what do you do when its been a long time

United States
July 7, 2007 11:26pm CST
What do you do when its been along time with your partner and well you just dont feel like your compatiable anymore? Do you end it and start fresh with anther or do you stay and work things out. I am not married but been in a relationship for 8 years and well i dont think i am feeling it anymore. I dont feel appreciated and dont care for his conversations. I think what he says is jibberish such as saying things just to say them without them having any meaning. For exsample if i stay out late he will say i am cheating on him. But when confronted, all i get is, do you really think i think that? And of course my answer is yes if you say it and always bring it up, of course. Haaa my next response was if you think i am such a cheater why are you still here? (no response) But then i say maybe we shouldnt be together if you are gonna think like that. Also another no response. We dont go out, when we did all i got was complaints. We really dont do anything together anymore except sleep in the same bed and watch tv. When i ask questions they are always general and not specific. What happens now? I have already tried to leave but only to get pleaded with and well things still never changed, At this point i think things are just for convience. And yes i have already expressed my unhappyness only to get it turned on me like its all really petty.
1 person likes this
8 responses
• United States
8 Jul 07
I am kind of going through the same thing right now. It's been almost 8 weeks since our relationship has been back to normal. For 2 weeks he had some guy move in with him that I couldn't stand, then after that his 12 year old brother lived with him up until the point where he moved 250 miles away and then stayed at a friends for 2 weeks til he found his own place. He was free for one week so I was with him alone for the first time in about 5 weeks for about 2 days, then after I leave his 12 year old brother returns for 2 weeks! I feel like he's pushing me away. Our conversations are terrible. He doesn't say much about anything except for Yeahs and Nos and when I call him to say, "I think we should just end it" he goes, "Why? I don't want that." We've been together for 6 years. I think when you get to the point of comfort perhaps things aren't the same. I have said the same thing to my hubby "You're cheating on me." ect And he has said, "If you believe that then why are you here?" I have shrugged too. I think he could be jealous or afraid to lose you because things have been tough lately, but doesn't know how to express. Surprise him with your love! Be someone to start up happy rituals in relationship. Who knows he may be inspired to think of things too. I haven't been close with my partner in a long time either. We use to spend ALL the time together, we did everything from shopping to movies, to just sitting together, making dinner for eachother, ect. And now it feels empty without him... :(
2 people like this
• United States
8 Jul 07
Yeah, i have tried distracting myself and well that only last for so long. I think its time i made the decision! Sounds like your guy might be depressed about his situation though and maybe you can offer him some kind of support. It really hard to get these guys to open up. Good Luck on your relationship, i hope it works out for you.
1 person likes this
@xkristalx (231)
• United States
8 Jul 07
I have known my boyfriend for about 7 years, we have only been dating for the last few, but 7 years is a long time to build up baggage. Our relationship had hit rock bottom and neither of us were happy. We started going to relationship counseling offered for cheap at one of the colleges nearby. It has help tremedously. I really do reccommed it to everyone in any sort of relationship weither or not you are having problems because it just helps you to be so much more empathetic and understanding. I feel my boyfriend and I talk to each other a lot more now than at each other.
• United States
8 Jul 07
I thank you and think that is is really a great idea. How did you get him to go. My guy always makes things seem so simple and what i want it really petty?
1 person likes this
• United States
9 Jul 07
Well I suggested it a lot before we ever actually went. It finally just got to the point of 'if we dont go there is no way to work out our relationship' which is a sucky point to get to, but it was true. Now if we don't go for awhile he'll ask to make an appointment. Its helped in all aspects. And I am so glad we are working things out. Good luck!
1 person likes this
@jaichen (142)
• Philippines
8 Jul 07
i have not really been to a long relationship but when i see my mom and dad, it is enough to make me believe that there are really people who love each other for the rest of their lives... one thing that i have observed with my mom and dad is that my mom makes things exciting for them, my mom is the type of person who is really hard headed and my dad is the one who has a lot of patience in understanding my mom... but even though my mom is very naughty like a kid.. she remains loyal to my dad... she does things just to spice up the relationship... relationship is a communication whether it is seen or not as long as the message run across... if people don't know how to communicate may it be in a simple or in a creative way.. it is useless.. be like friends, just you were before... :D always take care girl, remember that one of the hardest thing to repair is a broken heart, you might not consider things important until they are out of your life
• United States
8 Jul 07
Yes, i agree you never know what you have until its gone. Also i look at my parents and they go through the same thing. And sometimes i feel as though the women or man can feel trapped. The dating game isnt as much fun as it use to be. And when they start thinking about everyday living and how much they depended on that other person, thinking about a replacement it gets hard to find another person. Not only that you tend to tire yourself out worrying about the what if's and what nots.
1 person likes this
@tantal25 (839)
• United States
8 Jul 07
well.. my advice to you is if you really love him, try to talk to him and work things out. try to ask him why are your relationship like that. i guess if you two talk about that and clear things out, there is a chance that you two can be like as before. but after you talk about that and still there's nothing happening, i guess it is up to you on what decision to make.
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Jul 07
Yeah we tried talking, he says that when he talks to me that i take it out of context and we end up fighting which is not what really happens. I might say a funny thing or a smart comment here an there but its only because he may do the same to me! Seems like we just dont understand each other anymore. :( i am thinking its time to move on!
@mrsbrian (1951)
• United States
8 Jul 07
I was with my ex husband for 30 years before I finally ended it,my marriage was going down the same road your relationship is going, useless conversation that I was supposed to be intrested in, he never wanted to go anywhere or do anything(unless it was hunting season). I spent many years asking him to change and the responce was always the same 'ok i will' but it never happend. I finally realised he was never going to change and i had a lot of life left in me to to sit there and waist, so I divorced him and am now remarried to my soulmate and very happy.
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Jul 07
Congatulations on getting out! I am very proud and you testimony helps greatly!
1 person likes this
@zavansky (57)
• United States
8 Jul 07
go to familylife.com and go to the store... look up simply romantic nights. Try this with your spouse. It's helped out my marriage a lot. I don't really have other ideas for you. The Dr. Phil relationship workbook and book are pretty cool too! It shows you how to get the other party to treat you better with only changing your behavior.
• United States
8 Jul 07
Thanks, i hope i make it there. I been feeling like i just might wanna try for something new. But i will keep this option open.
1 person likes this
@a_ce_e (1427)
• Philippines
9 Jul 07
Sounds both of you get bored now. I think both of you need to refresh, i mean create something new which both of you might enjoy. Say have more activities wherein both you might have more bonding, have time for sport or have a tour together. Reminisce your pasts, those happy moments and those things both of you enjoy. Be open to your partner, have a good timing in telling what you feel and try to know how he feels about your relationship too.
1 person likes this
@woaking (146)
• United States
9 Jul 07
I stay and work things out with my partner to have the beautiful things that i pas with my partner
1 person likes this