to love is to be idealistic

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when i start missing the feeling of being in love, i suddenly have this sinking feeling that i might easily fall for anyone who comes my way without considering the matter: i am not yet prepared for any commitment, i have reflected on that, because i know my emotions and sensibilities aren’t yet geared up for a romantic relationship. it’s not that i don’t ever fancy on being involved with someone my whole life, because i do; it’s just that i don’t like the idea of losing myself again when i get hurt or upset for that matter because it’s really stressing. i have never been into a committed relationship before but i guess i can get most of the picture of what it would be like to be involved with someone: it can either elevate me into a relishing happiness or tumble me down into an anguishing heartache. and up to now, i’m still wondering whether it’s better to undergo the cycle of happiness, sadness, and frustration in a romantic relationship or just simply the neutral feeling without a love life. i am told by my friends that if and when i get myself involved with someone, my life won’t be the same again – there are a lot of meanings in that statement but i only believe a few of them. i like the idea of not falling in love with someone just because i have known bits and pieces of good things about him; i prefer letting love permit itself to grow from between me and that person. but i want him first to allow himself to open up with me and also make himself worthy enough to be trusted so i can share things about myself. it may sound so idealistic, yes, but i am allowed to have creative imaginations, am i not? someday, when the time is right, i want to meet someone who can change my outlook in life. i want to meet someone who can make me love myself whenever i am with him. i believe that love isn’t for my searching; it’s for my waiting and having faith that somewhere out there is a person who is ideally meant for me.