Should I tell her my problems....

@snoopy04 (718)
United States
July 8, 2007 12:16am CST
I have a problem but Im not sure what to do. My husband has a lady friend that he is really close to and talks to on the phone all the time. She lives in another state and he started talking to her through his work enviorment. I dont mind that he talks to her but he recently told me that she is his venting board when we have fights or the stress is getting to him. We are going through a rough patch right now so he has started confiding in her. I have friends I confide in so thats not the problem. He told me that she wants to be my sounding board as well and that whatever I tell her she wont tell my husband. She wants to offer me advice and tell me how to fix our marriage. I told my husband that if he wanted to vent to her that was ok but I would rather stick to my friends. He is upset because he cant seem to understand why I wont confide in her. I just dont want to spill my guts to her since my husband has told her every bad aspect of our relationship. Should I confide in her even though she is mu husband sounding board or stick to my guns and confide in my friends that I know and trust. What would you do?
2 people like this
10 responses
• United States
8 Jul 07
In my opinion, if she really wants to help, she should stay out of your marriage altogether. She may mean well and truly want to help but I don't see how she (whom I assume is not a licensed professional therapist) can be an objective and good sounding board and provide good, constructive advice for both you and your husband. If it was me, if my husband has a problem with me, I would rather he come talk to me. Yes, we do have our arguments, our stressful times, etc. but we also have an understanding that there is nothing we cannot talk to each other about and try to work out amongst ourselves. We also agreed that we will not hold grudges against each other and we will learn to forgive easily and love quickly. Life is too short. Yes, it's good to have sounding boards amongst friends but ultimately, the problem should be addressed between you and your husband. Just bringing it to other people and not really talking to each other about the problem is not going to make the situation any better.
@mrsbrian (1951)
• United States
8 Jul 07
I agree with m2am this woman has no business interifering with your marriage,and i dont think your husband should be discussing your problems with anyone but you your marriage is private and as I see it now it is a threesome, I would have my husband stop chatting with this woman she may be more of a problem than you think.
@laydee (12814)
• Philippines
8 Jul 07
Yeah I agree. She needs to buzz off your lives. Another person in the picture won't help at all. Plus why in the first place is she interested? Does she have a license in Marriage Counseling? Anyways, I don't want to sound paranoid. But for me, if my hubby have problems with me, the best person he should talk to about these things is me, and no one else. But here's a tiny bit of advice though. Try to be a little more understanding and open with your husband so that he won't need to talk to other people about your problems. Try to remind him of why you two got married in the first place. Maybe the tough times has made him forget about the love in both of you. Good luck. Be strong.
• United States
9 Jul 07
I would not confide in that woman at all. I think that is very nervy of your husband and that woman to ask that you confide in her.
• Philippines
8 Jul 07
I dont know why your husband wants you to confide in her too. If that woman is concerned about you, she should befriend you more because your are her fellow lady. If she is a counselor or advice expert, I would understand why your husband wants you to confide in her. But if shes not, I dont get it at all. Maybe he is getting comfort from her advices or maybe he doesnt have the guts to tell you all his bad feelings towards you and has decided to let her lady friend talk to you and help you about it. If youre not comfortable to confide in her, there is no reason why you should.
@snoopy04 (718)
• United States
8 Jul 07
She is not a counselor or a advice expert just a friend of his that he fells comfortable talking to. But I dont feel comfortable confiding in her.
@jasgirl (79)
• Canada
8 Jul 07
Hey snoopy04 My opinion~How dare he ask you to do so and she seems alittle weird to want and do that.I would stick with confiding things with your friends and for you and your hubby to try and find a way to communicate to one another with the issues u each are dealing with. If you can't tell your spouse things and confide in them thats just really sucks.Cause you need that emotional connection with your spouse/significant other (hope that makes sense) and ofcourse we all need that someone other than the person we are in a relationship with to openly talk to but I don't think you guys should have the same person. Do you trust this woman he speaks with? Do you think she is being genuine in her ways or do you think she is kinda into your hubby and may try to manipulate you or him into the wrong direction? (I am sorry I just wouldn't be fine with that whole situation. Basically I wouldn't confide in her~stick to the ppl you trust and know.Especially since you don't even know this woman at all.
@snoopy04 (718)
• United States
8 Jul 07
What your saying makes total sense. We are having communication problems right now and everytime I try to talk to him we always end up fighting. he says its because he works really long hours and is really tired. But I am tired to but I still want to talk. We are working on spending more time together and have time away from the kids. I miss being able to talk to him the way he talks to his lady friend.
19 Jul 07
I think she wants the dirt so she can use it against you and maybe really is going for your man...I'd freak if it was my husband confiding in a woman about our issues. you know damn well she will tell him every thing you say and add a little hot sauce to it if you know what I mean...what if she tells him you cheated or some big lie like that? also...where did he meet her????..
@Akeela (2079)
• Trinidad And Tobago
18 Jul 07
In the ending she be a bigger problem and become comes closer friends one day she might start pooping around nip it in the bud before it becomes worst, find out her life she's proberly divorce or single asked why she dont give advice to herself and stay the F%#k out of yours.
@Thoroughrob (11750)
• United States
9 Jul 07
Absolutely not!! If you are not friends with her, you should not confide in her. I am not sure I would even want her knowing our personal problems. You two need to talk between the two of you and straighten things out. You don't need a third party. It sounds like trouble to me.
• Philippines
9 Jul 07
Snoopy04 if i'd be put on that situation i'd stick with my friends. The "new" girl might not be as helpful as you think, and she might give suggestions that might make matters worst rather than making things work :)
@worldwise1 (14887)
• United States
8 Jul 07
When I started reading your discussion, snoopy, a red flag immediately went up. The first thing you should be asking hubby is why has he brought this woman into your relationship? This is a definite no-no. When they ask you to become friendly with the outside woman, something is definitely rotten in Denmark. A man who is loved and fulfilled in his marriage does not need to seek out marital counseling from another woman-no matter how far away she lives.
@wilynn (753)
• Singapore
8 Jul 07
I would just go along with it. You'll never know what you'll get. I will just be a little scheming and think of some stories that is half true to test the water. Sure I'll trust my friends but since is my husband wants me to confide in his friend, I'll obliged and see what exactly is going on. :P
@sunkissed (4332)
• United States
8 Jul 07
Well i for one can not imagine why your husband would want you to confide in this woman, this is one thing I would never do, she would go back and tell your husband what it was you said, this could really cause a problem, it is bad enought that he is telling her everything that is wrong in the marriage.If I were you, I would just continue confiding in my own friends,that would be the safest thing for you.