breaking up a long term relationship

United States
June 9, 2007 6:56pm CST
My honey and I have been in a relationshi for over three years now and I know that in his opinion that we are staying "just for the children". Unfortunately, lately he doesn't even spend time with our children when we were home on the weekends. I feel that our children are being left out of valuable time with their father. Should I just get it over with and leave or try to suffer more time with him. It has gotten to be so akward when the children go to sleep on the weekend because each time I try to strike up a conversation, he ends up nit-picking about something that I have done. Like it's not enough that I clean his house and cook for him and take care of our children that are both currently under the age of 2? He complains that I don't get another job on top of the nanny position that I have. Am I wrong to feel like that this relationship isn't going anywhere good? Sorry for the long rant...:)
2 people like this
10 responses
@roniroxas (10576)
• Philippines
10 Jun 07
well he sounds a little boastful... i have 4 kids and we left their dad for i dont want to go on a realtionship "just for the kids." is it just for the kids? or for him? so that someone will keep his house clean and good cook food to eat. maybe your reason is for the kids but his reason is not the same as yours. and as you said he doesnt even have time with the kids. why dont you take your time to think? are you a catholic? i go to church and went out there having courage to change my life and the life of my kids as well. if you are doing this for the kids then do the right thing for the kids and for you as well.
• United States
10 Jun 07
He claims it is just for the kids but I also have the feeling that it is just for him. Mainly because he can not cook...:) I haven't gone to church in a very very long time...:D Thank you for your input
@roniroxas (10576)
• Philippines
11 Jun 07
i will pray for you. God Bless
@pooh1623 (192)
• United States
10 Jun 07
Sorry but I found your post a little confusing, but what i got from it is that you two live together and have two children under the age of 2 and have been together for 3 years. What makes you feel that this relationship is going no where? because he doesn't spend time with the children and complains that you don't do enough? sounds like a marriage to me. There has to be more involved for you to feel that the relationship is going nowhere, not just because he nit-picks. Does he tell you that he loves you, do you guys go out and spend time together as a family? Do you spend time alone without the kids? You have to look at all areas before you can decide if its over and the biggest question of all is can you provide for you and the kiddos by yourself without him? Let us know what happens. Keep your chin up!!
• United States
10 Jun 07
He tells me he loves me about once a week. We go out for "family time" once every two weeks when he schedules it around his friends, I know that I can provide for me and our children by myself because I am the one that buys the groceries while he goes out to eat with his friends and his foster dad. It does feel like a marriage without the total commitment from both parties involved. :) thank you for responding.
@pooh1623 (192)
• United States
11 Jun 07
Well based off of your answer of saying that he only tells you he loves you once a week, that right there would make me consider looking other ways. My husband tells me he loves me at least 3-4 times each phone call we make to each other and we talk on the phone at least 3 times a day. I do feel that family time is really important and you saying that he has to schedule it around his friends, well there is strike 2 for me!! And what I mean by you being able to survive on your own without him I meant being able to afford everything for you and your kids, not just the groceries. Can you afford rent, utilities, medical, etc.?
@maryannemax (12172)
• Sweden
10 Jun 07
you are obviously not happy anymore with the relationship but you still love him, right? it's just that you feel bad the way he treats you and your kids. it's sad that you are trying to talk to him and save the relationship that you have. but he's not paying attention to your efforts. i suggest you give yourself some time to be on your own. go for a vacation. take the kids with you. or maybe, stay in your mom's place for awhile. atleast, make your partner realize how empty his life will be without you and the kids around... anne
• United States
10 Jun 07
thank you for your suggestion anne...:) I do appreciate it.
@maryannemax (12172)
• Sweden
10 Jun 07
anytime odinn... we're not only fellow myLottians... more so, we are friends in here. cheer up and put a little smile on that pretty face - anne
@vanezzyi (206)
• Philippines
11 Jun 07
i feel like we are in the same position, the only diffrence is you have children with him, thought not much diffrence because im pregnant right now. And im realy not happy with him also...i think the better thing to do is to talk to him 1st, about what you feel and to know how he feels about it. If he is saying that he is just there for the children, then maybe its time to move on. I know its hard, considering the feelings that you still have for him, but you do deserve to be happy. He can be there for the children anytime he wants. If he just doesnt care about you that much anymore, find sumone who will treat you and your children right. you deserve to be happy. life is too short to waste it on sumone who doesnt appreciate you.
• United States
12 Jun 07
Thank you for your support and your input. I am sorry that you are in a unhappy relationship right now, expecially being that you are pregnant. It is not easy finding out that the man that you once loved is no longer the man you thought he was. Unfortunately, some men do not change just because you have thier child. :)
@tammytwo (4304)
• United States
10 Jun 07
Try telling him what you just told us and tell him you feel that you really need to talk or this relationship may be ending. If he seems uninterested, it may be time to venture out on your own.
• United States
10 Jun 07
Thank you for your input tammy...:)
• India
10 Jun 07
Well i feel you are staying in a relationship just because of your children and you admitted it.I feel you need to speak to him as he may be in some problems or something may be bothering him.Ask him whether he is not happy in staying with you and children.Just remind him about your happy days and try to explain him that children even need their father. IF this is not possible then you take kids with you and go out for a holiday and may be he may start missing you people and would be normal again?? I hope this advice works for you and all the best,God is with you and whatever happens happens for good,always remember this.take care..
• United States
10 Jun 07
Thank you for the encouragement, and kind support...:)
• Philippines
10 Jun 07
i'm sorry to hear that you're going through a very difficult time. maybe you just need a time apart. perhaps this would help you find yourself and would do good for him too. after a while maybe you could talk again and discuss what really is going on in your relationship. if you think that it's really the end of the road for the both of you, then you'll have to move on. not just for you but also for your kids. it may be hard but if it really has to end that way, then so be it. i wish you luck and happiness odinntala...
• United States
10 Jun 07
Thank you dolce...I am still trying to decide weather it is the end or not. I kind of don't want it to be the end because I do feel genuine love for him. But I do not want it to be a one sided relationship as am feeling it is now...:)
@evangleen (219)
• India
10 Jun 07
First of all things... ask yourself whether you love him or not... and how much?? You will yourself have the answer. And for me to say, please never give up on love. If your really show him your pure love he will change and things will get better. But if he feels like you must also work besides taking care of the kids then you must also get some work so that he may not have anything to push you for. Just love him, if you really do then everything will be fine and let love show you the way.
• United States
10 Jun 07
Thank you for your kind words
@shan_ab (377)
• India
10 Jun 07
Hi, It is really bad adn I feel sorry that you have to go through the painful situation. May be yor partner is not telling you his actual problem or concern.. Try to open a frank conversation with him as what has cahnged suddenly so that he is behaving like this. Ask him for suggestions as how to improve.. May be some financial matters or something else is bothering him.. If he tells it out and if you both can discuss it openly, you can strike on a good solution adn things will move from the on..
• United States
10 Jun 07
I try to get him to discuss his feelings about what happenig but he does not like talking about what is bothering him, he like to put the blame on others. Thank you for your imput...:)
@sarah22 (3981)
• United States
10 Jun 07
i think that relationships like this are very hard. not only too you but the kids. kids can sense things without you having to tell them and i would get out. you are not happy and he has shown you that he does not want to be there. if its better for you to leave and you and your kids have a place to go, then i would say move out and move on. if not ,make him leave. i wish you the best and i hope that you will find the one who will love you back and your wonderful children, all the best sarah.....