If marriage contracts is given an expiry date, would you want it or not?
July 27, 2007 10:26am CST
I've seen a lot of marriages ending in divorce. Imagine the trouble and the cost it brings. What if marriage contracts are like any other contracts that you can renew after ten years..20 years..but if it doesn't work after that..you have the option not to renew..rather than go into courts exposing each others bad side and soon will divorce?
28 Jul 07
myeganda11, You may be a GENUIS! This is one of the most excellent ideas I've seen, to date, in the myLot discussion threads! A contract for marriage, including a 'renewal' options is likely what many countries need. This is what PEOPLE, in general need, in our times of broken families, domestic abuse and blatant infidelity. Since the likelihood of everlasting happiness in marriage is so much MYTH, why not allow what you have proposed? Why not formalize exactly what you proposed? Seriously. People go into marriages believing in a myth of 'happy marriage' that they usually have never even observed in their parents, grandparents, friends, etc. Why? I believe it is because everyone WANTS happiness in marriage - in the form of long-term, everlasting union with their partner. Is this a reasonable thing to want - backed up by broad and solid evidence that this is possible or that this is attainable? No. So far, people get married while holding on to these hopes and unfounded ideas that are, quite literally, just ideas. Why shouldn't we start easing the burden on the (divorce) court and law system and make 'contracts' for marriage that include 'renewal' options? Why just 20 year agreements? Why not 7 year and 10 year contracts? A great deal of evidence from research conducted in the area of marriage and long-term relationships over the past decade shows that people typically start searching for peers with different interests after less than 10 years. If the information in the Gleitman Psychology, 6th Edition textbook is correct, http://wwnorton.com/college/psych/gman6demo/ch11/article1.asp People select friends for a variety of reasons, to fill various purposes in their lives. Friend selection is very complex. So is life-time partner selection. People change their friends but often manage to keep these, for a life-time. Not so with marriage partners. Friendships have certain demands in different areas than marriages have, particularly in the legal aspects. Why do we continue to uphold legal aspects of marriage which have proven to be unsound? Many people who have remained together for 20 years but who have somehow become 'unsuited' to each other within that time would have a proper way to part, without so much emotional, spiritual, and legal guilt or hassle. By contrast, friends who are not bound to be together by the contract of a lifetime marriage agreement (like the standard marriage agreement found today) often have sustaining friendships which survive throughout enormous trials and tribulations. Marriages usually don't weather the changes of environment, life, and people so well. So why are we still forcing the idea of life-time union on practically the entire population of the world? Heck - in a world where children can divorce their parents, I'm shocked that this kind of marriage contract that myeganda11 has suggested does not exist in a prominent way. Thanks for the discussion, myeganda11 I have really enjoyed this topic!
28 Jul 07
Thank you! thank you! I'm glad you find it interesting! I thought about this since there are countries that doesn't allow divorce. Some couples can't get out of a unworkable relationship just bec no law applies. There may be annulment but it costs alot, so they end up bitter with their life. Another is the moral issues they would face with the society..you know "what would people say to me thing" etc. I do understand that others would wish marriage is a bed of roses..but there are times you ain't lucky! What are the benefits of having a renewable marriage contract? well, it will give both parties to norture and take care of their marriage with love, honesty, respect, contentment enough time to be able to renew. wouldn't it feel great to know that your partner would like to renew your contract? hahaha! another honeymoon, another wedding bells just like the first time.
3 Aug 07
Having to go by what society deems as 'normal' is just plain oppressive, particularly if 'the norm' is only based in opinion but not facts. Countries where divorce is strictly forbidden or where severe penalties follow the divorce act are falling in with 'traditions' that are not conducive to healthy relationships or healthy living. People MUST have some happiness in a relationship together or it's just not a healthy relationship to be in, as far as I am concerned. I'm really bossy and opinionated today (heh).
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
27 Jul 07
In ancient Celtic culture there were marriage contracts like that, ones that were for a specific amount of time. I think it's a cool idea actually, to be able to choose whether to renew the contract or not when that time comes. However, I don't think it would really solve all the problems of modern marriage and divorce. Sure, there would be some people who would just wait the contract out, but what about situations where you feel you need to get out of the marriage sooner than that? You'd still have abuse cases, or cheating, or any number of reasons why people would want their marriage over NOW. I suppose for those people who wind up divorced just because they "grew apart" or "fell out of love" it would help though.
28 Jul 07
I didn't know that it existed in ancient Celtic culture ( could it be i belong to that era??hehehe) but of course cases with domestic violence has a reason for an early breech of contract (that is out of respect for humanity and individualism) if marriage doesn't work why prolong the agony just because you can't afford alimony, child support, etc..