Do you regret being a single mom?

United States
June 12, 2007 10:58am CST
Most women don't choose to be single parents, it just happens. Marriages and relationships end, and then you're stuck raising the kids by yourself. And, there's no easy way to prepare for it. Guys don't think about the financial hardships that they're putting their families through when they leave. It just stops being convenient to be a full time husband and provider, so they leave. But sometimes it's for the best. Do you feel that you could have provided better opportunities for your children if your spouse or partner had stayed? Or, do you feel like you did a better job than any man, at raising your children? And, that they turned out just fine.
2 people like this
17 responses
@butterfly39 (3907)
• Philippines
13 Jun 07
That's true, all relationships ended and it's our responsibility to fill up everything what is being left empty. Children are our asset and we can't just ignore them, in fact they are the most precious jewel we ever had. It's not a regret at all being a single Mom.
1 person likes this
12 Jun 07
Hi there, Hope you dont mind me repling to this discussion im not single anymore but i was once for a while with one child it was hard back then i hardly had a penny to my name i found it very hard to cope and that was with just the one child now im married and altoghter i now have 5 children 4 of them under 5 years of age if i was to split from my husband now god it would be a nightmare dont think i would cope at all. but i do say a woman can do a better job than a man.
1 person likes this
@angel3 (49)
12 Jun 07
hello well I have been a single mum most of my life through choice really, my first partner went away to sea most of our time we were together,I had a son with him, when we split up I was with a lovely guy for a couple of years then had a daughter,I ended up back with my first partner for a while then left the city completely. Having my children has enhanced my life yes financially I have continually struggled not once asking for financial assistance from my daughter's father,but I know my children have had a full life and only missed out on the expensive school trips but I would say both my children now grown are doing really well, if not exceptional. My daughter is a department manager in retail, and my son is a landscape gardener and is about to embark on fatherhood him self. So although my first partner was a tremendous support, I did bring up my children with values i feel that has brought them to where they are today. I am very proud of them. In the past it was left up to the woman to raise the children while the husband went out and worked every hour god sent. So I look at my role in modern times as a bit of both I worked constantly but this has in turn given my children the best I could. I do beleive your comment about Guys don't think when they leave, is sometimes true but I also believe they have a fear of responsibility sometimes, as women are the stronger species in more ways than we realise.
@lynboobsy11 (11346)
• Philippines
12 Jun 07
Now, I never regret being a single mom coz now that we have understanding between me and my ex-husband about the finances needs and support of our daughters I can say it is better now coz we don't have to fight coz were not together. Before on my first month,year of separation i admit it that it is very hard for me to support them and how can I fit my monthly income I never demand any single centavo on him. Until my eldest daughter graduated grade school and she's begin studying in highschool. Unfortunately my job is not that strong, I ask him for some financial support and demand for the studies and I have to run it through legal so that there is no complication about it. So from that time i started tocollect money to support my kids.
• United States
12 Jun 07
It's always better when the guy assumes financial responsibility for his own kids. He helped create the children, there is no reason he shouldn't have to pay money for their support. But, that's the way things are in the US. Not sure about how this type of arrangement works in other parts of the world. Kids know what's going on. And, they will hold it against their dad if he doesn't step up and provide the things they need. My best wishes are with you for getting the financial support you need for your children. Please don't be afraid to go after what you deserve.
@lynboobsy11 (11346)
• Philippines
13 Jun 07
Thanks for your nice reaction, I'm from the philippines the good thing in my situations is I married a good father for my children and eventhough our marriage did not work still he's for the future of our kids.
1 person likes this
@taramoon (742)
• Spain
12 Jun 07
I am a single mum of two and love every minute of it, i totally feel that i am doing a good job in raising my children, i have no support or money or even contact with my ex husband which to be honest am totally grateful for, ok i have to work that little extra to make sure my kids have all there's needs, and i can assure you they don't want for anything, yes it is very hard work but well worth it at the end of the day when you tuck them up in bed and they say "MUM YOUR THE BEST" i also make sure i take the time to sit and study with my older child aged 9 and to prove it she has just done her school exams and received 8/10 on all, so i am very proud, when your a single mum you can either let yourself go and mop around or you can wake up with a smile on your face in the morning, so your kids smile back at you.
• United States
18 Jun 07
You are so brave to have shouldered this heavy burden alone, on your shoulders. You provide a wonderful inspiration to all of us moms. Thank you for contributing. My best to you and your children.
• Philippines
18 Jun 07
I prefer to bear all the burdens of being a single mother raisingmy kid than having a man with me who doesn't give any good tribute to me and to my child. It is better being a single provider because all you think of is the welfare of your kid and nothing else. If you have a man with and they lost temper because of the hard situation that you were both into, it just add burden to you. No matter How hard being a single provider I prefer to be it because i can give full attention to my kid and i can give her/him all the best thing that a mother can give. I know that being a single mother is not our preference. We are ashamed at first being a single mom but when we saw our kid grow as a good citizen we have all the credits being a good mom. We are proud enough to say that I am a single mom and who cares about what people says about me. My kid need us to be strong enough for them thats why we should not lose hope nor lose strenght and be weak in facing all the challenges that may come because as long as we live God keeps on testing us for us to be strong enough in facing life alone with our kids and loveones.
• Australia
18 Jun 07
4
• Philippines
18 Jun 07
i can't say no and yes. basically, i didn't imagine myself being a single at a later age and in the middle of a supposedly long term married life. I was actually trying to make a point to my ex and make him realize that the reason why I left the relationship is simply because he's not doing part of his share in our joint effort to save the marriage by providing what is due from him being the father of my children, "the responsibility" (financial) side of the marriage.
@LadyDulce (830)
• United States
14 Jun 07
I've got to say that I do a better job on my own as a mother than I would have had I chosen to remain with my son's father. The only one I really have to worry about is him. There's no man to distract me from protecting my son, no one I need to work with in regard to raising him. I love the fact that I can raise my son EXACTLY how I want to, barring finances. Sure, it'd be great to be a sahm for the first year or two, or to have the dual income, but his dad's an under-achiever anyway, so it wouldn't amount to much, lol. I also love the relationship my son and I already have. He's literally a part of me, and we do damn near everything together. He's the coolest guy on the planet! If he stays this way as a man, my daughter-in-law's going to be a lucky girl. Blessed Be
@Ravenladyj (22937)
• United States
13 Jun 07
I didnt regret it at all....Leaving my kids father was the best decision I could have made at that time...if I'd have stayed in Oshawa and kept doing the rollercoaster relationship thing with him it wouldnt have benefited any of us least of all our kids.... There were definately hard times between when I split with my ex to when I met my husband...My ex wasnt exactly a reliable fellow when it came to paying his support, keeping promises to the kids etc etc so I was not only all the mummy roles but i was the daddy too and the sole provider on all levels...But we managed ya know and actually my kids and i are very close becuase of the time between partners (I was celibate for 2 yrs after splitting from my ex and meeting my hsuband)... So no I never have nor would i ever regret making that choice..and in all honesty now that the kids are older and understand the reality of it all I dont think they would have wanted me/us to stay either....
• Philippines
13 Jun 07
i am a single mom for 14 years now and i enjoy being one. and no one support my children but just myself. yes, there are hardships but whenever you see the children especially when you're all sleeping together... ahh, you'll say "it's all worth it..."
@kuting (887)
• Philippines
13 Jun 07
no i dont regret being a single mom. yes its hard in a lot of ways especially financially. i have a job with a good salary, right now i can give everything my baby needs because he is just 7months old. im not sure if i could support him and provide for him when he starts schooling. my baby's father sometimes gives a little financial suport. althought my pride says i should get it, i always thought that its for my baby and when it comes to my baby i would always want the best. im also thankful to my family for helping me raise my baby, they are the ones who takes care of him while im miles away working. although at times, they complain of being unable to do their usual functions because they're always taking cate of my baby. its really hard. its not just that they're complaining, they also wont stop reminding me that i've done something shameful by being a single mom. its a social thing and my parents and relatives always reminds me of that. right now i really want to get my baby and just live with me. its already hard for me to do everything but its worst with this situation. one day i can do this and it will be the happiest day of my life.
• United States
13 Jun 07
You know I never really think things are not suppose to be the way they. I figure they are the way they are for a reason. I know I am a good mom. I know that my kids have a sound a stable home. I would rather be alone raising my kids than in a bad relatioship like so many families are. I am in a realtionship with someone who I was going to marry, and he ended up getting in trouble and going to prison...so if i am going to stay in a relationship I may be on my own for another 6 six years. But he is as much of a support as he can be from where he is. :)
@magikrose (5423)
• United States
13 Jun 07
When I was a single mom I didnt regret a single thing. It was for the best and it was me who packed up the kids and left. If I didnt meet my current husband I would still be a single mother and I would still have NO regrets at all. You are right things happen that are out of your controll and sometimes it is best just to get out than try to work it out.
• United States
12 Jun 07
I do feel that I could have provided better for my son financially had his father and I stayed together, but that's about it. I wonder sometimes how things would differ if we hadn't split, but I don't think he's being deprived of anything. He visits his father whenever he wants to, so there's no lack of the father figure as in some cases. You have to think also that there was a reason as to why you split up. Fighting, arguing, abuse, etc. You have to take into consideration that the "family" environment may not have been in your child's best interest in the first place, so you have to remedy that. I'm lucky though. His father and I are friends now. We get along so much better than when we were together that I feel like my son is getting the benefit of the "family life" without the actual sharing of a home. He's happy, healthy, and loved. That's all that matters to me.
@cher913 (25889)
• Canada
12 Jun 07
well i was the one that chose to leave last year and i was a single parent for 6 months...i did ok, but due to health issues (and him changing!!) we got back together, so i guess i have kinda seen both sides of it... my friend is going thru the same thing, her hubby left her a couple of weeks ago...i think its hardest on the kids to be honest... we are still having financial issues even though we are back together so that really hasnt changed, but my kids are much happier, so thats the main thing.
• United States
12 Jun 07
I was a single mother for 3 yrs, and it was extremely difficult. Even though I was a professional with a good living, it didnt cover health insurance, daycare, and the stress that goes along with raising a child. With that said, no I dont regret being a single mother. I learned alot in those three years. I learned to be stronger than I could ever have dreamed I could be. I also learned that you really can stretch a dollar a long ways and children dont need everything they want to be happy and feel loved.