My colour stopped him introducing me to to his family

@latsmom (824)
June 13, 2007 12:51pm CST
I was with my ex for 8 years and although his parents passed away when he was young he never introduced me to his family, he as close to his nan and would visit her and one day he asked me to go with him and I thought I would meet her but tehn just before i was about to go I had bought some flowers for his nan too, he said what are those for? I'll pick you up from teh town centre when I am finished, he meant for me to go shopping while he visited his nan. I challenged him about this and he said his family were racist and that his nan is old and stuck in her ways and woudl not be happy of mixed relationship. I was really upset about this and he could not see why, he once took our daughter to visit her when she was in hospital and before he left he asked me "do you think you can tell she is mixed raced?" which you can't really but that was not the point. HAve you ever been in a relationship like this? What didi you do? Did your other half take you to meet them eventually or did you remain hidden away?
2 people like this
2 responses
@Gemmygirl1 (2871)
• Australia
14 Jun 07
I have never been in a situation like this but have heard about some. Even though he loved you, he also loved his family & i guess he didn't want to be outted from his own family because he was with someone of a different race. I know it's not usually like that these days but some families are still set in the old way - as wrong as many think it is, it's just how people were raised. You were right to take offense to it, i would have, but you have to also understand how he felt being torn between 2 loves & not wanting to choose. I know he's your ex now which i guess worked out for the best but still, for some people it's harder than you realise, he may have desperately wanted you to meet them but didn't want you to get hurt by their nasty remarks or comments.
@latsmom (824)
15 Jun 07
I Am sure that in some ways he did, but he always spoke of how he hated them and how he was always trying to do the best by him even though they could not be bothered with him, the fact that he wanted me to walk around a nearby shopping centre in the pouring rain while he visited family really upset me, but there was more to us breaking up than just that, he tried to change who i was and even threw racist comments at me in argument, I felt I was loosing my identity, he is still not a happy man and very resentful of everything, he has no freinds adn even now when he has a problem it seems he turns to me as he has no one else. I feel pity for him but no longer any love I just wish him all the best and hpe he does not instill his racist remarks on our daughter, it woudl be very confusing for her adn I want her to be proud of who she is and walk tall not be hidden like some dirty secret. Many thanks for responding with your views.
@moomincat (321)
13 Jun 07
You say this man is your Ex. Looking at your photos if its you and your daughter you are both so beautiful. Maybe his attitude has lost you I hope he doesnt loose his daughter aswell.
@latsmom (824)
15 Jun 07
I hope not either, at the moment she loves him dearly and I would never cut access but if his attitude does not change and our daughter chooses not to have further contact with him I am afraid there will be nothing I can do. Thank you for your kind words.