will you choose the man you're mother decides to marry?

Philippines
July 5, 2007 2:32am CST
my dad has been dead for a decade now and over the last 3 years, my mother has been online and got many marriage proposals. I'm skeptical because personally i don't know these men. We don't come from a rich family background. We're just an average income family and yet these men have proposed over and over again. Some offered to send her money, but my mother declined. She told me it's not right to ask for money if you don't know what the person is capable of. But she's considering marrying one of them. Will you interfere in her decision?
10 responses
@tere77 (51)
5 Jul 07
In my opinion, your mom has a right to be happy and I think she'd be given another chance at marriage. But I also understand your concern over her choosing a man she will marry and eventually become your stepfather. If you ask me if I would interfere with her decision, I guess it depends on who she decides to marry, if you have any reason that you think your mother has overlooked and had not considered that may harm or cause you to be concerned of then you might as well talk to her and explain what you think or feel about her decision. It also depends if your so close like best friends then maybe you can easily talk to her and make her understand.
• Malaysia
5 Jul 07
I agree with Terra. If you think your mother might be in danger, talk to her about it. If she's not too certain, tell her don't, and do a discreet background check on the guy. Inform your mom that you're going to do a check, but don't tell the guy. It's better to be safe than sorry.
@tere77 (51)
6 Jul 07
I think it's better to be safe than sorry. After all it's your mother you are concerned about and I think she will understand why you are trying to interfere if ever with her decision to re-marry.
• Philippines
6 Jul 07
i wouldn't really interfere but i would definitely talk to my mom and tell her how i really feel about what she's about to do. i believe that she would listen to me coz i am her daughter. your mom deserves to be happy, let her be. however, it is important that you help her out make the decision. remember, whoever she decides to marry will eventually be your stepfather so you really have an important role to play here...
• Philippines
6 Jul 07
Thank you all!!!! Your replies have been enlightening. I will consider all of these and hope my mother will understand. LOL, sugy!!!
• Canada
5 Jul 07
Hi, sugz_j, I understand that as a daughter, you are very protective of your mom--you love her, so you want to make sure that she will be happy and loved. Being a mom myself, I have experienced first-hand the loving protectiveness of my daughter, and it is a very beautiful thing, and moms treasure that feeling of being loved and protected by their kids. If I were you, I will have a heart to heart talk with your mom, and tell her your concerns. Preface your discussion by telling her that you do not want to interfere with her decision, you just want her to be safe, happy and loved in this new relationship that she is contemplating. It will be better if she gets to see these guys in person. Have the three that are most appealing to her to come meet her in person, (with you preferably present, because you, as a third party, may be more objective). You two can then share whatever good/bad vibes you feel from these guys. These men have to realize that you (meaning your mom) do not just jump into a relationship after a first meeting, though. Your mom has to be able to judge who will be most compatible with her. You don't get that from "just one look"--that's only for romance novels and the movies--they will have to maybe date first, and if the relationship works, then they can get married. As far as marrying someone you meet online, that is not so impossible. We have a family friend who met a lady online, they arranged to meet, they fell in love, and they got married! And they've been together for six years. So, good luck to you and your mom. BTW, if you can do it, run a credit check and a character check on this guys, to make sure they do not have police records. You don't want an axe murderer in your midst, do you...LOL!!! All the best and affirm that your mom is in a perfect, loving, and stable relationship, and you know what? it will happen! :-}
• Canada
6 Jul 07
Thanks so much for best response! I hope that you and your mom will always have open channels of communication between the two of you. Mother/daughter relationships are extra special and your close bond is a treasure that needs to be carefully nurtured. I think your mom is pretty lucky to have a child who is so concerned for her benefit! :-} Hugs! {{{{*}}}}
@aissha (2036)
• India
5 Jul 07
hi there,i just checked and u are not indian ,we indians mostly get married as our parents want thats the way it is ,though love marriage is also happening still, arranged marriage is more than love marriages ,i'd say u are 30 u can get married and if u are ok with the guy thrn get maried because we get in love after marriage and indians have more stable marriage because only 2 persons are not involves but it is amatter of family and everyone wants that a marriage should be succesful.my brightest blessings.
• Philippines
5 Jul 07
i apologize for the misunderstanding. the person getting married is my mother and not me... thank you for the blessings though.. appreciate them so much. LOL, sugy
• Philippines
7 Jul 07
i wouldn't interfere but i'd make sure the man is decent and would take care of my mom and would never hurt her. this man your mom is considering to marry, did she see him in person already?? you guys should get to know him personally. better make sure he's not psycho or something.
@sugarfloss (2140)
• Malaysia
5 Jul 07
i would interfere if it happened to me.i think you should too.mothers need advice from their daughters.i'll only agree if i like the guy and that means if he's clean,he marries my mom for love and not money and he doesn't have a wife who's still alive or a girlfriend.
@diannebcrs (1549)
• Philippines
5 Jul 07
i don't see any clear basis in her choice here, to be perfectly honest, i mean you have to really get to know a person in person before agreeing to marry him. marriage is a big deal for me so i have to be the one to decide whom i want to end up with. i mean think about spending the rest of your life with someone you simply "agreed to marry."
@bballpro (79)
• United States
5 Jul 07
I'm sorry about your father. I would marry someone you love not someone your mom tell's you to marry. If your mom tells you to marry someone you love then...it's ok. If your mom tells you to marry someone you don't like or don't want to marry then...don't marry him.
@eiencafe (155)
• Italy
5 Jul 07
Well I'd say she has a right to be happy but you have to come first because you're her family so if you don't like the guy then tell her to pay more attention to him and maybe she'll see he's not a good person (of course if you think he's not good). Tell her to meet the guy first, introduce him to you and the family and after some time if you and her see he's a good guy then give her blassing. I don't know if you still live with her but if you do then that person will come to live with you, too. And if the living together isn't good then both you and your mother won't be happy. So help her decide and talk to her about your doubts. Of course I don't know what I'd do in a similar situation because right now I'm not in the same condition but if my mom is happy then I have to let her go, if I see that man really makes her happy. I don't know about knowing the man online and never meeting him before the marriage; I woldn't do it but I know some people knew their wife/husband online and they're happy but I think they met before "tying the knot".
@maiax2k6 (535)
• Philippines
5 Jul 07
i believe that we as a daughter can only do as much. we can in so far make suggestions, help with the decision-making w/ all our good intentions, but the bottomline is that it will always be her decision that will be carried through. i think it is also true with you being a daughter, an adult one at that - and having a mother to look over you in your decisions, she can in the same way, also do only as much. we can only pray that whatever decision she is going to make, is the right one and that it will be benificial to her the most and to the people surrounding her as well.