Do you speak with your mother every day?
By miamilady
@miamilady (4910)
United States
June 28, 2007 11:22am CST
I don't.
My older sister seems to think that I should make more of an effort to spend time with my mother.
I live within on city block of my mother and I don't speak with her every day. I speak with her regulary, just not every day.
Sometimes, I'm just not in the mood, sometimes I'm busy and I forget. There are times when I do speak with her several days in a row, then somtimes I will go 3 day without speaking with her.
While my kids were in school this year, I made it a point to have a few breakfast dates with her and a few lunch dates.
I think I'm making a decent effort. She has been hospitalized a few times and I am usually the one to go in with her and my dad for the check in process and I am the one who visits her almost every day. I have missed a day or two.
My oldest sister lives a little further away but not extremely far. It takes about a 30 minute drive to get from her house to my mothers. She actually said to me "if I lived as close as you did, I think I'd spend more time with her".
I thought to myself, "You have a 30 minute drive! You could visit more than you do do!" I didn't say it out loud, because too often when I stand up to her, it turns into a huge drama.
I'm just wondering what most people do. How often do you speak with or visit your mother?
16 people like this
59 responses
@Inky261 (2520)
• Germany
28 Jun 07
Yes, I speak with my old mother every day. I make sure that she is not in need of something. I go shopping for her. I overtake all the things she is not able to do herself any more. To me it is not important what the others in the family do or do not do. For me it is important that my mom has a certain quality of living now that she is old and fragile. Even on days when she is not doing good she is happy when I show up and she hears my voice. It makes her happy and she feels secure. I try to fulfill every wish she has.
@worldwise1 (14885)
• United States
29 Jun 07
Inky, you would do any mother proud! Bless you for understanding that a mother always wants to interact with her children.
@maehan (1439)
• United States
28 Jun 07
It's the thought that count. That's what my mom usually say. When I am in Singapore, I call her everyday. I visit her everyday coz Singapore is so small and the public transport is so convenient.
Currently, I call my mom once/twice a week as I currently in US and she is in Singapore. It is to costly to travel back to Singapore at the mean time.
No worry, your mom will understand as you have your own family to juggle.
2 people like this
@deebomb (15304)
• United States
28 Jun 07
I reaaly don't think it's necessary to speak or call your mother every day. I have 2 daughters and we all live in different stats so we don't get to see each other often. I have one daughter that used to call almost ever other day. sometimes it was a little eratating to have her call so often because sometime there was nothering to say. Now she call about twice a week and that is fine with me. we are close too. I do wish my other daughter would call more often then she does but as it is with me she does not have a lot of money to make long distance call. You are doing much more than your siser to show that you are caring for your parents. Some may feel that you should call more often but since your father is still alive if ether one of them needs you they can call you. Also if your mother feels the need to talk to you she can call too.
@miamilady (4910)
• United States
28 Jun 07
Thanks for your response. Yes my dad is still living and he should play a factor in that. Unfortunately, their relationship is not as great as it should be.
That is part of the problem. Sometimes he doesn't do what he should (in my opinion) and also, sometimes my mom and I end up having the same conversation about her unhappiness. I feel for her, but I can't fix her problems and sometimes I'm just not up to listening to it.
Also, as you said, if you talk too often, you end up talking about the same things. I think that's kind of pointless.
I also agree that if she wants to talk to me, she can call me too. I've always believed that the phone works both ways. I do think that sometimes she hesitates because she thinks she is "bothering" me.
I may give her that impression sometimes. I try not too, but I just don't want to be with her her quite as much as she may want to be with me. I do what I can for her, but I guess we all have our limits.
1 person likes this
@deebomb (15304)
• United States
28 Jun 07
Well some times when my daughter call I wish she wouldn't because she just goes over the same thing in the same conversation, like today. I get to hear what an a$$ her ex is and I sometimes get the feeling she would like to have me fix it for her and I can't. The only thing that is going to fix that situation is another year when her daughter turns 18. Boy will I be glad when that happens. We go through this about once a month because of summer visits.
@tinamwhite (3252)
• United States
28 Jun 07
My Mother had an aneurysm 13 years ago...she has lived with me for several years now...so, yes, I talk to her everyday....
But my MIL lives 6 hours away....I usually talk to her 3-4 times a week...sometimes less if things are going on here....sometimes more if things are going on there...
I feel that we share a close relationship...I feel that we talk often enough to show we care but not so often as to become a nuisance...
Thanks how I feel about it...
@tumalty1980 (256)
•
28 Jun 07
Oh come on, Its just not paractical to visit or call your mother every day, with work and family commitments that we all have once we leave home we just dont have the time to visit every day. Yes it may be easy to pick up the phone but we all have days when you want to come home have a bath and go to bed or just veg out and watch the TV.
I Live about 30 miles from my mum and dads house I see my Mum about once a week at the weekend, I see my dad every day but thats only because he works for me. I know for me it would be improssible to see my mum every day, With business to run, tenants on the phone all the time, kids at home, its just not possible to make a call or go around, But my mum understands this as im sure your mum would too.
Your sister would change her mind if she moved closer, We move out for independance.
We live next door but one to my mother in law and we dont see her everyday, We all have things we need to get done
@worldwise1 (14885)
• United States
29 Jun 07
Sorry, but I disagree with you on this matter. Evidently you don't know what it is to be a mother. As I tell my adult children all the time: Once you become a mother, you are a mother for life. I don't care how old my children get, they're still my children. I am concerned for them and want to know what is going on in their lives. I don't see anything wrong with this.
@tumalty1980 (256)
•
29 Jun 07
Yeah Im a father fair enough my are still school age but I wouldnt expect them to phone me every day once they leave home, So you have grown up children who i asume have work commitments, their home life maybe children to look after, the gym to visit and a social life and you expect them to phone or visit you every single day to let you know whats going on in thier life, (which is what the orininal question was)
I know Im going to worry about my children but them going up I am going to have to let go a little, this doesnt mean I love them any less, care any less or worry any less, We are from the UK and my brother has moved to the USA while he opens a new york office for his work and it is just not possible for him to call every day.
Yes If iv got spare time possible while driving between branches for work I may call in but I wont go out of my way to do so. But I am their every sunday without fail to take Mum and dad for lunch.
@desertdarlene (8910)
• United States
29 Jun 07
I used to talk to my mother almost every day until around the time she got married. Then, she started to complain that I was calling her too much and trying to control her life. She's kinda strange. So, I don't want to bother her and I only call about once a week or every two weeks or so.
@miamilady (4910)
• United States
29 Jun 07
lol It sounds like you two already reversed rolls!She sounds like the kid and you the parent. It think that happens to all of us eventually. We switch rolls.
It sounds like she just values her indepenence and is worried about losing it as she gets older.
@miamilady (4910)
• United States
30 Jun 07
I love the idea of a weekly Sunday dinner. My family never really had that tradition. In your case it's lunch. That's still nice. Thanks for your response.
@xfallenxlostx (2074)
• United States
29 Jun 07
Yes, i speak with my mother every day. Then again, i LIVE with my mother. She and i actually spend far too much time together. We are so sick of each other...but we can't get away from one another. See, i was in a near fatal car crash in 2003 and now my mother is my caregiver. i need a lot less care than i used to, but i still need her around. i am hoping i get well enough soon to not need her around all the time and then we can get the much needed break from each other.
@miamilady (4910)
• United States
29 Jun 07
I hope you heal quickly so you can get your much needed break. Good luck. Take care.
@cher913 (25782)
• Canada
28 Jun 07
well i am an only child and while i am close, i am also very busy with work, my freelance writing, church, my kids and hubby, my house etc...
its funny, but my dad calls me prolly more than my mom does, i talk to him prolly every other day and then talk to my mom as well...
@miamilady (4910)
• United States
28 Jun 07
Well, that's another awkward thing that I have to deal with. My dad and I have a strange relationship. He likes to talk...about the old days...but not stuff like, oh, i don't know...life, religion etc.
When he talks he has an angenda. Anyways, I usually call to talk to my mom, but sometimes, if he answers I feel guilty because after some brief small talk, I ask to speak to my mom, or he'll say "do you want to talk to mom". I feel guilty that I'm not talking to him more and that it's just assumed that I'm calling to speak to her. Heck sometimes she about rips the phone out of his hand lol figuring I'm calling to talk to her.
@maddysmommy (16230)
• United States
28 Jun 07
I feel at times that I should be keeping in contact with her more often but sometimes I get too caught up with my own little family that I tend not to talk with her as often as I think I should. She lives in NZ so its usually text messages and she often calls because they have cheaper deals from NZ than we do from here. It can get quite expensive making a 5 minute call!
I would be annoyed if my sister and brothers kept hassling me about not visiting her as often, I mean she is only 30 minutes away, why doesn't she visit with your mom too? just because you live close doesn't mean you don't have your life to live too! but thats just me!
@miamilady (4910)
• United States
28 Jun 07
Thanks. I agree, my sis does spend a little to much time worrying about what others do instead of her own stuff. She can be a pain in the behind sometimes but she has some good qualities too.
I do what I can. She does what she can. That should be enough.
This was a conversation that we had a few months ago. I'm not sure if she still has the same opinion or not. I'm not gonna ask! lol It was a difficult conversation.
1 person likes this
@Rozie37 (15499)
• Turkmenistan
28 Jun 07
My mother passed away when I was ten years old. So it was at that time that I began to learn the real value of a mother. My mom use to always tell my two sisters and I, you only have one mother and once she is gone, you will never find another one like her.
I am 37 years old now and I am still searching. I think that your sister is pushing her guilt off on you. As long as you spend as much time as you feel comfortable with, don't worry about what your sister is saying.
@miamilady (4910)
• United States
28 Jun 07
That didn't occur to me. That she might be pushing her guilt on me. You could be onto something there!
Thanks.
1 person likes this
@beautyqueen26 (16030)
• United States
29 Jun 07
My mother and I don't get along, so we rarely talk. And, when we do it doesn't end well. So, we try to give each other as much distance as possible. It doesn't always work out that way, but it's best for everyone. I am hoping to build a stronger more loving relationship with my daughter so that she will think to call me when she is all grown up and away from home. I would be devastated if she disliked me so much that she didn't call me. But it is good that you are able to speak with your mother often. And, to see her. It works out for some people that way. I'm glad it worked out for you. Be well. And, blessings upon you.
@miamilady (4910)
• United States
29 Jun 07
My relationship with my mom is okay, but I am trying to do the same thing with my daughter as you are.
I hope that she feels closer to me, than I do to my mother.
Take care
@kris_awn (32)
• Indonesia
29 Jun 07
yes, i always speak to my mom everyday, 'cos i always help her in everything she does if i could.
I do love my mom so i often speak to my mom.
I think the act of love is speaking.So that if I love my mom, i must speak to her.
I DO LOVE MY MOM SO, don't you?
@miamilady (4910)
• United States
29 Jun 07
Yes, I do love my mom too. I think there are many different ways to show that you love someone. Also, even if you love someone. Sometimes you might need a little time away from them.
@soulist (2985)
• United States
4 Jul 07
Well I live at home, so I do talk to mom every day, but when I was in college I didn't. I talked to her every other day just to let her know that things were going fine. She was worried about me being on a big campus in the city. I think when I move out I'll be more like my brother and call her a little less, but like you go out to lunch or dinner with her from time to time.
@cjsmom (1423)
• United States
15 Aug 07
I love my mother dearly. She lives in Oregon while we live in Illinois. I have been able to visit her once a year for a week and I know she really enjoys CJ and I being there. She is diabetic and in her 70's, so I know it won't be that awfully long before she passes.
I made the mistake of telling her a few years ago that we have unlimited long distance, so she expects me to call her every day. Her living on an fixed income I would never insist she call me but there are times when I just can't call her for whatever reason and she gets emotional about it.
I know that when she's gone I don't want to have to say to myself, "I wish I had talked to her more." I didn't call her yesterday so I will definitely call her later today; it's just that there isn't a whole lot to tell her from one day to the next - nothing changes much in a day.
She did her best to raise us as a single parent and I want to make sure that she feels loved.
@jelani2322 (89)
• United States
28 Jun 07
after being attached to my mother for so long it feels weird not to talk to her everyday but their are not many days that i dont talk to my mother she is my building block and my foundation in life she gives me the guidence i need to move foward she can be annoying at times but we all have pains in our a$$es but where would we be with out them
@goddessglamourpuss (261)
•
15 Aug 07
I live about 10mins walk from my Mum's house and I visit her twice a week to take her shopping and out and about as she is disabled and has had little success in replacing her PA who did the same. I try and visit with the kids at the weekend as well so sometimes I only go round to take her out.
My sister lives at the other end of the country and it is a 3hr drive so she comes up for high days and holidays. She phones every day - usually more than once - but more to moan about her problems than a chat. If I haven't been down she will be on my case or phoning me to say Mum is ill or lonely and I could really pop round.
I do feel guilty if I don't see her for a couple of days but it isn't because I don't care, it's just that I have other things to do.
It is really easy for siblings to sit in judgement but I feel with my sister that if she cared so much then why did she move so far away?
