Toxic People in your life

@Ravenladyj (22992)
United States
July 6, 2007 3:28pm CST
A "Toxic" Person is someone who drains you in one or more ways each time you see them, interact with them etc..Basically being around these ppl makes you very miserable in one way or another...Toxic People can be mean, cruel, overly dependant, extremely hurtful, manipulative and as far as I'm concerned always negative in some way... I think everyone has at least ONE toxic person in their lives..some of us have more than that..but IMO everyone has at least one..Though I also feel that the degrees of how ppl are toxic varies from person to person for numerous reasons... How do you, would you or have you in the past dealt with the toxic ppl in your life.. One of THE most toxic in my life has always been my mother...and the damage she caused over the yrs has been absolutely incredible....never would I have thought one person could cause so much damage and destruction to so many ppl but low and behold this woman has managed to pull it off.. How have I dealt with her? LOL I didnt FOR A VERY LONG TIME...in fact I didnt even realize she was toxic to me and my kids until i was in my mid 20s but even then I only acknowledged the tip of it and continued to have a misplaced love and loyalty to her..It wasnt until I was in my early 30s that I realized the extent of it all....NOW I just dont deal with her...and on the very very rare occasions that I have to its through email and its very short and to the point.... Another one was the father of my kids...not only was he directly toxic to me but he was also directly toxic to our children (more so our son than our daughter)...With him it was a matter of moving away and finally standing up to him and his verbal/emotional abuse....Sadly when my children finally decided to do the same and temporarily cut him off (with the ok of my lawyer)a few yrs after we'd moved away, rather than clue in and talk to me he dove deeper into the bottle, hit his rock bottom and commited suicide... thats just two ppl who were severely toxic to me..there are others and have been others and generally I either distance myself or completely cut them out of my life.. How about you....do you have ppl in your life like this? how do you handle it?
4 people like this
16 responses
• United States
7 Jul 07
I have had only one truly toxic person in my life and it was/is my only child. I was expected to die after an accident however did not but I did have to go into a nursing home for four months. During that time she had my power of attorney to pay my bills. Sadly to say I thought I could trust her until I started to get a bad gut feeling as I was doing so well it was being discussed that I would soon be able to go home. She talked to doctors and all the nurses that I was not well enough to come home. Ding, ding warning bells in my head I came home and found out she had cleaned out all my savings, not paid my bills, found my credits card and charge $18,000.00 worth of jewelry from QVC which I had to pay from my 401K pension plan. Had two of my three little dogs put to sleep, too much trouble she said. That was really when hated for her kicked in. Her excuse.... well you were supposed to die. No remorse nothing. We are now estranged because it continued even after I found out. I hope I never have to see or speak to her ever again.
3 people like this
@weemam (13389)
7 Jul 07
you are a special friend to me pal and I am so so sorry you had to go through that ,was it not enough that she thought she was going to loose her mother ,I am so sorry to say this but she didn't deserve your love , Take care pal xxxx
1 person likes this
@MsTickle (24752)
• Australia
13 Jul 07
Words fail me. All I really want to do as I read this is hug you.
@Ravenladyj (22992)
• United States
13 Jul 07
I remember you mentioning this some time ago in here and I am STILL flabbergasted WhiteH....and my heart still goes out to you because that has to be so heartwrenching.....
@MsTickle (24752)
• Australia
10 Jul 07
You sound to be a very strong, mentally healthy and stable lady Raven. I take my hat off to you. Both my parents were toxic as well. My Mum has gone now and my Dad is somewhat less toxic than he was but still has his moments. All 4 of my husbands/partners have been toxic...my fear is that some of each of their toxicity has rubbed off onto me. I find that I am distancing myself from everyone and I know this isn't healthy but I feel I have no choice because I always seem to become involved with people who are not good for me. I find that with the help of friends here at mylot I'm getting better but I have a long way to go.
@Ravenladyj (22992)
• United States
10 Jul 07
I can relate Ms Tickle..and I look at what you are doing (and what I was notorious for doing) as self preservation...Look, we can only handle so much abuse of any kind before we totally cave ya know..AND we can only hear so much negativity before we start believing it and it takes control of our lives (that was a key thing with me..for the LONGEST time I believed that I was a useless wh0re and a waste of time becuase I'd been hearing it for SO LONG from my mother ya know)... If you ever need to vent or just want to yammer Ms.Tickle feel free to PM me ya know...I'm a quirky abnormal one but I'm harmless and a great listener ya know ;-)
2 people like this
@MsTickle (24752)
• Australia
13 Jul 07
These two discussions of yours have helped me enormously dear heart. I feel more "normal" somehow. It's so good to know that I'm truly not alone. I'm following a path at the moment where I am thankful and grateful for the happiness, strength, healing & good fortune that I have. Things are actually changing. Thanks for the offer to be in touch...same goes from me to you. :)
1 person likes this
@agnescav (566)
• United States
6 Jul 07
It is hard to pull away from toxic people, especially if they are close relatives. I was 38 when I decided not to deal with my mother and my sisters anymore. I was tired of being the difficult one. And always the one who didn't give enough. As a result of this, it seems my brothers stopped talking to me. In fact, all of the toxic people fell out of my life within the next few years. Recently, I had a young friend confide in me that she feels guilty about not trying to regain a friendship because that friend may be sick. My response is the way it has been for the last nine years. Is having that relationship healthy for you. If not, let it go. Not always easy but life is so much better if you can.
@brokentia (10396)
• United States
6 Jul 07
Yes, I do have a couple of toxic people. And to prevent from naming them and the risk of those people coming across this response, I will leave it at there are a couple toxic people in my life. However, I do not handle as well as I would like because those people in my life are necessary people. I hope at some point in my life or theirs, things will change. So, for right now, all I can do is have hope.
3 people like this
@sunshinecup (7882)
6 Jul 07
Yes I have had a few in my life a time or two. One was my exhusband another my exfriend. How did I deal with them, hence the "ex". You and I share a mother as one. I have a love/hate relationship with her. I try to keep a balance of quality contact and avoiding her, as goofy as that may sound. So I only talk to her once a day, no matter how many times she calls and I keep it on the positive as much as possible, then after 10 minutes (before she can start) I get off the phone. If I don't she puts me in the worse mood for the rest of the day.
2 people like this
@Mare73 (1335)
• United States
6 Jul 07
Hey! Where did my response go??? Ok, I said this is an excellent topic, but I'm getting ready to go home. I'll respond over the weekend if I get a moment or definitely Monday.
2 people like this
@Ravenladyj (22992)
• United States
13 Jul 07
so um....Where did your post go woman?? LOL
@amanasan (26)
• Philippines
7 Jul 07
i have had a lot of toxic people in my life. at one point it was my direct boss who wanted to kick me out of my position so that he would be able to take over the numerous and voluminous incentives i was earning. how i dealt with the situation, well rather than me getting sick and kill myself coz of stress, i decided to resign and enjoy my life somewhere else...
2 people like this
@sid556 (31018)
• United States
7 Jul 07
I have had many toxic people in my life over the years. I used to just deal with them. Over time, I have learned to keep my distance from such people and not let them infect my life. Last year I dated a man that altho he had many good points, alas, he was very negative and judgement. His negativity would never fail to bring me down. Unfortunatly it dominated and eventually I had to say goodbye.
@meganree (19)
• United States
7 Jul 07
Great topic, as I do have a few toxic people in my life, one was my biological father and my way of dealing with him was cutting him out of my life completely though this probably isn't the right option for other it worked for me because just thinking and talking the man would have me in tears, now that I have forgotten about him and let him go I don't cry anymore about him. Another person, this one is a differently story, this one is my husband, he does everything you just described to me and it seems like no matter how hard i try or how bad I want to, I just cant get away or I just keep coming back.
• United States
12 Jul 07
Mostly I try to rid them of my life if at all possible. If that's pretty much impossible then I try to have very limited contact with them. And when I do I try to make it as happy as I can. I've had a few toxic friends in the past. And a few toxic co-workers too. Those are harder to get rid of unless one of you leave your job. There were at least two at Wal-Mart that I hated to work with because of this. My mother is also someone that's toxic. Though she's not as bad as what you described in yours. She's exteremly depressed and hooked on different pain prescription meds and that attributes to a lot of it. I try to keep the conversations light and happy. But I hate calling her because you never know which side of her you're going to get. There are times that she drains me completely and I just want to 'quit' her but I can't. Because I do love her. I know she needs help but she doesn't see it and won't get it.
1 person likes this
• United States
7 Jul 07
Yes I can relate, my mother inlaw and many so called friends have been that way. My solution was to drop those friends which really were not friends. As for my mother inlaw, I limit the contact I have as much as possible. There are so many manipulative and controlling people in this world. I really am a people person and love to listen and talk etc. People seem to take advantage of people who are nice for some reason.They realllllly drain your energy. I have made many new friends on the net and at my job. It is soooooooooo refreshing to have people to talk to that make you feel good and happy. I have come to the conclusion that the non toxic people are truly a gift to us all.
1 person likes this
@casinocat (284)
• United States
7 Jul 07
I have two of these people in my life - one a relative; the other an employee. I've actually enrolled in a class at work later this month entitled "Dealing With Toxic People." I'm looking forward to some insight from this class.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
7 Jul 07
my officemate is full of negative things to say to other people. she can't seem to be happy for others, always criticizing whenever she hears good news from anyone. i don't talk to her much anymore coz i don't want any pessimistic people around me coz they can really drain one's energy and optimism
1 person likes this
@RosieS57 (892)
• United States
6 Jul 07
My mother also is toxic. I have a friend who has a toxic sister and she calls toxic people 'emotional vampires'. If you let them they'll suck the life right out of you. I dealt with it by cutting her out of my life, of course. The hardest part was learning to not feel guilty about that. I had a good Cognitive Behavioral therapist who assured me it was ok to not let her make me feel guilty so I gave that up and have been much better for it. My oldest son has always been her favorite. So much so that the other grandkids have been ignored and pushed aside. He went to live with her and now he knows that everything with her comes with strings attached and he's desperate to get out of her clutches. Now he says he doesn't know how I survived having to live with her. Live and learn, huh?
1 person likes this
• Kottayam, India
7 Jul 07
To be frank with you better remove all toxic things from your mind see things as Jesus Christ saw when he was on earth, he liked even even poor and harlots.Bible says He will bless big people and even small ones also.
@Ken_Smith (240)
7 Jul 07
yes, i work in the tax office and people who ask for help always are toxic as they want me to break the law for them. just pay your taxes and everything will be sweet. I also like chocolate eclairs.