Is it good to stay in a relationship because of the children?

@TriciaW (2441)
United States
June 26, 2007 4:34am CST
I know a lot of people that stay in their marriage or relationship because of their children. Is it a good thing or a bad thing? I know it is good for children to have two parents but if they are not showing their children what it is to have a good loving relationship is it really good for the children? What are the reasons to stay because of the children? What are the pros and cons?
4 people like this
30 responses
@lecanis (16664)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
26 Jun 07
I've actually read up on this a bit, because I saw an article about a recent study in a parenting magazine. Researchers are now saying that it's worse for kids to stay in an unhappy household than to go through a divorce. It makes a lot of sense to me, because I have seen many families where the children can tell you exactly how unhappy their parents are with each other even though the parents claim to be hiding it! Hiding anything like that from kids is practically impossible, and often they grow up to feel relationships always have to be this way, or that they did something in their childhood that caused their parent's unhappiness. When I was a child, I had a friend that spent years talking about how she wished her parents would get divorced because they were always miserable, and even though they never fought in front of her, every time she entered a room with them she could feel the tension. When they finally did get divorced when she was 12, I had never seen her so happy! She wound up actually having two wonderful step-parents, and growing up in an awesome blended family! My own parents got divorced when I was young enough that I barely remember them together at all, but since I often didn't live with either of them later, I don't really have much input on how them being together would have affected my life. I have a feeling from what I've heard that I would not have survived.
1 person likes this
@Ravenladyj (22937)
• United States
26 Jun 07
I dont think for one second children need 2 parents...what they need is a safe loving environment in which to thrive and grow up healthy (mentally, emotionally as well as physically)....If the marrige isnt a good one then IMO staying together "for the kids" is a HUGE mistake.....Not only will the kids have to life in a home full of tension and possible constant arguements etc but they are also growing up learning that staying in a bad or unhappy relationship is a good thing and thats just unacceptable as far as I'm concerned
1 person likes this
@Madona1 (2097)
• Gibraltar
27 Jun 07
It depends on the condition of the relationship can be saved or not. If the relationship was not bad, couples should try to fix it and stay together for children’s sake. In a relationship, there must be ups and downs, which couples must learn how to face and deal with it. Obviously, if the relationship could not be fixed or rescued, it is better for the couples choose to separate or divorce so that their children would not have to suffer or put up with the painful; traumatic relationship that their parents cause.
• Indonesia
27 Jun 07
Thank you for starting this discussion. I learn a lot from people's response in this topic.
• United States
27 Jun 07
This is the oldest argument ever. Each individual situation is different, and must be evaluated differently. Being in a bad relationship and staying there is the most miserable thing that I have ever voluntarily done. At some point, you would rather just not exist than have to deal with this awful, awful person anymore. Generally, if the adults aren't happy, the children won't be either and would benefit from the separation as well. On the other hand, the truth about a child's upbringing, education and social development is that they suffer when there is only one parent in the home. This is a sad fact that has to be addressed objectively. The future of your children is always in doubt, and they need every possible advantage in life. I guess this post wasn't much help :P
• Philippines
27 Jun 07
yes because both partners should consider the future of their children to ensure that they will grow a good citizen. they should reconcile their love for them not to affect the future lives of the children.
@maybel13 (205)
• Philippines
27 Jun 07
I don't agree with that idea. Being the parents, we are responsible to explain to our children what is really happening in our relationship as a married couple and what might happen in the family. Although some says that children are still too young to understand those things, in the first place, they must know about everything that they have to know which concerns them. Try to use words or terms that could make them understand easily. Whenever a married couple is having a problem especially in the relationship and there's a tendency of separation, the ones affected here will always be the children. If the couple cannot really try to fix the relationship, then for me, it's better for them to separate, but doesn't mean they will be looking for another one for their replacement. The separation could at least help the couple to give each other a space and time to think of the situation, and with this, there still a chance to reconciliate.
• China
27 Jun 07
could you tell me where are you from i just think if there are not too much problems, the marriage life is not always sweet , so just sometimes you feel you are staying in the relationship, if you always feel you are staying the relationship for the children, them i think there is a very serious problem in your marriage,then what you want to do is to change it ,not still to feel you are staying.
• Philippines
27 Jun 07
its not a good thing nor a bad thing, its just a matter of choice that people make..and how they approach the said problem should be a concern to both parents..they should work out everything first not because of the kids but because of themselves..if things doesn't go on the same route then it would be the best time to live separately, when i mean separately its literal separation but..but with constant communication with regards to the proper upbringing of the kids, i know its kind of weird or not a common thing, but sometimes married couples tend the go back when they were just good friends...and when they're good friends again just let it roll...who knows..
@frency (9)
• Brunei Darussalam
27 Jun 07
in an idealism, it is a good thing to stay in marriage if you have children..but in reality definitely it is not suppose to be the reason that you should stick w/ your relationship/marriage. first and foremost is, marriage is not only a bonding of 2 individual but it is a relationship..and if this relationship is not healthy anymore, why stick w/ it? what type of environment are you going to brought your child/children into? you might deny things w/ your kids but in the long run you're only fooling them and yourself. we are in a modern time now, kids learns fast and understand things easily. am sure w/ the right upbringing and lots of explanations, your kids will understand why it has to be that way.. staying in a relationship without love & respect is like living in hell..
• United States
27 Jun 07
I don't think that its good to stay in a relationship just for children because children can see and the now when the parents aren't happy with each other. The ones that have to come to the conclusion is the parents. But I think I'm one of those parents that need to come to the conclusion myself. Thank you so much for starting this discussion because this subject have been bothering me for sometime now. And I think by me responsing to this post just geared me to the right direction Thank so much TriciaW
• United States
27 Jun 07
I think you need to be happy so if being with someone else is what it takes then so be it but remember you can go your separte ways and still be respectful of the other person
• United States
27 Jun 07
Honestly if the 2 parents sticking together because of the child is a big mistake. Well really it would have a "space" between everyone, and then just imagine how it would feel for the child to know that their parents will never be happy because of them. So I would say its bad.
@usmcsgtwife (4997)
• United States
27 Jun 07
no I don;t think it is ever good, I have friends now who always fight and it does effect the kids they se that and think that it is normal for parents to do that
@jhoanee (598)
• Philippines
27 Jun 07
in some cases it is good to stay in the relationship for the sake of the children but in some its not. i guess its a decision of the couple to continue the relationship and have it work for children's sake. but i guess if they think they cant then why continue if its not doing good anymore. you can still be parents even if ur not a couple anymore. to become a father/mother is easy but to fathered/mothered them is hard. if the relationship is not healthy anymore when ur together then i guess u have to make decision but never forsaken what makes ur children happy. if parents would know how to explain to their kids why it happen for sure they will understand. and as long as they are still there for there children even if there not together i guess would still be better. it is hard at first but what matter is you become a parents to ur kids despite not being a couple anymore.
@limosonia1 (1559)
• United States
27 Jun 07
I use to be one of those parents for nine long years. It was hard and I was miserable once my x was tired of making my life hell he turned on my children and I knew it was time to go. No matter how much you think that you are doing your best without happiness the kids can't be happy. Nobody can.
@wachit14 (3600)
• United States
26 Jun 07
It's not good to just stay in a relationship because of the children. Children will eventually carry a great deal of guilt knowing that they were the reason their parents stayed in an unhappy marriage. However, children are a good incentive for a couple to really work at their marital problems and make their relationship stronger so they become good role models for their children.
• United States
26 Jun 07
my boyfriend jiffythorn started topic like this you should see some of the response he got. but no two people should not stay in the realationship just cause of the child
• Australia
26 Jun 07
Absolutely not! This is a disastrous situation for all concerned. Everbody needs to feel needed and loved, including the parents.Children are most often the first to see the signs of relationship breakdown.This impacts on their daily life as they often carry a certain amount of guilt about why the relationship is failing. If the parents cannot reconcile amicably then the situation has the potential to turn nasty. The children will always have 2 parents regardless of whether they live tgether or not.
@lisado (1230)
• United States
26 Jun 07
If the parents aren't happy in the marriage than no one will be. Kids can pick up on the undercurrents and a lot of times people don't get that. They think that they can hide their fights from their kids but kids know this is going on. If everyone in the family is on pins and needles trying to pretend to be happy that isn't good for anyone. Kids should be raised in a home full of love. While having two parents is ideal, a single loving parent is better than two parents who fight or can't stand each other.