Am I beeing stupid? what would you have done?

@Marie2473 (8523)
Sweden
July 12, 2007 11:27am CST
As many of you know me and my mom are like best friends, she is the one person I trust with my life =) Anyway - my mom called me up today from Turkey where she is on holidays and said that she and dad had talked and that they had agreed on - since they know that the past 2 years has been a struggle for me with leaving my ex, having all the debts he left me with, and now this cancer and surgery thing - that my mom wanna go with me to turkey in september for a week - as a special treat to me. This will mean an all expences paid holiday for me, with the time to think and just relax... So what is the problem?? I feel as if I do this I do something wrong towards my bf. It feels wrong to leave him for a week and go away with my mom to have a week of fun, when he cant. he has helped me alot with all the financial stuff that my ex left behind, and still is, wich also leeds to him not beeing able to go away. It feels as if I will betray him in some way if I go.. I guess I would feel different if we had ever gone away together for a week or so wich we havent yet. Am I beeing stupid? is this just something that is in my head still that my ex put there as he did alot of things. advice please =)
8 people like this
21 responses
@tinamwhite (3255)
• United States
12 Jul 07
Marie, As you know, I lost my Mother 11 days ago....I would give anything for her to be here right now to be able to be in this predicament....I would suggest that you go...I think that your boyfriend would understand...you only get one Mother in life and I can attest that you never know when they might be gone.... I was extremely close to my Mother, like you, and while she lived with me for the past 7 1/2 yrs. I miss her so much more than I could ever express... I do not see this as a betrayal to your boyfriend...I do not think he would feel this way either...why would he become upset about spending some time with your Mom...in light of all of the things that you have been through lately....I think it would be a great thing for you and for her...the memories would be priceless... I am sure that you will do what you think is ultimately the best for everyone...I hope that this helped some....
@Marie2473 (8523)
• Sweden
12 Jul 07
I am really sorry about your mom. I do not know how I would handle soemthing like that happening. I am sure that she is looking over you and feel pride in every step that u take,even if it is without her visible to your eyes
1 person likes this
• United States
12 Jul 07
Thanks so much for your kind words...it was horrific....I know that she was happy here with me for the last of her years... I do not think that your problems are trivial....I just know now that life can be so fleeting...often without any warning at all....I would encourage everyone I know the take a look at the people in their lives and find a way to let them know just how special they are to you.... I am still griving...and feel half insane most of the days now...but I am doing the best I know how... Spending time with your Mom would be a good thing for you, in my opinion...
1 person likes this
@Marie2473 (8523)
• Sweden
12 Jul 07
it is normal to grieve, and I am sure that u will for the rest of your life, even if it will not be as intense as it is now for the whole time. If I lost my mom I know that I would feel empty... I think that my bf will see things similar to the way you see them - that I need this and that I defiately should go..
@mean_queen (1713)
• Malaysia
12 Jul 07
I don't think you're being stupid at all. It's only natural to feel that way. I think if you're honest about your feelings regarding the trip and convey it to your boyfriend, I'm sure he will understand. You don't have to sound overly enthusiastic about the trip though. :) I'm sure that your boyfriend would understand and would still want you to live your life.. So no, you're not stupid dear..
@Marie2473 (8523)
• Sweden
12 Jul 07
Thanx for commenting. I am sure that he will be happy for me, or atleast pretend that he is so that I will go. he is one of a kind.
2 people like this
• Malaysia
13 Jul 07
You're welcome.. I wish you all the best! :)
@judyt00 (3504)
• Canada
12 Jul 07
GO on the vacation. If he loves you, your bf will encourage you to go and relax and rejuvenate. Your time apart will also give him a chance to relax and rejuvenate and be ready for helping you again when you get back. When you have been ill, you have to think of yourself first and others second, he should know this aand he should literally push you out the door as you leave
3 people like this
@Marie2473 (8523)
• Sweden
12 Jul 07
And he probably will. I might be just silly and i am probably the only one thinking like this. I will talk to him about it and i am sure that he will want me to go =)
2 people like this
@mrsbrian (1951)
• United States
12 Jul 07
I think you deserve the time away, your b/f sounds like the type who would understand, dont allow what happend in the past damper your life,speak to your b/f about what your mom wants to do and get his feelings on it before you decide.
2 people like this
@Marie2473 (8523)
• Sweden
12 Jul 07
Thanx alot. i will talk with him adn see ho he reacts but him beeing as wonderful as he is will probably just be happy for me =)
1 person likes this
@34momma (13896)
• United States
13 Jul 07
girl if you don't get on that plane, i am going to come and get you and drag you on it! LOL go and have yourself a good time. yes he is a good guy, and yes he has been there for you and helped you out alot. but this is not about him, this is about you and your mother to go away together and have a good time.
@Marie2473 (8523)
• Sweden
13 Jul 07
heheh, my bf said that he himself would kidnap me and put me on the plane =) So he really wanted me to go...
1 person likes this
@34momma (13896)
• United States
13 Jul 07
see now that is a real man. he wants you to go and have a great time. that is a wonderful man you have there make sure you hold on to him
1 person likes this
@Rickrocks8 (1751)
• United States
13 Jul 07
I am so sorry that you are ill. and I hope you will be able to make a full recovery! Let me just start by saying feelings are never stupid. They are you feelings and you cant help it! I would sit down with your BF and tell him about the offer from your parents. Tell him how you feel. You can ask him what he thinks and feels about it. Loving someone isn't always about being with someone. You need to talk to him and not assume how he will feel about it. You never know he may be happy that your parents want to do something nice for you. And time to yourself isnt a bad thing either. It sounds like you have been run through the mill recently. That can put a drain on anyone! Best of luck!
1 person likes this
@Marie2473 (8523)
• Sweden
13 Jul 07
I talked to him last night and he was thrilled that they gave me the chanse and said that he will be angry if I dont go. *lol*
1 person likes this
• United States
13 Jul 07
He sounds like a good guy! Have fun and enjoy!
1 person likes this
@claudia413 (4284)
• United States
14 Jul 07
I agree with your b/f, and I'd help put you on that plane myself if I were there. Go and enjoy the time with your mother. You know she won't be around forever. You really could use an all expense-paid vacation after all you've been through. Give your b/f a hug from me for being so understanding, and then give him a BIG hug when you return home.
1 person likes this
@Marie2473 (8523)
• Sweden
15 Jul 07
he was surprised when I hugged him from you *lol* however I do think that I will go. W ehave talked alot about it the last days and I think that I want to go. It also feels good that he wants me to =)
• United States
14 Jul 07
How does your bf feel about it? It sounds like you have been through a lot more than he has and not only do you need this visit but deserve it. I'm sure he can take care of himself for a week can't he? Just go, have a nice visit, he can go next time.
1 person likes this
@Marie2473 (8523)
• Sweden
14 Jul 07
I had a talk with him and he wants me to go.. I am sure that he will be able to take care of himself =)
@sid556 (31006)
• United States
13 Jul 07
If this new man cares about you as much as it seems that he does then he will be happy for you to go with your mom. Opportunities like this don't come by often. look at it this way...your mom has stood by you also. This time with you is important to her. I think you would be letting her down if you were to say no. You are not being stupid but i do think you are worrying too much about pleasing everyone else. If i were you, i'd go.
1 person likes this
@Marie2473 (8523)
• Sweden
13 Jul 07
My guess is that I will go. My bf told me that I would be stupid if I didnt *lol* He is such a great guy =)
@lingli_78 (12846)
• Australia
13 Jul 07
i think i will just go if i were you... your mum know that you need a break after what you had experienced and your bf should understand it if he is a good bf... one week is not long at all... just tell him nicely and see what he says...
1 person likes this
@Marie2473 (8523)
• Sweden
13 Jul 07
He has told me that I have to go, that it will be good for me and for us as well =)
@sherinek (3323)
• United States
13 Jul 07
I am sure your b/f would understand. You really deserve this time out specially with your mom. We all can get this type of thoughts towards such a considerate b/f. But i dont think you should miss this opportunity. I am sure after this even your relationship with your b/f will be better. I wish you all the luck. Take care (Have a lot of fun)
1 person likes this
@Marie2473 (8523)
• Sweden
13 Jul 07
Thanx for commenting, after speaking with my bf he has more or less convinced me that i HAVE to go *lol*
• United States
13 Jul 07
I'm sure that if you talked to your boyfriend he would tell you that you deserve to go and that he is happy for you. Have you talked to him about it yet?
1 person likes this
@Marie2473 (8523)
• Sweden
13 Jul 07
When writing this I had not, but i did later that night and like you said - he wants me to go and thinks that I am beeing silly for even thinking that he will mind =)
@lucy02 (5017)
• United States
13 Jul 07
I don't think you should feel guilty. You also need to spend some time with your Mom. She won't be here forever either. I think you should get away and relax awhile. I don't think your bf will mind.
1 person likes this
@Marie2473 (8523)
• Sweden
13 Jul 07
No, after talking to him, I know that he will not mind at all.
@liranlgo (5749)
• Israel
13 Jul 07
No. you are not being stupid at all. I do understand your feeling, but i still think that you should take that turkey trip with your mom. This is a mother daughter thing, and probably she feels that she needs it non less then you do. You can go with your boyfriend to another trip another time. But if you will ask him, i am sure he will tell you the same answer i did just now. You do have to separate your about your parents then the ones of who you live with. There are 2 total different things, and you do have to nurture your relationship with your mother. Do remember that she is not getting younger and this is an important thing that she wants to do with you.
@Marie2473 (8523)
• Sweden
13 Jul 07
I did talk with him about it last night and he said that he wants me to go, that I am stupid if I dont *lol* I still havent decided but atleast i feel relieved that he doesn´t mind.
@delenep (212)
• United States
12 Jul 07
ur parents are trying to whow their love for you by doing something incredibly special for u at a time when u need it. I would go. U would not be betraying ur bf or anyone else. If he loves u, he would understand ur parents for wanting to do this for u bcos he would want to do the same for u if he could.
1 person likes this
@Marie2473 (8523)
• Sweden
13 Jul 07
He did tell me that I am stupid if I do not go =)
1 person likes this
@sunshinecup (7881)
12 Jul 07
Well to tell the truth I couldn't go either. Pretty much for the same reasons you have. I don't like going out with my friends to see a movie with out hubby if he wants to see it or visit a place without him if it interests him as well. So no I wouldn’t call you stupid at all. If you are, then that makes two of us :oD
1 person likes this
@Marie2473 (8523)
• Sweden
13 Jul 07
hehe, maybe we are stupid =) Anyways I talked with him about it yesterday and he said that it would be stupid of me not to go. he said that he wants me to and that he sees that I need it. He also said that there will be plenty of time for us afterwards to go away together. Still havent decided though..
@patgalca (14255)
• Orangeville, Ontario
12 Jul 07
Tina makes a good point in that you should spend time with your mother while she is still here to spend time with her. I lost my father last year and have so many thoughts in my head about what I wish I had said to him, asked him, done with him. I think your boyfriend would understand since your mother is paying for the trip. If you were paying for it I could see him balking after having helped you out financially. But it is a gift from your mother and your mother could be hurt if you turn it down. Time away from your boyfriend will bring you closer together when he returns. Believe me, my husband is insistent on going "home" every summer (of course he needs to spend time with his parents before they leave this earth), and I cry before he leaves and I cry when he returns and am so happy to see him. A reunion after time apart can be wonderful. Take the time and relax, but or course talk to your boyfriend and get his feelings and opinion.
1 person likes this
@Marie2473 (8523)
• Sweden
12 Jul 07
I am sure that beeing apart will do us good, but i am also sure that he will let me go, and that he will actually insist on me doing so. I think i will be going, but i am sure that i will feel bad in the beginning.
@gwendovere (1283)
• United States
13 Jul 07
Don't feel bad! You deserve to take a break. You've been through a lot & "absense makes the heart grow fonder." Just relax & go for it!
1 person likes this
@maehan (1445)
• United States
12 Jul 07
Hi Marie, I think you deserve a vacation. And, you are not stupid. In fact, you are sweet and considerate. If course, your bf definitely is an understanding guy that will give you the support. Cheers, have fun and enjoy your vacation.
1 person likes this
@cher913 (25893)
• Canada
12 Jul 07
i would prolly goaway in a heartbeat, see if you can take him with? or only go for a few days? sounds like you need a bit of a vaca...it would be tough to pass it up!
1 person likes this