my daughter and myspace
By ladylily29
@ladylily29 (323)
United States
July 13, 2007 8:54pm CST
My 14 yr. old daughter befriended a guy on myspace, she lied to me about him, said he moved from our town to Washington, and then I wasn't comfy with him, I just hadn't never heard of this boy before.And I caught her talking on the phone with him, so I got on the other phone here at home and aske dhim, how old are you?He began to stutter,HUh,huh,huh, when my daughter whispered to him(as if I couldn't hear her) 16,16, he muttered 15, but he didn't sound 15, then he asked me in a sexy voice and tone "why,how old are you?And that sent me into fits,I asked him if they'd met off of Myspace ,he said yes got a problem with it?I said yes and she was only a child and he wasn't who he said he was either and he wasn't to make contact with her ever again, I tried to block his phone no# from our phone, but the phone company said it was a multi-party business phone and could not be blocked.Tha treally got me.I grounded her , moved the computer to my room and just recently put it back on line, well, she had sneaked and dialed up and emailed him and all, cause I tried to check to see if she was still using, and found out she was just on it yesturday,and she had blocke dme from veiwing her page completely.So I hacked her account, and deleted all her page and got her email canceled too.I left her home alone for 20 minutes today, and when I came home she stormed to me and said she'd never talk to me again.She hated me and so on.Said I had no right to do what I did.But I tried again to explain how dangerous it was to contact peps from the net.To let them know anything personal, and she broke my rules, so we could still end up dead somehow.Or raped.I have now added more protection to my home because of her little stunt.And I am now scared to leave her home where I can't see the house.She wasn't thinking of herself and her family, but what ,that she was having fun.Did I do the right thing and delete her stuff completely.I also have fixed my computer where she can't even dial up with out me , cause only I have the password now.Have any ideas what programs is there to download onto my computer that I can see what and where and who she deals with while she's on the net.I was to protect her and my family even if she don't.
7 people like this
16 responses
@foxyfire33 (10005)
• United States
14 Jul 07
You absolutely did the right thing! I would even go one step further if you have any information on this guy anymore and talk to the police about him. Your daughter may not be the only young girl he has tried this with and depending on his age what he is doing may be illegal. You could save another young girl from a lot of heartache. Also it would be good to have all of this officially on file if he tries to contact your daughter or come to your home.
Under the circumstances I think the best thing you can do is limit her computer time to school related activities only and only when you can be right there to watch everything she does. I also suggest you find some information on child predators and kidnapping and rape cases related to myspace and internet use so she can maybe get a better understanding about just how serious this was. You're "just the mom" so cjances are she won't listen to what you say but maybe if she is exposed to real life stories she will understand.
3 people like this
@angelface23 (2494)
• United States
14 Jul 07
completely. Your daughter's life is much too precious. That kinda thing is rampid now a days. Just look at that Dateline's How to Catch a Predator. She probably feels special that an older guy likes her but doesn't realize what can happen to her. Personally though my daughter wouldn't have a myspace page at 14.
@ESKARENA1 (18261)
•
14 Jul 07
I agree with you absolutely, you did the right thing. How did she get as myspace page at 14 anyway? Isnt it against the rules? As far as programmes, I suggest you get intouch with your internet service provider, I know AOL have quite strict parental controls, so maybe prevention is better than trying to find out what she has been up to after the event?
blessed be
1 person likes this
@lisado (1227)
• United States
14 Jul 07
I believe it's either 13 or 14 is the age limit. A friend of my husband's let his son sign up and when his little brother went to sign up, as well, he couldn't because he was to young. He just fudged his birthday so the site thought he was old enough when he really wasn't. Just another way to see that you can pretend to be anyone you want to be online. :(
@Marie2473 (8512)
• Sweden
14 Jul 07
I do not have any kids, and when I was young i was chatting to guys all the time =) My mom did not mind at all, but on the oter hand, i never revealed any personal info, never gave them my number or even called them up myself. I was just having fun online.
However I do understand that u are worried if she hands out her phonenumber to strangers and then that attitude he gave you as well.. I think u did the right thing
1 person likes this
@lisado (1227)
• United States
14 Jul 07
I can't blame you for being upset. I would be furious, as well, not to mention scared that someone out there may or may not try to hurt my family. You do have the right to delete her profile. A computer is a privaledge and she abused it, so it was taken away. She is going to need to earn your trust again, which will take time. She'll understand one day, probably when she has kids of her own.
Just remember. She doesn't hate you. She wanted to hurt you, which I am sure she did. Kids can cut to the bone by screaming those words, and they know it. She's just mad at you and she will get over it. She broke the rules and now she has to pay the price for her actions.
I don't know the names of any software but I know there is some out there. I hope someone else can point you in the right direction. Stand your ground, mom! You only want her safe and happy, but she won't see it that way for many years, I'm sure.
1 person likes this
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
14 Jul 07
Oh my god...the myspace nitemare!! When I first discovered that my daughter was on myspace, i deleted her profile and banned her from the computer which is in our livingroom. She too was making some very poor choices. It got worse...she got on again under a different name at a friends house..this time with pics. She is beautiful and now I am really concerned and also realize she will find a way around any rules I lay down. I gave her permission to be on myspace only if I can be on as her "friend" and only if she sets her account to "private." She agreed. I am on as her friend but I have also set up my own private account where I am a 14 year old boy and I am a friend on her friend's sites that would never have let me in as her mom. I check her randomly to be sure she is being safe. Before I did this and what prompted me to do this was that she had made contact with an older teen and she had gone as far as to tell him where we lived and he was trying to meet with her. So far she is doing good with going by the rules. You need to be very actively involved. I look at her friends and what they are doing as well as hers. I also clip and show her news articles of stories such as yours. You need to sit your daughter down and come to a compromise. Banning her will not work for she will find ways around your rules.You need to join her on this.
1 person likes this
@SViswan (12051)
• India
23 Sep 07
I know you are trying to protect your family. But all this is just going to make your daughter more mad at you and she's going to find creative ways to get around your security. She will also start lying to you (which she has done already).
I did have a similar situation when I was younger and I was in your daughter's shoes then. I learnt it the hard way but luckily for me...once my dad talked to me about the dangers and I still didn't heed his words. I knew he was there for me when I got into trouble. He left the channels open for me after warning me. I'm sure he checked my mails and everything that you did....but I wasn't aware and thought I could talk to him about anything.
You will have to take a certain amount of protection but too much and she's going to move away from you.
Why don't you sit her down and tell her all the possible dangers that can happen and let her have a voice in deciding how she is going to protect herself? She is not going to admit that she will not be able to judge a person well (esp. one on the net).Maybe you can start with no giving out personal information. If your daughter really need to meet someone from the net, let her do so in a public place and you can chaperone or drive her there. Then you get a chance to see the person and judge for yourself.
@cynddvs (2948)
• United States
15 Jul 07
I absolutely think you did the right thing. I don't blame you one bit. If she's not going to look after herself and use commone sense on who to stay away from on the internet then it's your job to take her internet priviledges away. This is why I don't think teenagers should be allowed on Myspace. Of course there are sick pedophiles anywhere else on the internet. But Myspace is a very dirty place. My little 13 year old sister has a myspace page and I am constantly checking up on her to see who she is talking to. My mom isn't too myspace savvy so I do the dirty work for her. Your daughter will be mad and sulk for a while but she will eventually get over it. And she will thank you when she grows up and realizes how crazy she has been acting and that she could have gotten herself seriously hurt. I say you are doing a great job parenting and protecting your daughter. Keep up the good work!
@cynddvs (2948)
• United States
15 Jul 07
Also I just just remembered I actually have a friend that works with Dateline. She actually does the work to help set up the stings to catch the predators. If you would like me to connect you to her myspace page and maybe have her talk to your daughter about the risks of talking to these guys I'm sure she would be more then happy to do so. Maybe talking to someone who deals with the sickos day in and day out might have some influence on your daughter. Just send me a message if you would like to get in contact with her.
@miamilady (4910)
• United States
23 Sep 07
My daughter has a myspace also. Luckily, she has enough frieds that she does know on there and I'm pretty sure she's not meeting strangers. I've found out a few things that I would not have know if not for her myspace.
We do have a right to protect our children, even when they don't want to be protected. They are at an age where they think they know everything and they think they are invulnerable.
We're old. We're old fashioned. We don't know anything! Or so they say. Well, I pretty much thought the same things about my parents when I was that age, so I do take that into consideration.
But, I also know that as an adult, I now know a lot more about life than she does and whether she likes it or not, I am still responsible for her safety and she has to live by my rules. If she wants more independence she has to earn it by showing me that she can be trusted. So far, this has been a three steps forward, two steps back process for us.
We do need to allow them some independence and some privacy, but when they show that they can't handle that independence or privacy, then it is up to us (as parents) to revoke some of their privileges.
Good luck.
@guss2000 (2232)
• United States
17 Jul 07
I think you did do the right thing. There are many times parents overlook situations like this and their children wind up hurt, raped or murdered. I hear it on the tv and news all of the time. I hope you daughter beings to understand that you did what you did out of love. I hope that the boy/man she was talking to leaves her be if he really is bad news. Good luck to you!
@IL2Knit (1141)
• United States
14 Jul 07
Hunny you did the right thing. Your daughter was playing with fire and she knew it otherwise she wouldn't have lied. You have to do what you have to do to protect your family. She will get over it, stay strong. Make sure she isn't reaching this perv from a friends PC. You need to talk to her friends Moms bc I bet she has talked to her friends and they are doing it too. Yes she is mad and saying really hurtfull things but you stay strong. Some day she will thank you. If I was you I would search her room too. I also would keep her grounded as long as she acts this way and says hatefull things to you. If you need a shoulder to lean on I'm here. I'll be praying for you.
@arman2004u (43)
• Philippines
14 Jul 07
the sollution to this problem lies in ur hand either u can explain ur daughter by words or by force coz if ur daughter is in ur controll no one in this world can harm her just make her realize again that how bad the situation can get but if she dsnt listen then try her freinds to tak her out of this and the last straw is that u use force ....but these kind of stuff usually happens to teenagers she is passing through a very difficult age!!
1 person likes this
@xdollface8 (96)
• United States
16 Sep 07
WHAT A CREEP MAN!
if she has a cell or you get her one
request from the serivce company a print out of all her txts and phone calls she makes
@vladpp (37)
• Australia
14 Jul 07
Look up "keyloggers" they record everything she types on the computer.
I can see why you would be concerned, however as a 17 year old i can almost guarantee you that punishments and monitoring isn't going to solve your problem. Talk to your child, listen to why she went against your will. At this moment in time it doesn't see, that she cares about your rules and such so try to reason with and compromise.
As for deleting her myspace and email, you have every right as a parent to delete them, but in my opinion i don't think it was the most appropriate thing to do.
@Lawrencers (3)
• United States
14 Jul 07
To be honest with you. If you cradle your daughter things will only get worse. I can understand that there are a lot of bad things out there. The guy is one of them, but punishing her in such a matter is to much. You need to balance between protecting her and letting her make her own mistakes. What you did was over bored. Sure delete hear stuff fine thats an incentive to tell her that your not playing around, but she is not learning anything by you (protecting) her from the world.
