what does life made you after all?
July 14, 2007 1:09am CST
i had experience almost all of the painful things that life had to give me..i would say it struck me so hard that i dont even know what it made me after all..i thought i was all positive with everything not until after the arguments i dealt with a special person in my life..a person who had taught me how to be strong and move forward no matter how painful life would be towards me.. just when i thought that pride is all that i got for me to keep moving..i was all wrong..when my parents separated..i took descision to come with my mother knowing what is right from what is wrong..it was midnight of july 2001 as i can still remember at about 2:00 in the mornin, i heard mom and dad we're fighting and dad was screaming so loud every one could hear what he was yelling about..its usual you know, for us kids to see them like that..i manage my life to get used of the screams dad has to do each time..mom was crying and all i could see was he was hurting her so bad..i started to scream to dad and trying to rescue mom but dad was strong i cant do anything..mom decided to pack up when dad came to the room and started throwing the our things in the street..i said to myself " this is better to do after all..leave".it was 2:30 we are lost to nowhere..mom and I and my eldest brother, we are carrying all the things that dad threw and had put it to a large plastic bag..people from neighbors started to look at us..it was a big shame for everybody..specially to us..we walked to nowhere..do not know where to knock doors we could stay the night with..so we just manage to sleep on the street..yes, i know how it feels like to sleep on streets like homeless..it lasted for days until my mom's sister had offered her house to shelter us..mom had almost lost her sanity..she just cry, lock herself into the room and as i can see her my heart is crying as tears falls down my cheek..i see her like praying or could it be she's talking to herself..it lasted months..i decided to stop college and start to find a not so good paying job but was enough to cover the expenses..mom, bit by bit had found herself back..thankfully she has seen my efforts and hardwork..she started to have work and had a stay in job as a house keeper of a freind..one of her very good friends had offered me her home and mom said it was great if i do..i stayed there while my eldest brother stayed at the church..with the pastors he sleep in the guard house in the church..it lasted almost half the year..we had took care of our own life after several months of hardwork with pride..i manage to get a small apartment for us and not so long ago, my 2 rest siblings that are left to dad had came home with us..they didnt want to be left behind but we cannot do anything because we are homeless at the time they wanna be with us..dad forbidden them to see us..and that dad's family had abused them so bad.. its was all because of hardwork that i manage to handle a big responsibility, as a mother, a father, a sister and sole bread winner of the family..dad didnt support us and my pride was high enough not to ask for help..yes, without his help.i stood tall upon a pedestal myself..with the relatives that are my critics all the time..they just made me tough and stronger..pride had made me to be on top of them..i wasnt the kid they use to step on and pull on the ground like what they use to do...i'm far more better than what they are now..friends would look up on me and say..look at you now..your so different like what you are before..and yes, its true i say its because of pride and hardwork that made me stand tall..
2 people like this
22 Jul 07
Hi angel_of_charm! I hope you don't mind me writing this to you in a very personal level. You led a difficult life and I know very well that you're still trying to struggle with other problems that you have at the moment. Most of the readers here may not know that you are also still grieving for your newborn baby and your younger brother, and the tears and trials don't seem to end. I know you're also trying so very hard to put up a brave front and it will take awhile before you get pass the grieving stage. It's alright dear to just let all the tears fall and feel the pain, lose that mask and don't bury the pain in your heart. You may not know it but it is somehow affecting your health. You're so thin now and I worry of the chest pain that you just wrote me on your text message awhile ago. Seek medical help. You have burdened yourself too heavily. You tried so hard to be the protector of your mother and siblings but I guess, it's time to share the burden with them. I hope you'll never lose your courage. Be good to yourself, take care of yourself, love yourself and for goodness sake, eat well! And for those people who dislike you and keeps on trying to hurt you, ignore them and avoid them if you could. Remember, only you could give them the power to hurt you. Lastly, there are still a lot of people who cares and love you. Take care friend and soon the storm will pass.
23 Jul 07
such good friends are hard to find and i'm lucky i had found one in you..some people may not understand but with friends who can always understand somethings in life are getting easy to deal with..we talk through experience we tend to fight and make things happen on our way..but its not because we did it all by ourselves, we did it because we have good friends on one of our side..i appreciate it so much for giving me so much concern when we knew it was not long enough we had knew each other..thank you..as of my medical check up, i got to get some test tomorow morning..so i get started my day in hospital tomorrow for ecg and cbc though i had an ecg a while ago already it needs repeated test..i hope its nothing serious but with the doctors reacion it seems like he just dont wanna say nething till he confirm it..
22 Jul 07
Knowing You as I do, and being somewhat older, I can truely understand how difficult your life has been sofar, at times it must seem that everything is against you and that things will never get better ! But, in the last year i have seen you change & cope with the difficult things that have happened to you ! some years ago your brother became your guardian, not just took care but really loved you as only a brother should, a soulmate. When he left this world you were devestated and did not know how you would survive and cope with such a sad loss. i want to tell you that your brother is STILL taking care of you, he is looking down on you, your guardian Angel (Not all Angels are Females!) this is why in the last 6 months you have become such a loving, careing and coping person, of course you will still have that ache in your heart, but given time it will heal and life will have a new meaning1 You are such a special person, I doubt you are aware of this yet, you have so much love and understanding to give, and I can Promise you that in a year or two Life will be Wonderful for you & your loved ones, this I truely believe, God bless you ! Christian your Lifetime Friend x
23 Jul 07
your words had been enlighting me for morethan year now..you always been there for me from zorpia to here..from rough times to happy times..you never got tired of backing me up..let me offer you my deepest true friendship to you which was all i could give you i return to your warm kindness to me..from the day on i met you on zorpia till here..my token of gratitude to you..i hope you will stay in mylot with me..
• United States
14 Jul 07
Congrats, angel_of_charm. You have overcom adversity and made life your friend. You lived through things in life that people shouldn't have to go through. You came out a shining star. It is wonderful to see that you didn't let it get you down. I know it was hard for life sometimes its. Be proud for your are a strong and wonderful woman, for not to many people come out on top in situatins like that. You have made the best of what life has delt you. Best regaurd and stand proud.