My Psychology Teacher Told Me This?

@Rozie37 (15505)
Turkmenistan
July 29, 2007 12:33am CST
He said that you can not spank a child for everything that they do because if you do that, then when they do something really bad, you will have to shoot them. A counselor friend of mine told me a story once about a child that got her hand spanked by her father when she was about a year old. Now I wont tell it exactly right, but you will get my point. It seems this one year old misbehaved some how and the dad spanked her on her hand for it. Well as it turned out, he hit her a lot harder than he thought and her hand ended up broken. Then it got infected and before it was all over, the hand had to be amputated. The little girl went on until she was around five years old. She went to her dad and said, Daddy, I have done my best to be a good girl, may I have my hand back now. The man was said to be so devastated with that and the guilt that he already felt, that he quick his job and travelled the world telling others his story and pleading with them to be more patient with their children. I believe that pure love can correct a lot of the things that we spank them for.
4 people like this
10 responses
@mtdewgurl74 (18122)
• United States
29 Jul 07
My husband is forever fighting wih me on this subject he thinks the kids need to be spanked for every little thing they do. I on the other hand don't. I don't believe in spanking a kid I had to go through alot of stuff growing up and beatings from my stepdad so I will not spank a child. There are other ways like taking there games, putting in a corner, stuff like that but me and my hubby really truly argue about this. He was brought up that a good swift kick in the pants made you mind. And other ways. But I don't want to ever subject a child to what I had to deal with growing up. Maybe I am damaging them by not whipping them. But I do try to disipline them other ways like I said taking bikes,games,television away for a short peroid of time. Am I wrong to do it this way? Hubby thinks I just lets kids walk all over me but I don't.
• Philippines
29 Jul 07
Hi there. I took up and psychology and even if I'm not married and don't have any kids yet, I totally agree with you. Spanking a kid may make him/her rebel more or still do those things that you don't want them to. I totally believe that everyone has individual differences (learned that in class) that each one of us, whether old or young, has to be treated in one way or the other, totally depending on how our personality is. Maybe you should tell your hubby that not all kids are one and the same. Some needs just a little word of discipline though some would just rebel when you try to hurt them or discipline them in any other way. I think you should just gauge their personality first, that way you can see wht type of disciplinary action you should apply with them.
1 person likes this
@mtdewgurl74 (18122)
• United States
30 Jul 07
Thanks for the tips I appreciate them totally. I agree that all kids are different and should be treated accordingly. My little sister gets very tempermental when she is whipped by my parents and she always turns to me. Which makes them mad also they say I teach her not to respect them I have demanded that they not whip her to try other ways they are now trying them sometimes it works sometimes not. Well thanks.
1 person likes this
@Rozie37 (15505)
• Turkmenistan
30 Jul 07
I think that spanking should be used if nothing else works. Kids really are all different. Some kids only need a firm voice and some just need a time out. It all depends on the child as an individual.
@Flight84 (3050)
• United States
29 Jul 07
As a preschool teacher, we have to take lots of trainings and classes about how to better discipline your kids. They always say no to spanking. I am not against spanking and I never will be. I was spanked as a child and I don't have any post-tramatic problems and many of my friends spank their kids and their kids are perfectly fine. I do think parents go too far sometimes, and there are many, MANY problems that can be dealt with without spanking. Spanking out of anger does no good and its is dangerous if you're already stressed to the breaking point. The story in the discussion is heart breaking and he had to have done way more than swat her hand to break it like that. That is when it goes overboard. I can see it both ways, pro-spanking and the non-spanking, but I will never be against a swat on the fanny. You just have to be careful, and that goes for any kind of discipline. Kids really do respond to gentleness and a loving touch. I know many kids are a terror though...I teach a few of them myself.:P
• Philippines
29 Jul 07
I was a preschool teacher myself, I used to teach at sunday school and at a private school. I agree with you that there are many ways to discipline children. Just by showing them that you love them makes them disciplined and responsive to what you like them to act like and what you want them to grow up to be. Of course, you also have to set a good example for them to see.
1 person likes this
@Flight84 (3050)
• United States
29 Jul 07
Exactly. You don't have to use force, but a spanking from time to time won't hurt anything either. It's unfortunate that many parents cross the line and do physical and mental damage. Love and patience can speak volumes.:)
1 person likes this
@Rozie37 (15505)
• Turkmenistan
30 Jul 07
I agree with both of you guys. Spanking a child when you are angry is never a good idea. If we take the time to calm down, a lot of times, we can realize that what they did was not worth a spanking in the first place. I have heard of kids doing things like spilling their mother's perfume all over the bedroom floor. Then the mother wants to get mad and spank a one year old. Well, it is their fault for not watching the child in the first place. The child, at one, has no idea of what it is doing. If you spank a one year old for that it is abuse. I believe that if you spank a one year old for anything it is abuse. They are just learning to understand what you are instructing them to do and they need for their parents to be patient with them.
@dafnie (382)
• United States
30 Jul 07
wow i feel really bad for the child. what i do know is that my parents were spanked as children and they turned out fine.... it's very common in my culture for kids to be spanked and it hasn't really been bad or anything. when there is abuse that's when things are bad. i was spanked probably 6 times in my life..... i guess the fear i got made me stay away from gettin spankings... i had one year of psychology and we learned about "punishment" and "reinforcement" and such... i'd explain it but i don't feel like writing a lot (did u learn about those terms)?
1 person likes this
@Rozie37 (15505)
• Turkmenistan
30 Jul 07
Yes we learned about those and conditioning and all of that. What is so funny to me is that my one year old nephew on the picture has already been conditioned. He and his mom live with her parents, my sister. Everyday when grandpa gets home from work he goes into his room to relax. My nephew follows right behind him and just sits and waits. He knows that when grandpa comes home, it is time to eat dinner. No matter what he is doing, he will stop it and follow his grandpa. My sister said that once grandpa tried to run by, but he still knew it and went right behind him. Even if my nephew has already eaten dinner and is full, he still goes in there to sit and wait. I thought that was so cute and funny.
@dafnie (382)
• United States
30 Jul 07
lol that is way too cute!
1 person likes this
• Philippines
29 Jul 07
I have seen the transformation of the youth in my school. And I have that notion that later youngsters either have not experienced spanking in their lives or its just that parents dont have time to do so because they are too busy to spend a few time to their children. Im not pro-spanking or anti-spanking at all. But I think somehow children should be discipline in a way that what we said instill into them. Spanking should be done minimally but it should be done somehow. Parents on the other hand should know how to say no firmly and should not change their mind just because the child is crying so hard and the parent cant stand it. Establish trust between child and parents are important. I know I have seen it over and over again here in our neighborhood for the past 10 years....
1 person likes this
@Rozie37 (15505)
• Turkmenistan
30 Jul 07
Oh my goodness, you are so right. You HAVE to be consistant with children. If you say no the first time, it hast to continue to be no, no matter how much they cry. My sister will tell her kids no and they will start crying and she will give in. When they try that with me, I tell them straight out, you better save that for your mother, because it will not work with me and they shut up right away. When I say no, I mean no and I will stick to it no matter how much they cry. If they cry for too long, I will tell them to be quiet. If they continue, then it is time to consider a spanking. My older sister and I are different when it comes to that. To me, there is nothing more embarrassing than an out of control child, screaming and hollering, because they can not have their way. The only thing more embarrassing than that is giving in after you have said no. Very good post.
@ivyoon (675)
• United States
29 Jul 07
Patience and understanding go a very long way in raising children. I have a 7 and 9 year old and have only spanked them once or twice in all the years they've been around. And any time I did spank them, it was not very hard, it was just to get their attention. Now, whenever they do something they aren't supposed to do, they get a "lecture" that explains WHY they should not have done what they did. I think it is much more important (and effective) to let your children know WHY they are supposed to behave a certain way. After all, it is a parent's job to teach their children how to interact with others and survive in the world. If we just go on spanking them without explaining why their action was inappropriate, we are not teaching them anything except "what not to do". Children deserve to know why things are done the way they are done. That way, when they become adults, it will be much easier for them to get along in the world, and to raise their own children to do the same. A lot of people say it is not possible to reason with children, but I find it to be simple with mine since I started doing so when they were young. They actually listen to what I have to say now, and ask questions when they need to. So, I guess what I'm trying to say is that we need to teach our children with logic, patience and understanding, so that they will grow into adults who have those same qualities.
1 person likes this
@Rozie37 (15505)
• Turkmenistan
30 Jul 07
You are absolutely right. If you simply hit the child, they are never going to understand what they are being hit for. You have to explain it to them inn a way that the understand and question them to make sure that they do. It is also good to give them alternative ways of doing that same thing, but don't come out swinging at them all the time, because that is just not right.
@maddysmommy (16243)
• United States
29 Jul 07
I spank my son on the bottom or his hand but not for every naughty thing he does. When he gets out of control and does not listen to the first three warnings, then he gets a little smack on his bottom mostly. It's not often I do that because he is pretty much a good boy. There are other ways to discipline him and I do exercise those as well by taking his toys away, no playstation in the weekend, and other things like that. I have had to sit him down on numerous occasions to talk to him about his behavior and I must admit that works so much better than a quick spank on the bottom. Talking to him seems to be the norm around our house now and taking away of his toys or games, even being stopped from going to an activity outside the home. It was sad to read that story. Sometimes being patient with your children is easier said than done, but I do try.
1 person likes this
@Rozie37 (15505)
• Turkmenistan
30 Jul 07
One day when I was living with my sister and helping her babysit her six children, she had to bring the youngest one home, right after dropping her off. This made my sister late for work and she was so angry that she really spanked her good. My sister rarely ever spanks herf kids, even when they need it, but this particular day, she was really stressed out. I had thought that I would have the day to my self, so I was very upset that now I had to babysit. She was only four years old, but because of her other siblings, she was very mature for a four year old. I needed to make a personal phone call and she wanted to play like we always did. I didn't feel that she deserved to have fun, since she should have been in school. So I told her to go stand in the corner until I got off the phone. When I did, I went to check on her and she had curled up on the floor and went to sleep. As it turned out, she had been acting up in school because the older kids had went to a private school with a special deal for up to five children. Because she was not covered, she had to stay at the public school's children center by herself and she was scared. When my sister finally realized what the real problem was, she payed the extra money for her to attend the private school also. A lot of times kids act up for reasons that they are not able to fully explain and if we go off hitting them, before we question them about what is going on, it can turn into abuse.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
30 Jul 07
well, spanking does not mean causing injury.that's two different thing. parents should put in their mind when they spank a child it meant to change negtive behavior. it should be explained to the child the mistake he/she committed and why being spanked at. that he/she is spanked because he/she is doing something bad, and should not do it again. abused is a way different from disciple with love.
@emisle (3824)
• Ireland
30 Jul 07
I think there are more effective ways to discipline a child other than spanking them. I just wouldn't feel right spanking a child, no matter how angry I was.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
29 Jul 07
now i can really ralate to the story. my little girl is now entering the terrible two and she constantly testing my patience. sometimes i spank her hand, just a little tap, i try to be patient with her, but sometimes you just snap... reading your story, i think i will try to be patient with her more
1 person likes this
• Philippines
29 Jul 07
I feel so sorry for the child. It's so touching when the little girl asked for her hand back. Spanking or hurting children shouldn't always be our way of disciplining then. We can still talk to them about what they have done and eventually they would listen to you and learn their lesson... Thanks for sharing that story. Nice one.
1 person likes this