself...your family depends on you for so much....and you can not take care of them...if you do not take care of yourself!!! I know how over-whelming stress can work on your physical and mental strengths if you allow it.... There are so many people here that are praying every day for you and your family....Prayer works....I know that you believe that is true..... It is not easy to maintain your faith when things seem to be falling apart....but we do not know God's plan....be strong.....we are here to offer our strength to you, as well....that is what friends do..... With loving care, your friend..... Tina
1 person likes this
@Savvynlady (3686)
• United States
18 Jul 07
I mean no harm, but to me that is petty. If a man been paying all these years, and now he don't have no money and trying to save his own shirt(literally), I would give him a break; The man ain't got nothing already. I know she's feeling the pinch, but what's putting him under the jail gonna do?
1 person likes this
• United States
18 Jul 07
Well I have known her for 6 years now and she only cares about making him misarable for not taking her back after she cheating on him. But my husband finally got a job and he is starting to get back on track with the child support. And his daughter understands that we are still in a pinch and he and her dad's relathionship hasn't sufferd for it. Thanks
• United States
21 Jun 07
I live in PA and yes i have had my X thrown in jail for not paying child support. It took a little more then 2 months to do it but it was done. My problem with my X is he has his own business, does very well and pays himselft $15/hr. This is only at the start of his business so after it is up and running and they get more work it will increase. He is capable of paying it and if he doesnt want to then I am a Beach about it. There has got to be a good reason whey someone who has children and pays child support doesnt pay it. Its not hard to get a job. It might be at MCds but its a job. If your hubby is doing the best he can and i mean realllly trying, no slacking there is leway but if he just isnt paying its not fair to her. She didnt have them kids by her self. I look at it this way.....if she was upable to take care of those kids, provide them with what they need, food, cloths & shelter it would be her getting in trouble by Children & youth but nothing would come back on the one that isnt paying support because he dont have the kids. It is unfair to expect a person to support the children alone. People fall on hard times and with most child support orders all you got to do it call and tell them why no payments have been made. let them know what is going on and when you expect to be able to pay something. As long as it is constant there should be some leway. If he has no job right now he should be able to get it lowered some as well. Good luck with everything.
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Jul 07
Sorry it took so long to respond but thanks and I hope things get better for you and yours. I know how hard it is to deal with these things.
@chippy49 (171)
• United States
10 Jun 07
I really do not have any advice for you, I am sorry. I just wanted to say that I am there myself. These women are just brutal. My husband and his ex have been going at it since we got together. She waited till her other daughter who lived with us turned 18 before she filed for child support and back child support of the daughter that she has. We are now over 50,000 in debt plus trying to take care of my two children is not easy. So I am sorry to hear what you both are going through I was hoping that this thing with the alec baldwin case would stir some things up in light of the non-custodial parent, to help us out, but all the media cared about was that he yelled at his child. I do not think she can put him in jail for a couple months behind in CS, so rest easy, I think there is a certain procedure they have to go through. My thoughts are with you and all the other men out there that are going through this with all these women.....
1 person likes this
• United States
10 Jun 07
Thanks and I am so sorry to hear about your sitution as well. My thoughts are also with you and i do hope things get better.
@4cuteboys (4103)
• United States
9 Jun 07
I wouldnt speak to her! If you have caller ID don't answer if it's her. If you dont and she is calling to scream at you I would hang up the phone. I am sorry for the situation you are in. My husband pays child support and has never been behind, actually we have overpaid by about 2K and his ex wife still calls us and speaks to us like that. She actually called 101 times in 3 hours once. I hope hubby can stay out of jail. She can get her money when he has a job, what does she expect right now!? Hugs to you. Things will look up soon sweetie.
1 person likes this
• United States
9 Jun 07
Thank you so much you are so nice! I think that I will do that from now,she is just tring to make me upset because she knows it causes me physical and emotional pain. I'm so sorry to hear he has overpaid my hubby did that before and they accually paid him back.
@elisa812 (3033)
• United States
9 Jun 07
Wow, she definitely doesn't have any room to talk if she wasn't paying support the whole time their daughter was living with you!!! She sounds like a flake to me! And she definitely shouldn't be fighting with you over it anyway cause you're not the one who's supposed to be paying it! I hope you're able to get things straightened out ok and that she finally calms down. Good luck with her and with your husband's job situation! I hope things get better for you!!
1 person likes this
• United States
9 Jun 07
Thank you so much I too hope things will get better. From now on she is going to have to talk to him because I'm going to start screening my calls when my hubby isn't home.
@Swtrose (3399)
• Canada
8 Jun 07
Honestly, I have never been in your shoes so it is hard for me to give advice. If I were you I would hang up on her. Heck I would screen the calls. Explain the situation to your lawyer and allow the courts to handle it. I hope things get easier for all involved.
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Jun 07
Thanks I hope things get straighted out soon too. I think from now on I will screen my calls. I hate to do that but she seen him today when he picked up his daughter and she never said a word to him! I think she's just tring to get me upset,why I have no idea I have never done anything to her.
1 person likes this
@KrisNY (7609)
• United States
8 Jun 07
I would just explain to your husband what she called for- If he isn't working- then I don't think anything can happen to him- or at least I would think not- He can't pay if he doesn't have an income. I also don't think she has any right fighting with you either- but you did try to explain and she was probably just angry- she needs money for her daughter- It's sad when a child is involved-- I hope that your husband is soon back to work - and that he starts paying child support again- Also that you are him can keep your place and get your feet back under you! Good luck!
• United States
8 Jun 07
I told him right after i got off the phone with her,he was out looking for a job,I also hope we can get back on our feet and start paying again. I have never had a problem with him paying support it's only right it's his child too. Thanks
@palimole (42)
• United States
8 Jun 07
take her to court and bring upp her own case about not payin a dime for child support
1 person likes this
• United States
10 Jun 07
That won't do any good they tried making her pay when we had her daughter and she would never work,but thanks.
@piasabird (1737)
• United States
8 Jun 07
I don't think it would do any good to have him put in jail. How's he going to get a job then and that will be putting another family out on the street. Doesn't make sense to me. And it's not for her to threaten you. This is between her and your husband to work out for what would be in the best interest of their child. I don't think it would be a good thing for her to see her daddy going to jail. Although she sounds like the type of person who might not care what this would do to the little girl. Right now she's just angry and being spiteful. Just because she says she wants him in jail doesn't mean that he will go to jail. That's up to a judge. Good luck!
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Jun 07
Thank you and you are right about everything. I hope the judge will see that.
• United States
8 Jun 07
I have a friend that is owed over $91,000 in back child support. She doesn't threaten to put him in jail because she knows that it would do no good. You can't collect the support of he is sitting in jail. Tell her to be thankful that he is only two months behind. It could be far worse.
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Jun 07
I know it could be worse some men don't even make an effert to see the kids let alone pay their support. Thanks I hope he can get back to work and paying again.
• Canada
8 Jun 07
No she doesn't have the right to take this out on your but it sounds like she still has a lot of anger left over from whatever broke up the relationship in the past , no matter how long ago it was . Some people have to have control over every situation and when they don't , then they lash out in anger at those that they wish to hurt . Try not to let her get to you . I don't see how they can expect payment from your husband if he doesn't have a job at the moment and even she must realize this . I am sorry to hear things are going so bad for you lately , try to hang in there and hopefully things will start looking up for you soon . Just remember you are doing the right thing in that you are thinking about her daughter and this is what she should be doing . You don't want the daughter to be hurt anymore then she already is and this really should be what her mom is looking out for but all she seems to care about is control and money . Take Care !!
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Jun 07
Thank you so much for your kind words. I do care deeply for his daughter I have know her for almost 7 years. I wish her mother would think about how this will affect her own child but her mom has never really been there for her,it saddens me but I can only be there for her when she needs me. Thanks again
• United States
8 Jun 07
Well to start, she is not going to put your husband in jail, unsure if he pays directly to her or to the court's but he needs to inform either his attorney or the court's that he is not working, preferably in writing, since verbally is never really good with it comes to matters of court ordered child support. He will need to go to court over this, especially since it shows that he has not paid the last two months and usually what the judge does is make the husband pay something of what he is getting now, either it be from unemployment or from your income, since your income counts since you are husband and wife. Get your financials in order and don't take anymore abusive calls from her. Sure she is probably going through some times now, seeing that she got this income for how ever long and now nothing, and it is not free to raise children. It does not matter that she did not pay, you did not take her to court for it and in hence you showed the court that you did not need it or found it important enough to have the court's handle it. What you need to be concerned with now is what you can provide to his children, and you need to document what you do, not taking them to the movies, but any clothes or monies you do give them. I hope this helps, I used to practice family law for the past 20 years so this is like second nature to me.
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Jun 07
Thank you,everything you said has been very useful. He cotacted his case managaer this morning and told them neither of us are working. And that we are receving state aid. We should hear from them again real soon. Thanks again