Can you keep a secret?

@ladyluna (7004)
United States
June 27, 2007 11:26am CST
Sometimes keeping a secret is a very difficult thing to do! It can place us in precarious situations. It can make us feel like we're being dishonest with our loved ones. If you give your word that you will keep a secret. Then, once the secret is shared with you, you determine that keeping that secret could create problems for you, or someone else, do you still honor your bond to keep quiet? How do you deal with secrets? Thanks, I appreciate your input.
8 people like this
20 responses
• Singapore
27 Jun 07
A secret is not a secret if you tell it to someone. The safest way to keep a secret is to not let anyone know.:P But if I have to take a secret, I will try my best to keep it. But don't ask me to bet my life or soul or something. :P
2 people like this
@ladyluna (7004)
• United States
27 Jun 07
Hello Lordwarwizard, OK, I won't ask you to place your life on keeping the secret. And, you're right that it isn't a secret, if it is divulged. However, what is the secret represents something that could cause great harm, if the action is not intercepted?
@ctrymuziklvr (11060)
• United States
27 Jun 07
I'm horrible at keeping secrets and everyone who knows me is aware of that so seldom tell me any. That's fine with me though because I hate keeping things from others, especially family members.
@ladyluna (7004)
• United States
27 Jun 07
Hello Ctrymuziklvr, I can see where your take on this, actually makes it much easier to deal with. If no one shares secrets with you, then you don't have to worry about whether the secret is problematic. Hmmm, I think you're on to something here. Thanks for sharing!
1 person likes this
@filmbuff (2909)
• United States
28 Jun 07
I'm pretty good at keeping secrets in general. Although it can put you in some very awkward situations, where you are forced to either keep your word to the person whose secret you have and lie on their behalf to others, or betray their secret. An example that comes to mind is when I was a teenager and a friend of mine ran away from home. Of course I knew where he was, but I forced to lie to his parents and mine to keep his secret safe. The only thing that I could do in that situation was let his family know he was okay, and do my best to convince to return home, which he did after a couple of weeks. Situations like that are hard to be in. No matter what you are lying to someone and there really is no "right" way to handle it from a moral standpoint... at least by my definition.
1 person likes this
@ladyluna (7004)
• United States
28 Jun 07
Hello Filmbuff, Your friend having run away must have caused a terrible dilemma for you. It sounds as though you handled it quite well, especially for only being in your teens. I agree that the lying part of secrets is a real challenge. Thanks for sharing.
1 person likes this
@filmbuff (2909)
• United States
29 Jun 07
Thanks. I'm surprised I did get a hypothetical from you...hehe
1 person likes this
@ladyluna (7004)
• United States
29 Jun 07
Would you like a hypothetical Filmbuff? If so, just let me know, and I'll try to come up with a doozy, for ya'.
1 person likes this
@sigma77 (5385)
• United States
27 Jun 07
I have never been much into telling secrets or hearing them from others. I have to ask myself, what is the point? So, if I have a secret and I tell someone and expect them not to tell anyone else, what does that mean? I haven't a clue. If someone has a secret, why do I need to know it? This game of telling secrets is beyond me and I can find little use for it. In my veiw, there are no secrets, only pretending.
1 person likes this
@ladyluna (7004)
• United States
27 Jun 07
Hi Sigma, Thanks for dropping by. Well, here's a hypothetical scenario: If your closest friend found out that his wife had developed a serious, secret gambling problem, and planned to file for divorce because she gambled away part, or all of their savings. But he wanted to wait until his 18 year old child left for college in six months. And, let's say that your friend had a large, valuable coin collection, which he didn't want his wife to get her hands on. So, he asked you to hold his coin collection for safe-keeping, and also asked that you not mention it to anyone, until after his child left for school. Let's further complicate this hypothetical scenario by adding to the mix that your 18yr old child is best friend's with his child. What would you do?
1 person likes this
@sigma77 (5385)
• United States
29 Jun 07
Tough question, and this is a Friday, so my mind is not fresh...lol. If the wife knows of the coin collection, she will mention it during the divorce. I don't know if he should take the risk of hiding assets. If the wife does not know about the collection, then what does that say about his marriage. Maybe he is at fault for driving his wife to gamble because he is dishonset. All speculation. I would be inclined to do the right thing and not participate in this secret keeping and hiding of the coin collection. I would be risking my freedom if this collection becomes known. I am not willing to risk my lifestyle over this kind of secret keeping. I have been through similar slightly shady doings before and want no part of them anymore. The fact that we are friends or that my kid is friends with his does not change my mind. If it is an honest secret that can bring no harm to others, that is one thing. This is something different in my view. I hope I understood the problem. I would need more information about this situation to change my mind.
1 person likes this
@ladyluna (7004)
• United States
29 Jun 07
Fair enough Sigma. Thanks for responding to the hypothetical. You're right, it is Friday. And, I for one, am looking forward to a bright, happy, hypothetical free weekend. Woo-hooooo, Happy Friday to all!
1 person likes this
@kamran12 (5555)
• Pakistan
1 Jul 07
Hello, ladyluna!:-) To your first question that will I keep something as secret, after giving my word, if that keeping secret will cause problems?: Whenever somebody asks me to give a word to keep the information, they are going to share, as secret, I ask them either not to share in first place or it must be something that is not going to alarm me to be concerned for anybody's harm in any definition, be it spiritual, financial, emotional, physical or social. After they agree then I allow them to share that with me. Shortly, I only accept them sharing with me if that is something very personal of their or they accept me sharing with appropriate people. Only 2,3 times people refused to share after this warning. To your second question of dealing with secrets in general: I try to keep something secret as long as it is supposed to be secret, no matter what. I am glad that people in family, at job, in locality, university and my friends, generally consider me a very trustworthy person and share with me all types of their personal and otherwise information, dreams, problems and fears from most harmless to most sacred, secret and intimate matters. I enjoy a special central position in my family, both own and extended, which makes people come to me to share their problems in extreme confidentiality, mostly for seeking help, advice or just for a listening ear. I have kept them all buried deep in my heart. I am sometimes surprised when they act in a way with others, in front of me, that belies the fact that I know but I keep my face spot. My friends share some of very intimate problems with me (both sides of a couple, every side with his/her own story) just seeking advice, help, or to speak out their heart or just to have someone lend ear to vent anger. Sometimes, it happens that someone will tell me something about another person which I already knew but I'll keep my face spot as if I didn't know it. I have also many secrets of people who turned against me but I never used a word to my own advantage by pouring out their secrets. They have also tested me on some occasions by later changing the story in front of others (even against me) and trying to see if I'll object to them by narrating the actual account but I never defended me by revealing the actual story that was supposed to be secret. The most difficult part about keeping a secret for me is not to share it with my wife. My wife knows almost everything about me and I share everything with her but the secrets of others. She is my partner in every sense and I feel uncomfortable not sharing with her but I could never. These are the only things she don't know what I know. The funny part of how I deal with secrets is my relationship with my GOD. I share everything with the GOD as I talk to HIM on every issue. How funny it is that I don't share those secrets even with the GOD. I only satisfy my guilt of not sharing by realizing and reassuring myself that GOD already knows the matter so I don't need to share:-)
1 person likes this
@ladyluna (7004)
• United States
1 Jul 07
Hello Kamran, Thanks for sharing your very thoughtful take on this issue. I think it is very wise of you to provide a warning to the person with the secret, before they tell you. This gives the person the ability to make a choice - as to whether or not to go ahead and share their secret. This is not only wise, but is also very respectful of the other persons free will. I completely understand your dilemma in not sharing all with one's spouse, or life partner. And yet, I imagine that your wife probably isn't compelled to know all that everyone has told you. Secrets are a burden. So, unless your ponderance of the secret becomes obvious, and/or interferes with your typical interaction with your family, then I can see how not subjecting another to the burden, is actually an act of kindness. Ignorance is bliss, afterall. As for your communion with 'The Divine' on these types of matters. I concur that 'The Creator' is omniscient. So, I see no reason to share the details of any secret that I hold in confidence with 'Our Creator'. I do however, open myself to any 'greater insight' that 'The Divine' might choose to share with me on such matters. I have had some pretty insightful resolutions come to me, seemingly out of the blue. And, I attribute those solutions or insights to 'Collective consciousness', or 'Divine intervention'. Hey, in a particularly sticky dilemma, I'll accept help from any sound, reputable source. I especially appreciate that help if it comes to me, without having had to breach my confidence. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this Kamran. Very insightful!
@kamran12 (5555)
• Pakistan
1 Jul 07
You are welcome, ladyluna!:-) I really appreciate your response to my comment especially the third para. It doesn't mean that I didn't like the other parts, I am just pleased how beautifully you summed up the relationship with 'The Divine' on this very issue. Actually my reassurance comes from the fact that these secrets are one of the things that is shared by the other side of relationship i.e. by 'The Divine', without me having had to share. It may sound weird but a major part (perhaps all) of my knowledge (not information) comes from a higher wisdom. The reason why I share everything (excluding other's secret from my side) with 'The Divine' is grounded in the fact that I believe that True Knowledge belong to 'The Divine', who is the only source for Knowledge Inventory. My sharing is a part of my acceptance of my humility and meagerness against the grandeur and splendor of 'The Divine'. I have never been disappointed whenever I needed help, it's more pleasurable when the help comes without even asking:-)
1 person likes this
@ladyluna (7004)
• United States
1 Jul 07
Hello Kamran, To your statement: "I have never been disappointed whenever I needed help, it's more pleasurable when the help comes without even asking:-)" ... I couldn't agree more!
1 person likes this
• Singapore
28 Jun 07
I can't keep secrets as firm as it is. Even though the person treats me to a sumptuous lunch or dinner, it is of no use. How do I deal with secrets? Well, if someone was to tell me his/her secrets, I keep mum and when the time that someone talks about something related to the content of the secret, I will just let the cat out of the bag.
@ladyluna (7004)
• United States
28 Jun 07
Hello Titaniumsoul, Yup, it is even harder to keep someone's secret when a similar topic comes up in social settings. So, even bribing you cannot lock your lips? That's funny, 'cause I had you pegged for one who could carry a secret to the grave. I sure missed that mark, eh?
• Singapore
29 Jun 07
Hi ladyluna, I can't remember which secret you told me, could you refresh my mind by telling me through messages?
1 person likes this
@ladyluna (7004)
• United States
29 Jun 07
Hi Titaniumsoul, No worries my friend. We have no secrets. All's well!
@arkaf61 (10883)
• Canada
7 Oct 07
I am very good at keeping a secret. Probably more than I should be since I have all this people - sometimes not even friends - that feel that they can confide in me and I end up knowing things that I didn't even what to know LOL If I find that the secret is something that could harm someone I usually prefer to ask the person not to tell me because if it's serious enough I might have to break it. The funny thing about this is that I don't really like to know secrets that much. I know we all have our secrets but I prefer if people generally keep them to themselves. But somehow people tend to tell me theirs anyways , go figure - with so many people out there that love to know secrets they have to come and tell them to me LOL
@ladyluna (7004)
• United States
7 Oct 07
Hello Arkaf61, "with so many people out there that love to know secrets they have to come and tell them to me LOL" That is funny. Yet, rather understandable though. Thanks for sharing.
• United Arab Emirates
28 Jun 07
Yes it is difficult to keep a secret. But, once you have a secret to be kept, you should be able to keep it. You should be faithful to whoever had shared his or her secret. I personally can keep secret of others. I do not generally break the promise. I try my best to be that way.
@ladyluna (7004)
• United States
29 Jun 07
Hello Lavenderbloom, I see that you see this test of keeping a secret as a matter of honor as well. I really respect that your word is your bond. That used to be a much more universal characteristic. I'll bet that your family and friends appreciate that you share the burdens of their secrets with them, and that they can trust you to respect their privacy. Thanks for sharing.
@orbeltadz (506)
• Baguio, Philippines
28 Jun 07
Keeping a secret is only one of the several strategies that you can use to maintain your personal privacy. Don't invade other privacy by revealing them and knowing their secrets, it will just break your relationship with your company or friendship. Be serious with keeping a secret.
@ladyluna (7004)
• United States
29 Jun 07
Hello Orbeltadz, Welcome to MyLot to you as well. It seems we have quite a few new members in this thread. I hope you enjoy your time here. Hmmm, so you take honoring your word to keep secrets very seriously? Yes, for many it is an act of honor to be a worthy confidant. So, I see your point. Thanks for sharing your perspective.
@Generis (145)
• China
28 Jun 07
There 're somethings we can reveal . There''re somethings we need conceal . To the right person , sometimes we need reveal secret to him but need the right time . To whom that he doesn't wanna reveal its secret , that doesn't mean he is not honest .
1 person likes this
@ladyluna (7004)
• United States
29 Jun 07
Hello Generis, Welcome to MyLot. I hope you enjoy your time here. Are you a poet? After reading your first two lines, (reveal & conceal), I thought your response was going to remain in rhyming couplets. If this was accidental, it was a pretty cool accident. I agree that ommission does not make someone dishonest, not if they've given their word that they'll keep the secret. But, it can sure be tough!
@Gwapako_28 (2142)
• Philippines
28 Jun 07
Well,keeping secret is not a big deal to me.And i do can keep secret if anybody shared her/his secret and told me to keep it.Anyway's,its not mine,all i need to do is to keep it.Lol...I didnt bother at all as long as it wont caused any problems to me and my loveones.Unless,if i know that he/she killed someone...Nah...Thats a different story...
@ladyluna (7004)
• United States
29 Jun 07
Hello Gwapako_28, Yes, learning that someone has committed murder would certainly make keeping the secret a gut-wrenching dilemma. Thanks for your input.
@singod (25)
• China
28 Jun 07
I think the best way of keeping a secret is keeping away from the secret.So many times when I was choosen to be told a secret,I would refuse it.And I would say"thank you for trusting me,but a secret is a serect.Just keep it in your heart and don't tell anyone.Then it will be a secret forever".Keeping secret is really a bad suffering.That's my opinion.
1 person likes this
@ladyluna (7004)
• United States
29 Jun 07
Hello Singod, Welcome to MyLot. I hope you enjoy your time here. And, thanks for sharing how you deal with secrets. I respect that you're so forthright that you apprise the secret teller of your perspective before they share their secret. I'll bet that solves alot of problems.
• United States
28 Jun 07
i don't mean to toot my own horn here, but i am probably one of the best people in the world to tell a secret to. i never tell anyone else anything that someone has told me in confidence. i don't believe in telling other people's secrets. i am a VERY trustworthy person. The only time i have ever told a secret was when one of my friends was being raped by her step-father. There were quite a few people who heard it...one day she was screaming at some friends who were giving her $hit that she had told this secret to, and she yelled "How would you like it if your own father was raping you that you lived with?" This was the first i had heard of it. my friend, Chelsea, and i looked at each other in shock. Later on, she called me and we talked about it and decided we had to tell. i was only 12 at the time. i told my mom, my mom called the school. The girl got help. The step-father was arrested and she was taken out of that situation. i will never feel guilty about telling that secret.
@ladyluna (7004)
• United States
29 Jun 07
Hello Xfallenxlostx, I wouldn't feel guilty about revealing that secret either. Your friend's step-father broke every trust related to parenting, and should have been positioned to never be able to do such harm again. But, I'll bet that your friends and family do appreciate having you as a confidant. Thanks for sharing, and I hope your friend is doing as well as can be expected.
@nandans (1161)
• India
28 Jun 07
Though a difficult task, but i can keep a secret
1 person likes this
@ladyluna (7004)
• United States
29 Jun 07
Hello Nandans, Yes, it can be a difficult task. Sometimes much more than others. I'm sure your friends and family appreciate that you can keep a secret. Thanks for your input.
@sakana (260)
• Singapore
28 Jun 07
I would feel more dishonest telling secrets than keeping secrets because I've given my word and promised to keep the information my friends confide in me. I think it's good to be able to keep secrets because then people will tell you things and you'll know more about them, and why they do the things they do. Also I expect to be treated the same way in return, that is, if I do tell people my secrets I trust that they will keep them secret because I keep my mouth shut around theirs. If they leak it I won't ever trust them again :/
@ladyluna (7004)
• United States
29 Jun 07
Hello Sakana, Your assessment is very fair. Have your confidant's respected your secrets as much as you've respected theirs? If so, you've chosen well. Thanks for sharing.
@unuzzz (1274)
• Indonesia
28 Jun 07
hi ladyluna to be honest, i'm not good in keeping secret i don't mean to telling the secret on purpose, i've just forgot which should i keep it that's why now i prefer to know nothing, better than one day that secret would bring me troubles it's ok if my friends don't tell me any as long as i can have a peaceful day away from conflicts.. thanks.. ^^
1 person likes this
@ladyluna (7004)
• United States
28 Jun 07
Hello Unuzzz, You're right Unuzzz. Not knowing does allow one to stay out of the conflicts the secrets inspire. I like your solution: Just don't tell you secrets. Yes, that probably does make life much more peaceful. Thanks for sharing.
• India
28 Jun 07
Until and unless the secret is harming somebody close to you or in general also the secret should not be revealed. And if by revealing the secret it is going to put the person in trouble it should never be revealed. I know that the cancerian are well of secret, you can pour anything inside them but cant take out from them. It is you to decide whether the secret told you in trust is harming anybody. if yes that person should be notified.
1 person likes this
@ladyluna (7004)
• United States
28 Jun 07
Hello Sanjeevarora, Welcome to MyLot. I hope you enjoy your time here. I agree that a secret that can cause harm to the secret-teller, or another must be dealt with. I, myself, will do my best to get the secret-teller to reveal it themself, so that I do not have to betray my bond. If I may, would you please explain the " Canercian" part of your reply. I'm not understanding your point, but would like to. Thanks for sharing.
@whyaskq (7532)
• Singapore
27 Jun 07
I would not keep a secret which is no longer a secret but an open secret. I am one forgetful person. Whatever goes into the left ear evaporates immediately through the right ear. So in a way, I am trustworthy with secrets. I do not know what they are in fact.
1 person likes this
@ladyluna (7004)
• United States
27 Jun 07
You're funny Whyaskq. In one ear and out the other, eh? Well, that's one way to make sure you never reveal the secret. Thanks for sharing.
• United States
27 Jun 07
I am the type of person who will not tell a secret, but it will bother me inside for a bit because it's something I know and no one else does, in some cases. If it could cause problems for me, I would still probably hold onto the secret, but maybe try a different tact: try to get the person who told me the secret to either come clean about it or to tell the secret to the people who they could be hurting or causing problems for.
1 person likes this
@ladyluna (7004)
• United States
27 Jun 07
Hello Thrwbackjay67, I respect that your word is your bond. Is there ever a time where the secret holder will not come clean, yet the secret has caused repercussions? If if comes down to the (blank) hitting the fan, will you still keep hushed?
@34momma (13896)
• United States
20 Jul 07
i found the secret to keeping things secret! don't tell anyone anything you don't want to get out. i don't like people saying i want to tell you something but you can't tell anyone. i usually say don't tell me. not because i can't keep a secret but most likely they have already told someone else and i don't want to be in the middle of someone's drama. i know when i have something that i don't want anyone to know i don't say anything.