Do you submit to your husband, is it equal, or do you run the show?

United States
July 5, 2007 12:59am CST
I have been recently trying to submit to my husband because in my religion it is supposed to be that way. I was wondering how other people have thier marriage work, how well thier marriage is going. I also would like to know if people who have chosen to submit have any problems at times doing so. Thanks for your replies.
15 responses
@mrsbrian (1951)
• United States
5 Jul 07
In our marriage everything is equal, from the running of the house to takeing out the trash. I understand the purpose of submitting but I think some religions take it to far as do some husbands. To me submitting is like doing everything he says and that aint gonna happen i have my own mind and thoughts and i intend to express them.
• United States
5 Jul 07
The way it was explained to me is that I should express my thoughts, but leave the ultimate decisions up to him. He is also supposed to do his part by loving me "as Christ loved the church." This is supposed to stop husbands from "taking it too far." I'm not judging anyone, especially because I am new at this and am not quite sure how it will work out. I am just trying to put my faith in God and see what happens. I just wanted some ideas about how things work for other couples. Up until VERY recently I tried to wear the pants in the family, or at least have equal say. My husband is really strong willed and we never really came up with any compromises anyways..... We had a pretty bad relationship. Thank you very much for your imput.
• United States
5 Jul 07
Cowtowing is NOT the answer to a bad relationship. You have tot alk about the problems, not just assume they'll disappear someday. Pretending they don't exist will only make them worse. If you want to be equal then tell him that. Don't just bend to him, it will make you resentful later in life.
• Philippines
5 Jul 07
I am happy that you are doing your best to be a good wife zavansky. As a wife we need to make our better-half feel that we truly love them. One way to show that is through "submission." But this particular word should be used properly especially when we talk about religion. You and your husband should understand that marriage is teamwork put with love and sacrifice at the same time. It takes maturity because you both have to make the most of your relationship and nurture it everyday to last a lifetime.. I have a very strong personality but I submit to my husband because I believe he is a good leader in our family. On the other hand, when he's wrong, I talk it out with him and discuss further why he needs to listen to me. Thank God I have a very intelligent and understanding hubby. That is why, whenever we have issues that needs discussion, we always give time to communicate. What I can advise is that try to create a good line of communication in your relationship to make it work. There is no such thing as "I win" or "he wins", always, it shuld be "US" when you create decisions. Good luck in your marriage.
• United States
6 Jul 07
Thank you for this.
@maddysmommy (16243)
• United States
5 Jul 07
Well in our relationship my husband deals with the bigger things and I deal with smaller things that need to be done on a daily basis. We always talk about everything first before we decide on what to do. We both submit to each other, we hear each other out, and depending on what we are doing, it will determine who will run with it. We know each others strengths and weaknesses and in a way we balance each other out. If I am unable to do it, he will step in and do it and vice versa. You can say we work very well as a team. Of course it doesn't always work out that way but majority of the time it does :)
• United States
5 Jul 07
Thanks for sharing this.
• United States
5 Jul 07
We personally do a little bit of all three. Inherently we are equal, but as two people and as a man and woman we each have things we are better at than the other and depending on the situation or subject we may do it together or let the other take the lead.
• United States
5 Jul 07
In that situation, he would probably ask me to take the lead, I would be submitting to him by taking the lead then.
• Japan
6 Jul 07
I read this this morning and have been thinking about it all day. I would like to say that we are equal partners but I live in my husbands country, where I basically can't function because of language. I can get by with daily things, shopping, doctors/dentist and dealing with basic things at the kids school but when it comes to anything to do with banking or contracts I have to leave everything up to my husband. I don't think I'll ever have confidence to deal with reading and signing contracts. So am I submisive yes and no. In Japan, where I am living, the housewives look very submisive but they really rule the nest. On the outside they say "Yes,Yes" to their husbands but they control the money etc. I wouldn't want to be like that. I'm very happy for hubby to make the big decissions after we talk things through. But there are things that I make the decission in.
• United States
6 Jul 07
I am a Christian and I firmly believe in submitting to my husband. This arrangement only works, though, when your husband follows God's commandment to love his wife as himself. Submission does not mean you cannot voice your opinions and discuss decisions. It also does not mean you have to accept a decision that goes against God or puts yourself or your children in danger. It takes a little while to find your right rhythm in submitting to him, but pray about it and practice it. In time it will be the most natural feeling in the world, because that is how a marriage is intended to be. I just celebrated my 11th wedding anniversary. You can read my blog post about it, including submission, at www.lifeasachristianwoman.com.
• Jamaica
6 Jul 07
Submission is grossly misunderstood. In the religious circles a fauly reading of the eph. 5: text leads to this gross misuse of Scripture. The oft quoted passage, really should be read as a strophe ( completed thought) one verse earlier than is usually read. That earlier verse says, "submit to each other out of reverence to Christ." Its a dual requirement. Not a one way ticket for a wal specimen of maleness to trample on a woman.
• Malaysia
6 Jul 07
In my religion a wife should obey her husband at all times. But nowadays in my country we have adopted the modern style where the husband himself is much tolerant and give permission to his wife to do almost everything she wants, as long as it is not against the religion. So now me and my husband do not have any problems in terms of I am not obeying him or stuff like that. We work together, and be understanding to each other.
@Lissaboo (44)
• United States
5 Jul 07
Equality is key in my opinion.I found this quote and I think it pretty much sums up how I feel about the relationship between husband and wife: The woman came out of a man's rib,not from his feet to be walked on,not from his head to be superior, but from the side to be equal.Under the arm to be protected, and next to the heart to be loved. It is an amazing quote,I'm not knocking your religion though by any means.That is your right to believe. I have submitted at one point in my life with a man and it led me to no good.I ended up being yelled at constantly and eventually I just snapped and now I am with the best guy I've ever met and even if my religion did call for it,I don't think my Fiance would even think to ask me to do something without consulting me. A good man would not make you uncomfortable by asking you to do something he knows you would submit to, not by choice but because of religion.A good man would make sure that you knew he had your best intrest in mind and that's really all that matters.
• United States
5 Jul 07
personally, I don't think any adult should submit to anybody..but if a person's religion says thats what you are supposed to do, then so be it...I don't submit to my man at all...he thinks he runs this relationship ane sometimes I let him think that...I was raised by a dominant female and he knows how she was, so we run this thing equally...
@tikensoup (228)
• Mauritius
5 Jul 07
I don't quite understand by what you mean when you say submitting. Is it submitting completely to all his wills and desires? If that's so, then I think he would be on the winning end of the relationship. And you will be left frustrated unless it is in your nature to be submissive.
• United States
5 Jul 07
I tend to be a bit submissive, though my husband wouldn't have a problem with more equality, or even me running the show. I was raised in a very old fashioned environment, and it worked for my grandparents. It works for us too. I don't think of it as giving in, or even as being submissive. I just see it as letting him take the lead. He still respects my opinions and usually gives me what I want, but in the end, I leave the decisions to him.
@shyviolet (126)
• United States
5 Jul 07
I think it is wrong for either side to submit to the other...that's not a relationship, that's a dictatorship. It should be a partnership and as such, each half should half equal say and work off of each other.
5 Jul 07
Well,I have never been the sort of person to remain under someone else's thumb.so I have never "submitted" to my husband in the sense that I don't keep quiet when he is wrong, and I don't keep my feelings inside me if I am angry.I get angry on my husband sometimes and I do show it.In India,generally women always have remained subjugated to their husbands but my father taught us to respect people as they are and not because they are men or husbands or whatever.I think One should always do what is right.:)
@lyndee22 (1211)
• Philippines
5 Jul 07
Submitting to him means simply humbling myself, I don't over power him but there are instances that I rule the house. Most of the time I am the decision maker, though we consult each others opinion. We do share works but definitely not all tasks are equally parted.