Relationship horrors

By twix
@teison2 (5924)
Norway
June 20, 2007 10:56am CST
Now I am mad. There are three or four things that I have told my partner I absolutely hate over and over again during the 8 years we have been together. Why is it impossible for him to respect me enough to stop doing these things? Here is what I ask 1. Please tidy up as you go. For instance in the kitchen. So he cooks - I walk in an hour after he has finished and still: doors and drawers open, food trickeling down from the counter, peel and other stuff all over the counter, pans and dishes randomly scattered all over the place. Is it so hard to tidy up as you go? 2. Please do not put your shoes in the middle of the hall. Now there are four pair right in the middle of the hall way. I need to jump over them on my way to the kitchen or bathroom. 3. Please put papers and mail away after you have finished with it. 50 piles around the house is not nice. I guess that is about it. How hard could it be? Oh, a fourth thing: When you floss throw it away when you have finished.
2 people like this
8 responses
• Australia
21 Jun 07
ROFL im sorry but it is so funny being a male, im a small minority of the community of myLotters, from my understanding, a man is always going to be a man... unless you actually yell at him and let him know you are not just mumbling and complaining, show your anger and frustration and actually stir up something, us males tend to just leave you female's emotions aside... being untidy is most of male's nature and either cope with it, or try fix it with the method i have mentioned above... but please dont go overboard to wreck the relationship between you two...but i think you should let him know...even a strike might work, just dont clean up for maybe a day or two, see if he can stand living in a trash house =P
@teison2 (5924)
• Norway
21 Jun 07
Thank you for your help. I really got angry at him yesterday, and so far today he is doing great. He is so happy after I thanked him for throwing the junk mail away. Do you think praise and bragging will be of any help, or is anger the only way?
• Australia
22 Jun 07
i would not say angry is the ONLY way, i think you should use an attitude (may be offensive) but treat him like you would to your dog... if he does something good, praise him, as soon as he does something that annoys you like dirty the kitchen, reason with him, if it doesnt work, the the angry part kicks in... i cant stress this enough... DO NOT overdo the angry part, let him know you are unhappy, but do not yell or overreact.
1 person likes this
@teison2 (5924)
• Norway
22 Jun 07
Thank you very much for the help. Maybe you should start an online course: How to make your man behave, or somthing like that. My partner will be home any minute. I am sure I will get to practise a bit then have a nice day!
@stacyv81 (5906)
• United States
20 Jun 07
lol! Sorry to laugh...This happens to me too. My guy will always eat and leave his plate on the counter, or spill something and just look at me and walk away, Like I am just supposed to do it. Then he'll leave his shoes somewhere and I just leave them there, and the next day he cant find them and gets mad...Sometimes people just dont understand! =)
1 person likes this
@teison2 (5924)
• Norway
20 Jun 07
It is ok to laugh. I laugh myself right now, but I am still a bit mad. Now he is in the kitchen emtying the dishwasher. I guess he understood that I was really mad. How long does it take them to put their shoes away? It is not like I have decided where things go around here either. i have asked over and over again if he is unhappy with the layout of our home, and if he wants things to go in a different place - he said no. Things were just fine. Well....I am about to give up! (¨,)
@stacyv81 (5906)
• United States
20 Jun 07
I can understand that....wait....did you say he is emptying the dishwasher?....wow!...That has never happened, and I think never will at my house...That is great! The shoe thing...I think that it is one of those inevitable relationship things, there is always that one, who never seems to know where they should put their shoes =)
1 person likes this
@teison2 (5924)
• Norway
20 Jun 07
Or where the scissors go. It must be very hard to feel like a stranger in ones own home. I'd go mad if I did not know where to find things after 6 years in one place.
@maximax8 (27048)
22 Jun 07
Yes, I have things I tell my partner again and again but he does not take any notice. Here is my list of what I would like him to do: 1. In the kitchen, I ask him to put away food in a cupboard instead of leaving it looking messy all over the work surface. 2. In the kitchen, I ask him to throw away things into the bin when they are empty. 3. In the kitchen, I ask him to wash, dry and put away cups and plates rather than leaving them dirty. 4. In the kitchen, I ask him not to leave dirty sauce pans on the cooker. 5. In the bathroom, I ask him to put way things after using them rather than leaving them all around the sink. 6. In the bedroom, I ask him to make the bed after gettig up in the morning. 7. In the bedroom, I ask him to open the curtains after getting dressed. 8. In the bedroom, I ask him to put dirty clothes in the washing bag, rather than throw it on the floor. 9. In the bedroom, I ask him to put his shoes in the bottom of the cupboard, rather than in the middle of the floor. This is because when I get up for our baby's night feeds I trip over them. 10. After showering, I ask him to hang up the towel to dry or put it in the washing bag, rather than throw it on the floor.
@teison2 (5924)
• Norway
22 Jun 07
Sounds familiar - except for the part about the baby. Makes you wonder if they did not have any parents growing up. I have seen some home episodes of a TV show about total slobs living in pig sties. Would all men live like that if they were single? I hope your man will improve. I got some great inside advice a bit earlier - maybe those would help you as well
@maximax8 (27048)
22 Jun 07
Yes, I like the advice given earlier. I think putting all the food he has not put in the cupboard in a bin bag might make him very angry. I think he is lazy. He says he will do something but he doesn't. He gets cross if I remind him. With a young baby I wish he would do some things to help. I have mentioned opening the curtains and making the bed but he has not time for housework. But it only takes about one minute.
1 person likes this
@kodie420 (872)
• Canada
20 Jun 07
Wow Im not perfect but your husband sounds really messy. I used to be like that to until I lived by myself for a short time and learned I needed to clean the dishes if I ever wanted to use any or have people over and so on. I admit theres things I wont touch like dishes EVER but me and the girlfriend agree on which things we are going to do and stick with them. Your right its not hard to put away or clean up after yourself but with some people it almost seems impossible. If I was you just let everything pile up for a few days to the point where it starts to becoming an inconvenice to him then once he starts complaining you tell him to clean it and see I bet it wont ever get that dirty again. Anyways good luck!
1 person likes this
@teison2 (5924)
• Norway
20 Jun 07
Thank you for the advice. I have tried it, and it did not work very well. He just did not start picking his stuff up after himself. And there is a limit as to how much I was able to take. Maybe I will have to try again, and stick with it even longer (¨,)
@maximax8 (27048)
22 Jun 07
Kodie, you have made an excellent suggestion about letting everything pile up to the point it becomes an inconvenience to him. I have thought of taking photos of the dirty clothes and towels on the floor, the packets all left out after cooking and all the dirty dishes. Then I could show him the photos from one week. It might look a real mess and then he might never get that dirty again.
1 person likes this
@anirc750310 (3424)
• Romania
20 Jun 07
Don't be so tipycal, give him some credit, maybe you have things he dislike, so nobody is perfect!
1 person likes this
@teison2 (5924)
• Norway
20 Jun 07
I have plenty of mistakes, and I give him plenty of credit. I have written about how glad i am to have him as my partner lots of times in here. I praise him every day, and tell him all the things I like that he does. I still think I have the right to be mad that he cannot try to remember what I really hate that he does around the house. I sure remember the things he tells me he hates - at least I do not do them every day - that to me is disrespectful
• Romania
20 Jun 07
he will never change cause he knows you love him like that and changing someting he wouldn't be loved more or less! guess so
1 person likes this
@disvachic (10125)
• United States
22 Jun 07
well its me and kids at my house and i have to keep telling them things over and over soemtimes to like put your shoes in the closet,wash your dish out,put things back where you find them.I definitely can relate.LOL
1 person likes this
@teison2 (5924)
• Norway
22 Jun 07
I usually say that my boyfriend is an ideal partner. He is boyfriends, senior citizen and a 5 year old all in one. I get to use all my skills and sides of personality with him. hihi
@KissThis (3008)
• United States
21 Jun 07
I use to have some of these same issues with my fiancee when we first moved in together. I tried to speak to my fiancee about this stuff but felt like it was going through one ear an out the other. No wonder men think women nag. Anyway, I decided one day that I was going to go on strike. It just so happened to be about the time his mother was going to come for a visit. I was sure glad that I wasn't in his shoes when she got done with him. I have to admit that we both have our bad habits that we had to work on. I agreed that he could have one room where he doesn't have to worry about where he places things. We agreed that he would need to clean it once a month so that it doesn't get trashed though.
1 person likes this
@teison2 (5924)
• Norway
21 Jun 07
Sounds like a perfect time to go on strike! Today he has put his shoes neatly away, and he threw away all the junk mail when he had finished with it. No anger from me today. He was very happy when I thanked him for throwing out the junk mail. Positive reinforcement is always better than anger lol
@Marie2473 (8523)
• Sweden
20 Jun 07
ha ha ha, sorry but this sounds like my bf nagging at me. I am the untidy one and he is hysterical about it all =) I however have other things that bother me about him - I think thats the point. We can not love everything about someone =)
1 person likes this
@teison2 (5924)
• Norway
21 Jun 07
No, we cannot love everything about someone, I agree. I just wish he'd at least try not to do everything I hate within one hour :-)