You forgive your partner, but would you ever forgive the 'third person'??

Three's a crowd - Accepting the third person is a very hard thing to do. Forgiving that person is even harder.
Malaysia
June 13, 2007 10:45am CST
I know most of us have been cheated on before. I'm one of 'em~! Some of us have left our partner because of it, and some of us have learned to forgive. But what about the third person? Do you forgive him/her? Do you just let him/her off the hook? Or have you vowed never to forgive that person again and only wish the worst to happen to him/her?? As for me, I've been cheated on numerous times before. And I have forgiven all the girls that were involved with my boyfriend. If I can forgive the guy, I think it's only fair to forgive the girl because in most cases, it's not entirely her fault. So what's your take on this matter?? Thanks for sharing guys~!=)
13 people like this
42 responses
@omupas (1243)
• United States
13 Jun 07
People like to say they live by the theory of "forgive and forget." I find this hard to believe. I think it's impossible to do both, but what I always do is forgive. It might not happen overnight, but eventually I will always forgive whoever has done something wrong to me. However, I will never forget. I don't dwell on what happens, but they always stay with me. The past is something to be learned from. Our past creates who we are today. I believe that everything happens for a reason, because of that I am always one to forgive, knowing that in the end, I'll be stronger for what has happened to me, good or bad.
3 people like this
• Malaysia
13 Jun 07
Owh, definitely~! Although I've forgiven, I don't think I'll ever forget. The memories are what makes me stronger and wiser. thanks for responding omupas~! ;)
1 person likes this
• Philippines
13 Jun 07
yup, forgive but will NEVER be forgotten!
1 person likes this
@misheleen73 (6037)
• United States
13 Jun 07
I t depends. If the girl knew my husband was married, than she better move out of town, because she really doesn't want me to see her on the street. If she had no idea, than I would avoid her entirely, but not blame her. I would only forgive my hubby if it was a one time, accidental type thing. When I say accidental, I mean not planned out, spur of the moment, possibly drunk occurance. If he did it more than once or planned it in any way, than I could never forgive that.
3 people like this
• Malaysia
14 Jun 07
LOL~! I wish I could be more like you, strong and not take easily taken for granted. I guess I just easily forgive people and sometimes I wish I haven't...
1 person likes this
@lecanis (16664)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
13 Jun 07
I would certainly not hold anything against the third person, unless she had at some point specifically promised me not to get involved with my partner. I tend to think that way, only to hold people to promises they have actually made. In a cheating scenario, I would always blame my partner more than the other person, because he would be the one who broke a promise to me. If the other person were a close friend, I might have some kind of talk with them about the situation, and find out why things happened the way they did. But unless they were mean to me about the whole situation, I probably would just let it go.
2 people like this
• Malaysia
15 Jun 07
Yeah, I've experienced the other person saying to me, "Oh, it nothing..We're just friends. Really! There's nothing goin on! " Very typical, huh? But flirting full throttle (I'll exclude the details) doesn't seem like 'just friends' to me.. And somehow I still managed to forgive her. After a year or so, she did tell me how sorry she was for what she did.
1 person likes this
@evelynlyp (788)
• Japan
13 Jun 07
I'll forgive the girl if my cheating boyfriend lied to her about being single. Half the time the 3rd person is mislead as well. I won't forgive a girl who knows he's not available and yet stick to him.
2 people like this
• Malaysia
14 Jun 07
Yup!! Definitely~!! :) thanks...
@KevSera (44)
• United States
13 Jun 07
I have been cheated on then have mixed emotions as to act out or stay sane, FOrgiveness is the best but some times in a mental failure state of mind it could happen to be so affected by the betrayal many people go nuts. IT BEST TO HAVE SELF RESPECT AND INTEGRITY!!!
2 people like this
• Malaysia
14 Jun 07
hey KevSera! I totally feel you. I've been there before and yes, at times I really thought that I could stay crazy forever. But self respect and integrity sure did help keep me sane! thanks for your response... :)
1 person likes this
@pilbara (1436)
• Australia
13 Jun 07
I think it depends on the circumstances. Lets say that a man cheats with another woman, but he tells her that he is single, or lies by omission giving the impression he is available. In that case I don't think the third party did anything wrong at all and are just as much a victim as you are. If the third party acted this way knowingly, and, particularly if they were close to me I would not forgive them and I've seen it happen before and the friend will say something like "we've been best friends for more than 10 years - but he's hot". Unless it's deliberate as above I would forgive the third party before the partner as the third person may not have known, but the partner defintely knew they were in a relationship but cheated anyway.
2 people like this
• Malaysia
14 Jun 07
Yeah, that's very much reasonable~! :) Thanks for your insight!
1 person likes this
@Galena (9123)
13 Jun 07
surely it would be easier to forgive the third person? if your partner betrayed your relationship. the third person isn't the one at fault to much as your partner, surely?
2 people like this
• Malaysia
14 Jun 07
yeah, the third person wouldn't really be at fault if she didn't know he was attached to anyone. i guess it would be harder to forgive if she already knew, and still chose to be involved.. but in my case, i've been able to forgive both parties. but definitely not forget..
1 person likes this
• United States
13 Jun 07
I have mixed feelings on this subject. I have been in a relationship where my ex husband cheated on me with a few different girls. I ended up forgiving him, and the girls that he cheated on me with. But forgiving him, I noticed he still went out and did it, I think its because he figured if he got away with it once, he could again. Now I do not think I would forgive someone who cheated on me. I wouldnt forgive them either. Mainly because of my past. If I thought it was the end of the cheating, maybe my thoughts would be different, but its hard to say if they will or not. Most people say "Once a cheater, Always a cheater". So I guess I woudlnt wnat ot take a chance of it happeneing again after cheating, might as well just let thme go and find someone who will be faithful.
2 people like this
• Malaysia
14 Jun 07
Yeah, I think I understand where you're coming from. After being cheated on like that by your ex husband AFTER you've already forgiven him, it would definitely affect your thoughts on forgiveness.. Some people just choose to take advantage of others and have no regards for their feelings. So I guess I would understand why you would never forgive someone who cheats. But I guess some people would know how to be more appreciative of their second chance than others. I wish you all the best anyways.. ;)
1 person likes this
13 Jun 07
I would never forgive my boyfriend if he cheated on me, he would be straight out of the door and i would never talk to the third person again. I would wish the most horrible things on them both.. i'm just being honest! I'm not that good a person and i don't do forgiveness unless someone really deserves it. I've never been cheated on and i think that may be why? The guy would lose his most beloved body part. As i said, i'm not a good person.
2 people like this
• Malaysia
14 Jun 07
LOL! That would be a riot~! Thanks for your response linzmcwilliams.. ;D
1 person likes this
@babostwick (2037)
• United States
13 Jun 07
It would depend on the situation and the circumstances. I might be able to forgive but as far as forget, I probably would not be able to so much. That's all I could say on that.
2 people like this
• Malaysia
14 Jun 07
okay.. thanks for responding anyways babostwick.. :)
1 person likes this
• United States
13 Jun 07
My husband has cheated on me and it was when he was over in Turkey for fifteen months. I couldn't go with him. He came home and told me he had been sleeping with a gal over there. I had a hard time to forgive him but eventually I did. I also forgave the women over there although she will never know I did. I forgave both of them because caring a grudge around hurts only one person and that is you.
2 people like this
• Malaysia
14 Jun 07
Wow, that must've been hard on you. You really do have a pure heart to be able to forgive both parties. That really is something to be admired.. thanks for sharing sunshinelady.. :)
1 person likes this
• United States
13 Jun 07
I have forgave everyone and all and i mean if the girl did not know therefore she is not at fault and all i mean but if the girl is not to blame you know if she did know then hey you know that it was not meant to be and to learn from it in the future and all i mean i have learned i have held on that for so long and all i mean that it hurt my future so yes forget and forgvie it is not worht to stress over at all.
@shinjiao (1464)
• China
14 Jun 07
I would forgive both of them.Because I don't want to involve myself into psychological torture.If I can forgive my partner,so cannot I forgive the third person? My ex-boyfriend betrayed me and the third person was my dormmate,but finally,I forgave both of them,because I realised that hate was harmful to all of us,and hate was unefficient for me to mend the relationship between me and my ex-boyfriend. Now,we broke up but I and my dormmate are still good friends,because I don't think I should demage the relationship betweem my dormmate and me.And moreover,I think that demaging the relationshiop between my friend and I just because of a man is very stupid.
• Malaysia
15 Jun 07
Well, I have a friend who was betrayed by her own best friend, just like in your case. She thinks it's not possible to mend their friendship anymore. Some people take it really hard and I guess people like you are rare. Thanks for responding shinjiao~! ;)
@shinjiao (1464)
• China
17 Jun 07
Hi,mean_queen! I know I'm not a saint!LoL To be honest,I couldn't believe it at the beginning,but later on,I found that if I still involved myself in a bad mood,I could lost myself.They hurt me so I needn't to hurt myself again.I don't want to punish myself with their fault.That's not sober.So I'd like to choose keep the friendship between my dormmate and I.
• Philippines
14 Jun 07
You're right about forgiving the girls who were involved with your boyfriend. In the first place, you can't just blame either of them for cheating on you. Besides, that is good karma...to forgive and forget. Kudos to you girl! :)
1 person likes this
• Malaysia
16 Jun 07
Aww, thanks for the pat on the back. Most of my girlfriends thought I was either stupid or crazy to do that. Thanks again sweetleilani~! ;)
@liranlgo (5748)
• Israel
14 Jun 07
I thik it depends on the situation. I do not forgive and will not forgive my partner if he cheated on me. Because i think that the whole trust issue is ruined here, and that is the important thing for me. Now, about the third side, if she was a friend that i know. And she did know that i was in a long relationship with that person, i would never forgive her, or be near her again. It says alote of her true personalitty. If it was someone that i do not know, i will not waste any time of thinking about her, why should i waste my energy on her?
• Malaysia
16 Jun 07
Well it's good to know you don't just let anyone mess around with you. :)
@maean_19 (4662)
• Philippines
14 Jun 07
It's a case to case basis. It depends on the situation. For me, i had been in a situation where my bf cheated. I really did hate her because I already gave up my boyfriend and still the "third party" tells things against me. My bf wants me back, but he just can't get through of the girl's obsession attitude. I had been into a relationship where I was the "third Party". I didn't intend to hurt the feelings of the girl or to destroy one's relationship. It's just that, the guy tell so many lies and pretentious. He flirts to everyone including me. When things became worse, i gave him up, too. I don't deserve a guy like that.I din't hate the girl, but i hate her boyfriend, who once became my boyfriend. I guess, forgiveness would only be given to those who are really so innocent and doesn't accuse you for doing this and that. Forgiveness comes from within our heart. Thus, deserved by people who's acts are forgotten.
• Malaysia
16 Jun 07
I think I can see where you're coming from. Having experienced both sides of the parties, you understand more about what it is from the other perspective which is the 'third party'. I guess it's hard for me to forgive one girl who really fought for my boyfriend even though she knew about me and my boyfriend even stopped seeing her. It was really hard at that time because she was practically stalking us. But now she's married with kids. Even then, it's hard for me to forgive her and forget what she did.
@nitzel (79)
• Philippines
14 Jun 07
Come to think of it, i'm not really sure if I can forgive the other person. I just hate the feeling of being cheated and the best thing I can probably do for the third party is pray that that happened to me won't happen to her.
1 person likes this
• Malaysia
15 Jun 07
Wow.. that is noble enough, to be able to pray that it won't won't happen to her~! I think I would pray that she'd get the same treatment, if not, worse!! :P
@Gemmygirl1 (2870)
• Australia
14 Jun 07
You said it's not ENTIRELY the third person's fault - technically it's not their fault at all if they were never informed you existed. If they didn't know the guy they were with was with someone else then what they are doing, is ok coz they know no better. If they did know he was attached yet pursued it anyway, then no, i don't think they deserve forgiveness but there's no point in forgiving someone unless you plan on having contact with them :) So if they were a complete stranger to you, then i don't think it really matters either way!
• Malaysia
15 Jun 07
Yeah, you do have a point there~! The girls that I ended up forgiving were the ones that I had to be in contact with whether I liked it or not. So I guess I didn't wanna have those awkward moments you know. So yeah, you are right in that sense. I don't know about other people but that sure hit the spot for me.. :P thanks for replying Gemmygirl1~!
@angela2006 (1846)
• China
14 Jun 07
actually,I can not forgive my boyfriend so I will not forgive the third person.when they do something,why they do not think about us,we are hurted most.I think they are not worth forgiving,of course,I will forget them forever.
1 person likes this
• Malaysia
15 Jun 07
so rather than forgive but not forget like what most people do, you would forget and not forgive~! LOL.. good one.. thanks for responding angela~! ;)
@youless (91541)
• Guangzhou, China
14 Jun 07
Fortunately I have not been cheated by my husband. If one day it happens, I won't forgive him. I hate being cheated. It's impossible for me to forgive the girl. I hate people who involve in others' families. It's so wrong. I can not think out a reason to forgive her.
1 person likes this
• Malaysia
15 Jun 07
wow.. you're really strong headed about that one aren't you? well, i guess not everyone would be able to forgive being cheated on. thanks for responding youless~! ;)