Help!! My 8 year old is out of control!!!

United States
June 9, 2007 8:18am CST
I have a 8 year old so out of control she has to see a juvinal officer once a week! I have put her in mental hospitals and had her put on medication. But she still dont listen to no one! She has bi-polar disorder and she goes manic sometimes.... but she has been beating up other kids in our park we have in our little community here! Last incident... She picked up a 7 year old boy and threw him on the ground and kicked him several times.... then turned on a 5 year old and chased her with a piece of glass!! She was hospitalized and just got home yesterday but last night she hit the 5 year old because the 5 year old hit her!! I have also tried grounding which dont work she sits and screams out her window HELP MY MOM WONT LET ME OUT!! she also tries to climb out the window... I am at my ropes end here!! I have had to raise her on my own her father is a royal dead beat dad like 45,000 behind in child support!!!!!!!! So it has been tough I am so anti spanking but the cops have even been telling me to spank her!!! If you have any ideas that might help please help me!!!
4 people like this
7 responses
@eden32 (3976)
• United States
9 Jun 07
First, it's hard but try to remember that a mental health disorder is as real as a an physical disorder. This aggressive behavior is not her choosing to be a bad kid, it's the chemicals/wiring of her brain that is not processing the world around her the way 'normal' people do. My eldest also has mental health issues and first began to show signs of it at about 8 too. Their body is approaching puberty, for most kids it's hard to process their emotions at this time; for a child with mental health issues it's even worse. I do not recommend that you spank her. Police officers are not mental health or child development experts. Keep working with her doctors. If she's on a new medication & your seeing a negative change in behavior, treat it like an allergic reaction to the medication. Get her back into see the doctor, adjust the medication or change it. Also consider activities that redirect some of her energy, boosts her self-esteem and teaches her self-control. Activities like karate (I know that may not seem wise for a violent kid, but karates focus is on self-discipline) or horse back riding (being around animals can be very positive for people with mental health issues) swimming or other physically active hobbies. Teach her coping skills for her feelings, meditating, praying (if that's part of your beliefs) journaling, banging on a drum or actual punching bag etc. And teach her how to recognize when she is just beginning to feel out of control. Talk about what situations trigger these behaviors for her & what is she feeling at each stage. Also when you punish her by grounding/sending her to her room and she screams like that, ignore it. I know it's embarrassing but secure the window so she can not get out of it and let her yell.
@smartmom (827)
• United States
9 Jun 07
Eden, you really took the words out of my mouth. I complete agree with you about the no spanking, and the seriousness of a mental health disorder in children. You have really given some great advice.
• United States
9 Jun 07
I agree! I hope that the new counselor and her being female shannon will confide whatever is bothering her! I know sometimes its hard to talk to me for i have to work 3 jobs to support my family! But she knows i love her the same and always will... both of my children get love and attention when I can!!!!
2 people like this
@wachit14 (3600)
• United States
9 Jun 07
Eden, you really gave some excellent advice. I have a daughter who has a mild learning disability and horsebacking riding really have her a huge boost in self esteem. She now volunteers at an animal shelter, another huge boost for her self esteem. Positive activities and role models and great for young children and they learn to channel that energy in a different direction.
2 people like this
@pelo26 (1553)
• Philippines
9 Jun 07
All that from an 8 year old? Oh boy, she scares me. I think you should seriously think about disciplining her. Spanking sure works but be careful not to hurt her so much. Do just enough so she could remember such actions won't go unpunished. Consulting experts on this field like psychiatrist might be necessary. Cheers!
• United States
9 Jun 07
counseling and psychiatry and being sent to the mental hospital 3 times and hasnt done much! She went so far as to tell people she will behave for anyone but me... even though she dont! We are going to start a new counselor on monday *crossing my fingers* we hope to fix this!!!
2 people like this
• United States
9 Jun 07
I can't believe your child was referred to the juvenile justice system given the nature of he problems. Was it her school? That is just not helpful.
2 people like this
• United States
10 Jun 07
no it was the police department they got tired of getting called due to her being beyond parental control... she hit me, chased my ex out of my house with a knife, been beating up kids, shes out of control at times! I just hope that the new counselor will beable to help!!
1 person likes this
• Canada
9 Jun 07
That is scary, I know of parents who have bi-polar children, children who have pi-polar parents, and parents and children who are both bi-polar. I am not sure exactly what can be done, but I am happy that you are able to recognize that your child has a problem. Some parents would simply deny it.
4 people like this
• United States
9 Jun 07
I love her too much to deny it! I would help her in anyway i can!!! :D Both my kids are my world!!!
2 people like this
@smartmom (827)
• United States
9 Jun 07
You really have all my empati, what a nightmare this must be. I do not have any personal experience with bi-polar children, but we do have scizophrenia in my family, and allthough, I know this is not the same I have had mental illness so terribly close all my life. I think the worst thing about your situation, of course besides the fact that your child has bipolar, is that you must feel absolutely out of control in this situation. I honestly do not think that this is a disciplining problem, and as Eden suggested above any physical punishment is likely to fail, if not make the problem worse. Do you get any financial support for medical issues, and physchiatrists? If you do not already have an excellent therapist for your daughter, my first advice would be to find the best that you can possibly afford. As a single mother, I am sure money is a huge concern, and here I would suggest that you seek out help from charity organisations, churches etc. You must find funding to get your child the help that she need, both for her and your own sake. Can you get any help with caretakers for her, while you are at work, afterall it cannot be in the publics best interest that she is violent. Again, I am by far an expert in this area, but seek financial help. Go to your local social services, community groups, churches, seek out organizations online, bi-polar organizations, mental health organizations, children's organizations etc. No matter what I really do wish you and your family all the best of luck, and I hope that you will be able to get the help that you need, as noone should be left alone to handle such a serious disease.
2 people like this
• United States
9 Jun 07
Thank you! We are going to start a new counselor on monday and hopefully it will help shannon! She use to love her counselor she had before but when she got sick with cancer she had to quit her practice!! I worry that shannon will turn out like me .... that is my biggest fear!! I am borderline personality disorder and its scary ... for most kids who have a parent who is bpd they end up bpd and it looks like shes headed that way! Most bpd's are angry and aggressive (i was when i was younger) i learened to control all that and I am seriously against spanking and abuse of anykind! Shannon had a tough few first couple of years.... me splitting with my first husband for him cheating... and my second husband beating me in front of her!! She is always trying to protect me or so she thinks!! I tell her to be a kid quit trying to be an adult! She is a wonderful and beautiful child!!! I love her so much... but when shes gone manic its plain terrifying!! Thank you so much for your advice!!
2 people like this
@smartmom (827)
• United States
9 Jun 07
It sure sounds like both of you have had a tough life at times, and even worse you both have mental illnesses. I really applaud you for being so open about your situation, as I know someday someone in a similar situation will pass by your "voice", and realize that they are not alone, or maybe even that their child could suffer from a similar disorder. No matter what, I hope you will find someone somehow that can help you, so that you are not alone in dealing with your daughter, I am sure that this cannot be prosperous for your own health whether physical or mental. Again, I wish you all the best, and I really wish I had that one key to fix everything for you. Hang in there, I am sure if you just hang on long enough, and if you keep searching for solutions you will one day find a bit relief. Did you ever talk to your daugther one on one, about how you feel about your own problems, and about your own childhood. I am just thinking that maybe she does not realize that the two of you are on the same side. I know that sometimes parents and children (and I am not saying you are) take each other for granted in the sense that they forget to let each other know how much they mean, and forget to sometimes sit down and have a heart to heart. I know that you have a lot on your plate, with your three jobs etc., but I also remember how I never realized how much my own mother cared about me until the day she got a fatal diagnosis. Sometimes we live side by side in different worlds.
2 people like this
• United States
10 Jun 07
I have explained to her in detail how lucky she has it... my grandmother even tried explaining it to her and she just dont understand.... I know alot of us have went thru the daily beatings from our parents.... i told her to be thankful i dont believe in that... cause with what she does i would have been thru a wall by now!!! So talking to her about it all doesnt help! But i still try and be there when ever she needs me!! Constantly telling her i love her! I hope the new counselor will help her! I pray to god that it helps! Thanks you for all your advice I truely do appreciate it and the time it took for you to give it to me!!
1 person likes this
• United States
10 Jun 07
Honey I feel for you. Maybe you need to go to counsiling as to how to cope with her. What does the doctor advise? Hitting isn't going to help, just relieve fustration on your part. Good luck dear.
2 people like this
• United States
10 Jun 07
I have been trying with her for over 3 years now!!! I just hope that all goes well.... her dr advises weekly therapy which is what we are going to do! But if she keeps beating up kids I explained the state will take custody and I will have no say over what happens!! I am hoping trying to scare her straight might work!! Juvinal hall here is tough... might just teach her a lesson! if not and counseling isnt working i am writting maury and putting her in bootcamp!!
1 person likes this
@wachit14 (3600)
• United States
9 Jun 07
I honestly don't know what to tell you except to make sure that she is on the correct doses of medication. Medication is one of the key elements in controlling bi-polar disorder. She also sounds like she needs some help with coping skills. The physical abuse may be due to anger and she may need some separate help with anger management from a therapist. You also could use some support so try to find a support group in your area for parents of children who have disabilities. Hang in there as there is help out there for you.
• United States
10 Jun 07
I just hope the new counselor works!! :D she told me the other day on the phone this time I have someone who will help!!!
1 person likes this
@craz2max (254)
• United States
10 Jun 07
Wow! You have your hands full. I noticed you said she has been hospitalized for a week at a time. That is not long enough for the doctors and technicians to observe her behavior. She may need to be taken off meds for a while to see if her behavior gets worse or improves. Kids react differently to medications than adults. It would probably take 3-4 months to get a good idea of her behavioral problems. Then they may be better able to determine her needs. As for spanking, if she is bi-polar spanking probably won't work for her. The child has to be able to have some control over their actions for spanking to work.