oh my god!
June 11, 2007 12:32am CST
ok! As my friends know, I have been with my significant other for almost 4 years now and we have 1 child who is almost 3. I have always had a huge thing for my "hubby's" friend "Mark". Recencently we have been spending a little more time together and i have noticed myself getting a little more attracted to him. I don't know if this is normal, but it is really bothering me as it is making me question my relationship with my "husband" of almost 4 years. (I say "husband" because we are not married, we are common-law because of our child.) it is gettting unbearable for me because I don't know what to do because they are pretty close. Does anybody have any advice for me?!?!?!? Be it goood or bad, let me know...I have had a "thing" for this guy for years now, so it is not anything new...I need to know if what I am feeling is normal. Please help!
• United States
11 Jun 07
Yep, it's normal...not sure if it's a good thing or a bad thing though. What I think is that "the best friend" is all the good things about the husband but without all the daily annoyances you get from living together. My advice is to concentrate on all the good things you have with your husband. Really think hard and dig deep to make sure that you're really seeing only all the positives. That will either make your relationship stonger and get rid of the "questions" (if you find lots of positives) or it will show you that there aren't any positives except for your child (in which case it's not much of a relationship to try to keep). Whichever way it goes though try to put some distance between yourself and "Mark". You need to get away from that "grass is greener on the other side of the fence" mentality just to make sure of what feelings are genuine and what ones aren't. Whatever you do...DON'T jump from your husband to his best friend! If in the end you do decide to leave your "husband", fine, it happens. But give yourself some time alone to decide if you still feel the same about "Mark". A little more than 6 years ago I had really strong feelings for my husband's best friend. To make the long story short...I'm divorced from my husband and with his (former) best friend...we're "hanging" in there, mostly for the sake of the little ones we have together, but it's really not so great since we really have no interest of having anything more than a friendship aside from the physical attraction.
11 Jun 07
I have had these feelings for a while now, it definately is not something new. I know it is not just physical because we are actually eachothers "confidants" which probably isn't the best idea, but whatever. I don't want to leave my husband at all, I love him with all my heart. I am really scared of losing him and I really can't picture myself with anyone other than him, but at the same time I find myself wondering if there is something more out there for me. I hear these songs about birds and butterfly's and what not and it makes me wonder if I am supposed to be feeling differently. Like if I should be happier...It's kind of hard to explain. Thank you everyone for your responses. The feedback is great, doesn't make it any easier, but it is nice to know that there are people out there I can turn to. SO thank you :)
• United States
11 Jun 07
You need to make sure that what you are attracted to Mark is only physical. There is more to a relationship than that. The more time you spend with him the bigger the attraction will be. I would sit down and write a list of your husbands good qualities. Be honest. Don't let your attraction for Mark not let you see your husbands good qualities. Look back and think about what attracted you to your husband. Distance yourself from Mark until you can clearly see what your feelings for both your husband and Mark are. Before you do something that you may regret think it through very deeply.