What is your feeling after scolding your kids?

Philippines
June 29, 2007 9:41pm CST
Sometimes, we can't take control of everything. In my case, I worked for 8 hours, thinking of so many problems, and when you get home, you wanted to relax for some minutes and you can't do it coz our kids are too noisy, questioning you some unimportant questions, picking on you. Until we scolded them, not to be noisy, to shut up and give a few minutes to have peace at home. After that...I feel of being guilty of what I did to my kids. hav u done it too?
2 people like this
31 responses
@youless (112091)
• Guangzhou, China
30 Jun 07
I feel very bad if I scold my child. I try not to do so. I always want to be a good friend to my child rather than a strict parent. But sometimes when I am having a bad mood, and the child is making a fuss, then I may lose my temper. But after that, I always blame myself.
@dfollin (24146)
• United States
30 Jun 07
You shouldn't feel bad.Scolding your child is guiding them and that's what God want's you to.One verse for example Deuteronomy 6:7 And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up. Now that doesn't mean that you need to scould them all the time,but remember some types of scolding is teaching them.
• United States
30 Jun 07
You shouldn't be guilty although i don't have any kids i remember being one and while at the time it seemed unfair you grow to learn why your parents do it.It is completely normal to feel guilty but if you don't displine your children at the start they will grow to disobey often and give no respect to you so displining or scolding is a common way for parents to their children that something is bad or wrong.For example if you touch something that is extremly hot the pain quickly teaches you not to touch it again until it cools down.I hope that helps
@dfollin (24146)
• United States
30 Jun 07
Exactly,your so right and that's what I tried to tell my husband and he said that he rather let her have her way then hear her cry.Wrong!
@limosonia1 (1559)
• United States
30 Jun 07
I think as parents we have all done this. I try to control it more now that my kids can actaully tell me I am being grumpy. Now if I have had a long day or a hard dat I walk in and tell my kids that mommy is on strike for a little while or on time out. Then they usually leave me alone knowing that I need sometime. Even my 7 year old is catching on to it. This way I can relax then deal with everything else. It works good for us because they don't feel bad for me yelling and in return I don't feel the quilt that I use to.
• Philippines
21 Jul 07
that's nice...i'll try that too.
@youless (112091)
• Guangzhou, China
12 Oct 07
I will feel very hurtful to do so. I don't feel well to scold my child, but sometimes it is hard to avoid. Because when the child does something wrong and doesn't want to correct it, it is easy to annoy parents. I know scolding a child isn't a good method, and I will try to behave myself but sometimes it still happens. I hope one day my child can understand all I want him to do is good for him.
@dimaks (786)
• Japan
21 Oct 07
i believe it is kind of a test to us parents to groom and let our sense of patience grow alongside our family circle. but i agree on your point that nobody would really want to entertain questions from kids while they wish to enjoy a few moments of relaxation from a tedious work but then, kids are kids you know.. they want to learn sometimes and we parents are the closest ones they can turn to.
@saibunny (84)
• India
13 Oct 07
Many a times it has happened. Its the job pressure which develops mental tension and ultimately we pass it on to our children. I really feel bad when I do so. But I take care that I always give them there share of love.
• Philippines
30 Jun 07
Don't worry you are not alone. I am a working mother too and when I get home from work, my 2 year old son keeps pestering me and I would ignore him, scold him or leave him with the nanny. And at the end of the day, when I have time to think about it, I'd realize that he was just wants to spend time with me because I was not with him the whole day. Its natural to feel guilty, its actually good because its a sign that we care. We are not perfect and we make mistakes.
@williamjisir (22819)
• China
30 Jun 07
I feel guilty if I have scolded my kid. Therefore I have managed not to scold my kid for anything that will make me guilty later. I have been a good-tempered father to my kid.
• United States
30 Jun 07
I'm sure that every parent has done it from time to time not really meaning to do it. I had to set some rules and guidelines for my kids as soon as I got home for work like you stated I just wanted to unwind. I told my kids that unless it was extremely important don't ask any questions for a hour and I would go in my room turn on some music and just lay down. I wouldn't jump on the phone or anything for a hour. After the hour I'm all theirs.
@Feona1962 (7526)
• United States
30 Jun 07
I would feel bad, but I know that sometimes it is necessary...especially when they already know when not to do certain things...It depends on the scolding also...Like if I had just screamed and scared the pants of em, I would feel terrible...I wouldn't scream at them because I don't like loud noises...and of course I wouldn't want to scare them...
• Australia
30 Jun 07
I am not a parent nor a guardian for a child, but i myself is the son my parents (duh! =D ) Sometimes when my mum scold at me for doing something wrong, she apologises to me after she know it was a mistake. Of course i will forgive her. But sometimes, when i really did do something wrong and she scolds at me for it, i know she really means business and i apologise to her for doing the wrong thing. She remains angry for a certain period of time depending on what i did wrong, if it was minor, she just starts talking to me again in few minutes, if it is a very big thing, then i just leave her alone to calm for an hour or two, but she never gets really really angry at me that she doesn't forgive me overnight =D we are a close family and talk about absolutely anything so we really dont hold grudges against each other.
• Egypt
30 Jun 07
I'm be very sad
• United States
30 Jun 07
Actually, I have a very short maternal threshold for my own kids and the noise they can produce. HAHAH I hear ya geezer! However, they are kids and that is their job yeah? Yeah. The fundamental thing we all must realize is that they LOVE us and want to be WITH us and have zero thought for the day we have had. Seriously, empathy is not a trait of a child. Be careful not to expect too much from them with respect to giving you space at the end of the workday. Better to explain to them that when you come in you will offer hugs and a few tickles but then dad needs a time out. Yep, ma and pa need time outs too!! I am afraid that often times kids remember the emotional reaction (theirs and yours) much more than they recall the lesson (to be quiet). If they cannot play in another room until you unwind and detox from work; then try earplugs and a screen around you for pseudo-privacy? Make it a contest for them...whoever can play with the least amt of noise wins a favorite chair at the dinner table?? Give them an incentive to do what you need. Kids just want to please ma and pa, really they do. Let them!! Now then, have I scolded them and then had an emotional reaction? Sure I have. But that is A-Ok in my home; it is important to me that my kids see momma has feelings and needs too, and momma ain;t afraid to state her needs!! No apologies, just an honest explanation is needed and they can and do "deal" just fine.
• United States
11 Oct 07
Lately, I've been trying not to fly off the handle and I'm doing pretty good. The key is not to bring up past offenses, and don't attack them personally. Address the current situation only.
@dfollin (24146)
• United States
30 Jun 07
Yes,I have.I think all parents have felt guilty,but we shouldn't.When my daughter has been outside playing with her friends and she comes in and I simply ask her a question.And she had a disagreement with a friend or something,then she yells at me to be quit,she want's some time alone for a few minutes,but she is downright rude and disrespectful to me.Then when I need her to just go away for awhile,she can't understand that.They want us to understand when they need s few minutes alone,even before we are told they need that space,but when we need it,we are mean.Kids!My son just became a father and I told him that I don't want my grandaughter to be a bad person,but I hope that she can be just as hateful to you as you can be to me.
@crazynurse (7482)
• United States
30 Jun 07
I belive that every parent has done this at some time and has also ended up feeling badly about having done so. It is hard not to end up taking our frustrations out on those we love. I always apologized later, and admitted that there was no excuse for it and that I hoped that they could understand. By doing so, I was hoping to teach them to always be accountable for their actions and to apologize when they had done wrong.
• Saudi Arabia
30 Jun 07
yes, this is the same feeling to me. everyday i feel guilty after that. but i think this is normal to everybody. We love our kids. One day i asked my younger son about it. He told me that he knows, why father behave like so. so nothing to worry.
@pinks0da (328)
• Philippines
30 Jun 07
Yeah, I understand you. I am a working mom too and oftentimes we are so tired from work and the last thing we wanted are unnecessary questions and loud noises, fightings etc etc.. It took me sometime to get used to it... Before I would really yell at them to stop being too noisy or for picking on our dog...I would feel guilty thinking how patient I am to other people yet I can't do it to my own kids. That thought made me realize I should give more patience and consideration to my kids above anyone else...I have learned to control my temper then on. Whenever my emotions eats me up resulting to scolding and yelling at my kids, I always talk to them afterwards and explain to them that mommy was tired and of course I say sorry to them and gives them a hug...:), parents should know how to say sorry to their kids too.
@wachit14 (3595)
• United States
30 Jun 07
I have absolutely felt guilty. When I was younger, I would do the same, but now I realize that this isn't the way to handle things. Of course, they are older and have better manners at home. I still get angry at things they do, but I try to tell them calmly because then I know that they are listening to me. Yelling, on the other hand, just turns them off.
30 Jun 07
Hi it is very rare when either I or my partener need to scold our children. The only time I have really scolded my son was when I caught him hanging out of his bedroom window, Yes I did feel guilty afterward but I did go over the top shouting but that was because of how stupid and dangerous he was being