How would you feel if your husband took on 3 more wives?

United States
June 16, 2007 9:37pm CST
Some of you may be aware that I am married to a North African-Arab-Muslim man. Islam indicates that it is acceptable to have four wives as long as they are all treated equally by the husband. Could your husband treat four wives equally? If he took on 3 more wives, how would you feel about it? For the record, my husband has one wife, and he has no intention of taking on more. Take a look at this man, his 4 wives and their children. Notice the reason he married four women. It does not make sense to me: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A5hS39az9wA
12 people like this
32 responses
@KarenO52 (2951)
• United States
17 Jun 07
His reason for marrying the second, third, and fourth wives makes no sense to me either. Is he thinking this would put an end to jealousy? He's got them all living in the same house. I don't know how they put up with that. They don't look very happy. The thought of my husband taking on 3 more wives is just too weird. I sure wouldn't want any other wives in my house. There are families like that around here, I don't know if they're Muslims, but there are multiple wives. They all share the children, so the teachers never know who will show up at the parent/teacher meetings.
3 people like this
• United States
17 Jun 07
If you see them covering, it is a possibility that they are Muslim. However, there are other religions that cover, too. There are some sects of Mormons that have multiple wives. There is a show on HBO called Big Love where the husband has his share of wives. I think they are Mormon, but I am not sure. I have never watched the show. Maybe the reason the man in the clip took on other wives due to the fact that his wives were jealous, was because he wanted to show them who is boss. Like they had no right to be jealous so now I will give you something to be jealous of, and show you my authority. I could never be with a man like this. Yet, if you are raised in this type of setting it may seem normal even if you don't like it. My husband could never treat another woman the way he treats me. There is only so much time in the day and only so much money.
3 people like this
@KarenO52 (2951)
• United States
19 Jun 07
I saw that show, Big Love. At least each of the wives had her own house. They had to share a car, and agree on things with the other wives and their husband, including what night was theirs. That still wouldn't work for me. I guess I'm like you. The families around here must be Muslim, because they wear the clothes. They kind of keep to themselves, and I've never had a chance to talk to any of the women.
1 person likes this
@KarenO52 (2951)
• United States
19 Jun 07
I forgot to add, my husband would love the idea of having more wives, but in reality, he couldn't handle it. They would drive him crazy. He doesn't know how lucky he is. That would actually be punishment for him, to tell him to go live with three other women. I'd laugh my a$$ off at him trying to do that.
1 person likes this
@donsky14 (5963)
• Philippines
17 Jun 07
I wouldn't want my husband someday to have other wives...no way. I easily get jealous. I don't even want to think of getting in that situation.
3 people like this
• United States
17 Jun 07
I agree with you there. I think I am woman enough for a man. I don't think he needs more.
1 person likes this
• Singapore
17 Jun 07
I could never accept sharing my partner with another woman, let alone another 3. Personally I find the idea unacceptable. Also, I feel that it is actually quite impossible for anyone to be able to treat all his wives equally. Somehow one or two would be favoured over the others.
3 people like this
• United States
17 Jun 07
I agree with you.
2 people like this
@nnsb75 (632)
• United States
17 Jun 07
there is no way i can deal with this kind of situation, i couldn't share my husband to anybody, i would probably go balistic if someone will try to get my husband from me lol...
3 people like this
• United States
17 Jun 07
I understand completely.
2 people like this
@chikkadee (373)
• Australia
17 Jun 07
Most boys I know cant handle one girl let alone four :P Four sets of nagging and jealousy! No way. Im not really the jealous type, but having your man shag another woman? Nah, that doesn't sound like love ot me, sounds like keeping your options open.
2 people like this
@maryannemax (12174)
• Sweden
17 Jun 07
yup. men like this are just keeping their options open. obviously, just playing it safe. and yuck! i don't want to share my husband to anyone else. that is really annoying. i am not a selfish person. but when it comes to my husband, i will be selfish. i won't share him with anyone else.... anne
2 people like this
• United States
17 Jun 07
Makes sense to me!
1 person likes this
@LittleMel (14059)
• Canada
17 Jun 07
I just watched the video and it seems they are not upset or anything about sharing him with the others. I don't think jealousy is why he married the next 3 wives though, why would he do that to his first wife? but anyway I'm not a moslem so I won't share my husband with anyone else. I don't think he would allow it in my case too anyway.
• United States
20 Jun 07
Sounds like you have a happy marriage.
@saierchok (1294)
• United States
17 Jun 07
this used to be very acceptable hundreds of years ago.. men had reasons then.. these days I see no reaon for them to do that.. and if he thinks that life is impossible with his wife and he wants another then he can get divorce..
2 people like this
• United States
20 Jun 07
It is still acceptable in some places.
@egortizv (225)
• United States
17 Jun 07
He must be pathetic. THere is no love when you have four wives. No emotion whatsoever. Its as if all he cares about is the horizontal hockey pokey! people should stick to having one spouse. its the right thing. If you want someone else and have change of heart, fine, you can separate. But have the courtesy and decency please.
2 people like this
• United States
20 Jun 07
I understand.
@maryannemax (12174)
• Sweden
17 Jun 07
i will surely leave my husband when he decides to have another wife another than me. worst, more wives other than me. just thinking about it makes me feel sick! a man can't even spend much time with his one wife due to many obligations in life. and getting others to take care of? saying sharing EQUAL time for all of them? that's so impossible. just seeing the video, i looked at the wife and they look so miserable. i don't think they are happy. they really don't look happy in the first place. sad why men do this to women and why women allow men to do this to them... anne
2 people like this
• United States
20 Jun 07
It is a custom to do this. However, I think the more women are exposed to the ways of the USA, the more they want respect.
@Zerzis (558)
• India
17 Jun 07
its pretty unusual thing to share your love with more than one women. I mean how is it possible. They may be marying for pleasures of body, may be not sure about it, but what is the reason to get married to more than one women? I simply dont find a reason, if you think that the one you have doesnt fulfill your every need, or say is not of our type, then find another, if she also turns out to be unsatisfactory then find another, and so on till you get the one of your type?? then let me tell that this circle and such kind of search will never end. The essence of marriage is that you try to find peace and adjust with the one whom you have got. Nobody is perfect and you have to do some adjustments. If you marry more than one women,how much adjustments are you going to do, and it will be morally unacceptable for a women that her husband is shared amongst many... this is simply ridiculous!
• United States
20 Jun 07
In some areas, it is an OK thing to do this.
@SuchPwn (45)
• United States
17 Jun 07
that was insane... i didn't know it was that way i thought they were forced to be like that.. .L0L
1 person likes this
@feliniti (875)
17 Jun 07
yup. The power of brainwashing is alive and well.
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Jun 07
They are not forced. The husband must ask the wife if it is acceptable to her for him to take another wife. So if they are so jealous, why did they accept this?
@add_im (2712)
• Philippines
17 Jun 07
It don't make any sense to me as well Kim of what this man is doing. He is like collecting toys for himself just to use it whenever he wants to, and jump to another toy again for him to play with. I pity those ladies but I believe they know themselves as well what they're doing isn't just right at all...or maybe then they will just go along with their cultural traditions that is why they're facing such a confusing path in their lives, so to speak.
1 person likes this
• United States
17 Jun 07
Imelda, you are so right. I would feel like a toy. I think deep down inside those women really do hurt. No matter what they may say, I think they hurt.
@add_im (2712)
• Philippines
20 Jun 07
That's true Kim, they are so hurt in a way that they'll tried ignoring or just try to manage those pains inside them and just continue to becoming a martyr one when it comes to such situation.
@eden32 (3978)
• United States
18 Jun 07
I know many poly families, although the ones I know are not in these relationships for religious reasons. My friends are couples who have chosen for various reasons to open their relationship to other partners & some have also blended their households & families to create a new combined/blended family. If it is because both parties in a relationship wish to live this way, than I absolutely accept that & think it can be a great thing. If one partner, my guess is that it's usually the husband, is forcing the other to agree to this it's unacceptable.
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Jun 07
Thank you for your comments.
@argie713 (1809)
• Philippines
18 Jun 07
I would want to have him take another wife than to cheat on me. In a relationship, we must admit that we could not give everything that our partner wants, there are always flaws. To counter these flaws, Men seek women who can cover up these flaws. That is why cheating is rampant nowadays. So, for me, it would be much better knowing your rival.
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Jun 07
I certainly respect your opinion.
@rajikoshy (743)
• India
18 Jun 07
its inhuman
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Jun 07
Well said.
@Anniedup (3652)
• Richards Bay, South Africa
18 Jun 07
No- No- No- Mine won't even dream of it! I can't even imagine what it must feel like for those women. My stuff is my stuff! I'm running a bit behind, will check it out tomorrow and report back:)
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Jun 07
Annie, of course Joe would never want to be with another woman when he has YOU! Everyone go look at Annie. She is beautiful. While you are looking at her pictures, rate them!
@rx4life (1935)
• United States
18 Jun 07
I can honestly say that I would not stay in a relationship where there were 'additional" wives, girlfriends or whatever...perhaps those raised in cultures where this is the standard can understand it...I can not and would not...it is not in my scope of understanding or desire...I believe in one man and one woman sharing a life together...any more adults in the relationship and I would extract myself!!! My humble narrow opinion!!
• United States
20 Jun 07
That's understandable.
@lingli_78 (12852)
• Australia
17 Jun 07
i don't think i can handle it if my husband has four wives... anyway, i am lucky because he always tell me that he only wants to have one wife and that is me... he won't love any other woman and it is a sin to that in our religion... Christianity only allowed one life-partner for life and it is stated in the Bible...
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Jun 07
Thank you for your comments.
@feliniti (875)
17 Jun 07
It's all a lie. Don't believe it. I don't want to get involved in religious politics, but you can easily find out for yourself that this is a lie.
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Jun 07
You are free to believe as you like, but having four wives is alive and well. I know a woman is wife no 2 in a marriage of multiple wives. You have to live in those countries to see it or at least be from there. It is not forbidden like it is where you live.
• United States
17 Jun 07
Oi - ok the reason he gives for the multiple wives is rediculous. No way does that make any sense. That said - I do believe that it is possible for people to have relationships with more than just 2 people. Five people is pushing it in my mind but 3 or 4 I can see working if they ALL like each other. With my current boyfriend (going on 3 yrs living together) I don't think he would be able to take care of another woman. Much less 4. And I know that he would get jealous if we brought another man in. He has trouble showing his affection just for me sometimes...he would surely lose his mind! lol Perhaps with another relationship though, I would be able to accept another person in the relationship. Again - it would have to be in a case where everyone enjoyed each others company. Polygamy and the likes aren't for everyone by any means. I was raised in a society around people who did not agree with such relationships. However, I do believe that love is endless and that there are always exceptions.
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Jun 07
Yes, to each his/her own.