Would You Tell Your Close Friend Her Boyfriend Was Cheating On Her...

United States
June 26, 2007 6:11pm CST
My mother always taught me never to go by He Say or She Say for the sake of your own liablitiy and worth, so I try to stick by what she says and not repeat gossip someone else has told, yet we are all humans and sometimes we confide in people we trust, because if we didn't there wouldn't be a such thing as secrets right? Well I have a close friend whom is apart of my extended family and she has a boyfriend who lives in another state. His family and My family are very close. so what goes on down there is proclaimed up here... My close friend went to stay with him for about 2 months and in doing so she found somethings she thought were convicting... like phone numbers, text messaging and evil looks from girls she didn't know... well a couple of days ago one of my relatives decided they would call me to confide in me the trouble her boyfriend was engaging in... (cheating) being that she is a close friend I feel bad because he is doing her wrong behind her back... Right now I am stuck in between because I can tell her what was said to me and then maybe blamed for a major break-up later on or I could keep it a secret and she gets hurt and finds out later I new and decides Im not a real firend for not telling her (catch 22).... I know you are not suppose to beleive everything you hear but my relative supposed to have got her info from the horses mouth.... would you tell your close friend what you herd or keep your mouth close so you are not caught in the middle...
10 responses
• United States
27 Jun 07
it really depends on the person you are dealing with. If you have a feeling your friennd is going to love you no matter what. I would tell'em, those type of friends may get upset, but they will get over it and continueto love you once more. If they are not that deep you and you feel it may cause a major conflict between you and other people, I would stay out of it. Its risky dealing with friends and love, but if you and your friend have a bond.....you and her should be able to talk this one out.
• United States
27 Jun 07
I think she know's but chooses to do the oposite so I figure instead of getting in the middle she should find out on her own... I believe she will love me...but I also believe she don't have that unconditional love the kind where you know two people truly within their deepest hearts will never hurt one enother... plus I am the middle man the only thing I would do is cause confusion... becaue I can't even back up my own story so in the end I will just be there for her if she needs a shoulder to cry on
• United States
27 Jun 07
Maybe thats the best thing to do!Good luck
@paulsy (1264)
• Philippines
27 Jun 07
If I were in your shoes, I would tell my friend what my relatives have told me. Like you said, you don't have to believe everything you hear. But since it's about her and she's your friend, well, if you care enough, you would let her know what was confided to you. She doesn't have to believe it either. As a friend, I would stress that the information is second-hand information. It's for her to check it out or to verify the truth, before making a judgement or making her own decision.
• United States
27 Jun 07
She's a very messy person and I know it would cause a big problem... I love her yet I don't want any problems with the rest of my family and friends I think the person who told me maybe should think about telling her before I do because they were there...
@paulsy (1264)
• Philippines
27 Jun 07
Yes, I guess that would be a better idea, if the person who told you about it knows your friend too. You could let that person tell your friend first before you do. The thing that matters is that she is informed about it, and that's what you are really concerned about, being her friend, right?
• United States
27 Jun 07
If I knew for a FACT that (s)he was cheating on my friend I would let said friend know. What I mean is - if I had seen the guilty party cheating with my own eyes or had found incriminating evidense such as a video tape or letters, then I would definatly let him or her know. If I was simply finding this out from a trusted source I would be more likely to go to the guilty party and confront them about it myself. That is - unless my friend had voiced their concern that something was going on behind their back. Then - again, I would tell him or her about what I had heard. If I had only heard it through the grape vine and wasn't sure where this was comming from - no I wouldn't say anything but I would probably be more observant about what was going on to find out more on my own for my friends sake.
• United States
27 Jun 07
well I didn't see it I only herd it from someone else who was there so I couldn't tell her I know for sure... then she would want to know where I got my info from it would be very akward for both of our families... my friend has her own speculations about his wrong doing and even though she is not saying anything I feel she know's what he is doing but choosing to ignore it... I've been through this before with her and I think it would be in my best interest to let her see the light by herself...
• United States
27 Jun 07
Yeah - I think that would definatly be the best in this case. Especially if she isn't your best friend and the fact that you have an idea that she is choosing to ignore it - just be ready to pick up the pieces when it all blows up.
@laydee (12814)
• Philippines
26 Jun 07
I would if he was cheating on her through me or if I am 100% sure and with accurate information. It may seem as if I'm a gossiper but it's better for her to hurt now than to hurt forever. I had this friend, once her boyfriend tried to hit on me. Well, in this case he wasn't aware I was her friend. I knew about him because she would show me their pictures and talk to me about him. That time, I acted normally as if I wasn't related to his girlfriend. Found ways to have enough proof of his actions and eventually told my friend about it. She was furious at him and they broke up. She was sad but she told me it was good of me that I told her about his actions, because it only shows that he is not worth trusting. At that instance, the guy was angry at me for breaking them up. I simply told him that he be careful of what he do when his girlfriend is not around because women have so many friends around.
• United States
27 Jun 07
Good for you! This is definatly a trait that in my opinion makes a good friend. Although it may seem sneaky to the guilty party - that isn't who needs protecting now is it?
@laydee (12814)
• Philippines
27 Jun 07
hahaha.. I try to do my best to disprove my suspicion, but if I see that the person is really guilty, then I try to make sure he/she is caught red-handed at his own expense and not at the expense of others. What great way for your friend to know that you are not lying but by having her see for herself the actions of the guy. Thanks for the comment though, I'll try to be a good friend for sure. hehe..
@Cassy1976 (796)
• Australia
27 Jun 07
It really is a hard place to be stuck in because i remember how my friend told me that my ex was cheating on me and I dint believe her and lost the friendship over it and then later on I discovered that she was telling the truth, all I can say matey if you are going to tell her have something to back yourself up like a photo or something so that he cant turn around and say that you are lying at least if you have proof you can show her and she has to believe you!
• United States
27 Jun 07
Thats true, but see you didn't know I think my friend know's what is going on because she is the one who found the evidence the person who told me was there at the time my close friend and her boyfriend got into it... so I think I should lay low I rather be there for her when she needs a shoulder to me what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger
• Australia
27 Jun 07
it is hard to break bad news to someone you love. I would have to be absolutely sure that I have my information absolutely correct before even considering telling the other person. As you have already said - you don't want to be the meat in the sandwich. In all the experiences that I have had, I know what it is like to be on the receiving end of a confession gone wrong, thinking I was looking out for my freind who was being wronged. It is a very tuff decision to make either way. I have also experienced the other end of the scale, I told my friend what I knew and they were extremely grateful ( very hurt I must say) but very grateful that I had shown them a side to the someone that they thought loved them.
• United States
27 Jun 07
its very hard because even though she is not my best friend I love her and cherish her feelings but as a person I know she will byte me both ways damn if I do or don't.... I think deep down inside she know's but chooses to stay I have to leave it up to her to break the code
• United States
26 Jun 07
i would tell him or her depending on who my best friend is cause i know i would want to know if my bf was cheating on me. i would feel hurt if someone knew and did nothing
• United States
27 Jun 07
Well she really isn't my best friend we are just close at times... more like a cousin then anything... But I don't feel I am that close to her heart to where if I tell her I wouldn't get blamed for their break up she is emotionally distrout and will spend the rest of her life blaming me, yet she will blame me if I don't tell her so I think its best I act as if I don't know because the truth will soon come to the light
@magnet (2087)
• United States
6 Aug 07
I would tell her if I were 100% sure. Depending on how she is I would tell her what I heard but also tell her that I don't have proof that it is true just so she can be aware of what might be going on,that way she can figure it out on her own.
• United States
27 Jun 07
If it was my very best friend..and I knew for sure he was cheating...yes I would tell her. She has a right to know...and it would be my job as her best friend.She doesn't deserve a creep.
• United States
27 Jun 07
I would because if it was you you wouldn't want nobody cheating on you besides I don't hide the way I feel and if something is wrong I'm gonna let it known.