how do you fix/heal a broken/strained relationship with your parents?

Philippines
July 18, 2007 4:17am CST
I was close to both parents while growing up. When i got to high school, things started goin downhill. I did some pretty nasty things which im not exactly proud of and we talked less and less. After college, i opted to live far away from home, miles and miles away, in another city. We talked on the phone every couple of days and we didnt fight like we used to when i lived at home. I miss them, especially my mom. Recently, I came back for a visit and my mom talked me into living closer to home. Now, things are goin back to the way they were before. And i think it's gonna get worse!! My mom always has something to say about everything i do..and my dad.. well, he's my dad.. never approved of whatever i do. I love them with all my heart but they just make me so mad sometimes!! Especially when my mom starts whining and saying things like i dont cae for them and dont respect them.. She doesnt know what she's talking about!!!! I gave up great job opportunities to be able to live closer home and now this!! I dont know what to do. I really hate it when my mom starts crying. I feel like such a failure for bein a disappointment to them.. *sighs* I apologize to them after we argue but i feel dead inside. I think i need to go away again. I wanna spend more time with them now that they're gettin older since they're probably lonely but they just grate on my nerves sometimes.. I dont know... Am i such a bad daughter!? :((
1 person likes this
2 responses
@sid556 (31018)
• United States
18 Jul 07
No, You are not a bad daughter and I'm sure your parents don't feel that way either. The teen years are very trying on both the parents and the kids. You are breaking away and we parents tend to hold on tighter. I had one daughter that was extremely trying. We could not see eye to eye on anything. I worried endlessly about her. She took my worrying as control. Thru the worst of it, many a harsh word was exchanged.When she did come around and begin making better choices, I was relieved but our relationship had been so strained that change in that did not come about right away. Time and space did wonders toward rebuilding trust. Ironically, her boyfriend has a sister that is much like she was and she has had the opportunity to almost watch herself as an outsider. That has helped her understand from a different perspective. I'm sure your parents love you as you love them. Give it a little time to heal.
• Philippines
18 Jul 07
Thank you so much for what you said. This means a lot to me, more than you could eve know. I do try to understand how things could go so wrong between my parents and me and it breaks my heart that we couldnt be as close as we were when i was younger. Im thinking i just need to put myself in their shoes but sometimes, my temper gets the best of me.. But i will never stop trying to understand them. Thanks to you.
1 person likes this
@sid556 (31018)
• United States
18 Jul 07
Just give it a little time,hon. My daughter and I are now very very close. It isn't just you. I had to have some space to get beyond my own hurt to understand her as well. I could not do that when she first moved back in...it was like nothing had changed. She had improved some but was still making some poor choices and still taking things out on me. We are now at a point where we can talk about those days. She does have a temper still but rather than direct her anger at me, she vents and I listen. Most of the time her anger was really at something that I had nothing to do with anyway...I was just in the line of fire.
• Philippines
18 Jul 07
When I get pregnant with my daughter outside marriage, my father became so cold to me up to the point that he would not dare to talk to me. As if he hated me so much. I can blame him, I was about to graduate when i get pregnant. It hurt me so badly for I'm a papa's girl but times heals every wound. When a deliver my baby, everything backs to normal again because he loves my daughter so much, I can say more than he loves me now.....
• Philippines
19 Jul 07
That's good to hear. Im glad things worked out for the better between you and your dad. Keep it up:))