I want my bed back!!!!

@zuri25 (2127)
United States
June 18, 2007 9:41am CST
Okay so I admit to breaking one of the first rules of parenting...don't let your child sleep in your bed with you. I caved in long ago and let Emilia share my bed with me. I was desperate to get a few more hours of sleep. Now she's three years old and still sleeping in my bed. Granted, we share a room because we're living with my parents. However, the situation is about to change as I am moving with Emilia to a new state. She has her own toddler bed and I have made her sleep in it, but she always ends up back in my bed come morning. When we move she will have her own room. I've promised myself not to give in and let her sleep with me once we move. I know it's going to be a nightmare and I know I dug my own grave, so to speak, with this situation. Any advice for a desperate mother who wants to reclaim her bed?
7 people like this
20 responses
@mummymo (23707)
18 Jun 07
oh Zuri first of all good luck with the move! These things get into a routine so quickly but take a lot of hard work and consistency - been there and done that! lol` The only way I know to do this is to speak to Emilia about it - at 3 they can understand a lot more than we sometimes think, and reassure her that Mom is still there for her but she is a big girl now and has to sleep in her own bed, tell her how special her new bed is and that lots of little girls would love one just like it. Then comes the really hard work - if she comes into bed with you you have to put her back in her own bed and stay consistent, one slip up and you are straight back to square one! I have had to do this myself and am at the stage now that if my 5 yr old is unwell she sleeps beside me so I can keep an eye on her and still have some rest, we can even have occasional mornings in bed snuggling in together but she knows that she has to sleep in her own bed! I wish you luck, xxxxx
1 person likes this
@zuri25 (2127)
• United States
19 Jun 07
Thank you very much for the well wishes. I've already done all the fanfare about the new bed and how special it is and how big girls like her sleep in their own big girl beds. She got her toddler bed this past Christmas. Unfortunately, she wasn't taking the bait and only slept there when I forced her to. But, I'm going to make a humongous deal about her having her very own room with her very own bed and hope she takes to it. The hardest part will be nights of broken sleep getting up to put her back in her own bed. Thanks for the advice!
1 person likes this
@mummymo (23707)
19 Jun 07
I hope it works zuri - I know how hard it is , but it is worth it in the end! Hope you don't miss too much sleep! xxx
@listenup (29)
• United States
19 Jun 07
I don't think that you made a mistake by letting your daughter sleep with you, and I understand that as she's getting older you want her to feel a bit more independent. I do the same thing with my kids(7 & 4). They both slept with us then I made the lengthy transition to bed in room. Then bed in hall by our door. Then bed in hall by their door to bed in their room by age 2 cause that worked for us. Now that my husband is deployed I wake to find one or both of them in bed with me. I take them back to their own bed. I try giving them a special "snuffie" -that's what they call their snuggle bear. or they each have a special blankie. You can give back rubs or stay until she falls asleep. You could also try reading a story along the lines of bedtimes like "How Do Dinosaurs Go to Sleep" "Penelope Says Goodnit" "Sleep Tight Little Mouse". They go over the getting ready rituals and the little mouse book covers places to fall asleep. As you know it's gonna take patience and time. Good luck to you and your family. Have a safe move!
1 person likes this
@tera_ha (118)
• Canada
19 Jun 07
not sure nothing wrong letting ur kid sleep with u u should just get a bigger bed
1 person likes this
19 Jun 07
Okay, you should give her like a reward for sleeping on her own like say a back rub and what not. As she gets older it will wear off but you have to make it less of a big deal as she gets older, even after the first week, basically until she's used to sleeping alone. how about that?
@zuri25 (2127)
• United States
19 Jun 07
That could work. I use the reward system with potty training. When she goes potty by herself without peeing in her panties first then she gets a handful of mini marshmallows, which she loves. I could do something similar for sleeping in her bed all night long. That's a much better suggestion squash...thanks for reposting!
19 Jun 07
no problem...let me know if it works
18 Jun 07
I say stick with what your doing, don't let her come in your bed. You deserve your own privacy now and you should stand up for that. You could kind've scare her saying that the boogie monster comes to your bed every night but she might be too old or that might b to mean. Anyways good luck.
@zuri25 (2127)
• United States
19 Jun 07
Thanks for the support. I think the boogie monster idea will backfire on me and she'll be too scared to sleep alone, especially since she's never had her own room before. Probably not a good solution, but I understand your tactic. Thanks.
19 Jun 07
here i have another possibility...i will post it
@LadyDulce (830)
• United States
18 Jun 07
My son and I still share a family bed, sometimes my nephew and sister too (it's a bigass bed). But then again, we were raised sleeping in everyone's bed until we hit about 8 or 9. I'm allowing my son to stay in my bed as long as he needs to, as long as it doesn't go past 4 or 5. He's a big boy though, so I'm going to need a bigger bed soon. He'll sleep in his own bed in the same room sometimes if it's too hot to snuggle or if I'm sick. Have you tried having her sleep in a little bed adjoining your own? Or you could sleep right next to her until she gets comfortable with it. We ended up having to do that with my littlest brother. He was having a hard time transitioning. Blessed Be and Good Luck
@zuri25 (2127)
• United States
19 Jun 07
Hi LadyDulce! It's gotten to the point where I can get her to fall asleep in her own bed (which is right next to mine) if I'm firm with her. The problem is keeping her there. Sometimes she sleeps in it all night and comes into my bed in the morning which is fine, but most times she climbs into my bed in the middle of the night and I don't even wake up to tell her no. Thanks for your input.
• United States
19 Jun 07
Lol, if my son were to wake up in the middle of the night and start jumping on the bed, I doubt I would notice too much. But he sleeps harder than I do, so he hasn't woken up or moved or anything at night since he was a few months old. I feel for your situation though. Whatever works for you. Blessed Be
@squaretile (3833)
• Singapore
19 Jun 07
My solution comes from watching Supernanny. There was a little girl who would wail and whine everytime she was asked to sleep in her own room. Her mum and dad just had to take turns to keep putting her back in her own bed, and this happened many many times throughout the night cos the little gal was way persistant! Hopefully with you, some 'grown-up' manner talking to her that she's a big girl now and perhaps some new wall decals or making her bed and her room really lovely to be in will help. all the best!
@zuri25 (2127)
• United States
19 Jun 07
I watch Super Nanny too and I've seen Jo coach parents with this technique time and time again. It gets good results so I know it works, but I dread having to do this myself. I like sleep lol. Thanks square.
• Canada
19 Jun 07
I have never had a problem with this and with my first few children didn't allow them to sleep with me but with my last two ( who are much younger as there is a big age gap ) , I do allow to sleep with me . I have heard other mothers complain about how hard it is to get them to sleep in their own bed but haven't had to deal with this yet . If it becomes to much of a problem maybe you could try to ease her out of this by even putting her toddler bed in your room and having her sleep in her own bed until she is comoftable and then try and move her bed and give her something to sleep with such as a teddy bear or something to replace the fact that she is sleeping with you . I am not sure if this will work but it might be worth giving it a try . Best of luck !!
@zuri25 (2127)
• United States
19 Jun 07
Thanks for the suggestion. Emilia's bed is already in my room. We are sharing a room until we move away and she gets her own room for the first time. She falls asleep in her bed pretty well if I make her, but she always ends up back in my bed by the morning. Thanks again.
@ateiris (53)
• New Zealand
18 Jun 07
Thats the same situation with my on the way 3 years old son, me and my husbands nightmare...i always watch super nanny (Do you?) well anyway, and there one of many episode there that you have to do in cases like this. everytime they went or move to our bed, bring them back to there bed and carry on until they get the message...hardship? indeed, but pays a lot if you really want to claim your bed back do this way.
@zuri25 (2127)
• United States
19 Jun 07
Yes, I do watch the Super Nanny. Emilia loves that show believe it or not lol. Jo does seem to get good results with this bedtime technique. I've come to the conclusion that it's my best bet if I ever want to share my bed with only my boyfriend. Thanks for your input.
@carlaabt (3505)
• United States
18 Jun 07
I'm really lucky with my little one. He doesn't want to sleep with us. I've tried to get him to lay down in our bed before, but he just pops right back up and bugs the dogs. The only time he ever really slept with us was when he was a newborn and I was nursing him. He had a bassinet in our room, and sometimes I would go to sleep while he was still eating and he would stay in our bed from one feeding to the next. By the time he was about 4 months old, he didn't want any part of sleeping in our bed anymore, though. He just likes to wiggle around and lay on his belly to sleep. I don't really know what to suggest to help your daughter. My oldest niece had a hard time sleeping in her room for a while, too. I don't think they really got it taken care of until they moved her little sister into her room. She was just lonely sleeping by herself I guess.
@zuri25 (2127)
• United States
19 Jun 07
Lucky you! Life would be so much easier for me if Emilia would refuse to sleep with me lol. Emilia doesn't have any siblings, younger or older, so that idea is out the window. Thanks for your reply, though.
• United States
18 Jun 07
My younger daughter, who is 6 years old, still has trouble sleeping in her own bed. We made the same mistake, also, of letting her sleep with us. She is at the point now, where if she does fall asleep in our bed, I can put her in her bed and she will stay there the rest of the night. And most nights now, she is good about going in her own bed at bedtime. I've told her that she's a big kid now, and big kids don't sleep with their parents. My older daughter, who is 7, sleeps with us once in a great while, but, she is content to just sleep in her own bed.
@zuri25 (2127)
• United States
19 Jun 07
Sounds like you've got the situation under control now. Did you do anything special to get her to sleep in her bed instead of yours?
• United States
18 Jun 07
New house, new bedroom. . .new rules! I would say, make a HUGE deal about her getting her own "big girl" room. If you are able, let her pick a color to paint it or let her help decorate it (even if you may not like the colors she picks!). What about getting her a really cool night light? I also don't see any problem with giving her small rewards for staying in her room all night. If she has a "I DID IT!" chart, that might help, too. Good Luck!!
@zuri25 (2127)
• United States
19 Jun 07
Those are great ideas! If I get her involved with decorating and let her choose the accessories she likes (like a night light) then maybe she will be more willing to sleep there. Thanks a lot!
• United States
18 Jun 07
That was one rule I never allowed myself to break, no kids in the bed. Now my son will come in and lay his blanket out on the floor next to me, not so much anymore thouhgh. My husband though, would let them both sleep in our bed if I wouldnt kill him. I work nights two nights a week and if they are awake and he cant sleep he would bring them in with him. I had a fit when I found out why my youngest was having such a fit about going to bed in her room. I put a stop to it right away, it was awful for one whole night and when they found out I wasnt going to give in they both gave up. Good luck to you
@zuri25 (2127)
• United States
19 Jun 07
I envy your strength! Before she was born I was adamant that she was not going to sleep with me, but exhaustion and frustration got the best of me. I guess I'm just going to have to grin and bare the crying until she learns to sleep in her own bed.
@shemah (841)
• Malaysia
18 Jun 07
Hey zuri! I'm in the same boat as you are as well. My 3 year old son sleeps with me on the bed too. He's been sleeping with me since birth and now he just doesn't seem to want to sleep anywhere else. I've tried letting him sleep with my mom, but come dawn, he'll be climbing back in bed with me. My husband wants to get a toddler bed in the shape of a race car because his nephew started sleeping on his own when he had a bed he really liked, but there's simply no room for that at the moment.. Anyways, I'm sorry to be of no help at all.. but i wish you all the best on your move and your child. :)
@zuri25 (2127)
• United States
19 Jun 07
Thanks Shemah. It's good to know I'm not the only one whose made this mistake. The toddler bed idea is a good one, but, like you said room is an issue. I have Emilia's toddler bed right next to my bed because room is an issue with us too. Good luck with your little one too.
@Lydia1901 (16354)
• United States
21 Jun 07
I know how you feel, I did the same thing with my daughter. But, my husband couldn't take it anymore and he made me train her to sleep on her own bed. It took her 3 full days to gave in and sleep on her own bed. What we did was we put her on her crib and let her cry for thirty minutes, then go in and comfort her and do it all over again. Do that until she gets used to her bed and you'll have your own bed in no time at all. You just got to be brave and not give in because she's going to be fine. She will cry alot but it won't hurt her. You have to be strong if you're going to make it work for everyone.
• United States
19 Jun 07
What worked in my case no one has mentioned, and I'm not sure you can still get them, but my daughter had a bed tent. She was in her own little world in there all safe and secure. I might have seen one in the Ikea catalog. But if all else fails you can hang a sheet from a hook in the ceiling. It might help her want to stay in a room all alone. I know it helped my "problem" child. Good luck. If nothing else works go sleep in her bed!
• Philippines
19 Jun 07
I can't say anything regarding this mother because we have different opinion.My husband and I never mind if my son will sleep with us until he wants to get his own room. He is our only child, and I would still prefer being beside my son instead of my husband. And I can't sleep without my baby. And my baby can't sleep without me too...I don't know how long it would take to be fed out by this arrangement. And we're planning to have a new baby, I guess, instead of letting my son to sleep alone, I'll just talk to my husband to sleep on the floor.
@sandeep_t (428)
• India
19 Jun 07
I dont understand why Americans want their children to be put in seperate room. I know that Americans give high prefrence for indivudialism and freedom, but then when you have children of such tender age how can you let them sleep all night in a seperate room. This is the basic reason why there is a high perecentage of fear in amercian children. I know that you have to make love to your partner but atleast after that, i feel one has to accompany their children atleast till they are 5 or 6. This is only my opinion and i'm sorry if i had sounded rude.
• United States
19 Jun 07
I've had two previous children co-sleep with me from the day they were born until they were about 2 years old. I currently have my newest baby sleeping with me also. It's hard to break them of the habit once they get used to it, but it can be done. I used to wait until my daughter fell asleep in my bed and then moved her to her own. She would occassionally wake up and end up right back in my bed, but I just kept moving her. Eventually she started staying asleep and has been in her own bed for a year now. No matter what you do to make the adjustment it will probably be hard at first. Just pick a way to get her into her own bed, stick with that way and be patient. You'll eventually get her into her own bed. Good luck!
@eden32 (3976)
• United States
19 Jun 07
I respect your wishes to get your bed back, but don't feel so bad about letting her sleep in your bed in the first place. Many parents find co-sleeping to be a logical choice for their families. Children sleep better & feel more secure sleeping near their parents and parents sleep better knowing their child is close by. If you decide not to push getting her into her own bed now, most children naturally want privacy & their own space sometime between the ages of 4 and 6.