How will I send Permanent Visitors away

Visitors - Visiting friends and relatives
Philippines
June 10, 2007 11:13pm CST
I have visitors in my house. Four relatives who came from the province. They had been here for quite sometimes that is why I am not sure if I still should call them visitors. Whenever I ask them about their plans, it seems like they have nothing at all. I like having them in my house because they are close to me and they are useful in so many ways. But the problem is that their permanent stay is hurting my budget. Ouch. What should I do with them?
10 people like this
38 responses
@tomysole (457)
• United States
11 Jun 07
Just tell the the God honest truth , that you need the to contribute to the cookie jar or they can hit the road.
@cefaz_21 (2597)
• Philippines
25 Jun 07
I like what you said..upfront and straight.
• United States
11 Jun 07
Since they are staying in your house, they should start contributing to the expenses. I think it's only fair. But depending on your relatives, some relationships turn bad the moment you bring up the subject of money. If your relatives are understanding, they would be more than willing to help out financially but if not, then you have to be firm and tell them that as much as you have enjoyed having them there, they will have to leave at a certain date as you can no longer accommodate them. If they are not willing to help out financially, then it's obvious that they are only taking advantage of your generosity and hospitality. Sometimes, some relatives like to make us feel guilty if we're not doing all we can for them. Don't fall into that trap!
3 people like this
@msvenzon (424)
• Philippines
11 Jun 07
I believe you should tell the truth or ask them their plan. Are they staying for good or are they planning to leave soon? Keeping silent because you don't want to hurt their feelings can also hurt your budget too. If they are really concerned relatives, they should know and understand you. And also, if you are person who cares you might want to consider sharing in daily expenses. Nothing comes for free nowadays.
• United States
11 Jun 07
easy be truthfull sit them down and explain the situation that while you love having them with you that if they plan on extending there stay they will have to contribute as financialy you just dont have the means to support them1
@magica (3710)
• Bulgaria
11 Jun 07
This is delicate situation indeed. Some relatives really dont know when to leave. They cross the line between the hospitality and the intrusion. May be some hints or even direct talking about the financial situation will be a sign for them to think isnt it time to leave. Without to blame, keeping the good feelings, just share with them that it`s hard for you...so many people now and the money are not enough...
2 people like this
• United States
11 Jun 07
I think it would be alright if you asked for something from them to help pay for the stay. I mean in a lot of cultures they take in relatives who can't quite make it on their own but can contribute something. I don't think they should get offended if you ask for something. If they do you can tell them that they need to help or leave because you just can't afford to have them there. You can do it in a nice way so that you don't hurt any feelings but I have had to do that before as well. Good luck.
1 person likes this
@tigerdragon (4297)
• Philippines
11 Jun 07
you do not have any choice but to ask them to share with the expenses and be honest in telling them that you're drained financially and if this thing keeps up then there is nothing to spare.if this is an apartment , tell them that you have to move to another place and you have to vacate the place and ask them to look for another place to live.You have to understand that filipino relatives familiarize themselves so much with their relatives and they feel that it is your obligation to carry them all their lives just because they have nothing in life. leave them. it is ok if they get angry at you, your better off without them.
1 person likes this
@a_ce_e (1427)
• Philippines
11 Jun 07
I think you should be honest and frank, you might want to approach them in a very nice way. Let them understand that you were not that rich to accomodate them for long, you may try to open if they wish to contribute with your budget otherwise all of you will sacrifice. Just try to point them out that you need to help each other coz you can't carry it alone.
1 person likes this
@howard96h (11658)
• New York, New York
11 Jun 07
First of all they are wrong for staying there and not giving you some money for their food. I would kindly tell them that you loved the time spent together but you must get back to your regular routine and they can return at another time.
1 person likes this
• India
11 Jun 07
If your relatives are staying with you for long time then it is their duty to share the expenses too. Depending upon you fully only is not right thing. They must think on this issue. If not so, tell them frankly that your budget is not allowing to bear the expenses on behalf of them. Request them to share a part of expenses. Though it is difficult to say such thing to relatives, but truth is truth. One day you will be overburdened. So better you tell them this time only. If they are really dear to you, they will bear the some part of expenses. It is manner also. In present life, no one has more money. Each of us is strugling for saving the money for future.
1 person likes this
@Marie2473 (8519)
• Sweden
11 Jun 07
If it is hurting your budget it means that they are not contributing and that is wrong. They are all grown ups - right ? And if they are grown up they should be able to pay some money to stay in your house...
@maryannemax (12170)
• Sweden
11 Jun 07
yup. there are lots of people who are like that. they promise you to just have a quick stay in your place since they don't have anywhere to go yet and that they will later on transfer when they find a place for them. sadly, they don't really look. and that what hurts the most. they lied and abuse your kindness... anne
• Pakistan
25 Jun 07
Simply tell them the truth and ask them to make help in maintaining the budget like working in your Cafe or something that you can get benefit out of them.
@cefaz_21 (2597)
• Philippines
25 Jun 07
I agree with what of the respondents said, you should tell them how you feel and how the budget thing works, tell thme you want them there but it's hard if you shoulder all the house expenses..talk to them and ask them once more rather that keeping it all to yourself..you might find yourself exploding and fuming mad with them one morning and you wouldn't like that,so better tell them now.
@aleeming1 (163)
• Canada
12 Jun 07
Ouch, how long have they been staying with you? You said it hurts you finacially. Well ask them if they are going to stay and tell them that you need help. Make them pay for somethings. If you really want them to leave, then just maybe give them a clue that you want them gone. Like say something like "I never seem to get alone time anymore".. Or start up a conversation about how people over stay their welcome.
@cripfemme (7715)
• United States
12 Jun 07
I think you should be honest. Tell them that they are straining your budget and that you love having them with you, but they need to help you out with money.
@KrisNY (7591)
• United States
12 Jun 07
If staying with you is ok with you all but the money- why not ask them to pitch in?? Explain to them it's great having them so close- but because you aren't used to feeding, sheltering 4 more- they either have to help out- or they have to move on- You just can't afford it- If they don't listen- drop hints- etc. You'd think if you explain it to them they would find a way to help out financially. Good luck!
@sandwedge (1341)
• Malaysia
12 Jun 07
tell them "i need you all to start working. " these usually scare away boarders.
@mamasan34 (6521)
• United States
11 Jun 07
I would sit them down, tell them that you enjoy their company and enjoy them being in your home, but if they plan to stay long term that they need to contribute to the finances in the home. If not, what are their plans. I know you are close to them and care for them a great deal, but if it is causing financial distress this is no good for you. Ultimately you are what you need to be worried about. Help them make a plan, if they choose to stay then ask them for help financially to help with the bills and food. It is only fair to ask, if they plan to stay, if they are not, then they still should help because their stay has been so extended.
@maryannemax (12170)
• Sweden
11 Jun 07
ouch. that is such a pain (on your budget). i hate such visitors who promised to stay for just a while and then seems to be that they don't really wanna leave after all. it's like they just tricked you and abused your kindness. you allowed them to stay with you for some days and that they should also be considerate on you as well. i hope you get the courage to talk to them about the situation honestly. it will not feel good at first. it's like you're sending them away and they might hate you for that. but it's a fact that you need to face. ... anne
@sizzle3000 (3040)
• United States
11 Jun 07
I personally would have to tell them that they are putting a financial butden on you. I like having visitor too but not forever. I like my privacy and I like that little alone time. I have to wait till my daughter goes to school and husband to work and then the house is all mine all alone. Then mom calls and I take her shopping no more my time. Be honest with them because eventually you will start to recent them and then things will get ugly. Good luck.