Could anyone be so kind as to correct my GRE compositon?

@yueliu (1623)
China
July 24, 2007 8:53am CST
Although we human are gifted in making mistakes through the progress of technology, we can balance by our clever mind to correct the mistakes we have made. Technology is one of the important way we use to find solutions to these environmental problems, other methods , such as education, should not be overlooked. The quantum leap in science and technology serves as a catalyst for modernization, in return, perhaps, some environmental problems can also be faced recently. An increasing number of people using refrigerator makes our global ozone sharply decreased. Urbanization, takes much of our precious green land, as a result, is one of the causes of spoiling our living circumstance. However ,we human, the cleverest species in the world, is of capacity of utilizing technology to correct the mistake we have ever made. Solutions can be found through technology to improve our living sphere. These years, with the development of science and technology, new kinds of clean energy such as the sun energy, the wind energy, is emphasized to use which is friendly to our environment. According to a survey of The International Energy(vol.154),these clean energy will be popular used in 2/3 of the whole countries in the world within fifty years, our environment will improved with the quantum leap in technology. Admittedly, technology is not the only key to solve our environmental problems, such factors as education can not be overlooked. Government should educates its people to establish a concept of protecting our living circumstance for the sake of our offspring . No matter how strong a country's technology is , it is the whole nation's concept which is the prerequisite for the solutions of the environmental problems. All in all, I admitted despite some of the environmental problems we face may be the result of the use of technology, our human are capable to find solutions to these problems. Technology as well as education are the ways we find to solve the problems.
3 responses
• India
9 Feb 10
HII...Friend I have found a lot of grammatical mistakes in your composition.There are many usage mistakes also,means the way in which words are being used.I have tried to correct it upto the best of my knowledge and effort.If this composition is written by you,I judge that you need to work hard ,first of all on your grammar,vocubalary is a later issue.I will also advise you not to write in a repetitive manner,means,the same sense is conveyed through multiple sentences,try to think wider about an issue to write better.But still it is a good attempt.You can consult me anytime for any guidance in this regard. Although we humans are gifted to make many mistakes,through the progress of technology,we can balance our clever mind to correct the mistakes we have made.Though technology is one of the important way ,(which) we (can) use to find solutions to these environmental problems,other methods,such as education ,shouldnot be overlooked.The Quantum leap in science and technology serves as a catalyst for modernization,in return,perhaps,some environmental problems can also be faced recently.An increasing number of people using refrigerator, makes our global ozone sharply decreased.Urbanization,which has taken much of our precious green land,is one of the causes of spoiling our living circumstance.However,we humans,the cleverest species in the world,have the capacity of utilizing technology to correct the mistake we have made.Solutions can be found through technology to improve our living sphere.In the past few years,with the development of science and technology,new kinds of clean energy such as sun energy,wind energy etc have been developed,which are friendly to our environment.According to a survey of The International Energy(vol.154),this clean energy will be popularly used in 2/3 of the countries in the world within 50 years and our environment will be improved with the quantum leap in technology.Admttedly,technology is not the only key to solve our environmental problems,factors such as education cannot be overlooked.Government should educate its people to establish a concept of protecting our living circumstance for the sake of our offspring.No matter how strong a country's technology is,it is the whole nation's concept which is a prerequisite for the solution(solutions can be used but solution looks more appropriate) of the environmental problems.All in all,I admit that some of the environmental problems we face are the result of the use of technology,but,we humans are capable to find solution to these problems.Technology as well as education are the ways,we can find to solve the problems
• India
18 Aug 07
the composition is really nice... but i think may be u should concentrate a bit more on the organisation of the composition.. and also use some good hifi words to show ur vocab power .. rest of the thing is fine.. any way all the best for ur exam
@harish4u (1393)
• India
7 Aug 07
Ya sure y not..You can also seek help from the following site..i was with the site from its starting day and i had many new words and they answer everything u ask...it was opened by people who topped the gre..ALL the best..here is the site for u http://topthegre.blogspot.com/