How much do we give?

United States
June 27, 2007 2:43pm CST
So we are going to my sister-in-laws wedding on July 14th. And she has asked for a gift giving thing to just give them cash. We bought her a gift already and it was given to her at her Bridal Shower. Now I was asking her how the money was going to be collected. And she told me there will be a money tree. My question is how much do we give them? I already got and gave her a gift so how much more is expected? How much is to little? I dont mean to sound greedy or cheap but I really dont know how much to give them. Any help or advice is appreciated thank you in advance.
2 people like this
24 responses
@phon4u (2217)
• Laos
28 Jun 07
I think the gift you should give is long lasting one called the internal mind. Love and care her on and on. But people prefer the obvious objective. You can put the money in the envelop whatever value you think with smiling would be O.K. Or you may find the ring or even the alarm clock.
• United States
28 Jun 07
I will figure i out.
1 person likes this
• United States
28 Jun 07
i say if ur ok money wise and u wanna be nice 100 is always remembered and appreciated 50 is same and anything under 50 is just cheap
2 people like this
• Kottayam, India
28 Jun 07
Give them $ 10.00 it is okay as you already given them good gift.But remember gift you cannot put any value.whether it is worth a million or a single dollar it is the giving heart that counts.
2 people like this
@RobinJ (2501)
• Canada
2 Jul 07
As it is you that is giving, I would say give what you want, and spend only what your comfortable with. Your sister in law can ask for the moon, but she will get what she gets. and if it doesn't suit her fancy thats to darn bad. Every one is strapped for cash, so she had better be prepared for a big let down, again you know what you can do, not her dictates. I believe this is just plain rude, and in her case just a scam to get money. Not nice.
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Jul 07
She gets what she gets I like that thank you.
• United States
2 Jul 07
I would say $20 is enough. You've already given them another gift so I'm sure that they'll appreciate anything you can give. Besides, they are going to get money from a lot of people so they will probably still get a lot no matter how much you give them.
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Jul 07
Yes you are right about that.
1 person likes this
@sjohnson628 (3197)
• United States
29 Jun 07
My sister is also getting married on July 14th! Sweet! I would say the amount of money I usually give at a wedding is fifty dollars. But it is totally up to you. Since they are having a money tree I would guess they won't know how much each person gives so I would just put twenty dollars on it.
1 person likes this
• United States
29 Jun 07
Yeah we are still deciding but mainly because my girls are in the wedding and I had to buy there dresses.
• United States
28 Jun 07
If I give an expensive gift at the bridal shower then I would not give a wedding gift. If you want to give money I would give 10 or 20 dollars but not more than that. I feel she should not expect you to give again.
• United States
28 Jun 07
They shouldn't expect it but they do.
@usmcsgtwife (4997)
• United States
27 Jun 07
On top of a shower gift which is normal the normal according to a wedding book I had is how much you think your plate is per person, usally we give around 50.00 to 75.00, maybe a little more depending on if it is for family
1 person likes this
• United States
28 Jun 07
OK thank you.
@daycarepal (1998)
• United States
27 Jun 07
When we went to my nephews wedding last year we gave them a gift from their registry which was almost $100.00. They live out of state, so we didn't attend a bridal shower. When we went to my nieces wedding, we gave them a check for $100.00 at the wedding. But we also went to her bridal shower and bought them a gift that was about $50.00. Just give what you are comfortable with. I've never been to a wedding that has a money tree, so I'm not sure how that works.
1 person likes this
• United States
28 Jun 07
So $100.00 is reasonable?
@wachit14 (3600)
• United States
27 Jun 07
Weddings are very expensive and there really is no way around it. If you meant to give the gift to your sister-in-law as a wedding present, it should have been given at the reception. When it was given at the bridal shower, then it is viewed as a separate gift for that occasion. If your sister wants money and you don't have a lot to spend, then the best advice I can give you is purchase a savings bond for her. You can get them at any bank or financial institution and they are sold as EE series. They sell for half their face value so if you want to buy her a fifty dollar bond, it will only cost you twenty-five dollars. It will mature in a number of years, but she can put it away for the future which is a really good idea.
• United States
28 Jun 07
Oh that is a great idea.
@sidoney (1033)
• Jamaica
28 Jun 07
just give what you can afford no need to go broke just give the amount that you would use to buy another gift
1 person likes this
@mykmari_08 (2466)
• Philippines
28 Jun 07
If you won't mind, I'm going to cite the way it happened in my own wedding about 4 years ago. I did not have any bridal shower, because we were so busy at that time. Almost all our guests gave us wedding gifts. Still others, who aside from the gifts wrapped in fancy wedding wrappers, also gave us money, though we never said anything about them giving us money instead, or us preferring to receive monetary gifts instead of things or home accessories / appliances & stuff like that. I really would be bashful to give them the hint that we prefer money. The monetary gifts ranged from $20 to $35. Regardless of the amounts and type of gifts, all were appreciated nevertheless. There was one wedding occasion, where the soon-to-be-married couple really asked the guests to give them monetary gifts instead. If not for the reason they stated in the invitation sent out & received by my parents, I would really think this idea as an awkward one. But after their marriage, they planned to migrate and settle to a foreign land, meaning they would really appreciate and make use of the needed money for migration. If ever someone gives them gifts, it would be unsure if these were to be taken with them or just be left behind by the couple. I believe it will all boil down to this: depending on your finances, give according to your heart's desire. You may want to help them still in the future. Who knows, they might really need it.
1 person likes this
@maddysmommy (16233)
• United States
28 Jun 07
I would give whatever you were able to afford & if you are not able to then don't feel obligated to give it. You have already given her a present for the shower (even though people say its separate) but nowadays things are so expensive and I don't think I would be able to afford to gifts but thats just me!
1 person likes this
@Gemmygirl1 (2870)
• Australia
28 Jun 07
I don't believe in Bridal showers - well, they're ok as long as you dont have to do gifts then as well as gifts at the wedding. It's also a reason people here in Oz don't do baby showers :) It's nice to get gifts at the baby shower but then they also expect gifts once the baby has been born - almost as though people don't want to actually pay for anything themselves. When my cousin was married i gave her something nice & something cute on the day - a snowglobe/waterball whatever you wanna call it, it bride & groom teddies inside & then a nice photo frame! It's not up to the guests to fill a newly wed's home with all the things they want, they do have to kinda get things for themselves! I'd go with no more than $20 & since it'll be on a tree they wont know how much each individual has given anyway. I think by giving her a gift at the hens night thing, it meant you put yourself in the position to have to give twice - LOL - if you had've just left the gift until the wedding day, then you wouldn't have had to give twice! I am not cheap either but i think sometime people do things a certain way so they get more gifts etc - then they don't actually have to buy a lot for themselves coz everyone else has done it for them!
• United States
28 Jun 07
I think 10 or 20 would be more then enough. Its just how much you feel comfortable giving, not how much you give really. I can understand your concern over this, but really just give what you want no matter how little or how much. If its a money tree, then they most likely wont know who it came from anyway...is my guess.
1 person likes this
@KrisNY (7591)
• United States
28 Jun 07
So it is your husbands sister? At weddings it depends on who they are- Will she know who gives what? I think for family I'd give $50-$100- even though you already gave a gift- We give gifts at showers off the registry- and then money at the wedding- Can be used towards their honeymoon- to a new house- or whatever they choose- If it won't matter and she won't know who gave what- then just give what you can. It's your call-
@vokey9472 (1488)
• United States
28 Jun 07
According to Miss Manners a wedding gift should never cost more than you are able to afford. The main thing to remember when giving a gift is that the gift reflect your relationship and closeness to the couple. When giving money to the couple, a monetary gift should be between $75-$100 per person giving the gift. If you are giving the gift as a single person then your would give $75-$100. If you are giving the gift with another person then the gift should between $150-$200. As per Miss Manners, a bridal shower invitaion is not an obligation to give a gift. If you gave a gift to the couple during the shower, you are not obligated to give another gift at the wedding. It is considered coarse and ill mannered to ask for monetary gifts. A money tree is something that has come into vogue in recent years, but it is still considered tacky. You sister-in-law should be ashamed of herself to ask for money in instead of gifts. Personally, I wouldn't give her a dime. I would buy a nice gift and include a gift receipt.
1 person likes this
• Canada
27 Jun 07
Whatever amount YOU think is sufficiant will do, after all: weddings, birthdays, and parties are NOT about money, it's about having friends and family join together and have fun. In a wedding's case, the creation of a bond between two loving couples.
1 person likes this
@jbb316 (1779)
• United States
27 Jun 07
If you already gave a gift then I think any amount should be good. Remember: You don't OWE them anything. You are giving them a gift out of the goodness of your heart and they should appreciate whatever you give them.
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Jun 07
You gave her the wedding gift at her bridal shower. She should not expect money from you at all or anything else for that matter. I would have a hard time telling people that instead of buying me gifts, give me money. It is tacky to mention gifts at all. I would not put any money on the money tree.
1 person likes this