In-Laws, family

United States
June 21, 2007 2:06pm CST
I have a hard time getting along with my brothers-in-laws. They are used to talking down to women and telling there wives what they can and can not do. I am not a very passive person and tend to speak my mind they don't like that. They are always telling my husband the he is whipped because he asks my imput before he does anything and because he gives me his check to pay what needs to be paids. They also don't like the fact that I don't always tell him where I'm going while he's at work. They have made my life misserable to the point I at one time thought of leaving him to have some peace. The goood thing is we moved very far away from them. But any chance they get they try to tell him how he should treat me. Does anyone out there have this problem and how do you make them stop. I have been married now for twelve years and haven't figured out a way please help. It has gotten to the point my husband won't call my mother-in-law so he doesn't have to deal with them and it's not her fault she's wonderful.
3 people like this
13 responses
@lexus54 (3576)
• Singapore
22 Jun 07
I feel what's pertinent here is the relationship between your husband and yourself. You married your husband, and not his brothers. His brothers can treat their wives in certain ways, but by criticising your husband, they are in fact trying to impose their ways on your husband, and expecting that your husband treats you the same way they feel wives should be treated. And they may not necessarily be correct. What matters is how you and your husband view your reltionship together. If he treats you with mutual love, trust and respect (as all respectful husbands and wives should), and your marriage is a happy and fulfilling one, then no one should tell you nor your husband how marriage relationships should be conducted otherwise. I personally feel that when it comes to important decisions affecting the household or family, both the husband and wife should discuss this together and share each other's views before making a mutual decision. Your husband should impress upon his brothers that his marriage is working well, and that they should not try to impose their ways on him and change the way he lives his marriage life and treats you. If his brothers' families are living under the same roof as you, and this situation does not improve over time, then perhaps it is better that you and your husband live in your own home away from his brothers. It will help to make your life less miserable than now.
• United States
22 Jun 07
No his family doesn't live with us. Yes, decisions should be made by both if it affects the household. That has worked for us. Before they were our neighbors now they live far away which has made things easier.
@lexus54 (3576)
• Singapore
23 Jun 07
I think it's good you live away from them. Since your marriage life is great now, I'd say keep the good relationship going that way. Don't let others spoil it for you. Let your happy fulfilling marriage life be a living testimony to others.
1 person likes this
@lexus54 (3576)
• Singapore
1 Jul 07
Thanks for the vote.
@smileonstar (4013)
• United States
22 Jun 07
well, In-laws are very annoying people to be around as I can see. I dont have any problem with my in-laws because they all like me and love me a lot then anyone else in the family. the best way for you to deal with them is move away from them and you have to talk to your husband about these problems. Be honest with him and share those feeling that you have. If your husband loves you then he doesn't have to listen to those people. You have to show him how much you love him and you mean it about peaceful family (just you and him and the kids). well those in-law won't stay with him or help him for the rest of his life either, so the only person that stay with him Is YOU.You have to make the point to make him understand about this problem. However, the in-laws won't stop talking and telling him about this and that either cuz that what they do, take advantage of other in-law. I believe that your husband do love you that's why he stay with you for 12 years... that's mean a lot. sometimes you have to ignore what they say and just think about your family not them. No one will come and tell you to do this and do that. You are old enough to make your own decision. Dont put your life in someone hand that they dont even know you? you have to choose what to do for the best. You have to do your own self control, and dont fall for anything that isn't right. I hope you will feel better
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Jun 07
I did talk to him and he talked to his bother they weren't willing to listen, so he just doesn't want any contact with him. Who I worry about is my mother-in-law.
@vokey9472 (1488)
• United States
22 Jun 07
I can almost understand what you are going through. We had some friends from church, actually I was friend's with the wife. Her husband was always telling my husband that he needed to "take me in hand" and teach me to be a Godly, submissive wife. That is was his duty to make me submit to him and obey him in all things as ordained by God himself. I overheard him one time and I turned on him with a quickness. I told him that I was to be honored. That the Bible said a man was to love his wife as Christ loved the church. He should honor her and protect her. I informed him that no man needed to force his wife to submit to him. I told him a real man loves his wife in a such a way that she WANTS to do things for him. It shut him up and good. He never said anything to my husband again. I know it stilled burned him up to see my husband be the one to get up and get me more tea or serve my plate for me at church functions. That man thought I was the one who was supposed to be serving. My hubby finally got fed up and told that man and I quote "You treat your wife any way you want to and if she is happy great. I will treat my wife the way a woman should be treated and insure that she IS happy." That couple never spoke to us again. Maybe your hubby should stand up to his brothers and tell them off like my hubby did for me. It might help.
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Jun 07
My husband tried to talk to them but they choose not to listen and that's why he doen't want to communicate with them. I'm glad your husband stood up for you, doen't make you feel good that he loves you enough to do it. That awesome.
@tredale (1313)
• Australia
22 Jun 07
After 12 years I would have given up trying to please, but good on you for standing your ground someone needs to remind them we are in 2007 I think. I have a good standing with my inlaws and are really greatful for this. I am sorry for your mother in law though. It sounds like at least one of her children turned out right. lol
• United States
22 Jun 07
I tried for her sake to deal with these people, but had to give up. I'm so grateful we moved over 18hrs away. It is nice to hear that you have good in-laws.
• Canada
22 Jun 07
Omg that is horrible !! I have never had to deal with this but can understand how frustrating this would be . I would be very irritated and wouldn't help telling them that they are no better then I was and if this was the way they really felt then I didn't care to see them anymore . I would probably not be able to handle seeing them EVER if my inlaws or anyone acted this way with me around . I am amazed they are even married that any woman would put up with this kind of treatment . Thank Goodness you husband is not like them . I wish I had something to offer but I just don't know how I would handle this but know it would pi** me off !!
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Jun 07
I'm very glad you don't have to deal with this. I wish no one else did. I'm begining to see though that I'm not the only one and that is very sad.
@trk918 (254)
• United States
21 Jun 07
You can't make them stop but you can ignore them. Your husband should call his mother but make it very clear to the entire the family that he doesn't want to hear what they have to say about your marriage. It's yours not theirs.
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Jun 07
I'll give my husband your advice and hope he call's his mom. She is such a wonderful lady.
@mgmagana (3621)
• United States
21 Jun 07
i would just let them know how u feel, if they don't understand and still act like a poison in ur life then just ignore them as u have done, make ur mother in law aware of why ur husband doesn't call, maybe there is something she can say or do about it. my in laws are poison in my life big time! including my mom in law. they lived with us for 4 1/2 yrs. and are finally about to move out in august. I plan to keep no contact with them as they have made my life miserable, and my husband agrees. i think it's best just to keep the stresses of ur life out b/c everyone has bigger issues to deal with, i know i do.
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Jun 07
Thank you, your right there are bigger issues in my life that I have to deal with. I'll just keep ignoring them.
• United States
21 Jun 07
When my husband and I first got together, I was in a pretty rough spot, and I moved in with him at his fathers home. His divorced father, and bachler brother never thought very highly of me, and let me tell you it was barley tolerable living in a mens home. Over time I learned to be alot louder and tell them right where to shove it. My mother in law, whom I didn't meet until my husband and I where already married, had caused a lot of drama with cheating and such. So all three of them where extremely cautious to trust me. Now after 6 years my husband and I are very happy, and trustworthy, and we stay as far as possible away from his family. Innevitable his brother and girlfriend and their 4 kids moved into the same town as us. Only 4 blocks away! She is obsessed with gossip, and drives me crazy! I have to yell at her like daily, and tell her I don't care about them!
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Jun 07
I'm sorry to hear they moved so close by. I really dislike people like that, god bless them, but boy find something better to do. I hope that she'll change and realize that gossip hurts her in the long run also, not just the person she's gossiping about.
@ToriaT (102)
• Canada
21 Jun 07
Why not have a family meeting and clear the air ...state to them how their constant criticism is hurtful to their brother and to you...that can everyone just agree that marriages are off limits for conversation...You and Your Husband are happy and they and their wives are happy so just leave how each lives out of bounds...marriage is hard enough without having a peanut gallery and commentary...dont accuse or attack ...just ask them to please stop because it really hurts that you all cant be a happy family ...that you miss seeing everyone but really cant take the constant slams...12 years is enough ...you get their point and hope they understand yours ...everyone lives differently no way is right or wrong ...if it works for the couple thats all that matters... ToriaT
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Jun 07
My husband tied to do that but they were not willing to listen. Their remark was we are your older brothers and you should listen to us. It's what lead to the rift in the family.
@Nykkee (2523)
• Canada
21 Jun 07
Im law suck the big one. My husbands family is a huge horrible pain in my a$$ too. I recently had to remove my sister-in-law from my MSN because she was twisting the words of my message under my name (to my friends) and making a bunch of bulls#!t drama. You are lucky to have move far away from them, we are moveing soon but only like a 20 minute drive from them so they can still call and bug us without paying long distnace so that sucks. If his family is chooseing to be jacka$$es and resultingly severtie with him that's thier choice, I wouldn't feel bad if I were you. Your husband is a grown man and he has you, when you marry you create your own new family between the 2 of you and any childrn that you have, if they want to be like that then I don't think he needs to talk to them.
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Jun 07
Thank you very much, I'll try not to feel guilty about him not having a lot of contact with his mom. I guess in the long run it is what is best for us and the children. It just saddens me to hear there are that many nasty people that like to cause problems in other people's marriage.
@laydee (12814)
• Philippines
28 Jun 07
Oh that's tough, but you can't do anything to change them. It's all in the environment when they were growing up. Maybe what you can do is to ignore them when they try to talk down to you. Or simply just avoid the circumstance all together. Anyways here's a good in-law joke: Families are complicated enough, but things because even more confusing after my father decided to get married to my brother's mother-in-law. "Now I can't make up my mind whether he's my dad or my father-in-law," says my brother, "or if my mother-in-law is now my stepmother, or whether my child is my daughter or my niece." =)
• United States
28 Jun 07
The good things is I really don't have to deal with them much since we moved very far away, well 18 hr away. Very cute joke, I really appreciate it.
@laydee (12814)
• Philippines
28 Jun 07
Well, it's nice to hear you've made an effort to keep away from them. It's difficult to have a negative experience with in-laws. The distance would give you the opportunity to focus on your family and forget the troubles of the in-laws. Thanks for the comment. Enjoy posting. =)
@laydee (12814)
• Philippines
27 Jun 07
Here's a joke to keep things a little lighter. Enjoy. Wife Vs. Husband A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws." =)
• United States
27 Jun 07
You made my day, I laught so hard my son came from the other room to see what I was laughing about. Thank you.
@laydee (12814)
• Philippines
27 Jun 07
hahaha.. at least I made you laugh. =) It's good to have a joke or two sometimes to keep us away from the regular causes of stress in our lives. Thanks for the comment. Happy posting! =)
@Polukinha (150)
• Brazil
21 Jun 07
huahuahuahua