Can a Divorced Couple still be friends?

@golfproo (1841)
Canada
July 5, 2007 4:30am CST
Over the last 6 months I have been undergoing a marriage breakdown. I am gradually becoming fine with it (even though she left me). However, she wants to stay friends and does not want to lose that part of the relationship. I can see her point as we have two lovely daughters and this would be better for them. However, I feel so much better now when I do not have to see her. What do you think? Can divorced couples stay friends? Is this asking too much? cheers,
5 people like this
27 responses
@trk918 (255)
• United States
5 Jul 07
No it's not asking too much. My ex & I are still friends. We just couldn't live together. We tried hard to work things out but couldn't. He will help me out with things if I need it & we talk about things. We do have a child together so it helps a lot when we can get a long.
2 people like this
• Sweden
5 Jul 07
Well they can, and they should if nothing else be nice to one another if they in your guys case has children. Just take it slow and easy and everything will be fine. I myself has been on the childs end of a divorce. My mother and father was married until the year I was turning 6 years old, then they broke up, and unfortunatly for 7 years I tought it was my fault since I had heard them argue one night. At first they didn't meet at all, dad came on the fridays when he was gonna have us for the weekend and dropped us of on the sunday. Then they started to talk and meet and then after a couple of years they even eat toghter with me and my little brother. now 16 years after the divorce they live toghter again, and has been a couple for like 6 years. now that last part is kinda weird and uniqe but I like it. I say try to at least be on friendly terms with your ex-wife it will turn out better for the kids, especialy if you both talked to them everyone toghter and explain why it happen and that is not there foult
1 person likes this
@golfproo (1841)
• Canada
5 Jul 07
Thank you for your comment. You make a lot of very good points. I have the benefit of seeing things from somebody who went through divorce as a child as well. I know it will be much better for the kids if we stay friends. The only problem is how close friends should we be? If we are not going to be married, there should be definate distance between us.
• Sweden
5 Jul 07
I think that now in the begining you just should try and spend sometimes toghter with the kids, and show them that you both still love them alot, just take it very slow, be normal friends, talk, don't be mad on eachother.
@ackars (1942)
• India
5 Jul 07
They can still be good friends.They must have got seperated because they were not good as a couple.They couldnt lead a good family life but still they could be good friends in life.There are many more additional stuffs for a family life to survive out of which only a small perecentage is contributed by friendship among the couple.
@golfproo (1841)
• Canada
5 Jul 07
I am hoping we can stay friends. It is the little things in life that come along which complicate matters however. cheers,
@brendalee (6086)
• United States
5 Jul 07
It is possible and if there are kids involved, its best to at least remain civil with her. The degree of friendship is up to you. I can't imagine you being best buddies or anything like that but you can agree to not fight in front of the kids. It will be hard but it can be done. I wasn't married but I can relate somewhat to what you are saying. My son's father was a real gem. As much as I would have liked to have killed him, I stayed calm and talked to him like nothing was wrong.
1 person likes this
@golfproo (1841)
• Canada
5 Jul 07
Hi Brendalee, You are right. We should never fight in front of the kids. The kids have to be the priority here. cheers,
@TawnyJo (131)
• United States
5 Jul 07
I definitely think it's possible for a divorced couple to remain friends. My uncle and his ex-wife are friends. They don't talk on a daily basis or nothing like that. When they divorced he told my mother that he would always love her but sometimes love just isn't enough. They couldn't live together. If you are able to remain friends, that is great. If not, at least you are civil for your girls.
@bballpro (79)
• United States
5 Jul 07
yea they can still be friends if they are not married anymore.
• Sweden
5 Jul 07
Well yes they can! My mom and dad just to be married then when I was 6 they broke up,it took a while but they became friends again, and now 16 years later they live toghter again. I think it's kinda of fun that they still are in love they just can't be married toghter
1 person likes this
@lynboobsy11 (11347)
• Philippines
5 Jul 07
Yes it can why not, if you can, but if it is againts your feeling don't forced it. Time wiill come when you are healed it will aytomatically easily for you to accept that you can be a friends. There alot of broken marriage that I knew that they say they become more good friends when they got separated coz they have give their selves respect to each other.
@golfproo (1841)
• Canada
5 Jul 07
Hi Lyn, Thanks for your response. I believe the "don't force it" advice is very sound. cheers,
@lynboobsy11 (11347)
• Philippines
5 Jul 07
I just share my own experienced, I been separated for almost 10 yrs and I can say that years have past by before we been friends again...
@AmbiePam (46982)
• United States
5 Jul 07
I think divorced couples can stay friends. It depends on why the marriage ended. If a couple has children, it is essential to be friends. Setting aside personal issues is paramount when you are rearing a child from a divorced home. Children with married parents have trouble yes, but it can be magnified when kids maybe start believing they are the cause of their parent's split. But I don't believe anyone would expect you to be the best of friends. Just that civility supercedes all else. You know, I just read your post again, and I don't want you to think my first paragraph was directed at you. I honestly was thinking about a couple I know who is going through a divorce. And I was thinking how much I wish they realized their child was suffering due to their in public fights. It sounds like you are handling it all much better.
@golfproo (1841)
• Canada
5 Jul 07
Thank you for your response. I truly do believe the kids have to come first. All feelings of pride needs to be put aside for their sake. cheers,
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Jul 07
I think it is possible, but it is also very difficult. It is better for the children that you remain friendly, but that does not mean you have to BE friends. My parents divorced a few years ago and they remained friends, but I see my mom still turning to my dad for help around the house (which she kept), even though she is remarried. He does it because he is still so n love with her (she left him), but I think she does it because she misses having him around. She dos pay him for the work which works for both of them, but it is a bit odd to me and reeks of co-dependecy. I also think it is a bit toxic as it causes tension in her "new" marriage and it hurts him emotionally to work on his "old" house for his"wife" and another man. We do celebrate most holidays and birthdays together which is very nice for everyone involved (except maybe the new husband). For yourself, you need to make sure you maintain your own life, seperate from hers. Remember you owe her very little and if she wants details of what is going on, she is no longer entitled to them and while you are freee to share them, it can make things difficult for you. Also, remember that she will begin dating (if she has not already) and as a friend, you will get a front row seat to that as well as the added heartache of being pushed aside by her again as she focuses on a new man. It will probably be difficult when she "moves on" anyway, why be so close to the situation. Personally, I think you both need some time apart as friends as you both discover what your lives hold for you now. Then down the road, when you have re-established your life, you can try becoming friends again. During this time of "separation", maintain a friendly attitude toward each other for your girls' sakes, but leave it at that. I wish you the best of luck and utter happiness in the future. I know this is a difficult time for you. Take this time to focus on you and your daughters. (((((((((HUGS)))))))))
@golfproo (1841)
• Canada
5 Jul 07
What a thoughtful response! Lots of good advice here. Thank you very much :) cheers,
• Philippines
22 Jul 07
I am not divorced but I am separated already. Yes it is true. A couple can become the best of friends after they separate. My relationship with my husband has been better after or break up. He is now my best friend whom I can call anytime I would need help especially when it is concerning our kids.
• Pakistan
14 Jul 07
hmmmmmmmmmm ya why not diveroced couple can still be a good friends see man the marriages are done on understanding and caring about each other and freindship, but may be due to some reasons u got divorced, but relationship of friendship is precious very much may be u both cannot be life partners, but u should be goods friends
@gr8life (6253)
• Malaysia
14 Jul 07
Hello golfproo, I don't see why both of you can't remain as friends. It is good to be friends though both of you are not staying under the same roof anymore. It is for the sake of your two daughters too. There are a lot of people that I know, who still keep in touch with their ex-wife/husband just for the sake of the family. Of course both of you have a separate way of life right now but it isn't asking too much just to remain as friends.
@mestr12 (227)
• Philippines
6 Jul 07
Yes, I do believe divorced couples can be friends. Although, it may take time. If you are not ready to see her and be friends with her then don't force the issue. Give yourself time to heal. Eventually, you and your ex-wife can be friends.
@vonn1378 (706)
• Philippines
6 Jul 07
I can say that divorced couple can be friends depending on the situation. But most often divorced couple can just be casual civil with each other. If you feel not at ease in the friendship she is offering then don't befriend with her. Adding more salt to injury cause more pains.
• Philippines
6 Jul 07
it depends your sitiuation if you accep her not just for your relationship but for your daughter who is the one hurting
• Philippines
6 Jul 07
it depends your sitiuation if you accep her not just for your relationship but for your daughter who is the one hurting
• Philippines
6 Jul 07
it depends your sitiuation if you accep her not just for your relationship but for your daughter who is the one hurting
@sid556 (31018)
• United States
6 Jul 07
Being "friends" and being "friendly" are two very different things. I have been divorced twice and have children from both marriages. The marriages ended due to lying and deception and abuse. If they were simply my friends and treated me the way these men did, they would no longer be my friends. The friendship would have ended with the lying and abuse. Since we had children together, I had to work to overcome my feelings of betrayal. For the sake of my children, I did manage to find it in myself to be respectful and friendly towards them. When children are involved, you will be involved with your ex until the day you die. It does not end when they are 18 as some will tell you. There are grandchildren and graduations and marriages...etc, etc. I did not even try to be friends with my exes. I made myself perfectly clear that I do not consider them friends of mine. I also made it very clear that I did understand and support their role in our children's lives. Its not easy and you won't get there overnite, but it is important to be respectful to each other...don't even try for the "friends" thing. If that is meant to be, it will happen quite naturally. In the meantime, just look toward working together for the sake of the kids.
@Rozie37 (15505)
• Turkmenistan
6 Jul 07
It will take some time for you to heal and sort out your life, but the children will be an incentive to work things out. Maybe you should seek a little extra help from a counselor.