Are you comfortable leaving your children with other people?

@GuateMom (1411)
Canada
June 24, 2007 2:43pm CST
I´m not talking about strangers, but people you know. Does it make you anxious to let your in-laws take your kids? Although I appreciate the break, I am always very nervous when my in-laws look after my children. I´m not sure why. When they come back, I check them over to see that they are fine, although I know they would take good care of them, although we have many cultural differences.
4 people like this
30 responses
@mamasan34 (6522)
• United States
24 Jun 07
I was very nervous about leaving my baby with friends or even family. I wanted to be there to make sure she was taken care of the way I saw fit. I soon realized that they took just as good of care in my baby and I was ok with it. They do share different cultural/religious/spiritual differences, but in my experience my baby didn't really get much of an impact of it from just a weekend or a night or even a day at their houses.
3 people like this
@jalbeos (1176)
• Philippines
25 Jun 07
I am not married and of course, I don't have kids yet :). For me, I want my wife to watch over my kids... that's their role right. Most moms have jobs now and they let some people take care their kids. Moms should be careful of choosing the right people for their kids.
@mamasan34 (6522)
• United States
29 Jun 07
I too would want to watch my children if it at all was financially possible. My daughter is older now and can be trusted to stay alone, but as a young child I did have to depend upon family or a day care to take care of her and you are so right! Being choosy, interviewing, asking questions, these things are highly important! You want the best care possible and with the right person. Not everyone is suited to watch every child. Each child and care giver is different.
@sunshine4 (8712)
• United States
24 Jun 07
When I had one child I didn't like leaving him with anyone. It took me 2 yrs before I would let my inlaws take him overnight. Then I realized it wasn't so bad having a little break. Then #2 came along, and the requests for my kids got fewer and fewer....one is much easier than two. Now I have 4 kids and I would love for someone to offer to take them for a day. A break would be wonderful. As they get older, you will feel more comfortable about them going with other family members.
@GuateMom (1411)
• Canada
25 Jun 07
I can imagine that you would want a break with four! I´m better now with two than I was with one. My firstborn was kept very close to me. People say that he is too much of a Mommy´s boy, but I kind of like it that way, I´m sure he´ll be wanting to be rid of me soon enough! Now that I have two, I let the baby go with them more than I ever would have considered with my first! That´s what you could do, send two to one grandmother and the other two to the other one! :D
@sunshine4 (8712)
• United States
25 Jun 07
Two of mine are old enough now that I hardly see them anyways with their working and social lives. Don't ever think that you kept your first one too close. They grow up too fast, so appreciate the closeness you have. Thanks for marking me best response.
@eden32 (3978)
• United States
24 Jun 07
My now ex MIL has severe mental health issues.Although she's a good person & good with my children; I always worried that she'd have one of her 'moments' and my kids would witness it, even if it wasn't directed at them per say. Over the years it did eventually come to pass that they did see some of her bizarre behaviors (again she's not dangerous, just a bit eccentric I guess we could say) and they came to understand that's just how she is. But at the very least, I was always confident that they were not in danger in her care. I also don't care for my now SIL watching my younger son.She has radically different ideas about parenting then my partner & I and I don't like that she imposes these ideas on my son. She's actually slapped him once, and we are an anti-spanking family. I don't allow her to take him without one of my older children or my FIL present too; as she is actually dangerous in my opinion.
2 people like this
@GuateMom (1411)
• Canada
25 Jun 07
Slapping or spanking a child that isn´t yours? That is so wrong! Even if you were for spanking, no one else should be making that decision. My in-laws aren´t dangerous, but I don´t like them criticizing me, which is what happens every time my kids go there. They tell me that my son´s hair is too long (I know, but I´m scared to get it cut, I´m sure it will cause a major tantrum), that my baby´s ears stick out and I need to do something about it, that my drinking coffee is causing him to have a diaper rash (which he doesn´t even have, but they see problems where there are none). So, I guess it isn´t so much that I don´t like how they take care of the kids, they don´t like how I take care of them!
@stacyv81 (5906)
• United States
24 Jun 07
Yes, I get worried when I leave them with ANYONE! I have a rule that only family can watch them. This is because at least I know they have a vested interest in their well being. Even then though I get a little anxious. I think it is just part of parenthood. Although I have seen some parents so desperate for a break they will leave them with almost anyone, but I cant do that. I am picky with whom I leave my children.
@FenwaySox (321)
• United States
24 Jun 07
I am totally comfortable leaving my son with both of his grandmothers for an extended period of time including overnights. As far as leaving him with neighbors or mothers of his friends, it is only a short period of time that Im gone. Maybe an hour at the max. Great post.
2 people like this
• Australia
25 Jun 07
It is perfectly normal to be worried about leaving your child with ANYONE at all! even sometimes my aunt leaves her baby with my uncle (her husband) she gets worried and wants to get back from work to home as soon as possible to see her child. Especially in young mothers or first born children, parents tend to get paranoid about everything that has to do with their child. Its not as if you dont trust the one who were supposed to take after the children, its just that parents care too much of their child and dont know what could happen to them... lets say, If its raining, hot, cold, wet, dry, you can think of thousands of things which can happen to your child while you are away. just relax and take a break =D it happens to everyone
1 person likes this
@GuateMom (1411)
• Canada
26 Jun 07
Thanks for the reassurance. :D Your imagination really grows when you have kids. I guess I worry that if something happens to my kids when I am not there, I´m always going to think, "I shouldn´t have left him!"
• Australia
26 Jun 07
exactly! =D when you love someone so much, you always imagine losing them and that you cannot cope with it. You will imagine the situation and end up making yourself very sad. I used to do that, imagining my dog getting run over by a car and i get really upset T.T
@boknoy (39)
• Philippines
25 Jun 07
i think leaving your child or children to your in-laws or relatives is not a good idea. you should take care of your baby, not ur in-law or relatives, its your responsibility to take care of them. what if your baby is very much attached to that person you leave them because you often do that, what would you do? tendency is that your baby is far away from you. its painful in their part because they should feel your love not the love of your in-;aws or relatives... so if your going to leave your babies in the hands of ur in-laws or relative then think twice....
1 person likes this
@GuateMom (1411)
• Canada
26 Jun 07
Interesting. Do you have children? Sometimes, parents need a bit of a break, it is exhausting being on call 24-7! I certainly don´t leave my children all the time with my in-laws, at most they spend 2-3 hours a week with their aunts and grandmother.
25 Jun 07
Hi until my son was 3 he was never left with anyone else.even now when we do go out he is left with a family member who have our mobile nuumbers and as we live about 5 min walk from town I could be home straight away if needed. We have just come back from a 2 Week holiday in Tenerife and since Madaline went missing we where always on our guards He wasnt even allowed down to the pool on his own
@GuateMom (1411)
• Canada
26 Jun 07
We have a problem like that here as well, several children have been snatched in the area. But my children are so young they would never be left alone anyway.
• United States
25 Jun 07
yes iam so glad to no i am not the only mother out there that act's like that.i have 5 and you would think it would be something i should be over but i am not.i don;t get many break's because i don't like to leave them with other's.four of them go to school i have a 3year old that i am scared to put in a daycare because i don't want anything to happen to him so i am a stay at home mom.sometime i wish i could home school all of them because even when they are in school i worry. my 11year old tell's me that i worry to much gut.i tell her its so much out there now that i might not be worrying enough
1 person likes this
@GuateMom (1411)
• Canada
26 Jun 07
I do plan to homeschool my kids, although it has nothing to do with being worried about them at school (I hadn´t even thought about THAT!). I think it must be really difficult to send your kids off for an entire day.
• Canada
25 Jun 07
I am always anxious when others watch my children as well . They only ever stay with family and my children love it but I am always worried that they are not going to listen to what I tell them about the way I want things run while I am away because I have had problems with this in the past . If I say that I want my children to have something healthy for lunch they tend to give them cookies and although this may only be once in awhile it doesn't change the fact that I send them up there with healthy food that they never eat and I never get back . One of my daughters is almost four and has never had pop by me and I don't want her drinking pop weather others agree with me or not . I feel that it is too easy to get addicted to stuff like this and I don't see what the point is in doing this to my little girl she will have this when she is older and I don't understand what is wrong with milk or juice since she loves both of them yet one day she was with my husband's step mother and she thought it would be funny to give her Pepsi . My son told her she was not allowed to have it and she said " Oh Well , your mohter is not here now is she " , and then told my little girl it was juice because she said she didn't want pop cause mommy doesn't want her to have it . My daughter took a huge gulp of it thinking it was juice and then took a major choking fit because it was Pepsi and it was too strong for her because she had never had anything like this before . My husband's step mother came back and told me the story but she changed it to that she didn't realize she wasn't allowed to have this , which was an out and out lie because all the family knows this and they just don't agree with me and find that I am too controlling by not letting her have something they allow thier children to have . Then she proceeded to tell me about how funny it was and that I would have laughed if I was there because my baby was choking on the taste of it and was having a hard time catching her breath . I was furious and in no way thought this was funny at the thought that my baby girl was choking because of these people . So with this all being said these are just a couple of reasons that I am not comfortable leaving my children with others even if they are family .
1 person likes this
@GuateMom (1411)
• Canada
25 Jun 07
That is exactly what I worry about! I´m such a control freak in that regard, but I really want my kids to follow the rules, especially right now when they are so little. If they learn that they can have Pepsi when they are with Grandma, guess who they want to visit all the time? Also, my oldest son was born with a birth defect that required three surgeries to correct, all involving the intestines, so now he has difficulties because of the scar tissue in his intestines. I keep him on a very strict, high fiber, low sugar diet because of this to avoid having to give him daily enemas. My MIL doesn´t quite understand the concept of the diet. My son eats only fruit and vegetables and is not allowed white bread and such. She always gives him rice and tortillas, which, although traditional, is one of the worst things he could possibly eat! I just try to send him having already eaten, so he won´t eat as much when he is there!
@cynddvs (2950)
• United States
24 Jun 07
I don't get nervous about other family members taking care of my daughter. I know they are great with her. What worries me is thinking about my daughter knowing that I'm gone without her. She is really clingy to me right now so when I leave her with a sitter I have to sneak off so she won't see me leave. She gets really upset when she sees me leave without her.
1 person likes this
@GuateMom (1411)
• Canada
25 Jun 07
When my son was going through the clingy stage, I never left him with anyone apart from his father. I just couldn´t handle thinking that he must feel abandoned! I think I won´t be quite so picky with my second son, but he´s only a month old, so he doesn´t care who looks after him yet.
@lisado (1230)
• United States
25 Jun 07
I'm okay with leaving my boys with my parents and my husband's parents but anyone else I guess a little nervous. Even if I know, deep down, taht they'll be okay I still get a little nervous. Since I am a stay at home mom, and home with them all of the time, I hate leaving them with anyone. With the stories I have seen about kids being abused, not just in daycares but also by family members, I hate leaving them with anyone.
1 person likes this
@kitty1234 (1476)
• United States
25 Jun 07
I only left my kids with family, but I always worried and hurried back....My mother-in-law said I was a nut! Well maybe but I always knew my kids were safe and happy..
1 person likes this
@kitty1234 (1476)
• United States
25 Jun 07
I only left my kids with family, but I always worried and hurried back....M mother-in-law said I was a nut! Well maybe but I always knew my kids were safe and happy..
1 person likes this
@lecanis (16740)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
25 Jun 07
There is practically no one I trust my child with. Mostly I think that stems from the fact that I myself was abused as a child, but I have a major issue trusting anyone! I have let him stay with close friends a couple of times, but I would never trust any member of myself or my husband's family with him really, and sending him to a daycare or some such would be even more terrifying for me. Right now my husband works nights and I work days, so we just pretty much pass childcare duties back and forth. I'm so happy that we don't have to leave him with anyone, but at the same time it makes it hard to do anything! I'm glad that you have in-laws that you feel will take good care of your kids, even though it makes you nervous!
1 person likes this
@daphne009 (301)
• United States
25 Jun 07
No, I prefer not to. Whether I know them or not I dont particularly like having to leave my kids with anyone.
1 person likes this
• India
25 Jun 07
no i feel comfortable as nowdays children' understand much better than us :D
• United States
25 Jun 07
I do feel very comfortable leaving the kids with other people of course always someone that you trust indefinately but I always do tend to wonder, Is he ok, are they feeding him on time, Is his pamper wet. But then again I think it is only natural
1 person likes this
@Ravenladyj (22993)
• United States
25 Jun 07
When I was still living in Canada there were certain ppl I was cool with watching my kids but since moving here 4 yrs ago we dont have anyone to watch them and since their father passed away the yr we moved we dont even get the 2 weeks in summer anymore either....Mind you they are old enough (13.5 and 12) to be alone for a few hours at a time once or twice a week and since my husband doenst drink and isnt a social person its not like we need a night out kind of thing...Even so though, there isnt anyone here that I know of who COULD watch them that I'd trust..I'd trust my mum in law but she's an elder who's not in the best health and would over do it trying to cram months of fun into a few hours so we dont even ask her ya know..
1 person likes this
@anirc750310 (3424)
• Romania
25 Jun 07
Depend on who's the other people.If are some family I am more then ok meaning my mother, my mother in law, my sister in law... I had a stranger from familly babysitter, but she was ok.
1 person likes this