Dealing with a moody teen.

@patgalca (14478)
Orangeville, Ontario
June 27, 2007 9:02am CST
Last night was my daughter's graduation ceremony from grade 8. She looked positively stunning in her Carrie Underwood hair-do and pale pink strapless dress. For that evening I allowed her a little make-up, but she really doesn't need it. Her eye lashes are so long I had trouble getting the mascara on. LOL! It was a great evening. I was so proud of my girl who not only won the Award for Female Sports (excellence in athleticism and leadership), she also picked up a Principal's Award for Most Improved Academic Student. We sure didn't see that one coming! I my mother and two sisters were at the ceremony along my husband, 10yo dd and myself. After the ceremony I wanted to give my baby a hug. I was so proud of her. She pushed me away. She wouldn't pose for pictures with us, she barely spoke to her aunts. She said she just wanted to be with her friends. The class is having a luncheon and dance today - there will be plenty of time to spend with friends. All the kids gathered outside the school for a group photograph. My husband got in there and took a couple of pictures and then we chatted with my mother and my sisters while individual and friends' photos were taken. On the way home my daughter tore into me about not taking pictures of her with her friends. I blew a gasket. I literally screamed at her that she pushed me away, refused to talk to me, that I was so proud of her and she snubbed me. I told her I brought her into this world, helped her become the person she is today, paid for hair-dos and dresses, and this is what I get in return? I was livid. I was crying. Unfortunately, my mother went back to my house with my husband because she forgot something so she saw the whole messy scene when I stormed into the house crying and angry. My little one was caught in the middle and became very upset. My mother got upset. I then told her not to worry about it. I just needed DD to see how much she hurt me. I got into my pyjamas and climbed into bed. Then my husband called me down for photos. I told him I was done. He gave me a lecture on how they were allowed to bring the big plaques home for photos but they had to bring them back to school so let's take the photos. I got dressed again and posed for a few photos. I never did get an apology from my daughter. What a lousy way to end such a wonderful evening. :(
3 people like this
19 responses
@Vixx06 (162)
27 Jun 07
I know exactly how you feel. I have 3 daughters aged 3, 5 and 16. My 16 year old was the sweetest kindest kid you ever could meet until she hit 13. She decided that she wanted to dye her hair black (she is a red head) and wear black clothes all the time. If I try to take pictures of her she shouts at me but if I only take pictures of her sisters she says I dont love her. After having a fair few long conversations with friends, I feel that they are just at an age where they dont know what they are. They are not girls but not women. The only thing we can do as mothers is give them time. This does not mean that we can not tell them when they hurt us or are rude to us. I know that my relationship with my own mother is great now compared to my teenage years. As hard as it seems dont worry and give her a bit of space and time. The fact that she has been awarded by her school means that so far you must have done a great job as a mother and will continue to do so for the rest of your life.
3 people like this
@patgalca (14478)
• Orangeville, Ontario
27 Jun 07
I'll give her space and time, and she'll come crawling back when she wants something from me. I thought for the longest time that I was not a good mother but when I see how great my girls are turning out I think I must be doing something right. Thanks.
2 people like this
@ravinskye (8242)
• United States
27 Jun 07
I'm sorry for your hurt feelings. I dread to be in that situation. my daughter is only 4 and i already worry about it. She told me the other day she wished she had a different mom because i wouldnt let her do something. I hope that your daughter will come to realize how good of a mom you are.
3 people like this
@patgalca (14478)
• Orangeville, Ontario
27 Jun 07
Yes, I have been hearing that comment for years, that she wishes I wasn't her mother. My mother told me last night that I am a good mother and one day she will realize it. Yeah, probably when she becomes a mother herself. *sigh*
2 people like this
• United States
28 Jun 07
teens are always tricky to deal with i was a complicated teen i was such a nice young man then hormones came and as i started to get older i pushed my parents away because i wanted space to be a some what adult you have to just give her space because you still have to be there to catch them when they fall from there temporary high horse it happens they will always realize the mistakes they made later you will get a apology
3 people like this
@compumom (738)
• United States
27 Jun 07
EGADS! I so feel your pain. My son is 16 and on occasion he gets moody just like your daughter did. My biggest fear is that my 11 year old daughter will become a teen one day and I'll have to go through it all over again even worse. Everyone explains that whatever I go through with my son is small stuff in comparison to what I will go through with my daughter. You are probably a wonderful mother, and your daughter will outgrow this wretched stage and appreciate what a great mom you are. I don't know if it helps, but my son told me that ALL of his friends are having "issues' with their moms. Clearly, all of the moms can't be wrong. He even told me that the discussions he and I go through are nothing in comparison to his friends. Hang in there. One day when our children are parents, we'll get our sweet revenge!
3 people like this
@GEOvanne (94)
• Jamaica
27 Jun 07
dont worry. nothing is wrong with her. we just get that way sometimes. when i was in about the 8 grade, i used to be that way. never used to smile around my parents or anything, but real happy around my friends. nothing was wrong with me. for somereason, at a certain age, we find family really annoying. she'll grow out of it eventually. dont try to be less annoying or anything. that will just make worst. taking her out for dinner might be bad too. cause we are kinda embarassed by our parents, even though you guys arent doing anything. the more you try to be closer to her, the more she'll push away. jus give her her space and eventuall she'll come around
2 people like this
@patgalca (14478)
• Orangeville, Ontario
27 Jun 07
I remember when I was a teenager, I would stand in the kitchen and eat my cereal while my parents ate in the dining room. I never smiled at them. But I just wasn't a morning person. My daughter is not embarrassed to be seen around us. She thinks I am cool and has no problem laughing hysterically at my jokes IN FRONT OF HER FRIENDS. It's the roller coaster that's driving me nuts. Thanks for your comments GEOvanne.
2 people like this
• Jamaica
28 Jun 07
oh, in that case, mabey its just puberty. dont worry. it'll wear off. or mabey something happened earlier that night.
2 people like this
@kampo90 (289)
• Antarctica
27 Jun 07
ok i am a teen so i cant take you side in this conversation people need to learn that you just should let them be and stop naging them all the time eventually she will grow out of,tell your opinions but dont force it on her anyway being pamperd by your mom in front of you friends it the worts thing that can hapen at that age just bare whit it a couple of years and it will be over you shouldnt destroy your whole relationship just because shes in her teens and she may tend to have mode swings here personalaty is staring to finalise so screwing up at this time would be a major nono and she wont apolagize because i got a feeling shes a litle like stuborn as hell just le things alm down a litle and the incident will be forgoten in a week or sow belive me
@patgalca (14478)
• Orangeville, Ontario
27 Jun 07
Things are cool now, but to be clear, I wasn't the only parent on the block. All the kids had parents there and they weren't giving them the brush off like my daughter was giving me. Being sweet and wonderful when the mood strikes her is frustrating, especially when it's because she wants something from me.
2 people like this
@kampo90 (289)
• Antarctica
28 Jun 07
wheal some kids are difrent but if shes only nice when she needs something than she really neds a few lessons in manners (no offens)
2 people like this
@phon4u (2217)
• Laos
28 Jun 07
I am very sorry and sad to hear your child’s attitude. I have never done this to my mum while I was a teen. Your girl was good at sports with her friends and other things. But her mind was opposite to you and not to be grateful to you. She made your tear dropping; it was so sin for her. Let her know more what she has got in her body like water, fluid, blood, tear, soft things are from you. Wherever she goes, you are still with her inside. She will know her sin reflecting whenever she has a child later. She will learn and love you later if she is human( You can tell her this sympathetically). My mother is always right , respected and she never says “apologize” to me. Just think back when you were a teen what you had done. And you understand the new generation teens are totally different from you before. Say softly and more reasonable she will learn later. In my local, we always say” A teen has got hot mind.” They talk to each other without thinking about hurting other feelings.
@patgalca (14478)
• Orangeville, Ontario
28 Jun 07
When I was in my room crying over this my mother was trying to comfort me. She felt very bad for me. I asked her if I was ever this bad to her and she said no. And I don't really think I was. I haven't wanted to be in pictures because of my weight, but now that I feel I'm looking good I wanted to be in pictures with my daughter the graduate. I don't expect an apology but we have put it behind us.
2 people like this
@fungurly1 (180)
• United States
27 Jun 07
I have a different view on this. 8th Grade was a hard time for me when I was yonger, All your friends you made threw the years will start spliting up and going to different high schools, I lot my 3 best friends and it was hard starting highschool alone. But my mother understood and after my 8th grade graduation she threw me a graduation party. It was a great way to say good bye, just remember that right now she's going to be thinking about her friends that arn't always going to be there, her family will always be there when she gets home. You'll be there when her friend leaves the morning after a sleepover and he family will always be around her. There are still things that only friends can really help you with such as talking about her crushes and stuff like that. You'll be there for her when she has her first heart break and when she is handed her highschool diploma and when you see her of to college it will all be on your time. She's just young and as long as she has nice friends you don't have anything to worry about. just think how she feel. after being handed her diploma and award being told that all her hard work finally payed off and the first thing that happens when she get in the car with the people who are supposed to be the ones who are proud of her the most start into her because she wanted to show off her nice hair, and get congrats from her friends. I'm sorry you probubly didn't want to hear any of this but I just want you to see it from both sides. If you want an apology from your daughter than maybe you should say your sorry first, you weren't completely innocent! Sorry I know this isn't the advice you wanted to hear! sorry if any of this insulted you in anyway. Good luck and just be glad you still have her for a few more years before she wisked away to college, God Bless!
2 people like this
@patgalca (14478)
• Orangeville, Ontario
27 Jun 07
You make it sound like we went from the gym to the car. We hung around outside the school for at least an hour. We she first came out of the gym she wouldn't even acknowledge her aunt who showed up just in time and didn't get to see her before hand. And as I pointed out, all her friends were getting together for a luncheon and dance put on by the school today. They all got dressed up again and went to a banquet hall. She had all day with her friends... and most of them are going to the same high school she is going to. When we got in the car, she tore into me first. That's when I got upset. She was mad at me because I wasn't over there taking pictures. She brushed me off so I stayed away.
2 people like this
@becca29 (40)
• United States
28 Jun 07
Well being a "moody teen" once myself, there is no telling what was up with your daughter. I know I put my mother through all kinds of things when I was a teen (and then some).....haha....now going on 30. She may have just been nervous or stressed out, it happens. Maybe she is one who does not want her parents around when she is with her friends. I can remember a time I myself thought that my parents would never be near my FRIENDS. I think you and her need to talk about what was wrong, or why she acted that way towards you. Also let her know how she made you feel, all of it. I have made my mom feel like she was the worst person on earth, hurt her, and made her cry. I am sorry you and her got into it like you did, I hope it works out but really you two do need to talk. Let your daughter know good job for all the awards, and that she will never get that chance to redo those pictures she choose not to take with all of the family. Good luck!!
2 people like this
• United States
28 Jun 07
Sounds like your little girl is growing up. I remember days like that. They always want to be with their friends and sometimes forget about MOM and family. I'm sure you will have more things like this happen. It's just a part of her growing up. One day My daughter will be this way too...I'm sure of it. I'm preparing myself. It will be ok. This behavior sounds normal for her age.
2 people like this
@kitty1234 (1476)
• United States
27 Jun 07
Sorry our feelings were hur, but most likely she didn't want to look like a baby hanging with the family, its hard to think like a teen, boy or girl, lol...I was not a snub it was growing pains, no more Mom's little girl, been there, done it!
2 people like this
@cher913 (25890)
• Canada
27 Jun 07
aw the joys of teenagers! my daughter graduated from grade 8 last week and well she was pretty much the same way...but i made her pose for some pics whether she liked or not...which turned out to be good because she hardly took any herself! no, we didnt get the family picture that i wanted but oh well...we will get a family picture in a couple of weeks when we go to a wedding... but, you need to sit down with your daughter and tell her how you felt/feel ... teens seem to be very self absorbed these days...
2 people like this
@tredale (1313)
• Australia
27 Jun 07
They are horrid at this age, Im sorry she hurt you so but I am reassured they will grow out of it. I have a year nine madam and even though she has greatly improved there are still times I wonder if we are related.. I think they are mostly wrapped in there own world and forget that anyone else other than their friends have feelings. It seems the more you do for them the easier it is for them to forget. Hold fast it could be worse. Well this is what my friends and family all tell me.lol
2 people like this
@whywiki (6070)
• Canada
27 Jun 07
I am sorry your night was ruined but it probably won't be the last time if your daughter is anything like I was. I was just horrible to my mother in my teen years and I couldn't even count the number of fights we got into and how many times I made her cry. When I hit my 20's I realized what a horrible person I was to her. Once I realized what a horrible daughter I was I became her friend and we actually were getting along when she passed away. I can never forgive myself for those lost years and hopefully your daughter won't be as thick headed as I was and the two of you will have lots of fun and laughter together. The one thing I always knew though was that I loved her and she loved me so I think this is probably a phase.
@wendy805 (261)
• China
27 Jun 07
i am very sorry to hear your story about your daughter.i believe every teenager will go through such a piorid in which they are easily annoyed,they are aggressive.it is normal;it is part of growth. actually when i was in that age, i hurt my mother a lot by some trivial things which i now even can not remember,and now i feel very regretful for what i did. but i wont say soory to her,because that is out of what i am able to . what i will do in the future is to try my best to be a good daughter,and make her feel proud of me.
• Canada
27 Jun 07
Awww I'm so sorry that your evening ended that way :( I can understand what you're going through. I have one who is graduating high school this year. I really think that SO much is put into these ceremonies now... especially the "in between" ceremonies like 6th grade or 8th grade, rather than finishing high school and going on to college. The kids are still young, yet they are dressed to the nines, like they are all grown up, some even having rented cars! We saw a limo pull up to my younger daughter's 6th grade grad, two years ago! We were stunned at the excess. I think the kids feel all mature and in control and the last thing they want is a reminder that they are still just kids... and when we, as parents, want to hug them and make a fuss, it ruins their "image" and the "fairy tale" of being "all grown up" that night. It's also a real competition, at most schools, over dresses and hairdos and even DATES! I think that parents just get tolerated... LOL I'm sure it was an emotional night for everyone... your daughter is taking that uncertain step to grade 9, you got a very real reminder about how fast she's growing up, and it got to be too much for everyone. You were proud and wanting to "give your baby a hug" and the last thing she wanted was to be made to feel like a baby. There's that parent/teen tug of war, loud and clear! :( I'm sure it has all blown over (or will very soon)... it's just unfortunate that it happened on the same night as the actual ceremony. I wish her congratulations on her awards and achievements. And, chin up, friend... other parents really do know how you feel.
2 people like this
• India
28 Jun 07
Sorry to hear from U but she is just KID now. The attitude of kids vary.They wanted to be with their parents and at the same time they are not ready to lose friends. Thinking it to be a nightmare keep ur daughter happy......Some things happen like that....Have a nice day
1 person likes this
• United States
1 Jul 07
Teens are so difficult to live with. They exhibit mood swings that can scare a Marine.
• Canada
28 Jun 07
While I can understand why you would be hurt, and I would not have acted as your daughter did in this situation, it's not unusual for teenaged daughters to want to spend as much time with their friends as possible because 9as she might think) she'll have Mom forever. I'm not sying it's right, I'm just sying it explains it.