what if I am having second thoughts about being married?

United States
July 13, 2007 9:01pm CST
I have posted before about not being able to get over my ex. well I think it has put a real strain on my marriage. That's not the only reason but it might have a big part in it. I just don't think I am happy with my husband, the kind of person he is. He is controlling and I am so not one to be controlled. It's just like we aren't a good match. Then theres the fact that I still have those feelings for my ex. I don't want him back but I just feel like I never got the chance to get over it on my own terms because I jumped into a relationship with my husband so fast after breaking up with my ex. I don't think its fair to be married to him but still have those feelings and regrets for the ex. I mean my husband is a good person and he doesn't deserve to be hurt like this. I haven't told him any of the ex stuff but I think he probably knows I still havent gotten over him. I guess what I want to know is, should I call it quits with him or should I just get over it?
3 people like this
4 responses
@mansha (6301)
• India
26 Jul 07
I think if you are in to a relationship forget the past and be there in the present and try and make things work. Okay you jumped in to the relationship but why should your now hubby suffer just because you took a hurried decision. may be talk things through with me, go on a vacation alone, brood as much as you want and then come back refreshed and plunge in to the relationship you have commited to with your whole heart. When you are committed you are comitted for life and if your hubby is so great then try and get over your past in any way-counselling-vacation anything and work things out for both of you.
1 person likes this
@mansha (6301)
• India
26 Jul 07
On second thoughts if you feel yopur hubby is too controlling and yopu can really not talk or cope with him then may be you can think of quitting too but thats the worst case scenario and not the first choice.
@kgwat70 (13396)
• United States
15 Jul 07
I think that if you are not happy being with your husband and the two of you are not able to work things out individually or with counseling, then you should get divorced. Maybe seeing a counselor can help you get over your ex, otherwise I feel it is unhealthy for both you and your husband to be together if you two are not happy being with one another.
• United States
29 Jul 07
well he kinda has no idea that I had these feelings for my ex. But like i said above, I just need to ignore those feelings and concentrate on my marraige.
• Philippines
14 Jul 07
a major consideration in your predicament is the fact that you're married. you haven't said anything, however, whether you have kids or not. . . anyway, if you are finding reasons or just looking at reasons for you to end the marriage, then i don't think you'd really be able to "fix" the situation with your husband. i see hope though when you say yourself that he's a good person. if you really still consider sticking it out with your husband, then weigh also the factors why you'd want to stay married with him. maybe you just need some time off by yourself to think things over, without meaning that you have to see your ex because believe me, unless you really don't want to be with your husband anymore, seeing your ex would only cause confusion and could make deciding even harder. if your husband is understanding enough, he should allow you some time to think and resolve your personal worries without putting pressure that you should stay with him, assuming he has an inkling already about the situation.
• United States
29 Jul 07
I put alot of thought into it and I decided that I do love him and I just have to ignore any feelings or thoughts that might pop up about my ex. thanks 4 the reply though!!
@mrsbrian (1951)
• United States
14 Jul 07
I dont think you are being fair to your husband,although I dont like the sounds of you saying he is controling its not fair to not be giving your all to this marriage when you still have feelings for your ex.You say you dont want your ex back, so move on forget him and all that it was its over and put all those feelings into your new marriage and give it a chance.