Do I go see him?
By juliemarie84
@juliemarie84 (642)
United States
June 27, 2007 12:19pm CST
I haven't seen my boyfriend in about 2 weeks. We were doing a long distance relationship and before he moved he promised me....
1) we would see eachother every weekend (alternating drive to see eachother
2) I can come see him at his new apartment whenever I wanted to visit
3) I would move in with him July 6th - August 24th when school is out and return for my Fall semeseter in college (I'm a senior almost graduated, he graduated before me and found a job)
Well weekend 1 he skipped out to see me and said I couldn't come down there cause it was a bad weekend for it since he JUST got there.
Weekend 2 he skipped out on me. He said that we were going to spend Friday together, but then Friday he told me he was going to his Mom's instead and they were gonna help him mvoe. So I met up with him at his parents for a bit and we went to the park for 30 minutes adn that was all I saw him.
Weekend 3 was when I was suppose to come from Wednesday - Saturday. We got in a little fight and now he's saying he doesn't want to see me AT ALL at his place. I talked to him and finally got him to say "We'll see" And the next morning he said it again and I said, "Well i need to know when you're gonna let me know because my friend that is moving that is gonna take care of my cat has a crazy schedule and I gotta know when to meet him to give him my keys." So this morning he said, "Then the answer is no" And then he hung up, and went to work.
The drive is 4 hours long and the only thing holding me back is missing a day of class and this whole cat key situation. I basically said we were going to break up if after 3 weekends of being apart and me willing to see him he still had no interest in seeing me. He says he's afraid we're gonna just fight the whole time and he doesn't want to be put in a situation where he wants me gone but I can't leave cause I live so far. I told him I would leave. I also said what is the point of being with a guy that doesn't even want to see me? Or is scared of fighting with me when I visit? He said he did want to see me, he wanted to stay together, but that he was only going to do so when he drove up here.
So should I just drive down there so when he gets off work I can see him and find out wtf is going on. Then if he pushes me away then I can have some closure to this whole mess.... or should I just wait it out and maybe he was just amd about our fight.... or hope that maybe all it takes is us seeing eachother again.... cause when we do actually see eachother we get along great. But he's scared because ever since he moved this has been so overly stressfull on me and him that we just fight. All I wanna do is see him I miss him so much. We use to be together ALL the time. We've been together for 6 years.
1 person likes this
13 responses
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
28 Jun 07
my first response in reading your story was,"why is this girl torturing herself so over a guy that obviously dosen't care?"
But then i got to the part where you mentioned that you had been together 6 years and that completely changed my thinking. 6 years is a long time. Maybe he really is simply overwhelmed with the move and changes he's going thru. His move has obviously affected both of you and your relationship. I would NOT show up for a surprise visit. I see that as only compounding the problems between you two.He will see it as manipulative and controlling and see that you don't trust him. I think it would be better if you told him that you loved him and miss him and when and if he is ready to see you....he knows how to reach you. and then, you should NOT call again. If he does not call after a week or two, you should consider moving on. If he calls after that and you are still available..awesome. If not,well then you may have a decision to make. I am guessing that if you back off, he will call you very soon.
1 person likes this
@juliemarie84 (642)
• United States
28 Jun 07
Everyone's comments helped me greatly. At one point I had half my stuff packed in my car ready to go there and meet him after work. Then about 5 minutes before I left, I stopped... sat back down, and then went to class an hour later until 4. When he got off work at 5:30, we talked for a bit, then at about 7pm we were doing some online gaming and he said, "why not you just come right now." So I did. I asked him what his deciding factor was in changing his mind that he did want to see me and he said, "because you comprimised with me and then i knew you really cared." So I guess even though waiting it out made it to where I was driving in the dark, but it was worth it! Oh yeah, and that 3.5 hour - 4 hour drive somehow turned into 3hours. Freeway driving is great. :D
@pilotjune1972 (199)
• Philippines
28 Jun 07
hi im a guy and im in this new house, im just settling and fixing things up, i know its a lame excuse but somehow people still need to get a feel of things. Im not saying leave me or something, i just want a little bit of understanding. You've been together for 6 years and thats been such a long time, i don't think it could easily be broken, the bond that you had and have right now i still think its strong. Try not to worry too much, just go with the flow for the meantime, i know he will have the guts to say whats really on his thoughts, just be a little bit more patient. In due time things will still turn out fine. :
1 person likes this
@Chryssi (828)
• United States
27 Jun 07
I think that maybe you should take a drive to see him. It seems to me that you're the one who wants to hold this relationship together, and maybe he's letting it fall apart. If he doesn't want to be with you, then he should at least be a man and tell you that it's over.
I was in a similar relationship.. One where I was doing everything I could to hold it together while the guy that I was with didn't really care. He used me for a year, then we broke up. It took us breaking up without closure for me to realize that he wasn't worth my time, love, tears, or anything else that I'd wasted on him.
Go see him and see what's up. Maybe try to talk things through or get some closure if need be. It's better to find out now, than to continue with uncertainty. Good luck to you, and God bless you.
1 person likes this
@juliemarie84 (642)
• United States
27 Jun 07
Yeah I wouldn't mind taking the drive. Driving actually gives me that sense of freedom, and that sense that I can overcome anything. It makes me feel better just being on the road. But I have class until 4 so I don't want to leave after 4 if there's a chance he's just gonna lock himself in his apartment and not come out. If I left at 1 I'd be a ble to meet up with him right when he got off work.
Yeah sometimes I feel like he's using me, because I'm dependable and have always been there when he needed something. :( maybe that was my mistake.
@wonderful1 (2075)
• China
28 Jun 07
If I were you I would go to see him. Now I go to my hometown alone, because he has to work. Now I miss him very much, and we haven't see each other for over 1 week. I can't go back to see him, because I have to take part in my older brother's wedding. So now we have to contact with each other by the internet and cell phone.
1 person likes this
@jnallen_487 (800)
• United States
27 Jun 07
Of course you fight! If my boyfriend kept making excuses like that, we would fight too. He obviously has something more going on then he's saying. I would go there and talk to him. If he gets attitude and says he doesn't want you there, end the relationship. Long distance relationships are hard but they shouldn't be that hard. Love shouldn't make you feel like that!
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@juliemarie84 (642)
• United States
27 Jun 07
IF I left right now I could be there when he got off work. His work is in a nice suburb of the cities, and quite pretty. I waited in the car when he got his interview. He's the most unconfrontation person ever and will do anything to avoid one. He still hasn't told his friend who is on band tour that he found his own place and isn't living with him. Meanwhile his friend is wondering what's going on, but he's out of state. He won't pick up the phone and tell him. He told me, "I'll just leave him a voicemail one day cause otherwise the guy will interupt me."
@blog8withJ (136)
• United States
28 Jun 07
I think there's something wrong. Well, every relationship is different anyway so you cannot tell what's wrong and what's not. In some way, you should act a little bit of being a detective, girls would always do that. You can drive near his apartment and make it sure that he can't see you, because he would think that your spying on him but in case he see you near his apartment, just say "I miss you so much and I wanted to see you". He's your boyfriend right? So you have the right. If you see him with something or someone...(geez, don't be stupid). If he make his cat a reason, that's actually non-sense. Maybe, there's something hidden inside his big head. If a guy wanted to be with you, he will make a way, no matter what. On the other hand, he might be want more attention from you. Maybe, he wanted you to make a move to see him, not only him to initiate to see you. Men are men, you don't know what's going on with their head unless they will tell you.
Come on girl, don't waste that six years. Make your moved. If your moved is not effective, just accept that your not really meant to be. If it is meant to be, it meant to be. If not, why not? :)
1 person likes this
@MGjhaud (23123)
• Philippines
28 Jun 07
well if theres nothing that would hinder that decision on your side then you can go. if your boyfriend as well is so eager to see you then that's perfectly fine.
calling him is ok if there's a class to miss and some other things that you're bothered to missed while you drive away. compromising over the phone is okay and decide to see each other, whoever will travel, by the time you both are not going to miss activities.
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@paulsy (1263)
• Philippines
27 Jun 07
Yes, I think you should go ahead and see him. If I were in your place, I would do that. Yes, you miss him. And since you used to be together all the time for 6 years, he should miss you too. So why the sudden change, right? I'm not saying he's doing something wrong, but I think that you ought to know the reason why he's changed. Just be prepared for whatever happens. Be prepared to make decisions if you have to. Good luck to you.
1 person likes this
@maximax8 (31053)
• United Kingdom
28 Jun 07
I can understand how much you miss him and how upset you are about his excuses not to see you. I have had two long distance relationships and know how challenging it can be to keep seeing each other during times of stress. Of course you are fighting and that is the reason he doesn't want to see you. You know that if you saw him every weekend you would get on well. I think you need to go to see him and have a lovely weekend so he can remember the other times you got on well. This is going to be difficult to arrange but will be worth it. I think you should either try to do that or give him space. I split up with my ex boyfriend during a difficult time and think we might still be together if we had seen each other that weekend when we were having problems. The distance between us was 212 miles and so it wasn't easy. Good luck.
1 person likes this
@migenKC (792)
• Philippines
27 Jun 07
hmp... if i were you...
im going to trust him...ill wait for some more time..
im on a long distance relationship also and i havent yet seen my boyfriend for more than a month... he's just 2-3 hours away from me but he's so busy on his studies and maybe we have to wait for another national holiday before we can see each other again...
be patient... you dont have to panic and rushly do an action... give him sometime to finish those works he have to do... hehe... :) he might feel that you're being possesive.
1 person likes this
@gmakesmoney (2923)
• United States
28 Jun 07
I've been in a long distance relationship a few times. The longest lasting one was an 8 hr flight away!!! If we were only 4 hours apart I bet we've really worked out, the distance is what really drove us apart. We missed out on too many opportunities to see each other and be together either because of stubborn pride or we put everyone else and everything else ahead of our relationship. It's very easy to do that when the person isn't local, kind of like that out of sight, out of mind saying. Instead of being something solid that's there, the other person becomes more of an idea or dream. So it's easy to blow it off for friends or work or whatever is actually there where you are at and physically taking up your time. There were times that we were in your exact situation and even after we'd made plans we would get in a huge fight. I would just cancel out on the trip. Once however it was bad and we almost broke up, I said screw it called the airline and advanced my flight 2 weeks so that I'd be there that very same weekend without telling him. I made sure I'd get there during the day so if I needed to I could fly back. I called him during a stop when I was 1 flight and 1 hr away and told him I was on my way. He softened right away, picked me up at the airport on time and we had the most romantic weekend ever. It turned out he was facing major stress and really needed the time together to relax. Granted we're not together now but we are great friends and do have plans for a visit to "talk about things". Way off subject I know... but my answer in all of that to you is that you need to just listen to your intuition, putting your pride or hurt feelings aside and really doing what you feel you need to do. If that is not going then don't go and if that is going then do it, as long as you are doing what you feel you won't regret it. Either way you'll end up with much needed closure or much needed closeness if you make the trip. I hope my story & advice helps, I so now how you're feeling.
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@gmakesmoney (2923)
• United States
29 Jun 07
I am glad it worked out for you and you were able to take the time together and that he warmed up. Sometimes life can just get in the way of love. And sometimes love can overcome that. Best of luck!
@minhtan (87)
• Vietnam
28 Jun 07
It's strange, something changed. You have to face him, but don't say anything, you have to listen, to find the reason yourself 'cos he never says it to you. He has friends? You can ask for his situation, his condition, his surrounding. With your true love, you'll catch his heart in your hand again. Good luck
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