Do you "spank" your child?

@nikkiwith (1074)
Australia
July 7, 2007 7:54pm CST
I come from a disfunctional family. My father brought me up after my mother left when i was 2 and my sister was 5. My father used to hit me when i was "naughty", and it taught me nothing, if anything it just made me keep things from him, lie to him and hide things, because i was scared of being hit. I have a daughter of my own now and i have done a lot of reading about being functional and having a healthy mind, and i've read a lot about parenting skills, discipline, ect, and i have never "smacked" my daughter. She is a well mannered, caring and loving young 4 year old little girl. I discipline her, she has boundaries and she is punished when she mis-behaves after a warning. We have no right to physically harm anybody but ourselves. We don't own our children, we are their teachers. Smacking your child is Lazy Parenting.
1 person likes this
13 responses
• Philippines
8 Jul 07
Disciplining a child without loving is useless. Likewise, spanking a child without loving is useless. I believe in what is said in the Bible, "spare the rod and spoil the child." But you must have some guidelines in using this method or generally in disciplining your children. 1. Set house rules and boundaries. It has to be specific and stated in the child's point of view. 2. Explain to the child what he has done that he deserves to be spanked. 3. Hit the child only in the upper limp to buttocks part or in other safe parts of the body. 4. Allow yourself to calm down first by taking a deep breath before spanking your child. Do not spank the child while you are VERY angry. 5. Do not label your child like saying "you are a bad boy'" etc. You can say, for example, if your child hit somebody, you can spank his hand and say "bad hands." 6. After spanking, embrace your child, ask him to say "I am sorry" and FORGIVE your child. 7. Lastly, end your spanking session with a prayer. Hope this helps.
@mrsbrian (1951)
• United States
8 Jul 07
Im a little confused you say hit your child and than ask for forgiveness,hitting only teaches hitting, there are other ways.
• United States
8 Jul 07
You make several EXCELLENT points. I believe in spanking as a form of discipline, but not all parents are mature enough to use it (as I'm sure the author's father was not). There is a major difference between child abuse and discipline. When I was spanked, I knew I must have done something seriously wrong or dangerous. You don't spank for every offence, nor do you call the child names, or indicate that the child is bad or evil. Maybe the actions were wrong, but the child is still a good girl or boy who made a bad call. My son gets smacked every time he goes over to play with cords, electrical outlets, the oven, etc. Now he only does it on rare occasions when he forgets; but because he had such a strong reason not to do it earlier, a simple "No, hot" suffices. Actually, come to think of it, whenever you say "hot", he will automatically stop and look up at me to make sure he's still being obedient. It's become his action word, like most kids' parents use the middle name. Action words, active discipline (we called them dirty duties) such as extra laundry or cleaning, and the like have proven to be most effective when combined with spanking. My parents spanked and raised 9 upstanding citizens, who in turn became good parents (those with kids). So just because you have a bad experience with corporal "punishment", don't assume all parents who spank abuse their kids. It's my right as a mother to discipline my kids as I see fit; no one knows them as I do, nor does anyone love them nearly as much as I do. Blessed Be
1 person likes this
@nikkiwith (1074)
• Australia
8 Jul 07
To all the parents who agree with smacking as a form of discipline; you have made some good points, but it is a fact in life that any form of hitting is wrong. You don't have the right to hit any body, you do not own your child, you are supposed to guide them. Can you answer this question; Why do parents only smack their child when they are too little to defend themselves? Teenagers are still learning but i never hear of them getting a smack on the bottom when they mis-behave?
8 Jul 07
I smacked my kids when they needed it, (smacked not hit, big difference please note!) they are adults now, have done very well in their careers and have a very strong bond with me, I had a friend years ago who said that smacking was wrong, the child got away with everything, now years later she has hit her mum and been in court for GBH! I never lost control and my children were always hugged and told they were loved.
@nikkiwith (1074)
• Australia
8 Jul 07
I don't doubt for one second that you never loved your kids. No body "NEEDS" a smack. There are different levels of violence but they are all just that; VIOLENCE. You said your friend's child wasn't smacked and got away with everything. Not being smacked has nothing to do with her behavior. I don't smack my daughter and she certainly doesn't get away with everything. I take the time to communicate and teach her. I wish parents would stop making excuses for "smacking" their child, we have no right to smack them, we DON'T OWN THEM. My sister and i were both hit and spanked by our father. I turned out to be the "naughty" one and my sister turned out to be the "good" one. I hung around the "naughty" crowd and my sister was a "goody, goody" who studied, went to college and became a teacher. The SMACKING had nothing to with how we turned out. Our father had no right to smack us, it taught us nothing constructive. After i was spanked i wasn't thinking about what i did wrong, i was feeling pain and crying. Do you really think your child can think about what they have done wrong if your answer is a quick smack? Try communication and explaining. And remember it doesn't matter how young they are. Just because they are 1 year old doesn't mean you have to smack them because you think explaining is pointless. They are sponges at that age, they understand and they are learning........... so teach them, don't smack them.
• United States
8 Jul 07
HEck yeah i believe in spanking your child...if you don't wanna take the heat for spanking them, then call me. i will do it! abuse and discipline are two different things. I believe in discipline. My mother says she can already tell the difference between us kids and the grandkids..... Anyway, I have no children!
@mkirby624 (1599)
• United States
8 Jul 07
No, we don't OWN our children. But they BELONG to us. It is up to us to raise them as WE see fit, and as long as what we are doing is not HARMING them, then I think all parents should just stay out of how others discipline their children.
@sid556 (31000)
• United States
8 Jul 07
No, I do not spank my children as a form of discipline. It only teaches them that that is a way to get another person to do what you want. I have raised 4 children and none of them recall having been spanked altho I admit I did spank on a couple of occassions when I myself lost control. I remember the incidences very well because I felt so bad. Theree was one incident. I have one girl that was extremely difficult and rebellious. She was 16 and up in my face calling me all sorts of names. She went too far and I lost it. I flipped that girl over onto the bed and I spanked her bottom. "what are you doing mom?" she cried out as she held her head. "im giving you the spanking you should have gotten a long time ago!, i shouted at her. And then..."Why are you protecting your head anyway?" We both got laughing so hard. Spanking is wrong. With all the domestic abuse and violence in the world, who could possibly justify physically hurting a child or anyone for that matter. I surely couldn't.
@sid556 (31000)
• United States
8 Jul 07
P.S. My girls that are grown are all now very well-mannered, polite and likeable, honest people. My daughter that has children does not resort to spanking as a means of dicispline and they are very well behaved. When we resort to spanking, it is we that are out of control. it is not ok.
@nikkiwith (1074)
• Australia
8 Jul 07
God bless you! You are a good example of a good parent! I loved how you said; "i lost control", "i felt so bad", "i lost it" and "spanking is wrong". You are so right!
@mkirby624 (1599)
• United States
8 Jul 07
People who are spanked can also grow up to be mature, reasonable, well-tempered people, you know.
• India
24 Jul 07
Yes, spanking teaches you nothing, on the contrary it can leave a sense of fear of everything, feeling of low self-esteem of oneself, and a hatred for the parent who spanked too much. My mom used to spank me so much for the most trivial reasons, that till today, I tell it on her face. You wont believe how it destroyed me internally. In my teens and early youth, I couldn’t even talk to strangers properly coz in my childhood I was spanked even if I spoke to strangers without my mom’s permission. She never explained the consequences of talking to a stranger, she just said DON’T and if I ever did, I was spanked black & blue. This is just an example, I got the rod almost everyday for almost everything. Now my son is 8yrs old. Like you, even I have read a lot on parenting, its dos and don’ts. When he was small, I used to spank him often, but now that he is of an age when he understands ‘insult’ I have stopped spanking him altogether. But of late, I have noted that he is becoming a bit unruly, like he argues and answer backs a lot. I have never tried to stop him from explaining his point of view, but now its becoming a bit too much. He is extremely logical and can argue like a seasoned lawyer, so most of the time I am at my wit’s ends. Any suggestions as to how I can discipline him and make him obey more often?
@nikkiwith (1074)
• Australia
25 Jul 07
My heart goes out to you. I wasn't abused as much as you were. My dad beat me a few times but most of the time i got the strap or a hit on the bottom. Any form of hitting is wrong.
@nikkiwith (1074)
• Australia
25 Jul 07
By the way you can't make your child "obey", you can only teach them and guide them. Only you know your child. Just try different things and then stick with what works. I have tried heaps of different forms of discipline. When she was too young to understand reasoning i just said the word no and explained why it was wrong. Now she is 4, what usually works is telling her she can't "do" this or "have" this. Sometimes i threaten to kick her out of house or put her in the garage with the spiders, or i threaten that i will leave her here by herself. Maybe some of those threats are wrong, but i never follow through with the "leaving", "garage", or "kicking out of house" threats, i say them because they work at the time. I'd rather say these things than hit, spank, smack or abuse (what ever you want to call it, it's all violence)her. Good luck. Just concentrate on the positives and get over the negatives as quickly as possible.
@happymom1 (1179)
• United States
8 Jul 07
I spank my son eventhough he is just a little boy or a baby. But for a reason why i did that. A spank for him to understand that what he did is wrong and dangerous like pulling the electric wire and play it. Just remeber our kids behavior depend on parents who decispline them or not. Decispline in a way that you care them and love them. After i spank my son i told him his mistakes and hug him. He understood and hug me too. It feel good and i know he is too.
@nikkiwith (1074)
• Australia
9 Jul 07
You said after you smacked your son you told him his mistake and hugged him? Well why couldn't you leave out the smacking and just tell him his mistake and hug him. You are not expressing "LOVE" when you physically harm someone. I believe that smacking is wrong full stop, but i strongly disagree with smacking babies, because they learning and testing their boundaries. I could never "smack" someone who can't defend themselves.
@nikkiwith (1074)
• Australia
9 Jul 07
TEACHING = LISTENING LISTENING = LEARNING DISCIPLINE = TEACHING (when we are talking about kids) PHYSICAL HARM = PHYSICAL PAIN
@nikkiwith (1074)
• Australia
9 Jul 07
Dr Phill is a trained professional and he never smacked his children.
@mamasan34 (6521)
• United States
8 Jul 07
I do spank my child on the bottom. I do not smack her, hit her or anything. It is not the only way to discipline, but every child is different and every child responds to different disciplinary tools. I was spanked as a child and I did not grow up to be mean, lazy, or immoral because of it. My daughter is very caring, loving, affectionate, very responsible and very mature for her age. I do not think that spanking is bad, I think that hitting and smacking are abuse. There is a difference. I am sorry for your childhood experience and I am very glad that you took matters into your own hands rather than allow the cycle of violence to continue.
• United States
8 Jul 07
The three best methods of discipline that are effective are:Natural consequences: Sally breaks her toy. She has to earn an allowance to get another one. Taking privleges away: No TV or video games for one week. Time outs: One minute in time out for every year of age. example: 6 years old 6 minutes
@mamasan34 (6521)
• United States
10 Jul 07
ajkmom I thank you for your suggestions and I happen to use those tactics as well. I do spank as a last resort. She then takes me much more seriously. As I said before, my daughter is well behaved, very smart, and very respectful. She knows her boundaries in our home and she often looks at other kids who are not as well behaved and sees that they are not as well behaved and often not well disciplined. Spanking is not immoral, nor illegal. It is in fact biblical. Spare the rod, spoil the child.
@mkirby624 (1599)
• United States
8 Jul 07
Your post is very insightful and every parent is entitled to their own opinion about how to raise their child. Your methods seemed to have worked very well for your child. However, I disagree with you say that spanking your child is Lazy Parenting. Some children don't respond to time outs or having things taken away from them. I was that child. Nothing bothered me if it got taken away. Sitting in a corner didn't help my bad behavior. I was a mischevious child and did things against my parents orders almost non-stop. I was spanked. I don't believe that you should start out using spanking as punishment, but if other methods don't work, and spanking does, then I don't think there is anything wrong with it. There is a difference between spanking your child and abusing your child. A BIG difference. I was spanked MANY times in my childhood, but I was never ONCE abused by my parents.
@nikkiwith (1074)
• Australia
25 Jul 07
Spanking can and does work, but only at the time. It's a quick fix, not a long term solution.
@jazzygdc7 (285)
• United States
8 Jul 07
I don't have any children at the present time but if I intend to have any children, I will spank them if they don't behave themselves. Spanking is only good for children that are no older than 8 years old because it tends to be babish after that. I would love my kids but they will suffer the consequences if they don't do what they are told to do. I know it is sad but that is the real world. As soon as the child grows up, the consequences are worse.
@mkirby624 (1599)
• United States
8 Jul 07
I got spankings until I was about 10 or 11. After that, I had more things to have taken away, the computer, tv, etc.
• Philippines
8 Jul 07
your discussion inspire me, and give me idea, i have a little girl, 18 months, i dont want to spank her as much as possible, but sometimes she gets very naughty, like playing with the electric cord of the computer and unplugging it, one time i slightly tap her hand and said no no. she just look at me, my heart broke!.. you imagine how she look!.. from then on, when i said no no, and i'll spank her, she will spank herself,.. i guess i made a mistake with that!... can you give me a link as to where you do your research in how to raise your kid! thank you! in advance!
@mrsbrian (1951)
• United States
8 Jul 07
You have given a prime example as to why hitting children dose not work.I believe that hitting your child teaches them to hit. and mostly you teach your child not to hit anyone and than you hit them than there confused as to why its ok for you to hit them but they cant hit.
@nikkiwith (1074)
• Australia
8 Jul 07
I agree with you completely. Did you know that 80% of people (i think it's mainly in the Western world) come from dis-functional families? I believe there would be a lot less violence if parents didn't hit their children. Our children imitate what they see, not what they are told.
• Canada
8 Jul 07
There should be other ways to let out your anger on a child. I would NEVER allow physical abuse in my family.
@babykay (2133)
• Ireland
8 Jul 07
I agree that smacking is not a good way to parent your kid. I too was smacked and hit as a child, I can honestly say it did no good. 30 years ago I suppose people thought it was the best way to discipline a child (thought I remember it was done to me because one or both of my parents lost their temper and were angry) but now there is no excuse for it.
• United States
8 Jul 07
I do not believe children should be beaten or abused. My children are not spanked, as a rule. They get time out, lose privelages, have to got to bed earlier that kind of stuff. However I have to say if my child does something that endangers their life such as running in the road, or opening doors and going outside without permission, both things my kids have done, yes I did give them a swat on the butt to make it clear these were things they need not do again. There are levels of misbehavior and there should be levels of consequences for that misbehavior. I do not consider a swat on the butt a spanking though.