How do you forget someone you love so much?

@argie713 (1809)
Philippines
June 9, 2007 9:41pm CST
Hi there! Remember my friend and his violent girlfriend? We talked recently and told me that he still loves her. He told me that what happened was just a burst of her emotions. He told me that she could still change and become a much better person. She is still young, 20, and they have been together for almost 6 years. My friend don't want to throw away all those 6 years because of one fight. I told him to leave her but I can't convince him. I know letting go of someone you love is very difficult. I've never been there but I know. How can he forget all about his girlfriend? It's hard but I wanted to help him.
17 people like this
50 responses
@FSCAries (881)
• United States
10 Jun 07
That is a hard thing to do. I have someone on my mind right now that probably shouldn't be there, but once your heart is involved it's a whole different story. I'm sorry for your friend, but just try and have faith. Everything will work out as it should.
6 people like this
@youdontsay (3497)
• United States
10 Jun 07
He doesn't have to forget her. He probably wouldn't anyway. But he may have to make the choice to let her go. Only he can make that decision and I hope he will not let himself get in too much danger while he waits for to change. It is true that she is still young - you didn't say how old he is - and certain life experiences might help her change. But if he is putting his own life on hold while he waits for that to happen, he may come to resent her in the future. But ultimately the most you can do for him is to be a good listener and to point out when you see their behavior as inappropriate. It won't help for you to judge either of them but you can express what you observe in them. You have to do some "letting go" yourself as you step back and watch your friend make decisions that you wish he wouldn't make. Just be around to support him if it goes bad again.
@argie713 (1809)
• Philippines
10 Jun 07
My friend is 22. "certain life experiences might help her change. But if he is putting his own life on hold while he waits for that to happen, he may come to resent her in the future" - This is what I'm afraid of. What if that girl will never change?
5 people like this
• United States
10 Jun 07
When he has had his fill of pain, he will break away. Hopefully he won't have to wait too long to "hit bottom" in the relationship. In any event, there is nothing really that you can do to protect him from his own choices.
5 people like this
• Philippines
10 Jun 07
yup, youdontsay is right. let him suffer. he'll realize it when he's had enough... then again...isn't this kinda 1 sided? what about the girl? what's her story? what your story? wait..are you intrested with this guy? you dont say argie...;-)
• United States
10 Jun 07
He has to make his own choice. Only he knows if he is able to let her go or not and she IS young. She may change, they both may change. I have lost loves, the best way to get over it is to separate yourself from the heartache. If you keep seeing the person it is hard to get past the heartache. The person that I was with at one time moved away and I didn't see him anymore. We wrote later to each other months later. I married someone else and eventually got over him. But, not seeing him again helped.
@argie713 (1809)
• Philippines
10 Jun 07
I told him to do that. Maybe he is just having a hard time.
3 people like this
@asahibza (388)
• Canada
10 Jun 07
Not possible. I loved my mother more than anything else. She suffered from cancer. She is not any more. I remember the suffering she underwent. I remember the pains and troubles she took in raising me. I also remember how much she loved me, how much care she took care of me. Yes, mothers are like that. There is nothing like a mother on this earth. Nothing else withstands to such a large extent as a mother. She is with me day and night and with every breath of mine. It will be like that till I am no more.
5 people like this
@soccermom (3198)
• United States
10 Jun 07
No offense, but what does your relationship with your mom have to do with this specific situation?
4 people like this
• Philippines
10 Jun 07
Wahahaha! you said it. do you a understanda engrish? do you understand the words printed in your screen? man your lost. I'm sure you've got a great mom, and your a sweet kid but be careful where you post your messages people might get the wrong idea. unless you really look at your mom in a different way..i assume your a guy EWE...your sick. just kiding.. baahahahe..
4 people like this
@fengbo (731)
• China
10 Jun 07
Hi argie713,your friend only 22years old,but he has been together for about 6years.He was fall in love with she so early.I think it's he first love,usually people were don't forgot they first love easy,it's the rarity love in him life. I think i don't forgot my love,i will still remember her in my heart,but i will hold her in my inmost.Please don't concede myself to do something,maybe you will get regret in the future.I wish you'll find a good way to slove this problem.Good luck.
4 people like this
@gscs1838 (1536)
• Malaysia
12 Jun 07
hey! fengbo , you are right! i don't really think we can truly forget someone that we love....trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never knew..... how to erase you memories...unless you got the magic water or magic pill..so eat one can forget one year..eat two can forget 2 years..eat 3 can forget three year.. hey! argie713, Please notify me if you get an answer for this one!
1 person likes this
@Daremyth (49)
• Venezuela
10 Jun 07
I know it can be hard to let go, but I think he have really consider the magnitude of the problem. I have swatted at my partner more than once, mostly playing than not, kinda like when you do some stupid and get swatted lightly on the head, but I have never ever hurt him (well, maybe his pride! ;D ). What you told us about the bruises and scratches go beyond what one could accept. He says it was just a burst of her emotions, I have been so angry with my partner that I have wanted to hit him but I controlled it because, even if I'm really mad at him, I LOVE him. So I think your friend should ask himself not if he loves her enough to deal with her outbursts, but if she loves him enough to change her attitudes. It's a very difficult situation for you as his friend, my mother has always told me not to get involved in couples fights, because they reconcile and then get mad at you for trying to 'break them apart'.
@argie713 (1809)
• Philippines
10 Jun 07
That's why I'm extra careful. I don't want to be the cause of their breakup. I want my friend to decide for himself.
3 people like this
• United States
10 Jun 07
You are helping. He can talk to you about his girlfriend. And he knows that you will tell him the truth.All you can do is be there for him. He has to make the decision to leave her.I don't you can forget someone you love so much. But being with friends can ease the pain.
4 people like this
@winky73 (1404)
• United States
11 Jun 07
It's hard to explain why we would stay with someone that is really no good for us.I stayed in a marriage for nearly 13 years that wasn't really any good for either one of us and to this day when people ask me how come I stayed as long as I did.....I can only tell them that I don't know. As a friend the best thing you can do is to be there for him no matter what.Trying to convince him that he should leave this girl....may end up costing you the friendship.If he's not ready to let it go.....than there is nothing you can do.I'm sure he will eventually see that this is not the way a loving realtionship is supposed to work....just don't hold it against him if it takes him some time to find out.
3 people like this
@Flight84 (3048)
• United States
10 Jun 07
My friend had a boyfriend that she found outcheated on her several times. It broke her heart. She broke up with him and dated another guy for a while. She always thought about her ex and she still called him. Basically, she couldn't let him go. Even after all he put her through. I never understood it myself. I know I would be paranoid for the rest of my relationship if it happeend to me. They ended up getting married and are still together. She loves him and he loves her but I've always had a hard time understanding her reasoning. I adore my husband and I know I couldn't just forget him, but at the same time I couldn't face going through so much pain and hurt. I guess it takes a forgiving heart. I tried to convince my friend too. It's difficult trying to help someone try to move on. Just be his shoulder to lean on right now.:)
4 people like this
@add_im (2712)
• Philippines
10 Jun 07
For me personally, I just truly find it hard to forget someone I love so much...forgetting someone you love is sometimes very easy to utter but what our heart truly says is, 'I can never let this someone go' or it's really hard to let this someone out from your life and truthfully it's hard to forget this someone special from your heart.
@argie713 (1809)
• Philippines
10 Jun 07
You're right. I've said that before but my boyfriend won't believe me. So we didn't breakup.
3 people like this
@MJLami (1173)
• United States
11 Jun 07
When you do "love" someone you won't be able to forget them ever. Can you walk away? Yes. Sometimes you need to for either the other person or for yourself. Sometimes love just isn't enough. You can love someone so much and think what you're doing is right but it could the worst thing you can do for the one you love. Staying with someone you love is easy. Walking away form someone you love (if you have to) will be the hardest thing you do in your life, I swear. I walked away 7 years ago and there's not a day that passes I wish the outcome was different. No one has mattered since though I have tried and dated others. Mostly it was then because of someone that cost me him (I found out years later - I blamed him at first for the person that did become a stalker only to me) that expected I had to choose someone I could not ever and did not ever anyway. Your friend will have to find the strength he may not have because love is that strong and can make us stay when our head tells us to go easily. When we should let go and would tell someone else to our heart still can't. Love is incredibly strong, powerful and intoxicating! Walking away is not ever going to be easy to do, especially when it's against your own heart and that person is a part of every dream you imagine for your life.
3 people like this
@MJLami (1173)
• United States
14 Jun 07
Thank you for best response.
@jade1986 (563)
• India
10 Jun 07
He wont be able to forget her...A relationship of 6 years cant be broken by a fight...If it ha to be broken then much stronger objections are required. It is very difficult to leave your girlfriend if you are having such a long relationship. There is no point trying to convince him to leave her, i would rather say, try to do something to help them out of the situation. Talk to his girlfriend and see. All the best.
3 people like this
@argie713 (1809)
• Philippines
10 Jun 07
I hope she changes.
2 people like this
• United States
10 Jun 07
It's impossible to forget. He'll still have the memories. He just has to just really think about the relationship and decide if it's healthy and happy. If not, even though it's hard, he should break up with her. Six years makes it difficult, I'm sure, but there comes a time where you have to just decide that you want to be happy and that the relationship is not heading in that direction. I broke up with my ex-boyfriend because we were arguing too much and he was becoming a little to controlling. I loved him very much and I was depressed a little and questioned whether I made the right decision. For months after that, I was scared that I made a really bad decision. I am now with someone else that I love very much and I am very happy. Things always have a way of working themselves out. Time heals emotional wounds. Good luck with that.
@argie713 (1809)
• Philippines
11 Jun 07
True. If he keeps himself busy with something else, he can get over her sooner.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
11 Jun 07
i just want to ask you first what is your reason for wanting your friend to forget his girfriend? do you have feelings for him? think before you can make him forget her or partially forget her you must have the right reasons.
3 people like this
@argie713 (1809)
• Philippines
11 Jun 07
I don't like him. I have a boyfriend. I just don't want to see him hurt.
2 people like this
• Philippines
11 Jun 07
you know you don't have to be worried for him because his capable of handling it. you know what you can do you shud make him feel special and make him feel that he deserved better
2 people like this
@maryannemax (12156)
• Sweden
10 Jun 07
the hardest part in life is forgetting a person you loved most of all. it's like erasing all your memories with her/him which is truly difficult to do. but one day, you're friend will get there and move on. start a new life and accept the fact that his girlfriend is no longer with him. it takes time though. but with the help of a friend like you, he can move on and still find happiness in life... anne
3 people like this
@lingli_78 (12822)
• Australia
11 Jun 07
well, itis actaully his choice... as his friend, you have done your part by giving him advice... it is now up to him whether he wants to take it or not... you can't really help him to forget her if he doesn't want to as this has got to do with emotions... so it has to come from himself... the only thing you can do is just to be there for him when he needs you... good luck...
3 people like this
@Willowlady (10658)
• United States
10 Jun 07
He is an enabler. Alot of women have the problem of thinking that a baby or something will change a man. People do not change like that. They can grow and sometimes it is better to be apart from them as they do so. Sounds like this one has to learn the hard way. Or it will indeed turn out. That remains to be seen. Good luck to you as a friend.
3 people like this
@friendship (2084)
• Canada
10 Jun 07
Yeah...I do understand what your friend is currently going through. It is hard to forget someone whom you love so much. As his friend, I think you may be able to tell him that if God wants him to be with his former girlfriend, there are some ways that God can do. I have a friend who broke her relationship with her boyfriend. But after few years later, they will meet again accidentally. To make this story brief, they finally married. I just don't believe it. But it is true! You see... if God says that his former girlfriend is created for him, no one and anything can separate them forever. So, he should enjoy his life and you may ask him to do useful activities so that he can forget his bad relationship with his former girlfriend. You may also be able to point out indirectly how bad his former girlfriend has treated him and he should deserve happiness in his life by finding better girlfriend. It is better to break now rather than to break later after getting marriage.
@smoke_gun (1243)
• Malaysia
10 Jun 07
its better let your friend settle his problem by hisself.i dont think its an good idea to get involve in his relationship with his girlfriend.before you help him,ask yourself what result do you think is the best? encourage him to break up?whats he hopes in his mind actually,do you know as well?as the last response i said,there are no deals if they are still love each other,we only can giving advice as friend,not giving result.
3 people like this
@Zelmarq (12585)
• Cebu City, Philippines
11 Jun 07
letting go is something that is easier said than done. Its almost the most painful part in realtionships, its the same as saying goodbye. It takes time for someone to forget and let go of things. At first it takes a lot of tears and crying sessions before we realize that its enough and we have to move on and live again for there is still hope in the future. As time passes by we think of ourselves that we have moved on and we have struglled through life without that person but whne we see the places that we have been together and see the people that remind us of that person, the emotions again flood back and remind us and then we go back to our old self and get hold of the memories we only have left. Its a matter of letting time heal and letting ourselves free from the hautning memories of a sad past. As much as he wanted to forget there is still a part of him that lingers on and refuses to let go no matter how much he try. Let him be, he alone can solve his own problem, you are just there for the supoort whene ever he needs one.