Truth or lie? help me decide

@liranlgo (5748)
Israel
June 13, 2007 5:40pm CST
I have a very dear friend that i love very much we are friends for years now and we helped each other in alote of problematic situations 3 months ago i moved from the big city, and we are far from each other. We talk a few times and the phone each day, and we do try to meet, but because if the distance and the busy life, we did not meet much in the last two months. She always tells me that she wants to meet me, and that i will notify her spontaneously and she will come, and we will meet half way. Yesterday i told her that i want to meet her today, and when we talked today she said that she doesnt want to drive half way to the big city, because she had a very problematic day and she is tired. But when i talked to her on the phone, suddenly i heard a whisper: " she does not know that i came here, i don't want her to.." and then i interrupted the call and said to her: "what is going on..?", she told me that a friend came to her house , and that she will call me back in a minute. Needless to say that she did not call, or react to my message that i need to speak to her. I must say that we are friends for a long time, and i saw her lie to alote of people, but she does know that our friendship is based on trust. And she did not lie to me before, because she does know that i do not accept that. She knows that she can tell me the truth, even if i do not like it, or if it involves me. I must say that i helped her alote before, and she has helped me. But i do have a strange feeling that she did drive to the big city, and lied to me about that, because she did not want to meet me. I also know that if i will ask her about that, she will tell me that this didn't happen. So what do you think? am i paranoid? what would you have done in this situation? I must say that i never suspected her or had a feeling that she lied to me before. What do you think? what would you do if you were me?
4 people like this
14 responses
13 Jun 07
I really would hate to say. I think if you've got a good enough reason ask her or do something which allow to find that answer out. I'd hate to say what my thoughts were and then get them wrong. ~Joey Goodluck it is nice to see you!
3 people like this
@liranlgo (5748)
• Israel
14 Jun 07
Yes i think i will do what you and other members here suggested. I know that i have to think of a way of doing that, because i do not to pressure her on this, thank you joey:)
2 people like this
@aprilgrl (4460)
• United States
14 Jun 07
I think you need to talk to her and let her know how you felt and she needs to be honest with you and explain it to you. She should have been honest to you at the first place and you felt hurt.
2 people like this
@liranlgo (5748)
• Israel
14 Jun 07
Yes. she should have been honest in the first place. But yet i do not really know if she lied. I know that i suspect in that. First i thaught maybe i will speak with her about it, But now i am thinking maybe to let this off my system, and see how she reacts to other things. I think i will get the "picture" soon.
1 person likes this
@healwell (1268)
• Ahmedabad, India
13 Jun 07
I dont think that you should do anything. If there is lie on her part let it be there. A friendship should be treated with trust and without any doubt! Rather you ask her directly or tell what you got and thought after talked with her! Or just keep quite without any bad feeling about her and behave like before! Some time your friend will realize that what she did to you and will try to cover that with care, if she is really feel for you and your friendship for her!
@liranlgo (5748)
• Israel
14 Jun 07
I do understand what you said, but the question is how can i just keep quite without having feelings about this, this is where i have the main problem, it bothers me. Would love getting an advice on how i can let this out of my system.
1 person likes this
• United States
14 Jun 07
A friend is a friend at all times. I would let this one go. If she continues to avoid you I would talk to her and tell her how you feel honestly. After that I would drop it. If she pulls away from the friendship, let her go and tell her that you'll always be there if she changes her mind. Of course there are times when you have to distance yourself for a period of time from certain people if they continually hurt you, but I don't think this is one of those cases.
1 person likes this
@maryannemax (12172)
• Sweden
14 Jun 07
yup. if such a friend will avoid you continuously, it just means she's no longer interested in the friendship. but still, try to talk to each other. but if she isn't interested, then don't force yourself too much on her. she's not worth to be called a friend. there are still lots of peole who can be a friend to you. you just need to have some time to find them... anne
1 person likes this
@liranlgo (5748)
• Israel
15 Jun 07
well i have to say that i did not have the patience to deal with that, and when she called me a few hours later from her home phone, i told her what i suspected and we both started laughing together. Lol. I guess i did have my paranoid day..lol.
@Marie2473 (8521)
• Sweden
15 Jun 07
I hate it when people lie to me and I will definately confront thme with it. If she didnt want to meet all she had to do was to say that she would like to another day - but that she has plans. There is no need to lie. All my friendships are also based on trust an honesty and I would hate it if that was ruined!
1 person likes this
@liranlgo (5748)
• Israel
15 Jun 07
Well yes. me and you think very much alike. but in this case, it was my mistake. We talked about it, and i understood how emotional i was that day. I had a weired day.. What i thought was the case, wasn't at all..:)
@whyaskq (7532)
• Singapore
15 Jun 07
I would be hurt and sad that she lied this time since she has lied to many except me. Knowing she is a habitual liar, perhaps I will analyse my own relationship with her. Though we trusted each other, there must be a reason why she behave so, and if it is just a friend, why is there a need to lie. I will want to know what happen. However, I am sure she would not tell and if I were to insist, I guess situation might turn for the worst. I would give her some time to think about the matter. I will message her my intention and hopefully, she will calm down and call me. Whether we are continuing to be friends or friends no more, I would still want an answer. At least, I will know where I stand. Just my take.
1 person likes this
@liranlgo (5748)
• Israel
15 Jun 07
Yes. you are right in all the thing you said here. But it turned out to be my mistake..:) Agood ending to this story..
• Israel
15 Jun 07
Hi Liran. Long time no "seen"... I try to keep up, but school doesn't allow me the luxuary of participating myLot too much... About you problem - it sounds like a very complicated trusting problem. Lately, I had something quite similiar, and a good friend "analyzed" my response for me (she was actualy shocked by it) : I totally ignored the case. Well, we are grownups, right? And if someone doesn't want to be my friend, or to be trusted by me, he has the right - but, it would be very hard for this person to earn my trust and friendship back. I ignore the situation, and keep acting "as usual". The other person, who made the "error" should be the one to come forth and apologize/explain. You need not "run after" you friend. If she wants to, she knows where to find you - and you know what? She's the one to miss something here. You seem to be a true friend, and you deserve the same from you friends. If she doesn't want to speak to you, why bother? I know you used to be good (maby even best) friends, but... people change, time keeps on running, and it might be that she is even jelouse of you (as far as I remeber, your life are going on the right tract of success...). You probably have plenty other friends to share you life with - friends who wouldn't hold such secrets from you and won't try to avoid you. Just keep that smile, and share it with those who wish to be with you... :)
@liranlgo (5748)
• Israel
15 Jun 07
Thank you yonatan, it is good to see you here, I myself am not here alote, because of work and studies. well it turned out to be one big foolish mistake, from my side, i had a weired day that day, and it probably influanced my rational thinkig. Lol. Don't worry i am not one of those who run after people or friends:)
@maryannemax (12172)
• Sweden
14 Jun 07
sounds strange for your friend to treat you that way. you had been friend for 3 long years and you both value the friendship you have for each other. maybe for her, you are just bestfriends when you are near each other. but now that you've transfered, you aren't her bestfriend anymore. i am not adding flames on your feelings but i might be right. i have friends who are like that. when we live apart already, it's as if they have no time for the friendship anymore. and so, i just move on. i don't even try to be the first person to contact them anymore. i mean, if they won't bother to treat me good and appreciate my efforts, why extend some more hopes when my efforts will all go to waste at the end. so, for you, think about it. if you really wanna make the friendship last, try to find ways to meet her and talk to her. it's the best way to resolve matters... anne
1 person likes this
@liranlgo (5748)
• Israel
15 Jun 07
Well we did that, and it seemed so foolish that we both started laughing, i guess i had a weired day, thinking what i thought. LOl.
@worthy (2413)
• India
14 Jun 07
Hi Liran,i amy not be the best person to advise you ,but in our friend circle we do lie sometimes.Mostly the reason why we do so is,that we don't want to involve the other friend in a thing which is not concerning her.The idea is not to hide or deceive her,but simly to keep her away from that particular activity. There might be so many reasons for you friends unusual behaviour.Its natural feel hurt,but that might not be her intention.I think she might be getting close to a new boyfriend who lives in Big City,and do not want you to know about it yet. But ofcourse you can not rule out of the possibility of increasing distance between you two too.Only time will tell if its true.
@liranlgo (5748)
• Israel
14 Jun 07
Yes. I do agree worthy that only time will tell if it is true. About the boyfriend and other things she shares with me every little thing that goes on with her life, without me asking, so i do not think that this is the problem. But thank you dear friend for this response i value it as always. :)
1 person likes this
@RobinJ (2501)
• Canada
13 Jun 07
I think I would have to ask her to be completely honest, and put you suspicions to rest. I think you are the type of person who would sooner know than be kept in the dark, so turn on the light and ask, if she can't or won't give you an answer to your satisfaction, then you are going to have to make a decision as to the next move. but I agree, if she is not trustworthy, then what is the point to all this. I do hope it works out well for you, but i do see it might not.
@liranlgo (5748)
• Israel
14 Jun 07
Thank you robin i will use your advice, i only have to think how and when i will use it.
1 person likes this
• United States
13 Jun 07
There are times when everyone, even your best friend needs a little privacy and space. If she's really that good of a friend then take it as she just wants a little space for the time being. That's happened between me and my best friend before and we've been friends for 33 yrs. Try not to take it personally. If she wants to explain later she will if not it's really not a big deal. Now if she doesn't want to see you for 6 months... well then that's a different story.
1 person likes this
@liranlgo (5748)
• Israel
14 Jun 07
Thank you crafy, you gave me an objective prospective on this, i guess we al need that from time to time.
• Australia
14 Jun 07
I would first be asking is this an online friend or a friend you know seperate from the internet. If it is someone you have known in person for many years, I might question what is the issue? but to be totally honest, maybe she just has other matters more persoanl to her right at the moment and doesn't want to burnden you with them, nor disapoint you. if all esle fails, just ask!
1 person likes this
@sanju21 (135)
• United States
19 Aug 07
For how long you know her?Do you trust her?Did something like this happened before also and if it is what reasons she put forward that time?See if she is your real close friend you also has to understand that she is afterall a human being who needs some space and time.Having said that, you have to patiently observe her traits and actions related to you over time and if you have doubt again that something is suspicious and she is displaying strange behavior talk to her face to face and solve the problem.Human being is after all very complex and sometimes your closest person about whom you think you know everything behaves in an odd way.
@lols189 (4797)
19 Aug 07
it sounds to me as if she was hiding something as she felt the need to whisper to whoever she was with at the time. i am sorry to hear you have been let down like this liran. i would kindly ask her if she does not want to meet up then thats fine but dont lie. also if you suspect her lying to you, try to ignore her for a while and see if she decides to contact you. that way you will know if she is a dear friend of yours as she was before. good luck and i hope you sort this out as quickly as possible