Do you resent your baby

@birthlady (5613)
United States
October 25, 2006 3:51pm CST
...for all the pain of childbirth?
5 people like this
69 responses
@jmacki1 (51)
• United States
6 Nov 06
I will be honest here. Resenting your child for labor pains sounds ridiculous to me. It's labor pains. I have a hard time imagining that any mother that planned on getting PG can feel this way. However, I can see it if the mother had never planned on having children and all the sudden wound up PG and she doesn't believe in abortion and felt forced to go through something she did not want to. But I still feel like I am sretching here. I can understand resentment toward your child. I don't hold any toward mine, but I can understand it with disabilities or the birth harming the mother in some way that changed her life. I can comprehend that. I can't comprehend resentment over labor pains.
@birthlady (5613)
• United States
6 Nov 06
Resentment over labor pains often occurs when a mother enters a physiologic/psychological state of being overwhelmed by pain during labor without relief. When overwhelming pain occurs in labor, without being recognized, a mother may have an undiagnosed psychotic break--and resent her baby for pain of childbirth. This is never intentional.
• United States
6 Nov 06
I still can't comprehend it. I am making the assumption that most of these cases are the result of natural childbirth. And the mother unwillingness to seek relief. And if that is the case, then the resentment should be at themselves and not at the child, The mother was the one that made the choice not to seek pain relief. Now if it is a phycotic break because of intense pain, then I will give resentment to the women that got stuck in an elevator and gave birth without the medication she was hoping for. But I can't feel sorry for a mother that holds resentment to her child because she didn't seek pain relief. Honestly, I would love to hear from someone that actually feels this way. I am ignorant in this topic, all I have is my opinion. I have never, nor have I ever met anyone that feels this way. I would like to hear honest expierances with this.
1 person likes this
@birthlady (5613)
• United States
6 Nov 06
This discussion is my forum to hear from women who feel this way. I am researching for a book I am writing. I have talked to many women over 30 years' time who weep to admit they feel this way. Yes, a psychotic break can occur. Read Brooke Shields' book about her own experiences with postpartum depression. She did resent her baby...
• United States
26 Oct 06
No! I didn't think that anyone would. How can you resent a helpless little being like that? I would have gone through a hundred more labors to have my children.
1 person likes this
• United States
26 Oct 06
my daughter was worth it i never regret doing that
2 people like this
@birthlady (5613)
• United States
26 Oct 06
Many women who become overwhelmed by pain during labor, resent their babies without deliberately doing so.
• United States
26 Oct 06
I din't think about that. I guess that is true and would be no ones fault. What is recommended to get over something like that?
1 person likes this
• United States
25 Oct 06
No! Never! My little girl was COMPLETELY worth it all!
1 person likes this
@birthlady (5613)
• United States
6 Nov 06
Birthlady Art - I painted this picture of a pretty kitty. Greeting cards exclusively at my store, Art by Cathie...the birthlady!
http://www.cafepress.com/artbycathie
I know how you feel, thank you for responding.
• United States
25 Oct 06
I didnt plan for my daughter. I did get scared when I found out I was pregnant but I fall in love with the baby when I saw the first ultrasound. Little feet, head, hands, sound of the heart, etc etc. All the pain I had was worth it. I love my daughter very much.
1 person likes this
@birthlady (5613)
• United States
30 Oct 06
Falling in love with baby is beautiful tenderness, isn't it?
@sbeauty (5871)
• United States
25 Oct 06
Heavens no. First of all, my babies didn't ask to be born. I chose to have them. Secondly, I was a big girl when I decided to have children, and I knew what I was getting into from the start.
@birthlady (5613)
• United States
30 Oct 06
Thank you for your reply.
@birthlady (5613)
• United States
30 Oct 06
Hello, all! I'm commenting here because I have noticed on my other discussion posts there's alot of NEGATIVE JUDGEMENT about women who feel resentful of baby because of pain in childbirth. Feeling resentful does NOT mean a mom doesn't love her baby. I desire this to be a SAFE place to share feelings, perhaps there's a mom or two out there who will not share because she is intimidated by others' judgements! However, it is NOT for you nor I to JUDGE! So, please, be kind and compassionate!
@birthlady (5613)
• United States
6 Nov 06
Birthlady Art - I took this picture of driftwood at Glass Beach, Fort Bragg, CA. Exclusively at my store, Art by Cathie the birthlady...that's me! http://www.cafepress.com/artbycathie
Sometimes when women become overwhelmed by pain during labor, contractions loose their definition, and feel like ONE BIG CONTRACTION that never stops. Continual overwhelming pain may lead to many things, including post traumatic stress syndrome, which is now being recognized in childbirth trauma for mothers. This trauma, a physical and emotional state of being, may lead to a mom resenting her own baby but not realizing why. THIS IS A SAFE PLACE for us to explore our feelings, so let's please be gentle with one another and respect the courage it takes to admit innermost feelings. Thank you!
@sunrisekn (1468)
• United States
30 Oct 06
No way!! He is worth everything and more!!!
@birthlady (5613)
• United States
30 Oct 06
Babies ARE worth everything! Yet resenting one's baby does not mean babies are not worth it!
@birthlady (5613)
• United States
6 Nov 06
Sometimes a pregnant mother in labor experiences unrelenting pain. Pain tolerance is different for each person, and is different in all circumstances. Sometimes the normal stresses of labor combine with lack of sleep, hunger, fear of the unknown, being in a strange place (a hospital), and other factors, too many to address in this one post--these things combine to make physiologic labor contractions of the uterus feel so painful that edges blur. A woman may not know where one contraction stops and the other contraction begins. This is especially true of pitocin augmented contractions. Contractions begin to feel like ONE BIG never ending contraction. A woman becomes overwhelmed by pain. Unrelenting prolonged unrelenting pain may lead to an undiagnosed psychotic break (this does not mean a woman goes "crazy" per se) and contributes to postpartum depression and/or the continuum leading to postpartum psychosis. It's not intentional. It doesn't make a mother "bad". It happens. If this description brings tears to your eyes, or maybe an "aha!" feeling, please post. I'm doing research for my new book. I already self publish a book I wrote called "Avoiding Overwhelming Pain in Labor. I'll post a sample chapter. Here's my homepage link, keep checking. http://www.auntienatal911.com
@sunrisekn (1468)
• United States
15 Nov 06
Trust me, I totally understand what you are saying. I had a very difficult pregnancy from losing 1 fetus (diagnosed with a double uterus), preeclampyia,56 hrs in labor,2 hours of pushing (even though I was completely dialated, my son couldn't pass thru the anterior lip--I think that's what they called it), and finally emergency c-section. I can see where a woman would resent her baby. Once I got home with him and started to get situated my stitches broke and had to have help for another 2 weeks, so the first 4 weeks of my sons life I was pretty much helpless. I couldn't lift him, carry him, or even walk around to much. They cut me beside my belly button down, not across the bikini area. By that time, post partum started and it felt like it was down hill from there. However, having been through all of that, I don't regret a minute of it. But, some women would and I get that. I can tell you I DO NOT want to do it again. I am a "mother of mature age" (as my doctor describes me) lol
@babykay (2133)
• Ireland
23 Jan 07
No, I don't believe I do at all. I am proud of myself for going through all of that pain to bring him into the world. I felt every minute of the pain but I would go through it again. And once he was born it was all over, apart from the episiotomy and that heals. Definitely I don't resent my baby for that pain. I am glad that I went through the pain - it was an experience that made me realise that pain like that actually exists.
@birthlady (5613)
• United States
23 Jan 07
Welcome to the inner circle of "those who know"! I experienced labor and birthing as being transendental.
@babykay (2133)
• Ireland
23 Jan 07
The only transcendental thing about it was that I was transcending my own body, I actually thought I was out of my own body and that I wasn't really there....weird stuff. I wish I hadn't been quite so freaked out. I thought I was gonna die. Next time I will know that it is normal.
• United States
15 Nov 06
baby breonna - baby breonna
NO WAY!!!!!!!!!
@birthlady (5613)
• United States
24 Nov 06
Thank you for responding.
@birthlady (5613)
• United States
25 Nov 06
What a sweet baby!
• United States
9 Nov 06
It can happen. It's normal. Don't fret about it. Tell the doc. It is so painful and the hormones are all messed up.
@birthlady (5613)
• United States
9 Nov 06
This is very sound comment, I agree, it is common, and a mother needs to tell the doctor.
• United States
15 Nov 06
A lot of women go through it, but don't like to admit it. It's normal.
• Philippines
29 Jan 07
Of course not! A baby is a blessing. I'd go over and over again through the pain of delivering if it has to be my child. I don't mind the pain at all. It's the joys that the child brings to me as a mother. I just love my baby the more.
@birthlady (5613)
• United States
29 Jan 07
thank you for responding!
@yamiboo (466)
• Philippines
27 Jan 07
No. The pain of childbirth is nothing at all compared to the joys of having children. It's not their fault that the child-bearing part of my life is difficult or painful. It's because of that pain that we realize that they're the most important people a mom could ever have. Imagine all the pain we went through to have them, then resent them for that? That's impossible. Shouldn't we be more thankful to have experienced such a lovely thing like that?
@birthlady (5613)
• United States
28 Jan 07
Resentment of the baby for pain of childbirth is a consequence of becoming overwhelmed by pain during labor, and not a choice anyone would make. Its not a conscious choice, but it does happen. So many respondants are kind of hostile to this question, it makes me wonder...
• United States
23 Jan 07
As far as the pain and the birth no! I would do it a hundered times over for each child. It is all worth it to me!! I guess that is why I am a surrogate though! The one thing I would change though would be the timing. I was 20 when I had my first and I wish that I would have waitedabout 5 or 10 years more as long as I could have the same kids! I am now 31 and being a Mom now is a lot easier mentally then it was at 20. At that I would like to have more but my husband wants to wait for a few more years. :( I will keep myself busy with surrogacy till then.
@birthlady (5613)
• United States
27 Jan 07
I had my first child at 22 and my third at 32. I noticed a big difference in myself, not only that I had experience, but I was more mature and patient.
@caj1202 (162)
• United States
25 Nov 06
nope....indeed i love them more
@birthlady (5613)
• United States
25 Nov 06
thank you...
@jjn1983 (1353)
• United States
25 Nov 06
no. i love my son too much to ever resent him for anything.
@birthlady (5613)
• United States
25 Nov 06
Thank you for responding, what a cute smile on your avatar baby!
@piggott (71)
• Canada
25 Nov 06
no why people tell you that you forget and you really do
@birthlady (5613)
• United States
25 Nov 06
Yes, the pain of physiologic childbirth fades, or we'd never have another baby! Yet for some women, for different reasons, especially when they are exhausted from a long start and stop labor, isolated from loved ones' support, in a strange environment (of a hospital), and with lowered pain thresholds because of these reasons, fears, anxieties--then perhaps an augmentation of labor with pitocin--the failure of an epidural--to some women, these experiences result in a physiologic and psychological state of being overwhelmed by pain.
@tiff1496 (571)
• United States
16 Nov 06
Lord no, and I had a csection. I was in pain for weeks, but would never resent my Son for it.
@birthlady (5613)
• United States
16 Nov 06
Thank you for responding. Were you in pain for weeks after surgery? I hear from some women the pain lasts a very long time.
• United States
15 Nov 06
i alredy posted this but it w3ent to someone who is probablly gonna be rude to me now. haha i guess sometimes i resent my son for changing my entire life. i was going to college, working, having fun, had friends and a life. now i am stuck inside with no friends, since i had to move to have a baby, and i have no automobile to get away with and i never get away from my kid. so i do have resentful feelings sometimes. i dont think it was anyones fault though.
@birthlady (5613)
• United States
23 Jan 07
Hi dragonflyfli, Thanks for being so honest! These are very normal feelings, you're not alone!
@ninjajack (344)
• Singapore
15 Nov 06
Well, im a guy and of course i have not gone through and will not or simply would not be able to understand the pain of childbirth but to what i think is that since its a long and painful process in giving birth, then all the more you should treasure the little ones and protect them from any ham rather than resenting them. Would you resent something that you have worked so hard for?
@birthlady (5613)
• United States
15 Nov 06
Hi! There is a physiological and psychological state of being called being overwhelmed by pain...which may lead a mom to resent her baby without choosing to.
@pusiket (1759)
• Philippines
15 Nov 06
i don't have a child yet.
@birthlady (5613)
• United States
23 Jan 07
ok
@Alxntj375 (168)
• United States
15 Nov 06
I don't resent my kids for any of the childbirth... just thier talking back now! I do resent my body for changing so much.
@birthlady (5613)
• United States
25 Nov 06
My goodness, I understand! Yet our changing bodies are our badges of womanhood as we grow through the cycles of life! Wear yours proudly!