Ending Friendship Part 2

@Rozie37 (15499)
Turkmenistan
July 10, 2007 1:41am CST
A few days ago, I posted about ending a friendship without giving an explanation, well today, I found out what the problem was and I have ended the relationship. When I first met this friend, I could not stand her, she was bossy controling and mean to everyone around her. But something kept my hanging around her. It was like watching a train wreck. You know it is horrible, but for some reason you can't stop looking. After a while I realized why she was so impossible, she was on drugs and an alcoholic. I worked with her tirelessly to leave all this stuff alone and she did, at least for a little while. Problem is, she kept the same boyfriend and friends and got a drinking roommate to move in with her. Of course, we all know if you don't put the trash out, eventually you are going to come across it again. She promised me that she had left the stuff alone for good and I made it clear to her that my friends have to be sober. Today we had lunch together and she admitted that she still drinks "sometimes." Now, I am no dummy. It is not easy to pull the wool over my eyes. But when you care for someone, you want to believe the best about them. There were a few times that I suspected that she might be drinking again and I would call her on it and she would get all upset and go through this whole routine about me not trusting her. So I would just believe her and go on. And I mean I really believed her because when she admitted it today, I was shocked. But then, I immediately started thinking and things started to make sense. I had not been welcomed to her apartment for months, because her roommate hated me. I was always leary of this because in my heart I knew that I had never done anything to her. Every one was welcomed in the apartment accept me and I was supposed to be her best friend. I still never caught on. Then she had the nerve to get mad at me, because my mood changed after she told me. So she says, see that is what I don't like about you, I am 40 years old and I can drink anytime I want to and you are always getting an attitude. I could barely get a word in before she stormed off. When I could to my apartment, I was in a full fledge anxiety attack from the anger that I felt and she had the nerve to be standing at my door waiting for me. I opened the door and she walked in and starting yelling at me. So, I got up and left the apartment. She stayed for a minute longer and then came out. I was so upset that I don't remember anything that was said, I just wanted to get the drama away from me, so that I could relax. I spoke to my counselor and he said that he understood my need to forgive because of my religion, but he said, you need to leave her alone, because every time you fight, she takes a piece of you. He is so right. I have had a headache for the last six hours. I can not keep going through this mess with her. She hast to go. If she wants to use, that is fine, but she will not be in my life. I will end up some where in the nut farm and that idoit will still be up there drinking. I never knew a person could get so mean from drinking, it's like dealing with the devil himself, but I will not put up with that mess any more.
5 people like this
4 responses
• United States
10 Jul 07
Good for you. you tried to help her with her "demons" to no avail..and it was causing you pain and anxiety. all you can do is try, you cant make her stop..and she probably wont until she hits rock bottom. SHE has to want to quit and get clean/sober. its amazing how ppl can change when drunk. the nicest ppl can turn into monsters. you are better off without such a person in your life. perhaps if/when she decides for herself that it is time to get clean, you can consider being a friend again, but until she is ready..there's really nothing you can do.
3 people like this
@marciascott (25554)
• United States
10 Jul 07
I agree with you, she keeps giving her all this chances, yeah, see if she will clean up her act, because being with those same friends are not going to help her. they will just keep influencing her. she needs to gt away from those people untill she does, things are not going to change? you agree?
3 people like this
• United States
11 Jul 07
quite so! i know when i got clean i KNEW if i didnt get away from that circle of "friends" then i would STAY clean.
• United States
11 Jul 07
oops..sorry i mean "if i didnt get away from those friends i would NOT stay clean!" lol
@marciascott (25554)
• United States
10 Jul 07
I would just leave her alone, you gave her a chance from what I can see, If she is stressing you out like this, it is best to just find another friend, if she is hanging with these same friends, she is not going to change as long as she is with those same friends. Birds of a fleather flock together, and it seems that is the issue with her.
3 people like this
@maddysmommy (16233)
• United States
10 Jul 07
Sorry to hear that my friend. You did the right thing by breaking away. She was lucky to have someone as caring as you and worried about her wellbeing (even though at times it brought you down). To be honest she is the one that is losing out the most with your friendship. She could of got herself out of a bad situation but she has chosen not to change her ways, and until she does herself, no one else is going to be able to change her mind. There is so much one can do to help others, and if they are not willing to see the advantages over their habits, then what more can you do. I know it hurts my friend, but for your well being and sanity, you did the right thing. *hugs*.
@Rozie37 (15499)
• Turkmenistan
10 Jul 07
The thing that bothers me the most is that she has the nerve to be mad at me because I don't want to have a drunk friend. But, it is not fair to me. I can't trust her when she is like that. She says, that she was around me a lot and she was drunk and I never knew it. Just because I was not sure that she was drunk, I knew something was different. And there were times when I suspected it, but she would lie and say she wasn't.
2 people like this
@maddysmommy (16233)
• United States
11 Jul 07
All the more reason to let her go. She has not been honest with you from the start and may not ever be!
11 Jul 07
It isa common feature in many cases of alcohalilsts. The habiut itself very ugly and dangerous. The people in drink acts wild,ignore minimum human tendencies,It is advisable to get rid of such alcohalics. The habit grad;ually turns the mind to be criminal,and cruel whilein drink. Several cases reveal that they shall be either treated to be away from the drinking or they shall be given restricted isolation treatment so that they could not get a single drop of drink for several days. however , when it is not possible to turn out, it is better to let off.
1 person likes this