Hide myself

Vietnam
July 25, 2007 6:57am CST
Do you ever try to hide yourself from someone? I have done that. Now I'm still doing that. He is just a friend, and a person who like me. But I don't understand why everytime I met him, I always feel be bothered, uncomfortable and angry. Other friends told me that I didn't need to hate him like that just because he like me. I don't hate him. It's my feelings, so I always try to not meet him anywhere. When he call, I don't answer. In a unimportant meeting of a group in class , if I know he will attend, I will refuse to go. I just don't want to meet him. How do you think about my action?
3 people like this
7 responses
• United States
25 Jul 07
It sounds like you are operating on instinct. There's something about this guy that makes you feel uncomfortable whether you can articulate it or not. Perhaps it's because you sense he is invading your space and that is threatening to you. I don't think you should have to be around someone who makes you feel uncomfortable. Why don't you make a list of the things he has said and his behaviors that bother you. It could be they are red flags to you of someone who is too pushy and not respecting your boundaries. In that case, do some simple planning about what you will do and say so that you feel you have more control. If it is that something about him triggers bad feelings from past experiences, maybe you would want to talk to a counselor. Whatever the case, your feelings are important and deserve to be respected. I hope you can figure out why you have these feelings.
• Vietnam
26 Jul 07
I guess I found one of the reason that he always look fixed on me everytime I meet him somewhere. It is a reason, isn't it?
• Canada
26 Jul 07
I say trust your instincts and stay away from this guy. Maybe your friends don't feel it because he is not interested in them the same way he is in you! For whatever the reason this is not good for you. So trust your instinct and stay away from him. Don't get me wrong this may not be something big and serious just someone that is not good for you!
1 person likes this
• Vietnam
26 Jul 07
I agree with you. But if in a meeting of class which he will attend, what can I do? Refuse to join or come there and ignore his existence?
1 person likes this
• United States
26 Jul 07
I would say don't refuse to go to class just because he is there, I would ignore him, and if he keeps harassing you, I know its crude but, I would insult his manhood. Or make it clear that you don't enjoy being around him. One of my ex's that kept hitting on me, when he would say something I didn't like, I would say something he didn't like, such as he would say "I know that one day you will come back to me," and I would say "naw, I want a 'newer' model." Just make his comments seem like they are opening him up for verbal attack. And maybe eventually he will get the idea. Most of the time, if your too nice, they won't leave you alone, they can be pretty persistant if they think they can take advantage of you - and guys are more prone to shaking insults off their backs than us women are so don't feel bad making him feel uncomfortable if he makes you uncomfortable.
• Canada
26 Jul 07
All I would do is simply go to my class but avoid contact with him. If you run into each other and he says Hi, how are you? You simply say fine and keep on going; or politely then excuse yourself. The main thing is to let him think you are not bothered by him in the least or interested. Treat him the same way you would any other acquaintance in your life! I know this works because I had the same problem years ago. A guy was interested in me enough to keep following me around. Finding ways to bump into me so he could ask me out. He seemed different and from the little bit I talked to him I knew that if I said yes to him even for one little thing I would of had a controlling stalker type person on my hands. My gut instincts were screaming at me. I just knew I had to be careful in how I treated him. After much thought I decided to basicly treat him like just another person a saw around but I wasn't friends with. I made sure I went in another direction if I saw him. When that wasn't possible I basicly walked by with my eyes to the ground or looking the other way. When I could avoid him I would say Hi, and keep going if possible something else that didn't make our conversation personal. It took awhile but after a bit because he could never talk to me enough or be where I was he eventually gave up. Are you a Christian, if so pray about it and ask God for wisdom for your situation. The bible says God will give us wisdom when we ask for it. You will know what to do for your situation!
@sid556 (30999)
• United States
25 Jul 07
I think maybe you are just very uncomfortable because you know that he would like a deeper relationship than you would. You are probably one of those people that are just too nice and feel bad hurting anyones feelings. Does he constantly remind you that he likes you? Or bug you to give reasons why you don't want to be with him?
1 person likes this
• Vietnam
26 Jul 07
Once time he give me a.... letter to told his feelings. But many time he told my friends, other people about me; and many of them think it's my faulf when he sad. T.T
1 person likes this
@sid556 (30999)
• United States
26 Jul 07
well, then, it is understandable. You are being made to feel that you are responsible for his feelings and that makes you feel bad. I might avoid him too.
@LuluLala (23)
• United States
25 Jul 07
I have felt the same way about people before. Its uncomfortable sometime to be around someone you don't have intamate feelings for when you know they think of you in ways you don't want them too. I have a few guy friends that like me in a different way than I like them, and I can get along with them as long as they don't hit on me or make comments that they want more than a friendship. But when they keep pushing the issue when I already told them no then they are not respecting me and my choices, and I don't keep those kind of people around me. If he can't control his libido and makes you uncomfortable by things he says or ways he looks at you then you might be better off not having him as a friend. You don't need to hate him but if hes invading your personal space, or doing something unappropriate then he is over stepping his boundarys. I would say the best way to solve this is tell him that you understand he wants more than a friendship but you don't see him in that way, and the more he pushes it the more uncomfotable you are and the less you want to be around him. That might help teach him what is appropriate and what isn't.
• Vietnam
26 Jul 07
I told him hundreds time but he still do the same thing. In some condition I don't want to meet him. But besides him, I also have other friends. Thus, I cannot refuse meet them only because of him. In this case, do you have some suggest for me?
@loreico (55)
• Philippines
26 Jul 07
yup... i really do almost everyday... well i'm not really that hiding from it's just that maybe everytime he's near i suddenly became a wall or whatsoever that doesn't talk that much... before i thought he really hate because of what i did but i realize that wasn't the reason at all and that i do not know... and today everytime we see each other he always does this things that frightens me and i hated it...
1 person likes this
@alnilam (969)
• United States
26 Jul 07
i do not hide myself from nobody, i just try not to bump into them lol (the same thing)... yes i have a friend, who is not my friend but he think he is (although i have told him several times that this is not the thing---he is a friends friend friend---you know how that goes), and so he is constantly bothering me. for a while i thought i was rude not wanting to hang out with him but we choose our own friends right... and he is not the person i would have as a friend. so i evade him as much as i can. But never in a way that would disturb my regular routine. so if your person goes to the things you usually go, you should not let these things go just because of him.
@kpbhuvana (392)
• India
26 Jul 07
yes i do this to my husbands friend, he always talks a lot about his office work with my husband . i dont understand a thing from it. so i hate when he comes to meet us. I dont want my husband too to meet him.