Did you lose part of yourself when you had children?

United States
June 10, 2007 4:21pm CST
I'm pregnant with my first child and I have felt like this baby has consumed everything. She is all I think about and talk about and I can hardly describe myself as anything besides a mother-to-be. I figure this is temporary. I know that being a responsible parent means a shift in priorities but I also believe that it is important to take care of yourself and do what makes you happy. I want to be a mother in addition to everything I was before having a baby. Have you parents found that raising a child has permanently displaced some other important part of who you are? Was there anything that you had to permanently leave behind when you became a parent?
2 people like this
14 responses
@ashveen (301)
• France
11 Jun 07
hello.. iv juz read wht u said..but i jus dnt seem where u wana com exactly..u seem 2 wana say somthing more but u hesitate..but i hav a feeling tht u were not ready 2 becom mother.. n i feel tht all these thoughts will b cleared once u deliver this cute loving baby.. thanx
1 person likes this
• United States
11 Jun 07
Thank you. I think I have too many thoughts in my head to get out clearly and I understand what you mean. I was selfish when I found out I was pregnant and I didn't think I was ready. Today, I'm very close to having this baby and I am already completely in love with her. Some of the other responses have reminded me that having a child will be a valuable addition to my life and that I will always be the person I am. I have just added a huge role to my list and being a good parent requires putting the child's needs before my wants.
@shemah (841)
• Malaysia
11 Jun 07
i am currently now expecting my 2nd child. As with my first one, it's exactly the same.. as you said, all you think and talk about. All i can say is make sure you have time for yourself. It seems selfish to some ppl, but then again, a happy mommy makes a better mommy. I'm not implying that your newborn won't make you happy. You'll feel a joy that u've never felt before. What i mean is make sure you don't lose yourself in the whirlwind of having a child. When the baby is sleeping, take some time to unwind. After your shower, don't feel bad if you take a wee bit longer to prep urself to look good. Really, it will make a difference.. So far, i feel like my son has made me become a better person, and really showed me the truly important things in life. The sacrifices i've made are all worth it. The only permanent thing i had to leave behind would probably the freedom of time. i couldn't do or go whatever i wanted, wherever i wanted and whenever i wanted but it's not something that is unmanageable. You'll definitely be able to manage it. And before i forget, congratulations on being mum-to-be!
1 person likes this
@BROWNEYEZ (448)
• United States
11 Jun 07
it not that you permently leave anything behind. but like it is said a baby changes everything. and yes im a mother my self actually i have a 5 year old and one due on sept 2nd. most woman who are having there first baby when it comes here thats all they think about. i didnt go out for the first 6 month unless my baby was with me. and when i finally went out with some friends i had to keep calling my mom every second checking on her. there is alot of responsabilitys and you have to sacrifics your time alot to show your kid the attention they deserve. otherwise you will regret it when they get older one cause you will feel you missed out on them growing up and two you child will rebel to get the attention they didnt get before. dont get me wrong you still have a life just sometimes you might have to put yours on hold for them.
• China
11 Jun 07
Yes, you are right.. As parents must take actions on their baby.. However, sometime you will feel unset because you need to suffer from baby crying,etc
1 person likes this
@rapolu_cs (1184)
• India
11 Jun 07
Yes, i forgot all my handicraft work that is i mean iam very much into it and used to be spent time on it whenever i feel myself to be alone and empty buty after having a kid iam very busy with that i cant find to myself and how can i think of my favourites.
@bcl_me (583)
• Philippines
11 Jun 07
well i am not yet a parent but if i ever become one...i wouldn't think that i will lose part of me for the child but another part of me has been added and that is the chikd is an extension of me...my flesh and blood that will soon replace me and continue what I have been doing all my life so it is all worth the sacrifice that I will have to do for this child...that should things be not that you will lose part of yourself but another part of you has been added and there is an associated responsibility attached to it.
1 person likes this
@joluha (344)
11 Jun 07
I found having my child to be the best thing in the world - both during my pregnancy and when I had given birth. My entire time is devoted to being a mum and even if I make time for myself - he is always on my mind 24 hrs a day. Make the most of every second, it all goes way too fast...enjoy it - soon enough that little one will be grown up and leading their own life and will hopefully look back and remember what a fabulous parent you were. Good luck!
@squaretile (3835)
• Singapore
11 Jun 07
Yup, i think there are definitely things that you have to leave behind for good. for instance, the ability to decide to take a holiday the next weekend, and just packing your bags and going. Now there is a little person dependent wholly on you. So some things will change. but it seems like it will be worth it, and you won't mind having to change your life for your little one. you will be a mum, in addition to everything else that you are. and it's just another phase of life, you are still you. you haven't morphed into someone totally different!
• Canada
11 Jun 07
I have found that becoming a parent made me a better person . It is true my children are still my main focus in life but they have given me so much joy that I never would have thought possible until I had children . Even after you have the baby there will still be a lot of time that is centered only on the baby but gradually you will feel yourself coming back but you will be different because I have found that parenthood does somehow change us as a person but makes us better then we were before . The importance of someone else in our life becomes such a part of our life in that until you have a child , you don't realize just how much you can love one tiny little being so much right from the first moment you see him/her .
1 person likes this
@wiccania (3362)
• United States
11 Jun 07
if it's an important part of who you are, you won't lose it. actually, when my son was born i found that i'd discovered a whole new side of myself that i never knew existed. so instead of losing part of myself, i found more.
1 person likes this
@tomysole (457)
• United States
11 Jun 07
It only gets better and better. My boys are the best thing that have ever happend to me. It's a hell of a sacrifice but it's all worth it.
• United States
11 Jun 07
Having a child is a wonderful experience. Just remember that you have to take time for yourself. It is easily to get burnt out if all of you focus is on the child. It's ok to take a break and be alone by yourself and give yourself time to regroup.
1 person likes this
• United States
10 Jun 07
I am a flirt, a bar hopper, very much into the bar scene....I was drinking socially, and just loved having a good time. When I got pregnant with my daughter, I had to change myself and now, I miss the life I had before, but, I still go out, once a week, with friends, but, I dont bar hop, I don't run all hours of the night, I don't just get up and go any old time I want to anymore. Thats about it though.
1 person likes this
@emarie (5455)
• United States
10 Jun 07
if you chose you lose part of yourself, you can. your thoughts will never change about your child and you do tend to put yourself last compared to them. children are a blessing, but they do take some part of you with them. now you changing who you are, that depends on how you were before. for me. i am less daring when it comes to my well being and life. you take more value in your own life in an attempt to preserve it because you have others now depending on you alone to live. it can change a persons way of thinking. as for going out and having fun, and clubbing all the time. things like that may be put on hold, and it also depends who is helping you with the children. nothing is permanetly left behind. the children will eventually grow up and start school and you'll start to feel lonley. my eldest son will be starting school in sept. and i'm already feeling the loss. when you spend so much time around them and see them...you really don't care about yourself that much anymore.
1 person likes this