Living Together - Good or Bad move?

@zandi458 (27952)
Malaysia
June 27, 2007 9:56pm CST
You've graduated from "me" to "we". He asked you to move in with him, you've said "yes". Now every weekend you're out holding hands, looking for the perfect love nest. But what about love and romance after the initial glow has faded and his n hers towels have been washed several times? Once you're living together, chances are you'll soon realise that you're living with a person, not a prince. Is it a good or bad move to live together before tying the knot.
5 people like this
21 responses
@paulick (533)
• Denmark
28 Jun 07
I think it's a very good idea to live together before getting married. If yu can not get it to working by living together then why get meryed??? If you do not live together before you get merried then you will not find out if it works until it is too late. My girlfriend and me have been living together for about two years now, and i'm thinking about POPPING the BIG QUESTION.....
3 people like this
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
28 Jun 07
Fine, if it works well for you. But not all couples living together will end up having a happy marriage. It just fizzles out after signing on the dotted lines.
@tim_un (355)
• Malaysia
28 Jun 07
for my opinion, better don't stay together before marry. This is good for both party to identify whether that is their best partner? if stay together early, both of you will do "wrong things" at night, that's totally not good.
• Vietnam
28 Jun 07
I'm afraid "wrong things" is acceptable if both of them are adult already. But I underpin your idea that people shouldn't live together before marriage
1 person likes this
• United States
28 Jun 07
I think it is a good idea to live together before marriage. This way you both can see how each other lives and if you need to compromise on anything. Once you both are comfortable with the living arrangements then see about marriage as long as you both are happy. If you choose to wait until married then I think you will have more arguments over little things because one of you didn't like the way the other did something or put something somewhere else other then where it was before, that sort of stuff. As far as love and romance, it takes both of you to keep it burning! You can always buy new towels....lol Prince? never met one yet!
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
28 Jun 07
Maybe it does gives the couple time evaluate each other before tying the knot.
@minhtan (87)
• Vietnam
28 Jun 07
we can't say it's good or bad due to each people. But to my mind, they shouldn't take that move. Because if they practically love each other, just tie the knot, it's unnecessary to get trial marriage. If they're just at beginning, they can't do that. However, I think at some stage of love, they need to be with other all time, they can't take other's image out their mind, this is time for them to decide whether living together is necessary and make them happy. The decision depends on their surrounding, their culture, their character.
2 people like this
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
28 Jun 07
I agree with your opinion.
• United States
28 Jun 07
I think it is a good idea to live together before getting married. It gives you a look at how it will be oce your married. You will find out about the bad habits they have and how they live. This way there is no surprises once your married.
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
28 Jun 07
Right. Everyone will not want a bad marriage. Does staying together before marriage guarantee a happy ending?
@Latrivia (2889)
• United States
28 Jun 07
Well if you're both going to get married, wouldn't you be living together anyway? So why would it matter if you moved in with him earlier? After all, if it doesn't work out, and living with him has changed your mind about him, isn't that better than waiting until after marriage and finding out too late that he's not the guy you thought you married?
2 people like this
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
28 Jun 07
I hope I had known that much earlier before I committed myself. Truely there won't be much heartaches if there had been a trail marriage. It would have been a different story now if I have been daring enough to opt for a live in arrangement before plunging into a permenant marriage.
1 person likes this
@gotcho0O (1258)
• United States
28 Jun 07
Well in most cases, they say it's good in a way that you get to learn and experience what it's like before ending up in a marriage life. But in real life, it's not necessary. Imagine your honeymoon, what will it be like. Ofcourse, when you lived in together, you get to do the things that a married person does lol. So my point is, there will be no excitement in your honeymoon moment lol.
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
29 Jun 07
There is nothing to look forward too anymore. Marriage only becomes a formality.
@gotcho0O (1258)
• United States
29 Jun 07
I respect your opinion. I guess, it depends to a person.
1 person likes this
• Canada
28 Jun 07
I have heard a few times now on CNN and other programs that the studies have proved that divorce is higher in the cases of live in relationships before marriage! Have you heard that?
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
28 Jun 07
No I haven't heard of that so far. Maybe staying together before marriage would ruin a marriage cos the relationship has gone far too long. There is no longer excitement and it has become stale.
1 person likes this
• Canada
28 Jun 07
Every couple I have talked to in a long term marriage where they are happy and not miserable. They all say the same thing. They create opportunities to keep the joy and romantic feelings alive. One man said to me if he bought a new car and he didn't wash it and vacum it on a regular bases he would lose interest in that car, same for my house or anything else I own. How much more do we need to invest in our spouses and children. Having close relationships just don't happen you have to nuture them. That really stuck with me as I come from a family where although my parents are still together after 50 years they are not happy and all of us kids aren't close to each other or them. So through the years I always talk to people whom I see have good healthy and happy relationships so I can learn from them.
1 person likes this
@Lakota12 (42684)
• United States
28 Jun 07
that really depends on the people involved. I went with my first husband for 2 years then we got married after 5 we were divioced. with 3 kids. Then met 2nd hubby was together 42 years and had 2 kids and we fell in love right off and lived together for a few year before we got married. Oh am not saying it was all roses but all marriages and partenership is a long hard haul ya have to work at it . and sometimes it is better to live with and find out not right than to tie the knot and find out a few years later!
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
28 Jun 07
Marriage is not a bed of roses, that we know. Every couple have to work hard to make it work. Talking through your experience I presume you vouch for living together before tying the knot.
@Lakota12 (42684)
• United States
28 Jun 07
It worked for me. DOnt know that it would work for everyone. I was always taught to wait for marriage but when I did it didnt work. My family didnt approve of me living with 2nd hubby kept urging us to get married but we did that in our own time when we thought it was right time and knew that, that peice of paper wasnt going to make any difference.
1 person likes this
@ckw622 (57)
• Malaysia
6 Aug 07
I think it is sometime wise to be that way if u are the type who can let go easily when it comes to a breakup. But if you are from Eastern country, it is a bit hard to do so due to the culture thing. And you don't want the other party to leave you after getting you, then this is a bad idea.
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
6 Aug 07
Being your country fellow, we are tightly binded by our strong religious and cultural beliefs. But not to say the modern society is putting a blind eye on this and the western culture has strong influence on our society now. This has become the in thing now and I hope it won't erode our culture further. Staying together is no big deal nowadays.
• Philippines
29 Jun 07
Well zandi458 i think it depends on both the partners view, i mean some would definitely want to live-in with their partners first before saying "i do" and with some, they always want to tie the knot first. It can be a good move when things work out fine : and it can be a bad move if it turns out bad :
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
29 Jun 07
Thats live. Marriage is a gamble.
@lingli_78 (12846)
• Australia
28 Jun 07
for me, i would not want to live with a man before i married him... i guess it is just my culture and tradition that we don't do that... also, there is a risk of doing that... in case that the relationship doesn't work out, we are the women that always lose out...
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
29 Jun 07
Men are fickle minded so women should play safe and try to play hard to get so that men give their respect.
• United States
28 Jun 07
When I moved in with my husband before we were married it was to test if I wanted to live with this man the rest of my life. Could I deal with his habits or ways? It helped us figure out each other. We are married now. We have been together 5 yrs. Sometimes it does help.
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
29 Jun 07
Good that it works.
@Willowlady (10666)
• United States
28 Jun 07
I would say NO. We need to date some more and if we can live together we can marry and then move in together. You have more rights if things go wrong. Living apart though connected is a good thing until you are ready to become a married couple and start new lives.
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
28 Jun 07
I salute your stand. This should be the way it is.
@Dolcerina (3379)
• Hungary
28 Jun 07
You caN KNOW SOMEBODY PERFECTLY ONLY IF you try living with him. In a good relationship we have to accept our partners mistakes, of course. BUt during the simpliest day you can realize what person he is in real. The most people try to show his best profil to his partner, but when you live together he can not be acting continously!! We must to learn that he is not a prince, and accept him, but you still have the opened door, where you can leave anytime, if you realize, that your life is directed to a wrong way with the wrong person. I was married, but we divorced. Now I live with my boyfriend for 2 and a half year. He has several mistakes, just like I have. We do not want to marry ever. We are free. ANd we are together, till we want to be together. We do not need any documents to proove , that we must be together. We buy things together, we plan our future together, but without any documents.
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
28 Jun 07
If it works well for you then there is no reason not to go on the way it is.
@liranlgo (5748)
• Israel
28 Jun 07
I can tell you that after 2 months me and my last boyfriend started to live together. I think that there are the benefit of learning how both of the partners react on the small little things in life. They also know if they can stand each other when they are living in the same space all the time, and seeing their mate every spare and private moment. I really do not know if we are dealing with a right/wrong question, i just think we are dealing with the feeling of each and every one of us of what on what we prefer. Do we prefer to know the person and his habits before marrying him or to start and knowing that after. I know that it was good for me, we lived a few years together, like any married couple, and in some stage i understood that i love this person, but he is not the one that i want to spend my life with. So when i broke up from this relationship, it was easier then the whole divorce formal thing. I think that it all depends on the person. We will never completely know the person, but the little that we manage to see when living together, is enough for deciding, how we want to go on.
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
28 Jun 07
I quite agree with you. Living together is a way of discovering more about each other every day. It is one way to assess how comfortable you both feel for each other.
@tuscon (48)
• United States
28 Jun 07
I think it is a good idea to live with a person before marrying them if it is allowed in your society. Some countries look down on this I think. It is best to know if the relationship will work before signing those papers and then later having a costly divorce because you realised you can't stand to live with the person after all.
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
28 Jun 07
It is something like trial marriage. If it doesn't works call it off.
@Shaun72 (15968)
• Palatka, Florida
28 Jun 07
In a way it's a good idea to get to know each other before marriage but then again i lived with my ex husband for about 6 months before we marries and It turned out awful. So I think everyone is different.
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
28 Jun 07
It all depends on individual. If things doesn't work in a marriage I don't see any reason to hang on for long.
@barehugs (8986)
• Canada
29 Jun 07
Yes, try the relationship first, before you tie the knot. Would you buy a car without a test drive? A car might last 5 years, a marriage should last a lifetime. How much more important, then, is a Relationship? Its a Great Move! Go for that Test Drive!
@Maxmafia (10)
• India
28 Jun 07
ya it is good thing and you may get a chance of understanding him. is almost the nearest thing that may happened between you and him. you must get heard
1 person likes this