Do women always have to cook, especially in a family?

@caesarin (1091)
Indonesia
July 9, 2007 2:15am CST
In the past women always cook for the family. These days men make great chefs. I have this story and need your comments. A couple with one difficult child of 2 years. Mother doesn't cook very well but like to try new recipes and always lose her temper to her difficult child because when the child doesn't get what he wants, he can scream and cry all day long and sometime hurt himself. Father eats whatever his wife cooked and doesn't care whether his son is crying or whatever, just looking at the share charts. Mother always buy sale foods and keep it in the refrigerator for months and cooked for her son. At feeding time when son doesn't want to eat, she'll just put the plate for hours and then feed her son later when he's hungry. What bothers me is in situation like that, the mother still cook foods that took a long process? Why don't just cook the simple one? Plus, I don't like it very much when she fed her son with food that has been left for hours. What would be in her mind? Does she thinks that she'll not be a good wife if she doesn't cook? Or else? What do you think?
4 people like this
19 responses
@lynboobsy11 (11346)
• Philippines
9 Jul 07
I think thats why men are marrying a woman is for some reasons they want to taking care of there wives as well as there children. And one thing wives can show these is by cooking fo their family. If I were the wife even the food I cooked new recipe I will not choose hard or very complicated ones. Cos what I'm doing now I do cooked everyday even it is not so elegant I make sure I give my kids the nutrients they must have i their everyday activities and to protect them from being sick. Sometimes I do ask them what they want me to cook for them, I don't cook food that they will not eat coz its it will go to the waste and it is not a good practice.
@caesarin (1091)
• Indonesia
20 Jul 07
I know. I'll also cooked those that my family would eat. But my husband is very picky y with food. I'm not really a good cook but with my husband's picky appetite, I became more lazy to cook for him.
@lynboobsy11 (11346)
• Philippines
20 Jul 07
Maybe you should ask him any idea of what he want for a lunch or dinner. Or if your with him eating in the restaurant try to observe what kind of food he really wants to eat or ask him If he really like the food the restaurant serves and now you will have a idea then try to learn it there are many cook books availabe or even here in internet theres a lot of cooking recipe available.
• Philippines
9 Jul 07
if a woman with a family don't know how to cook... better get started and learn... If your a carrer woman and no time for this staff then you have to set priorities. Its either work or family.... When you cook for the family , you get assurance of a healthy and clean food for them.. Just one tip... learn the simple menu and easy to prepare recipes... and manage your time.. most of all your PATIENCE.... kids are really hard to deal with especially those who have tantrums at all times but as they grow up they will change... Maybe a good food for lunch or dinner will help change their moods and remember.. "The only way to a man's heart is through his stomach."
@caesarin (1091)
• Indonesia
9 Jul 07
You are so . . . . wise. That's what I'll do in if I have such conditions. Besides my husband is very supportive to me.
• Philippines
13 Jul 07
hahaha.. just talking through experience I became a career woman for 6 years but I see to it that my family has a food to eat that I personally cook... And my husband always tell me that the reason why he never eat outside because he know that I prepare something for them.. Besides my family loves eating... and mind you I have 6 kids, 5 boys and 1 girl and yet I manage all the tantrums they have....
@lilaclady (28240)
• Australia
9 Jul 07
I think everything in the family home should be talked about is a nice calm sensible way, a marriage is a team and you should work together in every way, some people don't really talk about what is on their mind and expect the other one to know what they are thinking, I know a couple of families that man in the family enjoys cooking more than the lady of the house so they work something out to suit them both, it is just a matter of really communicating with each other and not put it that certain jobs belong to any particular person...just be happy.
@caesarin (1091)
• Indonesia
9 Jul 07
I agree with you so much. I think the couple that I mentioned doesn't have a mutual understandings. Though they look happy sometimes, they just don't. I find myself irritated thinking about them. I should tell myself not to mind their issues and just mind my own.
1 person likes this
@lilaclady (28240)
• Australia
9 Jul 07
When you care about people it is natural to feel their pain, what they do about that pain is up to them but because you care you still feel for them...
@creematee (2810)
• United States
9 Jul 07
I do agree that the food left out for hours, or in the fridge for months, shouldn't be served. That's not healthy--there are way too many food bourne illnesses that can occur from this. Growing up, both my parents cooked. My mom usually made simple "from the box" meals such as frozen dinners, Mac & cheese, and Hamburger Helper. She made other things from scratch, but they were just as easy as the boxed dinners. My dad always made things from scratch. "real ingredients for real food." One of my favorites were his biscuits and gravy that we would have on weekend mornings. My dad's cooking was done mostly on weekends or on the days when he was home from work early. I'd say in the situation you gave, the wife cooks as the husband isn't home. If she not that great of cook, she should look into easier to cook meals. It's no fun learning to cook while making hard to make recipes, just to have them not appreciated by people in the family. Does this mother have internet access? there are several places that she can learn simple cooking techniques and food safety online. Best wishes to you, and this mother! :)
@Mahini (14)
• Australia
9 Jul 07
I feel for this mum that seems to have no help from her hubby and a fussy eater for a child ...it gets frustrating trying to keep everybody happy ... you do need to talk to her ... maybe encourage her to cook a couple of meals that she knows the little one likes and freeze them in small portions ... but also let her know that not only will the little one more likley eat them but it will make her life easier as well or perhaps if you happen to cook to much dinner one night you can pop it in the freezer and pass it on to her, comment that at the time you thought you might keep it but have changed your mind ...best of luck to all involved
@coffeechat (1961)
• New Zealand
9 Jul 07
In modern societies where both men and women are part of the workforce I guess the first one arriving home cooks or they end up taking turns. The challenge to provide wholesome, nutritious food is often a losing battle because of the busy lifestyles and the easily available ready to eat stuff. In my family, our 7 year old usually helps with breakfast. One of us packs the lunches while the evening meal is cooked by either one or the other of us.Washing up is something all of us do - though I tend to do the lions share. I am a bit surprised about the family you write about, where it appears that there is no communication between the members and it results in the mess you have described.
@caesarin (1091)
• Indonesia
20 Jul 07
This family seems fine but I believe there's something with their communication.
@mageshis (183)
• India
9 Jul 07
Womens have to cook when they really stay a full day at home(housewife). When they go for job husbands have to voluentarily share the work .
@caesarin (1091)
• Indonesia
20 Jul 07
Yeah, these days more women go to work and men should realize and understand that fact, better share the work at home. Thanks.
@jonaida (574)
• Philippines
9 Jul 07
Really men are good chefs! My husband is, even my dad. I think that the mother in the situation you are referring to just wants to be the best mom to the child but not really doing so without the help of his husband. I think that the couple should work out in raising the child, it's not ONLY the responsibility of the mother to take care of the child, it is both their responsibility and they should help each other. Or maybe it's their agreement or maybe their upbringing that causes them to be like that, but if ever you have the chance you might as well talk to the mother about the food she is giving to the child, it might cause something to the child, those food that's been left for hours.
@caesarin (1091)
• Indonesia
9 Jul 07
My dad cook very well. He loves to eat so he cooked a lot, especially after my mom passed away 7 yrs ago. I believe like you said that both father and mother should work together in raising the child, especially when your child is troubled. I'm not being sarcastic but the fact is that there's something not normal with the child. About the food, the mother is . . . . I don't know what to call it. She always try to spend as much as possible though she can very much afford the normal price. She doesn't want to waste food, so mostly she cooked with expired food (like bottled or canned sesame). Related person had already advised her about it but she just won't listen.
• India
10 Jul 07
Many a homes more or like the same scenes are observed, mostly in homes where the women too go for work outside, but we can see at homes where women are at home. I dont know why they are not dedicated to the kids as our parents and forefathers were. Men make good chefs no doubt about it, but how many of us have seen men cooking fulflegedly at home in regular basis, they do it at hotels at fast food corners in a function etc. I have seen men trying some new receipes at homes that's it not more than that. It has been a year long practise that women cook for the family, whether she is a good cook or an average, everybody accepted it. Earlier women were more dedicated to what they do, since their work was only limited inside and around the home, but now they go out and work equally to men, so they find less time to take care in good cooking, alterative is buying ready and easy cooking products available in market and making a meal. Kids are prey for these type of changes in day today life, they should be feeded fresh. women should take care and concentrate to develop their skill in the art of cooking and make their family more healthy and happy.
@tsnadeer (89)
• India
10 Jul 07
there is responsibility for the both men and woman are should co-operate to make food for family, depend up on the time may arrange by them and the experience of cooking is the main thing, traditionally woman can make taste food so they are always willing to prefer feeding, i am trying to help my wife for cooking meantime she refuce my help and she is saying that if i am not doing anything in kitchen that will be big help.:)
@sid556 (31003)
• United States
10 Jul 07
This sounds like a very dysfunctional family! It sounds like the problems go way deeper than her being worried about being a good wife. Heck, it does not even sound as if she is worried about being a good mom. Feeding her son food that is in the refrigerator for months?? Leaving it on a plate for hours while he cries?? This has nothing to do with being a good cook or a good wife. it wreaks of neglect and abuse! For the sake of the child, someone should intervene. Have you talked to her about any of this?
• United States
10 Jul 07
Not necessarily. Women don't have to be the ones cooking. Men can cook too of course. It just depends on the relationship. If the guy is at work all the time and the woman is a stay at home parent, then probably she should have enough time to do the cooking. This is just my opinion though.
• Australia
10 Jul 07
Its a trend, its a tradition but there is nothing wrong if the woman in a family doesn't. Like here in my area, you will find that in most families, the woman do cook, whilst the man does drive around. But its not always the case. Me myself I don't really mind at all, as long as someone DOES cook :) I guess it depends on talent to an extent and also your schedule, some people work whereas some don't and hence are dependent upon to cook at home i guess.
• Canada
10 Jul 07
I think she has a problem and doesn't know how to resolve it. Her cooking skills are lacking, her hubby doesn't care...they both sound distracted and uncommunicative. The children must pick up on that...mealtime is supposed to be family/connect time...and that doesn't appear to be the case in this family. Her approach to food handling is also a concern. Whether she recognizes it or not the whole family could come down with food poisoning...or ecoli and that can be deadly...especially for the little ones. What you describe sounds unhealthy all the way around. But I am just going on what you have observed. I think the whole family needs help...the cooking end of it is only a symptom of bigger issues...at least from my persepctive.
• Malaysia
9 Jul 07
i think that women know what is her responsibilities to family and she try to do the best she can.. that is why try to make new recipe.. women no need to always cook for family, father should do a part too.. maybe not always but at least give the hand to help.. if we know how.. even cooking can become 'family picnic'
• United States
9 Jul 07
Hi! I think that she will be a good wife. Things that should be done around the house should be shared and not to say that its your turn to do the dishes or cook or take out the garbage. If 2 people love one another then the responsibilities are shared. I think that every one has a role to play in a relationship. Women need breaks just like men do.
@diannebcrs (1549)
• Philippines
9 Jul 07
i think it's different these days. i know a lot of husbands doing that. i think we should learn to share chores and not associate them based on one's gender. skills don't pick specific genders.
• Malaysia
9 Jul 07
I think this job will still continue in the future. Why I say this? Because women are more sensitive to small matters and if we hand over the cooking profession to men, they will make the food become tasteless! I am not referring to the male chefs, they are wonderful cooks, but I am referring to ordinary male. Well, that's what I think.
@nandans (1161)
• India
9 Jul 07
not necessarily, but in indian family, this is a general trend that man brings the money and woman look after the family..
@Dan_ul (858)
• Romania
9 Jul 07
I think that womens are the caring part of a family... and the man is the finance part of the same family... It's just like bad cop - good cop... add somewhere in the middle there is a equilibrium... when the man cooks and the women makes money;)