Love and discipline....how do you balance?

@zandi458 (27952)
Malaysia
June 10, 2007 2:07pm CST
When we were young my parents were extremely rigid with us, and I'm determined not to make that mistakes with my kids. But I don't want to be a pushover, either. Can you give me some help in finding the middle ground between extremes?
2 people like this
7 responses
@mummymo (23707)
10 Jun 07
It all depends on your own parenting style and your children's nature honey! You know your children better than anyone else zandi and you probably kn ow inside how much leeway you can give them! One thing I would say is that being as honest and open as you can with your children and discussing everything has helped my family immensely! I wish you success in your chosen parenting style xxx
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
11 Jun 07
Ok, thanks for your advice.
@wmaharper (2316)
• United States
10 Jun 07
I think that figuring out what is punishable, and by what means you will punish bad behavior beforehand is key. You and your hubby (or the child's father) need to sit down and decide what seems acceptable for what kind of misbehaviors. That way, when a child misbehaves, you are not reacting out of anger, or frustration, you will punish them according to their crime and it will be consistent. They will know what punishment they will recieve, before they decide to do something that's wrong, and it can be more of a detterant. Of course, there will always be situations when natural consequences are more appropriate, and depending on the age of the child, no punisment is neccesary, just a snack or a nap. I know that I don't always like having to discipline my children, but then I realize taht it's my responsibilty to teach them the way to go, and help them live their lives in a moral, Godly manner, and if they can't make those desisions on their own, I am there to ensure that they do.
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
11 Jun 07
Good approach
@Willowlady (10666)
• United States
10 Jun 07
Work on what is right and wrong. Keep it simple and be consistant as you can. Communicate and teach them to do the same. Mistakes happen since we are human and do not be afraid to apologize if you make a mistake. That also will teach them how to be an adult. Live as much as an example and you will get far. Good luck to you.
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
11 Jun 07
I'll do it. Thanks
@barehugs (8986)
• Canada
10 Jun 07
Yes, there are a few good Rules to Follow. "Do as I do, not as I say!" Young Children are very intelligent. They always know more than you think. Be Honest and don't try to Fool your kids.If you smoke, don't try to teach your kids not to smoke! "Do unto Others, as you would like Them to do unto You!" Teach your kids the Golden Rule, (and follow it to the letter Yourself!)If you tell a lie or take what's not yours (no matter how small the lie, or object) Don't bother trying to teach Honesty. The kids will lie and steal just like mom does. Never hit, slap, or spank. If you can be violent, so can your child.Use psychology,talk it out, pleabargain,make a deal."You do this for me, I'll do that for you!" And last but no least, Respect your children, and treat them like the Small Adults they Are!
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
11 Jun 07
Yes, I like your approach and will copycat your ways.
@jennybianca (12914)
• Australia
11 Jun 07
I think a lot of parents would have this question. My daughter, now 14 years, was brought up with a fair bit of freedom. But it was freedom with responsiblity. I explained about people making choices, & there being consquences to all choies we make. I had strong guidelines about not hurting or abusing other people. I only ever smacked her twice, when very young, never again. This worked for me, as her teachers, her swimming coach & riding instructor all say she is a lovely girl (but not perfect). There is noone way that is foolproof to raise childreen. The fact that you have asked this question, indicates that you are already a "thinking" parent. Good Luck.
@rapolu_cs (1184)
• India
11 Jun 07
I maintain both the love and discipline on the equal scale where i think children love to be behaved in this manner.
@Lakota12 (42684)
• United States
11 Jun 07
thats hard ya just to mix it all up you cant let the kids run over you and you dont want to lose their love either